Chapter 9: Bambi and Self Defense
Who's the worst updater, and liar in this site… that's right it's me. If you think about it today is the day after A Friday.
I don't even own a car anymore, do you really think I own this successful manga.
Chapter 10: Bambi and Self Defense
"So you need to work out," Pierre said, for what seemed to be the umpteenth time in twenty minutes. I really don't know what he expected, for me to say:
"No my plans have completely changed from the last time you asked me four minutes ago."
"Yeah I need to tone my stomach since I drank last night," I say smiling despite my being annoyed at the idiot sitting next to me.
"Why aren't you working out in the hotel," He says again.
"I don't mean to be rude or intrude into your personal life but… uh how do I say this without sounding like an asshole… right please say something besides 'so you need to workout' or," I say in a perfect imitation of him, "why aren't you working out at the hotel?"
"Well maybe if you were truthful with your answers I wouldn't have to pester you. God did you take one of Temi's bitch pills?" He says pouting in a way he probably thought was cute.
"Oh my God where you dropped on your head as a child? By the way no I did not take one of TEMI'S bitch pills, I just happen to be hung-over, stuck in a tiny car that barely lets me stretch my legs with an idiot who seems to be a scratched record," I say scowling.
'Oh my god it's true!! I did take one of Temari's bitch pills. Hhmmm I wonder what bitch pills would look like anyways. Temari's would be enormous maybe the size of horse pill… wait did he just call Temari, Temi.
"What if may ask are you snickering about?" Pierre says apparently not at all put off by my attitude since he was still smiling.
"Have you ever called Temari, Temi to her face?" I say watching his face take on an expression of confusion.
"Uh yeah she likes, it at least that's what she told me. Actually it was strange her boyfriend said she didn't like to be called that and then she blushed prettily and said 'that's ok he can call me Temi is he wants to' like I said it, was very strange," He says smiling like a moron, and he repeated 'it was strange' two times in that comment. Temari apparently has taken a few tips from Bambi 'he can call me Temi if he wants to' my ass I remember she went all Kill Bill on me last time I called her that.
"So you…"
"I swear, if you even mention working out, or the gym at the hotel I will murder you, in a very painful way that Temari forced me to learn from her self defense class. Which now that I think about it she probably didn't really learn that in self defense because it's really brutal," I say cutting him off.
"You talk too much," He says turning the stereo on.
"That means so much coming from a guy who can't even start or keep a decent conversation…" The rest of my comeback was drowned out by some French singer.
Few Torturous Hours Later
"I had fun we should do it again sometime this week," Pierre says smiling sweetly, completely unaware of the murderous intent that was leaking out of me directed at him.
"I would rather have my balls…" Apparently not everybody was oblivious to my murderous intent because a hand covered my mouth completely stopping the rude comment.
"He would love to, but you see we leave tomorrow so there's really no time you know how these things are rushing here and there," Shika says in a lazy voice that makes me wonder if he's really been rushing around.
"I thought you said, a week in Paris," He says not catching on to the fact that this was only an excuse to get him to back the fuck off.
"Seriously where you dropped on your head as a child?" I ask.
"There was a small change of plans," Shika says attempting to pinch my arm but thankfully I was out of his reach.
"Right well next time we're in town and you need to work ou…"
Moments later
"Naruto why the hell would you try that move I thought you on someone, not just anybody but a cop at that," Temari says as I sit in the lobby glaring at Pierre who has brushed off my attempt on his life as a joke but I swear if I had gotten a hold of his neck without Shika there he wouldn't be smiling, mostly because he'd be dead.
"He tried to kill me first," I respond.
"What the hell are you talking about he took you the gym, then out to lunch, and he was nice enough to bring you the hell back here and you repay him by almost murdering him in the entrance," She says blocking the idiot from my view, I take in my surroundings still trying to find ways around my six employees.
"I know my story, now get out of the way so I can finish the job, this way he'll never hurt another human being again." I say catching a glimpse of him, as I do he winks playfully at me making me stand and almost break through the barrier.
"I say you let him go what's the worst he can do, he's so small he probably won't even reach his neck," Kankuro says from the couch.
"Kankuro if you don't have nothing nice to say don't say it all," She says when she does I stop struggling and watch her intently with a smirk on my face. "What," She hisses at me after she notices me looking at her.
