(I don't own divergent)
-Get your adult diapers folks because this chapter is intended to make you wet yourself…
ENJOY!
CHAPTER 10|TOBIAS…YAY!
"So can I drive? Ooh can we turn on the sirens? Let's pull random people over! Let me see your badge! Can I tase the shit out of someone? Let's go arrest someone for jaywalking! Let's arrest that dude he looks really suspicious, I'll bet he's holding!" I shouldn't have had that forth cup of coffee!
"Tobias, please shut the hell up and eat your fucking lunch" Eric yells at me as we eat our lunch in his parked cruiser. My soon to be brother in law was sweet enough to take me on a ride along, I think he plans to tase me before the days is over with and I'm thinking of letting him "And that "dude" looks to be about seven or eight years old; I doubt he's holding drugs you blockhead" Eric shakes his head and I give him a shit eating grin.
"Oh I know; I wasn't talking about drugs" I shrug and look out the window at the kid setting on the park bench next to his oblivious mother and give him the universal sign that I'm keeping my eye on him. The little asshole just gives me the finger which causes me to laugh; I think I just met my new best friend! I love this kid!
"I know I'm going to regret this but what are you talking about and what the fuck are you laughing at" Eric ask as he leans forward just in time to see the little bastard flip me off with both hands so I return the favor and laugh and long with my future brother in law.
"I was thinking the kid was holding some premium grade candy and we could take it from him but now I want to plant a bag of weed on him so we can arrest his delinquent ass" I say before sticking my tongue out at the future repeat offender.
Eric begins to laugh really fucking hard and I'm confused until I hear a tap on my window. I roll my window down and give my best panty dropping smile to the demon spawns mother that is still giving me a look of murder. I hear a girlie giggle and see the little shit pointing a laughing at me "Hey dude" I yell at the little asshole "You sound like a little girl" the little fucker stops laughing and gives me the finger again and I do the same.
"How old are you" the woman yells in my face with her hands on her hips "I know that you're not a cop and I have no problem kicking your ass in front of one either"
"How do you know I'm not a cop, I am setting in a cop car; I'm wear a shirt that says C.O.P" I spell it out for her with a grin that is not fazing her one damn bit. I hear Eric laughing his ass off beside me. This is rather funny!
"Well for starters asshole, I've seen you working with the dolphins at Sea world more than once and as for you setting in a cop car; this officer here" she points to Eric's laughing form "he could be running an outreach program to rehabilitate fuckups such as you" at this Eric is laughing really hard and snorting like the pig that he is, he's also nodding his head agreeing with that devil woman. Asshole! "Oh and that shirt would be convincing if not for that fact that is say's "Copious Ounce's of Pot" on the back" I give a good chuckle at that.
"Your kid started it" is my brilliant come back.
"Again, how old are you? Four" she yells as she walks back over to her devil child.
"And a half" I yell out the window and give the kid the finger again.
"Oh god I can't breath" I hear the big asshole wheezing beside me; I am not giving him mouth to mouth!
"Well then" I laugh "you shouldn't have eaten a whole box of donuts, fat ass" I poke my finger in his stomach and shit I thought it would be squishier.
"Just don't tell your sister I did that, please, I'll never here the end of it" the scared asshole says and I laugh.
"And you thought I was a pussy for being scared of my crazy twin"
"Hey you, yeah you on the bike" I yell through the cruisers loud speaker "Slow the hell down before you cause a ten pedestrian and one bike pileup on this here sidewalk" I drawl in my southern accent.
Eric locked me in the car so he can go in the jewelry store to see if they have the kind of ring he's looking for. Anyway; back to me. I'm locked in this damn car; fucking with people as they walk by. Hey, Eric is the one that locked me in the car with all the cool gadgets! Seriously, I tried to get out but I fucking can't unless I climb out the window but I'm above that shit. At least the asshole left the engine running so I don't die of a heat stroke and at least he didn't make me get in the back. I contemplated stealing the cruiser and leaving his ass here but I really don't want to get arrested.
