EPOV

I thrashed through the outskirts of every city I encountered in my wild flee toward Forks. A sense of urgency swelled inside my chest as I ran. I was desperate to get to my destination, praying that more than anything I had ever wished for, that this would be granted. That Bella would be in Forks, and that we could have the conversation that should have taken place before we left my office at the hospital that night.

Remorse was threatening to drown me, but I knew if I stopped, if I succumbed to the pain, I would be wasting precious time that I did not have. I struggled to focus on my surroundings, but though my eyes were open, I could not force them to see anything that was in front of me. All I could see in my mind was Bella with her huge doe eyes, so innocent and trusting. Eyes that I betrayed, that I disappointed, and eyes that I did not deserve in any capacity. Still, I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything in my entire life. No. Not wanted. Needed. I need her. Eternally selfish as I was, I pushed harder…determined to reach her in time.

I was berating myself for the immature errors I made throughout every step of my relationship with Bella. As my mind spiraled and my vision blurred around her eyes, her soft features, her tender touch, I dissolved fully into my memories and ran purely on my other senses, allowing myself to sink further into the past. What was quite obvious was that I was a repeat offender in hurting Bella. Every opportunity where I had the chance to either strengthen our relationship, our commitment and our bond, or to destroy it... I somehow managed to inadvertently ruin us. The more I relived my life with Bella, the clearer it became that I was overly cynical. It was entirely out of character for me to be rash, yet somehow I seemed to know no other way with Bella. I had let that woman down in more ways than I could count, and it was evident, looking back, that I always assumed the worst and acted on it hastily. I never demonstrated any faith or trust in her.

I had always made everything about me; myfears, mydesires. Even when I thought I was doing something solely to protect her, the truth was that I wasn't. I left because I thought somehow, someway I was certain to be the death of Bella. That was something I didn't want on my own conscience. I thought at the time that I was putting aside my own needs for hers, but that was all a lie. I was selfishly creating a scenario that freed me from all the things I feared the most. Granted it was the most painful thing I had ever done, but it was so that Iwould not worry about my influence over her anymore. I didn't place enough conviction in her, or in usto stay and fight for a compromise, to fight for a life together. I made a decision and acted impetuously. It must have destroyed her on many different levels.

And again the night in the hospital I acted on my natural tendencies. I did not slow down and appreciate the knife point that we were balancing on. The urgency should have been to demonstrate my ability to have faith in Bella. To place myself in the position of vulnerability by confessing to her openly and thoroughly all the things that had weighed so heavily on my heart all those years. All the ridiculous mistakes that made and the pain I had caused others. As absurd as the idea seems, at times I am still so young and foolish. Though I have been around for a long time and have seen much, my mind, my emotions and my capabilities were all frozen at seventeen. I war with that every day of my life. I was warring with it that night. I pushed forward, ignoring the conversations that were too difficult to maneuver around, forcing us down an entirely different path, the wrong path. It backfired in the worst way imaginable, which was quickly becoming an unwelcome theme in my life.

Moreover, revisiting the first major wrong I committed against Bella, I realized how greedy I was. I refused to think about any alternative approach to existing with Bella. Forcing her to remain human was the only option I would consider, aloud. The truth was that in the dark and secret recesses of my heart, I wanted her immortality desperately. I wanted it selfishly for myself. I often entertained such thoughts late at night as I held her in my arms and watched her beautiful, peaceful body sleeping. I imagined her inhumanly still, pale and frigid, immortal and mine. I would conjure up scenarios that were entirely out of my control and resulted in Bella's humanity being stripped from her, the need for immortality in order to save her. Perhaps a vampire battle, Bella accidently trapped in the crossfires. I would have tried desperately to save her but would ultimately be too late. Or nomads running through the city of Forks, her blood too alluring to resist.

That was why Jasper's attack on her the night of her birthday party affected me so greatly. Never in all my sick and inexcusable fantasies had I ever imagined that one of my own family members would harm Bella. As it unfolded before me, it was like watching one of my most deplorable visions coming to life in the cruelest, most mocking form possible. It left me feeling responsible and ashamed, as if I willed it into fruition. That was the driving force behind my disappearance.