"Shika just how obsessed is Temi with Bambi anyways?" I say watching Temari blush and glare at Shika.
"How the hell did you find out about that?" She whispers at me.
"He can call me Temi if he wants to," I whisper back I hear Shika snort from behind me earning him a glare from Temari.
"Honey you're finally going to come out of the closet as a Bambi addict," Shika whispers.
"Well… wait that's not the point. The point is that you tried to kill him using a move that I told you was specifically for self defense so quit changing the subject," She says gaining her composure again.
Damn, well it was nice having her embarrassed and quite while it lasted she must have gotten a hold of one of her bitch pills and taken it.
"It was self defense, he was trying to annoy me to death so I retaliated, who the hell taught you that move anyways," I say watching her smirk.
"Gaara and boring you to death is not a reason to try and literally kill him." She says making Pierre smile smugly. "So you are going to apologize to him right…"
"He said you take bitch pills," I say pushed to the limit by his smug self satisfied freaking face, I realize why the eye's of all my employee's are on me, I just signed a mans death warrant.
'Haul ass this bitch is gonna blow.' I mean the situation, honestly because Temari isn't a bitch.
Few More Moments Later
"What the hell happened here?" Sasuke asks as he enters the lobby obviously referring to why Pierre is on the floor crying like a little girl and why is Gaara nodding approvingly at his sister while she is questioned by the hotel security.
"In short you no longer have any competition," Shika says as he grudgingly makes his way over to the two securities.
"Competition what is he… is that the cop?" He asks a sexy smirk adorning his face.
"Yes he learned a very important lesson, never mention Temi's bitch pills, well at least not to her face, the others learnt the hard way too," I getting a far off look on my face for dramatic effect.
"You say it like there's been a lot moron," He says following me to the elevator his mood mysteriously improved.
"Miss Sabaku, control yourself or we will have to put you and your party out of this hotel." The manager says as the elevator door closes.
"Shouldn't you take care of that before they kick us out," Sasuke ask furrowing his brow and looking at me. Poor boy he still doesn't get that he has singed a contract with the craziest people in the world.
"Sasuke you need to understand one thing, getting kicked out, banned from places, arrested, threatened, and yelled at is a normal day in our lives," I say, making my way over to Shika and Temari's room to wait and see the results.
Getting caught in compromising positions in elevators is also normal," The little devil says raising his eyebrows.
"Making scenes is normal for you people," Sasuke says obviously scandalized by my nonchalant voice.
"Yes unless you haven't noticed it's barely been two days and we've been arrested and more than likely kicked out of a hotel, and none of my staff seems to be put off by this. Sasuke welcome to hell, they've accepted you as part of the staff and their not ones to let go easily," I say smiling at his dumbfounded expression.
I can hear him mutter about 'escapees from the loony bin' as he slams the door to his room shut making me laugh; he had no idea what he had signed up for it almost made me feel bad for the guy he had been raised properly.
"You'll know for sure when Gaara gives you a nickname and begins to make daily threats on your life; oh and the shoot starts in five hours don't be late," I yell.
"Just get in the room and for once in your life just be quite," Shika says lazily dragging Temari behind him.
"What happened are we going to have to pack up," I ask innocently so that he will hopefully forget that this whole mess was sort of my fault.
"I haven't forgotten this whole mess is entirely your fault," He says glaring at me and still restraining Temari who was attempting to break lose from him.
"Shika baby come on let me go I promise you I'm in complete control," Temari says sweetly, she gives Shika her refined puppy dog eyes, and I was glad I wasn't holding her because I would have let her go as soon as she pinned me with those eyes.
"Stop trying to kill cops, and you go get Gaara before he gets himself arrested and make sure you don't get in his way he's been looking for a reason to punch you ever since the airport security confiscated his camera," Shika said pulling Temari down into the bed.
"Why do I always have to bail your brother out I mean god why can't he be normal and none psycho," I say pulling the door open and banging it shut.
"Photo shoot in four hours don't you forget and don't you dare get a black eye because I'll murder you," I hear Temari say.
"Moron was that yelling I heard… where you going," Sasuke says opening the door.
"You are coming with me," I say dragging a puzzled Sasuke by the hand towards the elevator, I don't relinquish me hold on his hand until we both hear the elevator doors opening, and Sakura exits followed closely by her two fly… best friends."
