"[Amethyst] encouraged calm, bravery, and contemplation."

- http : / / www . jewelsforme . com / Amethyst - History . asp

Chapter 8

Three days… Dammit!

That was plenty of time for Satsuma to learn of their fallen comrade. Certainly enough time to decide what they were going to do about it, whether or not Katsura backed us. And as good a leader as Katsura was, I knew that it didn't matter that he liked and trusted Kenshin. He would protect the clan. And if that meant Kenshin had to die to keep us in Satsuma's good graces, then nothing I said would save him.

But still, I had to try.

I sat against the wall as I had now for the past twenty minutes or so since Yuasa had left, fingering my katana and trying to plan my next move. Yuasa was right, of course. I had taken on an impossible job: to protect a boy who didn't want to be protected. For the first time I considered the possibility that Kenshin hadn't fought me back in the alleyway because I'd risked his life with my stunt. He was intelligent. If he'd wanted to protect himself, he'd have hauled me in and made me explain. And if he'd had any inkling of self-preservation, he would never have just announced Toriyama's death to the men as though none of it mattered. He'd done nothing to defend himself. He never did anything for himself, I realized. His loyalty was completely to Katsura. To our cause.

To us.

And he would protect us. Any of us, whether or not we spoke to him, or whispered about him, or cared about him. It didn't matter which of us "deserved" it. We were all people, so we all earned his care. He'd take the front line. Not as a military maneuver as Yuasa had suggested, but because we mattered to him for some reason. Our lives mattered… Though I suspected that Yuasa had an inkling of that as well. I was being cocky if I thought that I was the only one to figure that out. After all, the kid did have his rare moments when the mask dropped. And the others weren't complete idiots…

Well… most of the time, at least…

I finally set the katana on the floor at my side. It had taken me twenty minutes to realize that I'd already decided what I was going to do before Yuasa had even left the room. Continuing to just sit here thinking about it wasn't going to do anything except cut into the little time I had left. I had to get moving.

And that was easier said than done. Thank god Yuasa had brought my katana to me. That would help a great deal. As long as my leg didn't split in half when I tried to stand…

I inspected my knee. The girl had wrapped it well. I gently probed the injury, wincing. It was swollen, and the skin on either side of the bandages was a lovely rainbow of colors. I knew I shouldn't put pressure on it, but I didn't exactly have any time left to wait for a recovery. I couldn't sit and rest now any more than I could when I'd faced Okita. I had a job to do. Clenching my teeth, I struggled slowly and painfully to my feet, using the sheath as a crutch. I was a little stronger now. Good. Maybe I'd even make it to Katsura before my strength gave out and I collapsed through a wall. I smiled wryly. At least I'd make an entrance… though that probably wouldn't help Kenshin's case any… Especially when everyone probably already suspected that my wounds were his fault. They'd condemned him in their own minds without a second thought.

But I also had to acknowledge that none of them must have voiced their suspicions to Katsura, otherwise Kenshin would not be sitting comfortably in his room with a serving girl treating him… Not after three days…

We're all on the same side…

Yuasa was right. Kenshin had saved us all at some time or another. Even if we didn't always act like we understood that, I was certain that any of us would return the favor if given the opportunity.

So, let's give them the chance to prove it.

After a couple more tentative steps to test my stability, I was finally convinced I'd survive my treacherous journey down the hall, and hobbled to the door.

I slipped out of the room, sliding the door shut behind me. The halls were dark and silent. Good. That meant I might be able to make it through the inn without questions. And hopefully without being yelled at by Okami for being conscious. I knew how her mind worked. If she caught me out, my tea would be drugged the next time I turned around.

I hesitated a moment, trying to decide what I should do. My first instinct was to run to Katsura and explain everything. But our leader was fair. And shrewd. He would confirm my claims by asking Kenshin to present his side. And if our responses didn't match…

There was too much at risk. Especially since I knew the role that Katsura and Okubo would play in the length of Kenshin's life.

With that thought, I turned away from the direction of the meeting room, and instead made my way down the hall through the sleeping quarters.

I paused in front of the room beside mine where Toriyama had stayed. After a moment of deliberation, I scowled and, giving in to baser instincts, I spat on his door. It was childish, but it made me feel better. I wasn't exactly known for my maturity anyway.

In a slightly better mood, I continued a few doors down and stopped in front of Kenshin's room. I could see his lantern's soft glow escaping through the openings around his door. He was in there.

Tentatively, I knocked.

No answer.

Frustrated, I hesitated a moment. I didn't want to disturb Kenshin, especially if he'd fallen asleep. But this was important. I tried one more time, adding in a soft voice, "Battousai-san?"

Silence.

I sighed, resigned to at least trying to speak with Katsura-san before Kenshin could, when the boy's flat voice replied quietly through the door. "You can come in, Ushiro-san."