Then, Bella was attacked by one of my kind regardless and entirely as a result of her relationship with me. Yet again, in a scenario that was frighteningly parallel to one I had conceptualized in the past, with the most unforgivable difference being that I was nowhere around to even put forth an effort to save her. I had left her to endure alone. And she suffered the worst pain imaginable - alone - wholly because of me, and I understood that. Knowing what Bella's life had truly been like since we separated was much more agonizing than the happy human life I had always imagined playing out for her.

So I continued to run – in pain, enlightened, and repentant. I ran to Bella. I ran to confess everything to her. I prayed she would grant me that opportunity.

*****

I reined my speed in as I approached the hazy city of Forks, Washington, allowing my senses to drift over everything I passed. I was searching for any sign that Bella had been there as I closed in on the north side of the town. The closer I got to the familiar surroundings, the more my mind flooded with memories, each painfully precise with the crystal clear clarity of an immortal mind. Images and emotions from time spent there almost half a century ago. Not much had changed, as things rarely do in towns this remote. With a heavy heart and an equally heavy sense of dread, I made my way in the direction that I knew must be my first stop. I had responsibilities to my family that I could not deny, not even under these direst of circumstances. Besides, as much as I hated to admit it, the stop could prove beneficial for other reasons. I snarled under my breath at the thought.

With nearly fifty years since my family's departure, I was not overly worried that a human would spot and recognise me. My stint in Forks was relatively brief, and even the kids that I went to school with had to be in their sixties if any were even still around. Nonetheless, I kept a low profile running through the edge of the forest as much as possible. The sun was just starting to rise and force its rays through the misty fog ceiling. However, the cloud coverage was thick and heavy, a typical day in Forks.

I made no noise as I scaled through the dense forests surrounding the Quileute territory. Still, I was confident that my advance would not go unnoticed. I stopped at the treaty line and stood inhumanly still, arms relaxed at my sides. I scoured the forest in front of me for any sign of an approach. If the wolves were still phasing they would come immediately. Yet minutes passed and no one came. Just as I was about to formulate an alternate plan, I picked up on the thoughts of Jacob Black as he came walking towards the treaty line, slowly, and in his human form. His mind was guarded, yet I easily registered that the tenor of his thoughts was cautious. He stopped on his side of the line directly in front of me. His thoughts were impressively controlled, something which I attributed to his years sharing the minds of the entire wolf pack. He had learned how to compartmentalize his mind remarkably well, showing me only what he desired, no matter how hard I probed. I was instantly annoyed. I narrowed my eyes at him, suspicious of what he was blocking from me. Technically, I had no reason to distrust Jacob; I had never had much interaction with him and had never been before him since his transformation. With that said, we were still natural enemies. And it was not lost on me that he harboured much animosity toward me for hurting Bella so badly before. I knew that he had been the one to slowly mend the pieces of her that I left shattered behind me. For that I both owed him greatly and resented him deeply.

The venom was literally pooling in my mouth faster than I could swallow it back. It had been a long time since I stood nose to nose with a Quileute wolf, and Jacob was much larger than me, summoning my defensive instincts. With his russet skin, long black hair that was gathered into a ponytail at the nape of his neck and the palpable air of authority he exuded as he stood tall, he reminded me of the time we met with his great-grand father Ephraim to define the boundaries of the very line we were presently straddling. Currently, it appeared Jacob was the Alpha member of the pack, his inherited right. I refused to be intimidated. If push came to shove, I could effortlessly dismember him along with any strays that came to his rescue, a fact we both knew to be true. Thus, I stared into his black eyes for an immeasurable amount of time, waiting for him to slip and show me something, anything. It was clear he knew why I had come; he was not questioning my presence. He had information I needed. I would stand there as long as it took to get it.

I nodded respectfully at him, acknowledging both his authority and his territory. I swallowed back the latest pool of venom loudly, my muscles tensed in a combination of nerves and impatience. I narrowed my eyes at him further and raise an eyebrow; it was as good as a direct question. Where is Bella? Is she here, was she here? He was silent.

