I know, I know. I'm SO SORRY for the long wait. I've had a lot of work to do and both grandparents have been in the hospital. I've been super busy and I am sorry.

As they reached the hotel room, Olivia walked in and collapsed gently on the bed. Amanda came in behind her, throwing both of their empty coffee cups in the small trash can and putting the bag of magazines and newspapers on the floor beside the night stand.

The bed felt nice underneath Olivia. She was tired, which said a lot about her body's current state. Usually she could go all day but since her various injuries, her body was giving up much quicker than normal.

The brunette took a deep breath and pushed herself up on her good arm, reaching for the pill bottle on the night stand.

She was going for the codeine. It was a pain pill that her doctor had prescribed for her. Normally, Olivia would shy away from excepting pain meds in pill form but she actually needed this one. It would help with the pain her ribs were giving her along with her broken wrist. Sometimes her head hurt from the concussion but she found most of her pain came from her bruised and broken bones.

The doctor had explained that it could take anywhere from three to six weeks for her ribs to heal. Olivia thought that was a very wide time gap but the doctor had helped her understand that ribs are different and each person heals differently. It was guaranteed that she'd have her cast on for at least six weeks though. This greatly annoyed her. Six weeks of having to wrap her cast up just to shower. And showers were something she craved right now.

There was no set amount of pain pills or a certain time that she was supposed to take them. He'd told her it depended on the amount of pain she was in as to whether she should take one or two pills, and that as long as she didn't go over the max number of pills to be taken in one day, she'd be fine.

She thought her current pain was a 'one pill' type of pain so she popped one in her mouth and swallowed, not having the energy to fetch a drink from the fridge. They almost reminded her of the pills Lewis had shoved down her throat but they weren't the same, they didn't look the same or taste the same, and that was the only thing that helped her not gag when she swallowed them.

Amanda had watched her girlfriend take the meds, understanding the older woman would soon be in some sort of high, or either fast asleep.

The blonde took her time searching for clothing in her bag. It was nearing late afternoon now. When she finally found the attire she was looking for, she spoke to Olivia.

The brunette was laying in the middle of the bed on her stomach, in the most comfortable way possible for her ribs. She hadn't even bothered to take her shoes off.

"Liv," Amanda called out lightly, walking around to stand in the direction that Olivia's head was facing so she could see the woman.

"Mmhmm…" Olivia answered as her drug induced stated kicked in. Her eyes remained shut.

The younger woman smiled lightly.

"There's a meeting tonight…" Amanda stated, referring to her gambling. "I'd like to go…"

"Kay…" Olivia replied, slowly beginning to drag her body up with her elbows so she could put her head on a pillow.

"I'm gonna jump in the shower then I need to leave." Amanda tried again.

Olivia didn't answer.

"Olivia?" she tried again.

"Yeah…" the brunette replied, eyes still closed.

Amanda huffed. She should have said something sooner, before the meds kicked in. Now Olivia wasn't going to remember this conversation and she didn't need to be left alone.

Amanda took her clothes to the bathroom and showered. She needed to go to this meeting, she really did. It was something she couldn't miss. This whole thing with Olivia had really been difficult on her. She wanted to gamble. Her hands were itching to spend some money.

She was even contemplating seeing her therapist again. She had finally been able to stop for a little bit. She was doing great before all of this happened. Now, she just felt broken but she knew it was nothing compared to what Olivia was feeling. Amanda felt like she'd failed Olivia when she slipped up. Her attachment to Olivia was truly starting to scare her.

The blonde felt so many feelings towards Olivia. Sure, they'd said "I love you" before but that was when they were friends and they had both meant it as friends. Neither woman was fond of the 'L' word. Especially in that context and not the friendly one. It was something Amanda didn't want to think about right now. Both women had been through a lot in their lifetime so far.

Amanda let the hot water wash over her, trying to do anything but worry about the brunette passed out on the bed in the next room.

