Stop! Focus.

The wind cooperatively blew then, throwing at me the scent of the particular vampire I was out for. Heaving myself from the ground at human pace I headed west where the trail led me. I tried to block out the voice in my head that was telling me I was going father away from her. I couldn't go back now; she doesn't deserve it.

Tracking. Focus, I chanted to myself for the thousandth time. I would probably listen too.

If I could.

***

February

Today was the one-hundredth and forty-ninth day without her and I was through counting them. Now each second was has painful as days used to be and it took every ounce of my self-control to stay on task. I was wandering Utah at the moment, moping about the loss of Victoria's trail once again. My hand twitched toward the phone in my pocket, debating whether or not I should call Alice, just for a hint. I decided against it in the end. I wasn't prepared for another call home and wanted to avoid extra contact. I continued to walk aimlessly among the dark streets of a city I hadn't taken enough interest in to name. Most of the citizens were sleeping, so my guess was that it's a weekday, but there are some who are also in the streets as well.

Man I'm tired, and have work tomorrow; a sick day would be nice.

Was his number 873-0212 or 783-2102?

Almost home, I knew I shouldn't have walked to Jeff's house. My Gosh that man sure is handsome, my head snapped up when I saw my face in her mind. She was staring discreetly at me on the opposite side of the street. She was tall, thin, with blond hair and averted her blue eyes when I caught her staring. This woman had no likeness to Bella, than why did she remind me of her? I looked across the street again and then I saw it. In her blue eyes was the same spark in Bella's brown ones. They were full of love and happiness and I wondered if Bella's were still too. Or did that spark belong to someone else now? I pushed that thought away seeing as it sent another stab through my silent heart.

"Excuse me?" I blinked back into reality. I hadn't noticed that the girl was now approaching me and I stared at her emotionlessly. "Excuse me?" she asked again and I realized I had to answer.

"Yes" my voice, sounded cold and foreign, even to me.

"Are you lost?" she asked and I looked into her thoughts. Suddenly questioning her motives, though I didn't know why. He is handsome, a little too perfect though. And his eyes, so sad, like someone died. Poor thing.

"No," I said shortly a little shocked that someone was feeling bad for me, and a human at that. She wasn't sure how to respond.

Oh, he doesn't seem dangerous. Maybe if he wanted too, why is he so sad? I probably shouldn't pry. Does he need help? Every once in a while I meet, or rather hear someone who is purely good, like this women's or Angela Weber's or...

Stop.

I saw my shoulders fall a little in her mind. Her thoughts were quite loud—or maybe I wasn't used to hearing thoughts?

"Do you need any help?" she asked concerned again.

"No thank you. I fine," I said making eye contact with her when I saw that her thoughts weren't as vulgar as others I have heard this late at night.

I guess I should get home, Jeff always warns me about being out this late alone. I don't want to worry him. "Alright, be careful. I'll be off now," she gave up and walked away.

She was a good person, and apparently Jeff was a great match for her. The young woman reminded me that those feelings, happiness, love, still existed. Although I don't think it would be possible for be to feel them again. Seeing as even the words felt distant and gave me a feeling in my chest that's a million times worse than one of Emmett's punches. I sighed feeling doomed to be alone again, without true satisfaction.

But it was worth it—all of it. No feelings of loneliness or despair could compare to the ones of pleasure or delight than my time with Bella. I just wish I didn't put her in harm's way. I had once thought I could protect her, be her "guardian vampire". What a moronic thought that had been. With eighty years at this life I should have known, even vegetarians are dangerous.

Focus. Tracking.

I moved back into the forest to hunt again. The only reason why I did was the hope that if I did find Victoria, I would have to be strong to fight her.

***

After I finished my meal I sat looking at the stars for a while, procrastinating honestly. The lights didn't seem very bright to me but then again, nothing did anymore. I was really looking at the flawless picture behind my lids, how I missed her. It wasn't even that I missed only her. There was more. I missed Forks--home. I missed sneaking into her room late at night. I missed how her smile made going through high school—going through this existence all worthwhile. I missed how easy it had been to subsist when she was around. How my music sounded happier when I thought of her. How the colors looked brighter. Nothing was the same without her.

