Chapter 10: A Mother Knows
Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters… and apparently I don't own a proper functioning family, but God wasn't that kind to me.
Author's Note: Hey guys, what's up? I hope all of you are well, you know I love you guys! A huge thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and added the story to their alerts, it really does make my day Also, a warm hug going out to everyone who wished me well over this troubling time, I can't ever thank you enough. It's nice to know that there are people in the world who care when your own family won't, but don't worry, I don't think I'm turning into a Logan yet For now, I'm just trying to throw myself into my studies and writing, so please enjoy this next chapter and let me know what you think!
"Joanna, would you hurry up here? I don't have all day, Tim will be home soon!" Laura Thompson gave her sunshine golden locks an excited flick, staring expectantly in the direction of the Mitchells' kitchen. Her nose caught onto the hint of melting chocolate wafting seductively through the air, immediately igniting her senses into a decadent overdrive. She groaned wearily to herself as her eyes watched the bustling figure in the kitchen traverse from end to end in her culinary quest. "The brownies will be ready in just a minute" called the brunette, pausing momentarily to give her guest a smile. "I'm just waiting for them to cool so I can put the frosting on them." The blonde woman shook her head, wondering why she ever popped in unannounced. She could never win with this woman – Joanna was the epitome of the modern day American kitchen goddess, able to create the guiltiest of treats seemingly out of the air itself. Whether she was expecting them or not, she always made sure her guests left several pounds heavier than when they came in. So far in all ten years of her calling Joanna a friend, the blonde had yet to figure out a foolproof strategy for avoiding her zealous hospitality, and today looked like another defeat at the hands of the dessert monarch.
"Joanna, I swear to God, if you don't come out of here and talk to me right now, I will get up and leave" said Laura flatly, rolling her eyes dejectedly. "I still haven't worked off that tiramisu you force-fed me the last time. Do you know how many times Tim and I had to have sex before I could get at least half of it off?" Several seconds of silence passed before an apron clad Joanna made her way to the living room with an expression torn between embarrassment and humor. "Then why don't you join a gym like everyone else?" she asked, trying her level best to suppress the smile twisting around her lips. She allowed herself an airy giggle before regaining her composure. The blonde's arched eyebrow told her that her friend was clearly not impressed. "Why would I join a gym?" asked Laura, pointing to the space on the couch next to her. The brunette smilingly made her way around to the empty place and meekly took her seat. "All those health freak eyes on you. Don't get me wrong, Tim's a son of a bitch, but he doesn't judge me."
"Clearly." The brunette cleared her throat politely. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's been a while since I laughed properly."
"Well I'm glad my sex life is nothing more than stand-up comedy to you" said the blonde, clutching her hand to her chest with a feigned hurt. "I'd have thought that you'd be nothing but laughs and smiles ever since Logan came back."
"You'd think so" said Joanna, the melancholy giving her voice a distinctly bitter edge. Her eyes looked away, focusing themselves away onto the nothingness she had become so accustomed to. How long had it been since she had seen her son truly smile without trying to conceal his torment? How long had it been since she had heard him laugh without any sadness ringing behind it? "I honestly don't know what to do anymore Laura. The more I try, the more he just switches off… and it kills me just a little bit more every time he does it." The blonde tilted her head sympathetically at her friend's vacant gaze. "Is that why you started working from home?" The brunette slipped her head into a slight nod. "Everyday I hope he'll open up, even if it's just a little bit, but…" She turned to face the blonde, her eyes misting over with the sting of maternal tears. "My son is suffering Laura, and I can't do a damn thing to help him" she whispered hoarsely. "What the hell kind of mother does that make me?"
"The overbearing kind" said Laura quietly, taking Joanna's hand and squeezing it gently. "The kind that pries and pokes because she cares. In short, the best damn kind of mother in the whole world."
"I don't know anymore. I just want him to talk to me, just tell me something. Anything. Why does he feel like he has to protect us from whatever he's going through?"
"Well, maybe you're the wrong one to ask" said the blonde slowly. "You're his mother, there's now way he'll ever tell you – he probably feels like he failed you and Dennis somehow. Now that Kendall Knight's back, I'm sure he'll be willing to help." Joanna's forehead instantly creased into a bemused frown. "What?"
"Yeah, don't you know? I saw the two of them together on your porch yesterday." The blonde's lips rounded themselves into a perfect circle at Joanna's questioning stare. She instantly recognized the pang of hurt sparking through the limpid mahogany eyes, the kind of betrayal only a mother could feel. "You know, I should have just kept my big mouth stuffed with those brownies instead. Are they done?"