I started, a little surprised that he'd recognized my voice through the door. It wasn't exactly memorable, and, even though we'd spent the night working together, I'd spent most of that time shouting at him or moaning in pain.

Shaking my head, I entered his room before he changed his mind.

I slid the door shut behind me, and waited there in the doorway like an idiot, uncertain of what to do. Looking everywhere but at him as I considered my next move.

After a very long, awkward moment of silence, he asked patiently, "What did you need, Ushiro-san?"

I turned to him, opening my mouth to speak, when I noticed his bandages. He had quite a few, but the serving girl had been right. His injuries didn't appear to be as bad as mine. At least he wasn't staggering around like I was. I hadn't thought he'd been injured at all in our ambush, but it was only logical that even Battousai would come out with some injuries after facing both Okita and Saito. He was only human.

"Ushiro-san?"

"I didn't expect you to recognize my voice through the door." I closed my eyes briefly, inwardly cringing at my amazing idiocy. Way to get right to the point, Ryu. How about we discuss the weather, too? "Isn't the moon lovely? I was so worried it would rain. By the way, do you think Satsuma is going to kill you or me?"

He gave me a funny look and returned to polishing his sword, which he'd apparently been doing when I'd interrupted him. "I recognized your ki," he replied simply.

Of course you did.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably, realizing that if I were smart, I'd have actually thought out something to say while I'd dragged myself to his room.

He glanced back up at me, when I continued to stand in uncomfortable silence. His eyebrows drew together, as he shot me that funny look again. "Why don't you sit, Ushiro-san? You shouldn't be putting weight on your leg."

Relieved to finally have something logical to do, I sat, taking a better look at him. Noting that as calm and composed as he outwardly appeared, he was exhausted. His normally alert eyes seemed a bit dulled, with shadows under his them like purple bruises on his pale face. This entire mess had been weighing on him as well.

"Now," he asked again politely, "what did you need?"

"Have you spoken to Katsura-san yet?"

"No."

"Are you going to?" I asked, a little surprised. Kenshin had always been one to report to our commander immediately.

He didn't look up from his work. "Yes. I need to report to him."

"But you haven't yet?"

A slight twitch of his eyebrow as he finally looked at me. "I thought we'd report together." He paused then, a funny smirk playing on his lips for just a second, before he added, lightly, "I don't want you saying anything stupid like you did out there."

I just stared at him for a second, unsure of how to respond. For a moment he'd seemed like a different person. It was a comment Tsuji or Kano would make. A comment that I had made a couple of times, myself. For that moment, he'd dropped the image of Battousai for me… for himself. I hadn't realized until then how different he could have been in another life. Like everyone else, I had just gotten used to Kenshin's careful, shuttered attitude. I had considered him to be acting "normal" when he'd almost smile. Or when he'd show a spark of actual irritation. Maybe I had been selling him short. Maybe he still had a chance for a normal life after all. Someday…

"Ushiro-san?" His curious voice snapped me out of my thoughts. He was staring at me. In the lantern's wavering light, his clear eyes took on a surprising amethyst hue.

I glanced away, and muttered just loudly enough for him to hear, "You know, I was just thinking the exact same thing about you." I hesitated, and after provoking no response, finally got to the point. "Battousai-san… you know that Satsuma is looking for an excuse to kill you, right?" I hated having to tell him this way. But he had a right to know.

"Of course."

What? I sighed in exasperation. "Why am I the only one who didn't know?"

He smiled faintly. "Because you refuse to look for things like that. You like seeing good in people, Ushiro-san. Even if we don't deserve it."

I gritted my teeth, pissed that he was lumping himself in with those other "unworthy" ones. "You do deserve it," I growled through gritted teeth. Then, for good measure, I added, "And you are not taking full responsibility for this mess…"

"I have no intention of lying to Katsura-san." He studied his sword critically, polishing a little more here and there, then pulling it back to examine again. "I'm going to tell the truth. That's all." He checked the blade one last time for imperfections.

I ground my teeth in frustration, knowing that he was using the sword as a reason not to look at me. I fought back the childish urge to rip it out of his hands, so I could stop talking to the top of his head.

Taking a deep, calming breath, I responded tightly, "So am I." I managed a weak smile. "Unless Satsuma attacks you. Then I am going to lie if need be."

"And then I will explain what really happened." Satisfied, Kenshin carefully sheathed his blade and laid it gently to his side, looking back up at me. "You are not taking full responsibility either."

I felt like we were a couple of children arguing about rules of some game. This was ridiculous. And we were supposed to be Katsura's best. It was amazing Choshu was back in Kyoto with a couple of winners like us to depend on…

"It looks like we're at a stalemate," I snapped, making no attempt to grow up. I tried to appear intimidating.

His only response was that amused quirk of his eyebrow. The faint twitch of his lips. I knew him well enough by now to realize that he was gently laughing at my attempt to glare down Battousai.

That kid could be so damn aggravating at times. "You find this amusing?"