Sure, I could go back to my family. But it I wouldn't be the same person. I left the pieces my heart with her I couldn't be the same individual knowing how much better this existence could be. It wasn't possible to go back with the memories of her and then to see my family continue blissfully with their partners. I didn't want to rain on their parade, everything is better off without me around.

I wondered if this was all worth it but then I had a reoccurring memory. It was a vision of Alice's; Bella's cold, lifeless body limp and drained of blood. The worst part: it was my doing. Yes, that's why I am doing this; to prevent that.

I gazed back up at the sky with my vision still clouded with the most beautiful creature ever and I noticed that there was no moon, ironically. It matched my mood, never—even in my rebellious years—have I been in a darker time than I was now. I couldn't focus on the stars, only the dark place in the sky where something was missing. I sighed. The moon would come back soon. But Bella wont.

The flood of pain that came over me was unbearable. I needed to do something, to release it in some way. I needed to continue with my distraction, but I couldn't remember how to move my legs. I shook my head fiercely like it would some how discharge the grief. I had to do something or surely I would drown under the agony and wouldn't resurface.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, I could hear something in the background of the waves of pain.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, I heard it again what could be vibrating in a forest? It was like no animal sound I have ever heard before. As I concentrated on it the buzzing sound was helping me resurface though.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, vibrations on my leg accompanied the sound now. My phone. Right. I answered it quickly without seeing who it was.

"Edward," Alice's voice was stern.

"Yes," came my voice, flatly. She sighed on the other line.

"Good" she said more to herself. "If I didn't call you, you would've taken down half the forest."

"Oh," was all I replied.

"Would you mind telling me why you would have done that?" she asked.

"No," I said and she huffed.

"Edward you're unbelievable. I can't keep track of you anymore."

"Then don't."

"Yeah right," she snorted, but there was a hint of sadness in her tone. "I don't trust you that much," she challenged, I didn't respond. "Carlisle and Esme are looking for you," she informed. "I guess I'll talk to you later," I could've sworn she said I hope under her breath but I didn't think anything of it.

"Bye," Alice said then hung up. After some time I realized that when she had said Carlisle and Esme were looking for me, she wanted me to call them. After all this time I still haven't gotten used to my almost human paced brain. I called their home in Alaska quickly.

The phone call was uneventful, as usual. I talked to Esme and she told me that she missed me and that she hoped I would come back soon. I lied and told her I would try to but knew she wouldn't want me back. I didn't want to ruin their bliss with my anguish, like I did to Bella. Neither of them deserved that.

Tracking. Go.

I had spent too much time putting this off. I had to find Victoria, and quick before she could get to close to Washington.

After hours of running I had heard some else. It was a vampire and I peeked into their thoughts. It wasn't Victoria, unfortunately but it was the next best thing. I didn't get close to this other vampire but I got close enough to hear his or her encounter with her.

That redhead had a great idea. I don't know why I didn't think of that before. Going down to Rio for the Carnival. So many humans will be there. No one will notice who goes missing, and with all that adrenalin from the parties will make for a great meal. Hopefully I can meet up with her again, she would do good for a coven. I stopped dead in my tracks; it was Victoria who this other nomad was thinking about. I had been so blind; of course with the Carnival coming up in Rio it was not only a human attraction, but a vampire one too. Determination surged through me as I took a different path down to South America so I wouldn't have to cross trails with the nomad. I would be down there soon, and find Victoria quickly. Bella would finally be safe.

That's all that matters.

Posting: A/N: Hey I hope this chapter makes up for some of my other crappy ones. I hope I managed to stay in character though. BTW did anyone see the New Moon clip on MTV? I'll put the link on my profile if you didn't, its amazing, I cant wait for the movie. Please review!