We are so not enjoying this; his hand doesn't feel like it's been made specifically for us, his hand is big and ugly. Who are you kidding this is the most action you have gotten in a few months and you are relishing it.
"Oh Sasuke fancy meeting you here," She says apparently forgetting that she is checked into the same hotel as him.
"Right well I have to go save some unlucky tourist from the evil clutches of my crazy photographer see you later," I say shaking my hand out, I can swear I can still feel the warmth of Sasuke's hand.
"I'll accompany you," Neji says entering stepping into the elevator before it closes, I watch him wearily because I can see Sakura and Sai's confused stares, and Sasuke glare directed mostly at Sakura's hand and Neji.
All was going well in the quite elevator ride until I saw Neji push the stop button on the elevator. I turn and look at him confused and might I say a little bit scared the guy is still bigger and taller than me.
"Uh I really need to get down to the lobby…"
"Do you think I'm good looking Naruto?" He asks in a strangely monotone voice, all that I can think in my head is:
Oh hells no, please tell me he is not hitting on me. I swear if he begins to talk about how much he loved me in high school there is no living force on earth that will stop me from…
"God please don't tell me you're hitting on me," I say banging my head into the wall harshly.
"No. It's just I kissed this person yesterday and well he didn't respond to well, in fact he threatened my life if I ever did that again. You are the only one I can talk to I can't even trust my own friends with this." He said looking at me but my mind is already reeling.
Did that thang touch Sasuke? He don't know me I'll tear this place up, I shot 50 cent.
"I didn't really shoot 50 cent," I say defensively. I can tell by his face that that was not the question he had asked.
"Ok… uh that's… nice. What about what I just asked you about him," He says irritated that I'm not worrying about his problems.
"Well just give this person some space," I say trying to figure out who it might be. I push the button to make the elevator move again. I watch Neji intently waiting for his response.
"How do you avoid someone in a photo shoot," He says sarcastically. My response to his answer was cut off by the opening of elevator doors. As I'm about to walk out Neji cuts me off. I glare at his shoulder intently, completely ignorant to the rage of my photographer.
"You," is the only thing I hear before I feel a fist connect to my face. Neji had decided to duck so Gaara wouldn't hit him.
"Son of a bitch he punched him," I hear Temari say as she exits the other elevator. I smile brightly because Neji isn't interested in Sasuke, he likes Gaara.
Poor Neji.
"Fairy boy help me move this idiot," Gaara says to Sasuke.
"Welcome to hell," I say smiling wickedly at him when he comes to stand next to me.
"Susan I was kind of counting on you having some reflexes to move out of the way," Gaara says glaring at me like I punched him.
"How the hell did you expect me to see anything over that giant back," I say wincing as cold bag of ice is placed on my eye which is slowly starting to swell.
Naruto has horrible reflexes, well actually no reflexes at all," Iruka says smiling at Gaara like he just did the best thing in the world. Gaara turns to look at me.
"None sense he was just distracted look," I look up and see his fist once more flying towards my face but I just sit there not moving.
"Now Gaara behave you don't want to leave him completely unrecognizable," Kakashi says stopping Gaara's fist from actually connecting with my face. Gaara looks at Kakashi and simply nods in agreement but he glares at me. Again like I was the one trying to punch him.
"Does this mean he won't be able to do the lead in the campaign," Sakura says sounding disappointed, but I can tell by the glint in her eyes that she is hoping its true.
"Susana will be doing the shoot, I however will have to add even more photo shopping to her pictures than normal," He says, pressing the ice bag harshly on my face. I turn to look at Shika who seems to be once again restraining Temari. I really don't know who she wants to kill me or Gaara but either way I feel its time to organize the troops and prepare for the shoot.
"Everyone, go and get ready for the shoot," Kakashi says completely stealing my line.
"Fairy boy stay out of my way or I will have to murder you in your sleep," Gaara says pushing Sasuke out of the way. Instead of arguing with Gaara Sasuke turns to look at me questioningly, I nod confirming the fact that he has been initiated into Suzuki Fashion. I can't help but notice that he looks rather scared at this.
Well no photo shoot but a little hand holding. I promise they will begin to move along faster now that I have taken care of the cop. That sounded like I killed a cop which I didn't I just killed him off socially, in my story.