…

Olivia woke with a startle. She shot straight up in bed, which hurt significantly with her current injuries. The older woman was covered in sweat. She noticed that in her sleep, she must have managed to roll over on her back because she remembered gently face planting into the bed that afternoon. Olivia also noticed that her shoes had been removed and a blanket had been draped over her lower half.

Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a figure coming near her. The room was dark except for the small night light.

Her hand went instantly to her hip, forgetting she no longer carried a gun and badge. At least not right now. Her badge hadn't been taken from her but it was in evidence. Lewis had covered it in her own blood. At one point, Olivia had thought he was going to heat it up and burn her with it but he must have known out of all the scars she'd gain, that one would have been the one she'd wear proudly.

The figure moved cautiously towards her and she jumped, like a small child. She had no weapon, no defense. Her ears were ringing.

"Olivia," the voice called calmly.

She slammed her eyes shut and covered her face with her hands, hoping she was stuck in some twisted nightmare that she would wake up from any moment.

"Olivia," the voice said again. She could tell it was getting closer. Her face was now graced with hot tears.

"Olivia… It's Fin…" The voice called and she finally recognized it.

She slowly lowered hands, carful of her casted wrist.

The brunette registered Fin's face as he reached the edge of the bed. He was approaching her with caution. Clearly, he realized she hadn't been fully aware of what was going on.

"Baby girl, it's just me…" he whispered to her.

Olivia wiped her face the best she could.

"Why are you here?" she questioned him, her voice still uneven. "Where is Amanda?" Olivia asked, looking around and not being able to spot her girlfriend. She was trying to distract him from her mini meltdown but she was also truly concerned at why Amanda suddenly wasn't with her anymore.

Fin looked at her with concern as he cautiously sat down on the bed facing her. "She went to a meeting. She tried to tell you she was going but you were too doped up… she knew you wouldn't have registered it so she called me to be with you…"

"Okay…" Olivia believed him. She knew the pills could make her high and out of it.

She bit her bottom lip while she decided what to do next. She was going to opt for a shower, which was believable right now. He wouldn't think she needed a shower because of her assault, he'd think she needed a shower because she had been sweating in her sleep. Either way, a shower was needed.

"I um… I'm gonna take a shower." She told him as glanced at the clock. It was around eight pm so of course it'd be dark out. Fin probably hadn't turned on a light because he hadn't wanted to interrupt her sleep. Sleep was something she was having trouble with, everyone knew it.

"Hey," he called to her lightly as she started to get up. Olivia stopped and looked at him. "You okay?" he asked her, not wanting to push her but needing to show her support all in the same.

"Yeah," she told him, giving him a fake smile. "Just lost my bearings for a minute. I'm good now…"

"Aight…" Fin eyed her, not believing her for a minute but letting it slide. He wasn't gonna force her to talk if she didn't want to.

The truth was, Olivia had a lot on her mind. When she took the pills, she didn't dream but that didn't stop her from coming back to reality when she woke up. PTSD was a bitch and it made her moody.

Olivia headed into the bathroom and took a few minutes to wrap her cast up. It was a ritual that she was getting used to now.

Stepping under the hot water, she began to cry again. She didn't know why really. Maybe it was because she'd just almost had a panic attack for the second time today or maybe it was the fact that this was just beginning of her new journey and she was already tired of traveling it.

She didn't shower too long because she didn't want to concern Fin. There was no doubt in her mind that he wouldn't hesitate to come into the bathroom to her if he thought something was wrong.

She kept extra sweats in the bathroom now for when she needed these spontaneous showers. They were in the second drawer by the sink. She would be here for at least a month, might as well make herself at home.

Olivia put some ointment on her burns and wrapped her hair in a towel as she headed back into the bedroom in her sweats.

"No way," she told Fin sternly.

"What?" Fin looked at her as if he was innocent.

"No way in hell are we watching Pimp My Ride re-runs… change it." She instructed sternly. Fin was layed out on the couch, remote in hand.