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"Mom, I'm home." Joanna let out a slow exhalation at the sound of her son's voice echoing through the house. "In the kitchen sweetie" she replied, closing her eyes to hear the nuances in Logan's footsteps. He must have already lost himself to the sweet surrender of denial for him to be so calm. Each and every passing second, she lost a little more of the boy she knew to some stranger who locked her out in the cold. Every time she laid eyes on him, her son became less of the Logan he was, and more of a foreigner within his own home. He might have allowed himself to fall under some spell of pretense, but she could never be fooled. She had lost track of the sleepless nights she and Dennis had spent, quietly losing themselves as to the possible reasons why their bright little boy had fallen prey to one of life's treacherous traps, but Logan was resilient at keeping them as far from the truth as possible, leaving them with only shards of possibilities. Theory followed theory in their heads, but each one was more pathetic than the last, only serving to heighten their fears. "Sorry I'm late, but the supermarket was crazy." Joanna's eyes flew open at the increasing volume of Logan's voice. She felt herself transition into the pit of worry eating away inside of her, falling into the blackest of desperations. There would be no more hiding – today, she would hunt down her baby's demons and crush them beneath her fist.
"Mom, are you OK?" Joanna turned around and forced herself into a reassuring smile. Logan raised his eyebrows quizzically before placing the packet he carried onto the counter like some beloved prize. "I got the mint jelly and garlic bread, but they were out of that bran cereal you like so much."
"That's alright; I'll just eat Fruit Loops for the rest of the week." The brunette threw her a playful grin, drumming his fingers rhythmically on the counter. "We're having roast lamb for dinner, aren't we?"
"How'd you guess?"
"Because Dad will never eat roast lamb unless there's mint jelly and you like to make a mini sandwich with the garlic bread." Joanna flicked her hair out of her way, laughing softly at her son's remark. "Apologies for the predictability my dearest son" she said, dipping herself into a curtsey. Logan let out a soft snigger. "No, I don't mind. It's been a while since we had a family dinner like this."
"Tell me about it. I don't think there are enough people."
"So invite someone. Uncle Paul maybe?"
"You know how your father feels about him" said Joanna, frowning at the brunette with her hands on her hips. Logan shrugged his shoulders. "How about the Thompsons?"
"No, no; she stormed out of the house with all of the brownies I baked earlier, insisting that she would sue me for ruining her diet."
"Well, you do overdo it with the baking."
"Thanks for that, you can make your own brownies from now on." The brunette's mother gave the oven a quick glance before turning her attention back to her son. It was now or never. "You know what; I think I'll ask Kendall to come over."
Logan's insides immediately turned to ice at his mothers words. He held her gaze with an agape mouth, feeling a numbing pain spread out from his stomach, wounded by the hardened glint in her eyes. "Kendall… Kendall's in Los Angeles" he whispered softly, paralyzed where he stood by her revelation. "Why the hell would you want to call him?"
"Is it so easy for you to just slip away into whatever lie you choose to believe?" asked his mother, her voice sharply quivering with a maternal plea. "I know he's back in Minnesota."
"How?"
"That's not important." Joanna took a cautious step forward, soaking in every single detail of her angst-ridden child. "He's here to take you back?" The brunette gave a silent nod, feeling his eyes beginning to melt. Joanna's mouth thinned out into a single line of diplomatic concern. She had him right where she wanted him, but she couldn't let the overwhelming desire to storm ahead control her just yet – for this to work, he had to come to her. "He's why you left, isn't he?" Logan nodded once more. Joanna sighed wearily. "Please Logan, I am begging you, tell me what happened."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Mom, drop it."
"That's all I have been doing!" exclaimed Joanna loudly with her hands high above her head. "Every single time L.A. comes up, you freeze us out! You can't keep burying your head in the sand!"
"I'm not burying my head in anything!" shouted Logan, matching his mother's consternated yell with the defiance in his. "I'm moving on with my life, and you asking me about what happened everyday doesn't help!"
"Then why won't you let your father and I help?"
"BECAUSE IT HURTS TOO DAMN MUCH!" Logan's scream expelled every single molecule of air within his lungs, letting his voice bounce around the empty confines of the house. His eyes misted over in acidic melancholy, watching his mother step forward to take him into her open arms. With no resistance whatsoever, his body grew limp and shifted his entire weight onto her dainty frame. "Every time I think of L.A., I see his face and it kills me."
"Logan, listen-"
"No Mom" whispered the brunette sobbingly, feeling his tears crawl down his face in a molten path. "He's taken everything I am and thrown it at my feet. I can't fight him anymore."