"Please, Jacob," I was the first to break the silence, begging him, my desperation apparent in every syllable.

His black eyes penetrated me thoughtfully, and he sighed. There was nothing technically hostile about the way his bore into mine; the only emotions I could see clearly behind them were concern and trepidation. I assumed he was trying to gage the worth of my intentions with Bella. He was her friend and was not going to take this lightly. I knew I had my work cut out for me if I was going to make Jacob believe how truly devoted I was to his good friend. But the silent seconds were agonizing and slowly getting the best of me. My carefully constructed façade of understanding and patience was starting to crumble as my mind reeled at the possibility of what he knew. I could feel every second as it slipped by, potentially driving Bella and I further apart.

I broke his gaze and looked around frantically, inhaling deeply, hoping to catch a taste of Bella in the air. The oxygen was cool and damp as we stood, shrouded in a thick layer of mist. All I could smell was the putrid stench of wolf, burning my nostrils and adding to the difficulty I was already having with appearing tolerant.

"She's not here." I snapped my head back toward him in a blur. He sounded impatient, like he had better things to do than stand there and entertain his mortal enemy. Fine, if you're going to be like that, I have much better things to do as well, pup,I thought. A low and threatening growl rose up my throat. I glared at him, all pretence of geniality abandoned. "Figured you wouldn't be far behind her though," he grumbled, granting me the first piece of the puzzle. She had been here. Still, his mind had a frustrating lock on his thoughts. I sawand heard nothing he didn't want me to, which at the time was not a Goddamn thing.

"Dammit, Jake!" I barked at him. I began pacing back on forth against the treaty line in a blur of movement that I knew Jake's eyes could not absorb. I rubbed the bridge of my nose thinking; he implied she washere, which meant she had left already. I needed to find a way to get Jacob to tell me where she was headed. I had to get him to trust me. I counted it as good practice…I was going to have a lot of pleading for trust ahead of me when I caught up to Bella. If I caught up to Bella.

Minutes later I heard Jacob sigh impatiently. "What are you doing?" he demanded, sounding frustrated and a little disgusted. "You look like serious freak of nature."

"Pacing," I growled at him as I flew by again.

"Why?" Was he serious?

I stopped dead where I was, my back to him. Before he knew what hit him I spun and flew at him, crashing into him with my fists clenched tight into his t-shirt. I planted my feet and shoved as his back bent to absorb my force. "Because you won't tell me a fucking thing, and I am about to lose it!" I snarled at him, shaking him for emphasis.

"Huh," he snorted in dismissal and cocked an eyebrow up at me as I stood hovering over his bent form. His eyes slowly drifted down to our feet, then back up to meet my eyes pointedly. While I instinctively secured my footing on the appropriate side of the treaty line, the upper half of my body was arced over it, clinging to Jake. If he wanted to, he had every right to shred me on the spot. I had a hard time caring. He knew something about Bella, and I was desperate.

I rumbled out a low growl and let go, taking a dramatic step backward. "Happy?" I ground through my teeth.

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "Did you two have a fight or something?" I glared at him. He wanted to have a Q and A discussion right now?

"Something like that," I responded in a low tone, trying not to give away more than I had to.

"Figured. Do you guys not fight a lot or something? She was really mad." He chuckled light-heartedly in a way that made me want to rip his throat out. The only thing stopping me was that if I did, I would never know what happened with Bella.

I stood a foot from him, grinding my teeth in an attempt to keep them occupied so I wouldn't be tempted to bury them into the soft spot on his neck just above his collar bone. The look on my face must have been frightening. Jacob took a large step back, further emphasizing the invisible boundary between us with a swipe of his hands through the air over the divide. "What?" He gulped when he finally felt confident I was going to stay put.

It took me several moments before I could regain my composure and answer him. My hands were balled at my sides while I worked to steady myself. "Fight?" I whispered. "I didn't even know she was immortal until three weeks ago, Jacob." My tone was wrought with accusation. Logically, I understood this man owed neither me nor my family anything. Still, the irrational part of me was infuriated at the idea of Jake knowing all this time that Bella was immortal while I did not. He knew what had happened and worst of all, he was the one who was there for her.