"I was only watching it while you were in the shower, Liv." He told her.

"Right..." She didn't believe him because she knew better.

Olivia went and picked up the bag of magazines and papers that Amanda had gotten earlier. Sitting on the bed, she began going through them and organizing them as Fin channel surfed.

The brunette was surprised to find that not one newspaper or tabloid said anything bad about her. A few even called her a hero but she didn't want that title, she'd never wanted it. About half the magazines believed she beat Lewis while he was cuffed, the other half believed the story she fed to 1PP and IAB. Clearly, the department had a leak if they already knew this much of the story but she wasn't surprised. There was always a leak somewhere and it would get out eventually because when it went to trial, it'd be public record.

Ugh, the trial. She didn't even want to think about the trial. Olivia gathered all the magazines and papers and threw them back into the bag. There were a few magazines that Amanda had clearly picked up just for fun but Olivia would read them later.

She laid back on the bed, taking the towel away from her hair and throwing it towards the bathroom, getting comfy. Fin had landed on an episode of some singing show. She didn't think either one of them knew much about it but it did distract from the current situation at hand.

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

Olivia's eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"You gave Amanda your key, right? And got another copy from down stairs?" she asked.

"Yep," Fin answered, hopping up to check the door, his hand on his gun at his hip out of habit.

Once he looked through the peephole, he glanced back at Olivia with a smile before opening the door wide.

"Pizza's here!" Nick announced as he walked through the door carrying two large pizzas. Behind him, Munch walked in carrying three large two-liter cokes in a bag, paper plates, and some red solo cups.

Olivia's face lit up. She'd totally forgotten that she hadn't had much to eat today. Her stomach must be hungry but Olivia had completely ignored it.

"Guys…" she gushed over them, standing up as quickly as her injuries would allow her.

Nick sat the pizzas down on the small table she had and walked over to her. He didn't initiate the hug, he knew she was reeling with PTSD so he waited until she put her arms around him first.

"I miss my partner…" He whispered in her ear.

She pulled back and smiled at him.

"I'll be back before you know it. Two months will fly by." She promised him, although she was still debating exactly how long she'd take leave. Officially the department gave her two months but she could take more if she wanted.

Nick turned around and walked back over to the table where Munch had sat down the pizza necessities.

"Hey," Much called to her, walking over. "Where's my hug?" He asked jokingly but she knew what he was doing. John Munch was being cautious with her, giving her an option to continue the joke and turn him down if she didn't want to be touched but she didn't mind and threw her arms around his neck, mindful of her cast.

"I love you, John Munch…" She whispered in his ear and his grip around her tightened slightly. He'd never admit it but he'd been scared shitless when she was taken.

He pulled back, his hands lingering on her shoulders. "The feeling's mutual…" They smiled at each other. They were both becoming a bit misty eyed. This was the first-time John had really seen her since she was rescued. He hadn't come to the hospital. He couldn't. First of all, he was busy holding down the fort while Cragen took care of everything outside the one-six. And second of all, it would have been too much for the older man.

"Amaro, I swear if that pizza has goddamned pineapples on it…" Fin started in and Olivia let out a laugh.

She loved them, all of them. They were her guys, her team. They had her back. She had clearly needed to be surrounded by people she loved right now and by people who loved her. They'd come to her rescue. Olivia didn't know if Fin had called them while she was showering or if they'd decided to come on their own but either way, she loved them for it.

"Only on one of them…" Nick replied with a smile but Fin didn't look impressed.

Fin poured them all drinks and handed them out, telling Olivia to take her spot back on the bed and that they'd bring the food to her.

Nick and Munch got the plates, passing the pizza out. Nick tried to give Fin a piece of pineapple pizza on purpose which caused Fin to shudder and stick out his tongue.

Olivia let everyone know that she had a stash of paper towels by the mini fridge that would come in handy.

