Hey! I'm not dead guys! Sorry for the wait. Please read the AN at the bottom for more information. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: Only someone creative could come up with the turtles guys.

"Donnie?" Mikey hesitantly pushed open the infirmary door, glancing around uncertainly. "I...uh... I brought food." He tried to smile, but it ended up looking more like a sad grimace. Not that it mattered anyways. Donnie didn't even look up when he came in, just sat on the edge of his cot and stared blankly at the ground in front of him.

Mikey slowly inched forward, trying to ignore the bright bandages that still covered most of the genius's body. He was never going to get used to that.

Shifting slightly closer to the wall, just enough that no one could get behind him, Donnie stared blankly up at Mikey. It took him a second to process what was happening before he mumbled a thanks and returned to his original position; shoulders curled in miserably and his arms wrapped defensively around his body.

Mikey sighed and set the tray next to the cot. Nothing had changed. He reached out to touch Donnie's shoulder reassuringly. Big mistake. Donnie flinched away like he had been burned, and wide terrified eyes snapped up to meet Mikey's as he scrambled away in blind panic.

"Whoa sorry dude," Mikey chuckled nervously, biting his lower lip as he tried to look non-threatening. Donnie only stared. Shudders were running through his thin body, way more noticeable than they should've been. What had happened to him?

"Bro, what-" He paused mid sentence as a high pitched whimper leapt from his brother's throat. He swallowed and inched closer with his hands held carefully out to the side.

"I'm not gonna hurt you." He was confused and angry. Why would anyone do this to another living creature? What did that monster have to gain? And why was it taking Donnie so long to get over it?!

Donnie seemed to have sensed the anger rolling off him, because he curled up tighter and squeezed his eyes shut. A choked sob rippled through his bruised body. He looked so small. Mikey could remember just a couple days ago, before any of this had happened. His older brother, showing off his latest invention. It was super cool actually, he had attempted to downsize his heat sensing goggles so they could wear them as contacts. They had blown up, but that was almost as cool as the invention itself. Donnie had laughed along with them, brushing off the disappointment just like he always did.

It was hard to associate that turtle with the one trembling in front of him right now. It was incredible how quickly things changed. He could almost imagine this was all a dream and that he was about to wake up with Donnie beside him, complaining about his breath and spouting out some scientific evidence about how it shouldn't be possible for him to neglect his teeth for so long without any damage to the enamel.

"D, it's okay look at me." A knot was forming in his throat, making it difficult to speak. "It's okay I swear." He choked over his own words. "It's okay..."

Donnie didn't seem to hear him, he was lost in his own hell. Pain filled sobs racked his body. There was obviously no point in trying to get through to him, but maybe if he just tried harder... if he had just tried harder in the first place, none of this would've happened.

"Hey." He whispered. "Don, I- please." His chest tightened painfully as Donnie flinched away, tucking his body into a ball. Mikey sighed and leaned tiredly against the wall. It shouldn't be this difficult for him to spend time with his brother, but seeing him like this, was just so hard. He felt like a jerk, he hadn't been the one suffering at the hands of the Shredder for days. But it felt like watching helplessly from the sidelines was just as hard.

Donnie was starting to calm down, sucking in deep breaths. And it was like something in Mikey snapped and he no longer has any control over his actions.

"What the hell happened to you?!" He snarled. A part of him knew he was being unreasonable, none of this was Donnie's fault, but a bigger part of him was tired of it all. Of not knowing anything and everyone expecting him to just be okay with it. He wanted- no he needed answers. Now.

"You aren't the only one suffering you know! We spent that ENTIRE TIME searching for you! We had no idea what was happening to you man! And we deserve to know!" He was shouting by now, everyone had to have heard him. Donnie was halfway across the room by now, and blood was starting to soak through one of the bandages. But Mikey couldn't find it in him to care anymore. He took a couple of threatening steps towards the trembling form in front of him, but before he could actually get anywhere there were hands pulling him back. He snarled and tried to pull away to no avail. He heard Leo's voice behind him, more furious than he had ever heard him before, and he was pushed into someone else's arms. He couldn't tell what was happening. Red swarmed his vision. He briefly saw Leo kneeling gently in front of Donnie as he was dragged roughly into the hallway.

"What the fucking hell was that." Raph's voice had a dangerous undertone, and his words were short and clipped.

"He-"

"He WHAT Mikey. What could he have possible done that warranted... that." He obviously wasn't looking for an answer. "Are you seriously so fucking stupid-"

"You don't get it Raph! He doesn't-"

"Save it Mike." They glared at each other coldly, with only a few inches in between them.