"You what?" he gasped, furthering my resentment. Detrimental to his own safety, he began laughing darkly. It took everything I had not to launch at him. I actually looked down at my feet, breathing deeply, willing them to stay put. I focused on the soft golden eyes, innocent and sweet, that still loomed in my mind. For Bella, I successfully stayed where I was.

"She never came to me. How would I know?" I was shifting from anger to guilt as our exchange went on. "I need to find her now, Jacob," I pled.

"Well, what happened? Why did she run from you anyway?" Dammit! It was a fair question. It was precisely the question I was hoping to avoid.

"I don't know why she ran." That was the truth. "I know why she was angry." I stared off into the distance, forcing myself to utter the words that would remind me how much pain I saw in her eyes before she leapt off my lap and out my door. "We were both in shock. Confused, hurt, overwhelmed…" I stopped as the last word broke, and I looked away to hide the pain on my face from Jake. He was the last person I wanted to appear weak in front of. I closed my eyes, choking back my emotions. "I don't think she understands how much I have always loved her," I whispered to avoid any further telltale cracks in my voice.

We stood in silence for a long time after that. I kept my eyes closed, thoughts of Bella dancing across the backs of my eyelids, biding my time with as much patience as I could muster.

Then it happened; Jacob's memories stormed my mind. He had been running his usual security route through the wooded areas of Forks, something he did several times a week since we had left town. The route runs behind Chief Swan's house and down the length of the highway, and then circles back up into La Push territory. He smelled the vampire instantly as he approached the house. Intuitively, he was fearful for Charlie's life, and worried it was Victoria or one of her minions. But as he neared, the scent began to transform into something familiar, without directly being anything he could pinpoint. It was soft and fruity, and although the scent caused his fur to stand on its hackles, it was a scent he enjoyed breathing in. He hopped the fence and stood in the shadows behind Charlie's house, head tilted, watching the vampire in awe. Somewhere in the back recesses of his mind he was already wondering if it could be Bella. I watched through his memories as Bella whipped around, ripping the screen door off its hinges, dropping into a defensive crouch.

I knew I should feel scared for her, or worried about what happened next, but all I could think about was how proud I was of her. It was an out of place emotion given the scenario I was watching, yet still I was impressed as she snarled, ready to take on whatever was lying in the shadows. Despite the obvious differences between my soft and clumsy human girlfriend and the lithe and magnificent snarling creature I was watching in his memories, somehow, in that moment, she reminded me of the old Bella. She was strong, stubborn and determined to take on whatever came her way with little regard for logic. Bella had always been a fighter, she even fought for us. She fought with as much room as I permitted her. She also fought for her immortality and she tried to fight to convince me to stay in Forks. I knew she battled her own emotional turmoil when she wagered to trust me a second time around. All of those characteristics were beautifully demonstrated as she threatened the monster in the shadows. Then suddenly, she gave up, stood, and scoffed, challenging the monster to reveal himself. My Bella.

A low hiss slid between my lips as I caught my first real glimpse of Bella's face when Jacob first saw her. She was devastatingly stunning. It hurt me to look at her, to see how beautiful her skin was shimmering in the moonlight, her eyes alight with fear and passion. She was radiant. I noticed the slow and unmistakable sign of her nerves as her teeth raked over her lower lip. Jacob noticed as well. It was alluring to watch the way her tongue slid across her lip as she stared back at him. She smoothed her hands down her sides, steadying herself, but inadvertently drawing Jacob's attention to the rest of her body. I saw through his memories as his eyes wandered over her entire body, taking in her every inch with an unnecessary attention to detail. She was stunning. He enjoyed what he saw, though I could tell he had tried not to. It still infuriated me.

I shook my head, shoving aside his thoughts for a moment and growled at him. "You wanna know the rest or not bloodsucker? Your choice. I'm the one doing you a favour here." He glowered at me, shutting off his memories, until I relented and nodded.