Fin and Munch took seats on the couch while Olivia took one side of the bed, sitting Indian style as comfortably as she could, and instructed nick to sit on the other side.

They all enjoyed their pizza and glanced at the TV from time to time.

"So Olivia," Munch started, looking at her over his glasses. "How are things between you and the blonde?" He asked, raising his eyebrows up and down a few times.

"Oh God…" Olivia whined, putting her face in her hand that wasn't attached to the cast.

He was picking at her, they all knew it. It was custom to give the one who was in a new relationship a hard time. Only Amanda and Olivia's relationship wasn't new, it just so happened that it was new to everyone else.

"Does everyone in the one-six know?" Olivia asked lightly.

Munch smiled, Fin gave her a look, and Nick shrugged his shoulders as he continued to eat his pizza and stare at the TV.

"Cragen knows too…" Nick piped up finally, looking at her. Nick had been with their captain when he discovered the pictures of the women together and the notes they'd written each other.

"I'm aware…" she told him before she took another bite of pizza.

Nick reached over on the night stand to retrieve his coke for a sip before continuing.

"He say something to you about it?" Nick asked. Olivia didn't fail to notice that Fin and Munch's ears had perked up, they were listening intently to the conversation.

"We talked a bit…" Olivia replied, looking in Fin and Munch's direction, acknowledging that she knew they were keeping up with the conversation. "He's gonna turn the other cheek it seems…"

She wasn't going to mention him getting rid of evidence. She probably didn't have to, they were a tight squad. If she had to guess, she'd say they already knew what the captain had done for her.

"That's good…" Fin commented, taking a bite of his pizza. He knew the last thing Olivia needed right now was another headache from 1PP.

"Yeah…" Olivia took a deep breath and sighed as her next sentence left her mouth. "And Ed Tucker has decided to look the other way as well…"

A choking noise came from Fin. He was probably choking on his pizza because of the comment she'd just made about Tucker. Nick and John looked at her in surprise.

"What?" Fin asked. Even though he was the only one who'd choked on food, it somehow seemed that he was also the only one who was currently able to form a sentence.

All that was left on Olivia's plate was pizza crusts and she didn't eat those so she pushed her plate to the end of the bed out of her way.

"I accidentally outted myself and Amanda to him today when I saw him at Starbucks…" Olivia stated.

"Oh shit…" was Fin's reply.

"Yeah…" She told him in a huff. "Then I had a panic attack and oddly enough, he knew what to do and tried to help me calm down…" Olivia made a confused face. It still surprised her at how Tucker had acted earlier.

"You okay?" Nick asked.

"Yeah… I'm fine…" She replied but it was her usual answer.

"Is Amanda okay?" Munch spoke up.

"I think so… she seemed okay. She was more worried about me than him but I don't know if she was putting on a show or not…" Olivia told the three men.

"I don't trust him…" Nick told her firmly.

"I usually don't either…" she replied. "But he said some things to me today, things that I never pictured Tucker saying… he showed emotions that I didn't know he had…" She trailed off, thinking back to her run-in with him. "Anyways… we both agreed that the conversation never happened, so none of this leaves this room…" She said sternly.

All men nodded. They all knew how to keep a secret.

They settled back into watching the TV show.

Soon enough, Amanda made her appearance.

Olivia hear the younger woman slide her room key in the door before she came in.

Amanda opened the door and shut it behind her. Turning around, she found four pairs of eyes focused on her.

"Hi…" Olivia said softly.

"Umm…" Amanda stuttered as she gazed around the room at everyone. She had expected Fin to still be there maybe, if Olivia hadn't woken up and sent him on her way, but she never expected the whole squad.

"We brought your girlfriend pizza… it's over on the table if you want a slice…" John told her half joking around. He was trying to lighten the mood but it didn't work very well.

Amanda swallowed hard and cocked her head to the side, giving them a questioning look. Olivia could read her so well.