"Hey there sexy girls" I grin when I see Nikki and Shauna "Come give an officer of the law a big wet one"
Nikki squint's her eyes to see who is talking to her like that and they both begin laughing when they realize it's me "What in the hell are you doing" My girl laughs at me as she approaches the passenger side window.
"Fucking with pedestrians" I grin as she sticks her head in the window and kiss me. I reach around her and pull her through the window so she setting in my lap. I'm not above doing that shit though.
"Damn it Tobias I'm in a skirt" she yells and slaps my chest "why didn't you just get out of the car" she giggles as I playfully kiss and nip her neck.
"Baby we are locked in, if you want to leave you have to either wait on the pig to get back or climb out the window" I laugh at the face she's giving me.
"Tobias" I hear Eric yell as he walks out of the store empty handed again, picky bastard!
"Yes" I look as innocent as I can; its fucking hard to do when you're never innocent "She was committing a crime and I had to arrest her" I'm cheesing at the man with a big ass gun strapped to his hip.
"What the hell is this bozo doing with you while you're working" Shauna ask Eric after releasing him from a hug "please tell me you had to arrest him"
"Sadly no" Eric grins at me "He said he would do anything if I took him on a ride along, so when we get home I'm gonna tase him" Eric laughs at the face I'm giving him.
"The hell you are" I laugh pulling Nikki closer to me "Like Tris would let you hurt me"
"Tobias" Eric says reaching into his pocket and pull out the little clicker that locked my ass in this car "Your sister would fight me for the taser, just so she could have the honors of making you piss yourself" the asshole has a point.
"Yeah" I sigh and shake my head "Nikki, baby you're coming home with me so you can protect me" I wrap my arms around her waist.
"Tobias" Nikki says after kissing my lips and trying to get out of the car but I won't let her "Shauna and I have one last meeting so I'll be over after ok" she kisses my lips.
"Well if you get there and I'm passed out on the front lawn with wet pants" I kiss her one last time before releasing her "I'm blaming you" I slap her cute ass as she climbs out of the cruise.
"See you in about two hours" she says after shutting the door and sticking her head through the window and kisses my lips "Bye" she waves as her and Shauna continue down the sidewalk.
"Are you high" Eric breaks the silence after pulling out into the street.
"What? No" I laugh "why are you asking me that, you know I quit" I give him my awesome bitch brow.
"Because you are nuttier than normal" the asshole laughs.
"Nope" I grin at the big oinker "Just having fun fucking with people; I can see why you became a cop" I tell him with a genuine laugh.
"Tobias" Eric sighs and shakes his big head "I didn't become a cop to fuck with people; I became a cop to help and protect people" he says and I look at him like he's stupid.
"Bor-ing" I yawn "Dude you have all this fun shit at you disposal and you're telling me that you don't fuck with people, well besides me. I call bull shit"
"I didn't say that, I just haven't done any of the stupid shit that you've done today" he says and I can under stand that.
"You know when I fist met you I thought that you would be an uptight Barney Fife wannabe" I laugh when the asshole gives me the finger "But as it turns out…I was right" I begin laughing at my own joke "Naw for real though, your cool and I'm glad my sister found some one like you, the crazy little shit actually lets you take care of her"
"Well since were having a Hallmark moment and all" Eric parks the cruiser in his driveway and we get out and head to my sister's house" when I first met you I knew for a fact that I would be arresting you" he says and then walks off with out another word.
"Fucking Pig"
-Oh my goodness I really love an off the wall and crazy as all hell Tobias. That was so much fun to write… I laughed my ass off while writing this chapter and again when I read over it…HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED IT AS WELL-
I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK OF THIS CHAPTER… WAS IT TOO MUCH? BECAUSE I CAN TONE IT DOWN A LITTLE…
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