Finally Mikey couldn't take it anymore. "You know what Raph, fine." He snapped. He turned and stomped furiously away. But right as he reached the doorway to his room, he paused, hand clenched tightly on the doorknob.

"I thought you of all people would understand."

The door slammed shut behind him.

Leo found Raph pacing furiously back and forth in front of the sliding doors that lead to Master Splinter's room. He stopped the instant he noticed Leo approaching, his head snapping up to look at him.

"How is he?"

"Sleeping," Leo sighed. It had taken him nearly an hour to calm Donnie down enough to get him to even get back on the cot, and another half hour to soothe him to sleep.

"I'll probably check in on him in a couple minutes, but he should be good for now." Leo rubbed his eyes wearily. With Splinter hiding in his room all the time, the responsibility of running the family fell solely on his shoulders.

"What are you gonna say to Mikey." Raph was clearly still worked up about it.

"Depends. What did you say to him already."

Raph glared at him. "Nothing he didn't deserve."

Leo took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Exhaustion hung around him in a cloud, making itself evident in every line on his face. "Alright I'll... I'll talk to him."

Raph stared at him for a moment longer before huffing and turning away. Leo watched him walk away in silence.

"Raph... I'm really trying. I don't know what you want me to do." Raph glanced back at his older brother. The pain and confusion was evident in the tilt of his head and his furrowed brows.

Raph clenched his jaw and turned the corner; walking away from his family. Leo knew that it would pass, Raph always holed himself up in his room when things got to stressful for him, but that didn't stop the worry that clawed at his heart.

Everything was happening fast, too fast, yet nothing seemed to be getting any better.

"Donnie." Exasperated couldn't even begin to describe how Leo felt right now. It was like every time they took a step forward, they took two steps back. Donnie still wouldn't even let them touch him. They had quickly learned not to make any sudden movements around him and to always, always, stay in his line of sight.

"Don, can you please just eat something?" Leo bit his bottom lip hopefully, even though he doubted the pleading would help anything.

It didn't.

"Leo..." Donnie looked up with broken, pleading eyes. He was sitting against the wall on the far side of his bed, pressed against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest. Leo plopped down next to him, ignoring the way he flinched and curled away.

"You're going to have to eat Donnie." Leo tilted his head and stubbornly pushed the plate closer to his little brother. He had tried to make it as appealing as possible, but evidently his efforts were in vain.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, basking in each other's presence. The smell of pizza drifted throughout the room, mingling with the natural metallic scent that clung to Donnie's light machinery.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Donnie glanced up from his knees. Leo hadn't even moved; his eyes were firmly locked on his clasped hands. There was no way he was telling his older brother about what had happened. Leo was never ever EVER going to find out. He couldn't even image the disappointment. He would be kicked off the team for sure.

Leo sighed quietly. "I'm sorry about what happened earlier. With Mikey." He worked his jaw for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "We just want to help."

Donnie swallowed. He wanted to be alone before he broke down in front of Leo. His idol. He wanted to be strong. He just-

Warm arms encircled him. Gently. Fear consumed him. His first instinct was to bolt and get as far away from the pain as possible, but just as quickly as it came, it was gone.

"Tell me if you need anything, yeah? And try to eat something. Please." Leo was already up and walking towards the doorway. He smiled gently at Donnie's shocked expression.

"I love you." He quietly slipped out to give his brother space. Donnie half wanted to call him back, to relax into his warmth and forget everything that had happened. But he couldn't. He stared down at his food. Leo had carefully laid it out so nothing was touching. The lump in his throat grew as he smiled down at it. He didn't deserve Leo's love. He was dirty and tainted. He was just a disgusting waste of space and he knew it.

A cry ripped its way out of his throat as he shoved the warm food away from him. He buried his face into his warm pillow, in his own room. Away from the bright lights in the infirmary and the sickening clean smell of bleach. He was surrounded by familiarity, and yet he had never felt more out of place. He was broken. Just like a puzzle piece that would never again fit where it had once belonged.

Ever.

So yeah. Sorry it took so long to update. I actually rewrote the first two chapters and am working on the third. They aren't that much better, but they are no longer absolute crap. You can go back and read them if you want. You may have also noticed Donnie's name is actually spelled right. I never actually thought about it until now, but I'm an idiot. I know someone who spells it with a y so that's how I always imagined it being spelled. I'm so sorry and I'm working on fixing the rest of the chapters. I'm going to try to update every Monday night from now on (my time). No promises but I'll try my best. Thank you for reading and please tell me what you thought!