He showed me their exchange about her wanting to see Charlie. Her explanation confused me, but I had no time to dwell on it as he hurried through the part where Charlie came home and they hid behind the fence. Something was nagging at me about what Bella had said. I felt as if I was missing something important. Then Jacob was sitting in the brush with his arm around her shoulders while cradling her hands in his. They were comfortable together, and the scene had a distinct air of intimacy. I felt even more undeserving. Jacob had never betrayed her trust. That was why she felt so secure around him. I knew that. I hated that.

As they spoke, Bella smiled at him. I felt the warmth spread through his memory; he enjoyed seeing her smile. She laid her head on his shoulder and he continued running his thumb along the top of her hand. It took every ounce of restraint in my body to not dart over the stupid treaty line and rip his furry little head from his body. Even though I knew most of the jealousy I was feeling stemmed from my own sense of inadequacy and had very little to do with the way they were interacting. It was all very platonic, yet it had me reeling with envy. The thoughts stopped suddenly, and I looked up to see why.

Jake was standing on his side of the line staring at me skeptically. "You look really upset. I figured it was better to just leave it at that. That was basically it anyways. She just… left." He showed me a brief image of her walking away, smiling but looking devastatingly sad. Underneath the evident pain on her face, I saw a look that always made my heart feel like it was going to start back up and speed with anxiety. She had made a decision of some sort. And she was backing away slowly, having said farewell to her past, about to embark on whatever that decision was.

What's going on, Bella? What decision did you make, love? Argh, what was I missing! I was evidently overlooking something significant, there was something behind her eyes, those eyes,I knew them so well. I knew every niche of every layer in those deep eyes. I often felt like I had spent my entire existence lost in the depths of those eyes, unraveling their mystery and knowing their meaning. In so many ways, I truly have. That was why I was confident that as Bella looked over her shoulder and waved a small good-bye to Jacob, I was missing something. I was staring past Jacob now, replaying the final scene over and over in my mind's eye, forcing something to click in my brain.

Meanwhile, I desperately wanted to reach out to the transparent image and smooth back her tousled hair and kiss her gently on the forehead. I longed to cradle her angelic face in my hands and softly run the tips of my fingers along her jaw to soothe the tension. If she were here now, would she allow me to touch her, my thoughts practically scoffed at me. My heart was wrenching, my mind was whirling. I closed my eyes and darted in a blur of colour over to a large pine tree several yards from where Jacob was standing. I leaned my head against the bark with a tight fist and brought my hand up over my head and punched the tree trunk, releasing some of the frustration that was threatening to overtake me. My heart was hurting, and my mind was not cooperating with me. I was too late, I had missed Bella, and I had no idea where to go from here. Wave upon wave of torment crashed down on me, and for a minute, I had nowhere at all to go, so I stood there, occasionally kicking the tree for good measure.

"Uhhh… okay." Jacob's confused voice broke through the silence. His thoughts were torn between genuinely not caring about my juvenile display and wanting to help if it was what Bella would want. He was chastising himself for having not thought to ask what to do if anyone came after her.

"She'll be fine, you know," he muttered. "Not like I haven't seen her worse." And with that, he recalled the time he saw her worse; so did I. I was so caught off guard by his thoughts that even my breathing stilled. An image of Bella fluttered through his memory. She was more frail than I had ever seen her. Her eyes were bloodshot with dark purple bruises below them, their usual chocolate brown depths shallow and empty. Her cheeks were sunken in and her entire body looked weak. Her arms were crossed in front her body, gripping her sides like she was trying to hold her body together in one piece. In this particular image she was curled up in the driver seat of her truck, heels on the seat with her cheek resting on her knees, staring sideways blankly at Jacob in the passenger seat. She blinked a few times, then seemed to realise he had spoken to her. "What?" Her fragile voice managed to crack even in a whisper. My heart ached like it never had before. Like every morsel of agony that I had felt over the last forty-five years added together to create one huge gaping wound in my heart, possibly in my soul. Jacob was remembering Bella after we left Forks. That was what I had done to her. The memory was just before she was made immortal. She lived with and died with that much sorrow? She had carried around that much angst her entire immortal existence. All because of me.