"Sweetie, tell me what happened" murmured Joanna, feeling her son tremble uncontrollably in her hold. "Tell me what he did to you."
"It's not what he did, it's what I did." Logan took in a shaky breath in. He couldn't take it anymore: the dark swirl of emotion he had forced to slumber had slowly been awakening ever since Kendall came back. The person he had become disgusted him to no end, and the blonde had caused him to slowly lose his grip on what little sanity he had left. "I fell in love with the wrong person, and now I'm paying the price."
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"Fucking hell, who knew that cleaning was such a mission?" sighed the blonde as his body flopped weakly onto the couch beneath him. He head turned around to scan the living room. Granted, it wasn't as good a job as his mother would have done, but he was proud of his first serious attempt at housekeeping. The thick layers of dust had been accumulating ever since its welcoming interior stood empty of occupants, posing a daunting challenge, but he'd tackled it with gusto anyways. He was certain that a few stray dust bunnies lurked about the house somewhere, but he was content with his own version of spruce for now. "More time about think of you, I guess" he murmured. The familiar sensation of his heart lurching forward against his chest. If possible, the brunette had wound his way deeper into his being and showed no sign of ever leaving. Kendall threw his head back against the top of the couch and stared up at the ceiling, torn between the tumultuous war of logic and passion. Playing an open hand with the brunette had ended up having it thrown back in his face – not that he blamed him. After what he had done to him, he was surprised that Logan would even have a civil conversation with him, let alone tolerate his presence in their hometown. "He already knows how I feel" muttered the blonde, feeling a stifling helplessness rise within him. "I need him to believe it now." He smiled to himself as the image of the brunette's face swam into his psyche. Had anyone told him that this would happen three years ago, he would have laughed in their faces – but three years ago seemed like millennia with the destroyed innocence of friendship scattered about him. He was knowingly risking the very stability his life was built on to save something he had knowingly violated, but even if he could just touch Logan it would be more than worth it.
The doorbell rang loudly, pulling Kendall out of thoughts with a reluctant groan. With great unwillingness, he shuffled his feet across the haphazardly polished floor to the front door. "Look, whatever it is you're selling, I'm not – oh." His face grew blank at the sight of the brunette standing on his front door, like a lone leaf quaking in the cold zephyr. "I kind of like that look on your face" said Logan quietly, a slight smirk appearing on his lips. "All shocked and confused. Now you know how I feel."
"Don't do this out here" muttered the blonde, his sea green irises softening at Logan's penetrating stare. "If you want to disembowel me, do it inside please."
"I didn't come here to fight with you" said the brunette, edging past Kendall with considerable hesitation. He turned around and waited for the blonde to shut the door behind him, holding his breath all the while. "I came here… because I can't stay at home anymore."
"What? Why not?" Logan pursed his lips together tightly. "I told my mother about why I came back… about what happened between us."
"So you want to stay here?" Kendall walked forward and snaked his arm around the brunette's waist, pulling him closer to his body. Logan dropped his head, lightly pressing his forehead against the blonde's chest. He could never hate him, not matter how much he tried. He could rage against the world and scream his heart out at how unfair love was, but the person who had started it all was immune to the darkness crawling within him. "Do you know how ashamed I feel?" he asked, his voice gently raining into Kendall's ear. "I should have just made up something… but I couldn't take it anymore."
"She's not going to love you any less because of what happened" whispered Kendall before his lips gently ran across the brunette's exposed neck. Logan closed his eyes painfully. "I know that, but whatever I told her is just going to lead to more questions."
"You're not ready for that?"
"No." Logan fidgeted in his beloved's hold. "So what do you say? Can I stay here for a couple of days?" He turned his head to face the blonde again, only to meet his lips with sinful abandon. He moaned as Kendall slid his tongue into his mouth, surrendering to his hedonistic tang. The blonde wrapped both his arms around the Logan, becoming even more zealous with his grip. He pulled his away from the brunette to see the warm cocoa eyes melt as they held his gaze. "You can stay here as long as you want" he breathed, his fingers carving devoted messages across Logan's body. "But how can you be sure that you'll be safe here?" He leant in, letting his mouth hover over the smaller boy's ear. "Who's to say I won't drive you insane?" Logan chuckled softly. "Who's to say that I'm not already?"
Sounds like Kendall might be up to something, but what exactly? Will he succeed in taking our favorite brunette back to Los Angeles? And what's going to happen to Logan's relationship with Joanna and Dennis? Well, leave a review and all shall be revealed ;) Take care guys!