He reached toward for a small bottle of sake that rested on the tray at his side. He poured some for both of us.

Irritably, I took the cup he offered. "Well?"

He shrugged and took a sip. His eyes did not meet mine. "It doesn't help to get angry. We either work together on this, or we fight each other… again…"

I didn't miss the way he stressed "again". And I knew what he was implying. "You aren't dying for me."

No eye contact. "I don't intend to."

I sighed, my anger fading, replaced instead by a sad, empty feeling. "I thought you said you weren't going to lie."

The faint smile. "I said I wouldn't lie to Katsura. I have every intention of lying to you… if need be…"

I had to laugh at how he'd thrown my own words back in my face. Finally, I took a sip of the sake, shaking my head. "God, you're an ass."

Kenshin raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

We drank in silence. Wincing, I shifted my weight slightly to ease some of the pressure on the knee. My flinch was such a slight motion, but of course Kenshin noticed.

He glanced up at me, a flicker of some emotion deep in his eyes. Concern. "How are you, Ushiro-san? You really shouldn't be walking."

"I'm fine," I replied, gruffly. "Anyway," I continued, changing the subject before he could argue, " I don't have much of a choice, do I? Katsura-san isn't going to visit me for our report…" I furrowed my brow as another thought struck me. "I'm surprised he didn't demand a report from you while I was out."

"He did." Kenshin took sip from his cup. "I refused."

I choked on my sake. "You refused Katsura-san?"

"I insisted you be there to say your piece. He accepted that."

"Why?"

His answer was simple. "It wouldn't have been fair to you otherwise."

I just stared at him. "But it's fair for you to condemn yourself to death just to protect me?"

"I'm not going to condemn myself." He was finally starting to sound a little exasperated. Good. He could see how it felt, then. "I'm just going to tell Katsura-san what happened. If they choose to condemn me, then I guess I'll be condemned."

"They will, Battousai-san."

"Then they will." Kenshin had already recomposed himself, and calmly took another sip from his cup. I was suddenly struck by how like Katsura-san he looked at that moment. This kid, accepting his death as a samurai would, without complaint. As Katsura had coolly dealt with Toriyama only days ago.

"How can you be so calm about this?"

His grip tightened on the fragile cup in his hand. "I joined this war to protect those who need it, Ushiro-san. That's what I fight for. If I risk other lives to protect my own, then why am I even fighting? Why would I kill if not to protect someone? My life is worth less with each person I destroy. There is no point in covering up the facts to protect myself. Especially if it is putting your life at risk. Why would I kill those Shinsengumi to protect you only to let Satsuma finish Okita's job?" His response was smooth and practiced as though he'd explained his motivations behind fighting this war before.

"And how are you planning on protecting people when you're dead, Battousai-san?"

"I don't want to die. I just refuse to pretend that things aren't what they are. That's all."

I sighed, finally forced to admit defeat. "Fine. Forget it." I sipped my sake in thoughtful silence, glancing around his stark room. A mountain of books stacked in the corner. His futon, rolled against the wall. A stand for his swords, which I was certain rarely held anything but his wakizashi, as it did now. The katana was too much a part of him…

"Ushiro-san--"

I turned to look at him, but whatever he had been about to say had died in his throat. I watched as his blue eyes iced over. That wasn't a good sign. "Battousai-san?"

Kenshin was no longer looking at me. With no other change in his expression, he had set his sake cup back on its tray and stood, gently scooping up his katana and carrying it to the stand I'd just been examining. "How well can you walk, Ushiro-san?" he asked in a flat, controlled voice. He rested the katana in its place, picking up his wakizashi and tying it at his hip.

That was definitely not a good sign. What the hell had changed his demeanor so abruptly?

"Ushiro-san?" he prompted.

"I made it here, didn't I?" The gruffness of my response did nothing to hide my worry. I struggled to stand, pointedly ignoring his attempt to help. "Just tell me why I'm going to be walking."

At my demand he looked back at me through a fringe of blood-red hair. The ice had melted from his eyes already, leaving them half-dead. I preferred the ice.

"Because they're here."

Author's Note: Again, a great big thank you to lolo popoki, sueb262, and Shirou Shinjin for their beta work (saving this chapter from falling flat!). Also, thanks again to lolo for allowing me to use her characters Yuasa and Tsuji (from her fic, "Only the Beginning"... check it out and harrass her to update!!!). I hope you're still enjoying this fic. Thanks everyone so much for reading, and please review. The nice reviews are great motivation for me to keep updating the story in a timely manner (and for those of you who were waiting 6 months per chapter at the beginning... aren't you proud of me! Hehehe...)

Okay... I'm going to shut up now... lack of sleep is combining with not quite enough caffeine in a very bad way, and I'm growing loopy... Have a nice day, and again... thank you for your time. I hope this chapter was worth it.

Dewa mata.

Sirius