Then I hurt her all over again. There was no possible way to live with myself and the overwhelming guilt from the pain I had inflicted on her every step of the way. My only purpose in remaining alive at that point was to find Bella, to repair everything. I had so much to fix. I didn't know where to begin. However, I was certain of one thing, that I was no longer searching for my own sake, now I understood just how desperately I needed to find Bella to save her from herself.

No longer concerned with holding back my emotions in front of Jacob, I walked over to him and looked him square in the eyes. "I have to find her," I stated simply. "You spoke with her, she had to have said something, indicated anything…. Where should I start?" I looked back out over the vast span of the tree line in front of me. In truth, I was just muttering to myself, I hadn't actually meant for Jacob to answer me. He answered anyway.

"Well, start by leaving The States, bloodsucker," he grumbled under his breath in a tone that implied he thought he was stating the obvious. I looked up at him, and he leered back at me. "What? Didn't she say she was leaving the country and that was why she had to say good-bye to Charlie now? I mean, I take it she doesn't plan on coming back right away. Can't you think of anywhere she would want to go?"

By the time Jacob finished speaking, I was elsewhere completely. I was instantly back in Chief Swan's house, laying on the couch with the warm heat from my girlfriend's body pressing against me as I held her and whispered Romeo's lines softly into her ear. Listening and smirking to myself as with each word I uttered, her heart rate sped. It was the afternoon of her birthday, and she was trying uselessly to escape the grand party my family had planned for her back at my house by watching Romeo and Juliet for school. She smelled amazing as she lay in front of me watching the television, small tears forming in the corners of her eyes as the final death scene played before us. I slowly ran the tips of my fingers along her forearm as it lay comfortably across my leg. She was literally the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. When the movie ended, I made the mistake of telling her that I had newly acquired sympathy for Romeo's plight, though it annoyed me how easy the weak human race had it if they wanted to end their own life. I watched as a look of pure horror washed over her as I explained my contingency plan to visit the Volturi in Italy if anything had ever happened to Bella. She clung to my face, staring into my eyes, pleading with me to understand why she was so upset. "What if something happened to you?" she cried. "Would you want me to go offmyself?" I grimaced and snarled both in memory and presently at the thought of Bella hurting herself. Of Bella being that desperate, that all she could think of was to end her life.

"Hey bloodsucker! What am I missing?" Jacob snarled at me, crossing the treaty line and coming to stand next to me, a look of worry painted across his features. I turned to him.

"I have to go," I whispered the words to him while my mind continued down the path it was travelling. I was already formulating a plan; I knew I had to move very quickly. I started to back away, leaving Jacob confused. "How long ago was it that Bella was here?" I needed to know.

His features slowly went from confusion to amusement. He almost snickered as he said, "Yesterday - I thought you knew."

Yesterday. Fucking yesterday! I was that close to stopping her, to seeing her, to holding onto her even if I had to use force to get her to stay in one place and hear me. Yesterday?"Dammit!" I kicked a tree and it fell over in front of me, sending vibrations underneath our feet as it smacked the forest floor.

"Hey!" Jake yelled at me. "Quileutes like nature."

"It's on my side of the line," I growled at him. I held out my hand. "Do you have a cell phone?"

He dug into the pockets of his sweatpants and retrieved a mangled up hunk of plastic. I grimaced at it. "We can't all be millionaires, asshole." He dropped it in my open hand.

"Whatever Jacob," I began, programming my number into his contacts list. "Just call me if you hear anything please." I hit "send" on his phone before handing it back to him, and in my pocket my phone vibrated lightly. "Now I have yours. Good-bye Jacob, thank you."

Once I was clear of Forks and halfway to Seattle and the closest international airport, I grabbed my phone and dialed Carlisle. He picked up on the first ring.

"Edward," he choked into the phone. "What is going on? Alice just came into the study with my phone in her hand telling me it was going to be you and it is important. Did you find Bella?"

"No, Dad," I answered. "But she did stop in Forks and speak with Jacob Black, Ephraim's great grandson. I need you to get on a plane and meet me in Florence as soon as possible." I stumbled over the words that terrified me more than anything ever had.

"Italy?" Carlisle questioned.

"Yes." My voice broke as I struggled to say the next sentence out loud. "I think she is going to the Volturi."