"They all know, Amanda…" Olivia told the woman gently, contemplating whether she should get off the bed and make her way to the younger woman or not.

Amanda had told the brunette earlier that she didn't care who she'd outted them to, that she didn't care about her job and had only cared about Olivia, and that was true. But she didn't expect it to hit her this hard. It scared her. The possibility of their reactions scared her. Amanda had wanted everyone to find out later, way later, after the trial and after the Lewis stuff was partially behind them.

"Everyone?" the blonde asked in a whispered, backing herself against the door behind her.

"Cragen knows too…" John added.

"Munch…" Olivia called to him, signaling him to stay quiet. She sensed Amanda wasn't okay with this.

"Oh God," Amanda put her hand over her mouth and her eyes instantly watered. She wasn't ready for him to find out about them, not yet. She had needed time to prepare. The man had been like a friendly father figure to her. He'd gotten her into meetings, he hadn't let her spiral. "You already told him?" Amanda asked directly towards Olivia. "Did you tell them I relapsed too?" she asked almost accusingly.

John took it upon himself to defend Olivia. "We found the photos and notes in the apartment… It wasn't that hard to figure out…" but it only added more to Amanda's wound.

"Munch!" Olivia stated sternly, letting him know that if he said more, there'd be hell to pay from her. She didn't want Amanda feeling attacked.

"Wait, you relapsed?" Nick asked softly.

"Nick!" Olivia said quickly, whipping her head to her right.

"Oh fuck…" Amanda whispered, running a hand through her hair as she realized her mistake.

"Guys, come on…" Olivia gave the warning strongly.

Amanda closed her eyes briefly before turning around and opening the door to leave.

"Amanda!" Olivia called out, wincing as she hurriedly got off the bed and headed towards the blonde.

"We weren't trying to be rude…" Munch told her lightly but she already knew that.

She cast Munch and Nick an annoyed look as she walked towards the door that was quickly closing behind her girlfriend. She wasn't upset with them, they hadn't meant any harm and they probably hadn't known how frail Amanda currently was with everything going on.

"Thanks for the help…" she mumbled to Fin as she passed by him. He threw his hands up in defense.

"I'm partnered with her… I aint sayin' anything that's gonna get my ass in hot water with her when she comes back from her vacation days…" Fin explained. Olivia cast him an unimpressed look as she walked out of the room.

"Hey…" Olivia tried to call out to Amanda who was halfway down the hall by now. "Amanda, stop!" she half yelled but the blonde wasn't slowing down.

"I can't chase after you… not with my injuries…" Olivia said softly and that did the trick. Amanda stopped dead in her tracks.

The blonde turned around, looking to Olivia. There were tear marks down her face. So that's why she had fled the room. She hadn't wanted to guys to see her cry.

"Oh, baby…" Olivia called softly as she finally caught up with the younger woman. "What's wrong? What's going on?" The brunette asked.

Amanda shook her head lightly and wiped her face with her sleeves.

"It's just a lot…" Amanda replied.

Olivia placed her non-casted hand on Amanda's left shoulder.

"They support us… you gotta know that. Even if they didn't, it'd be okay…" Olivia tried, vaguely aware that they were standing in the middle of the hotel hallway and that someone could come down the hall at any moment.

"You're telling me Cragen supports this?" Amanda asked, gesturing between the two of them.

"Of course he does, he'll support me in whatever I do. That goes for you too." Olivia told her, pulling her in for a soft hug, being careful of her cast and ribs. "He supports us, but on paper, he doesn't know about us… he did some things for me with the case, with the pictures and evidence… or lack thereof…" Olivia said.

Amanda nodded. She kind of got what Olivia was saying but she didn't really care to have her clarify it. She was focused on being out to the entire squad. She hated that phrase "coming out". Amanda wasn't even sure if she qualified as a lesbian. Maybe bisexual? Maybe pansexual? She didn't know and she didn't really care about that either. All she knew is that her feeling for Olivia were real.

The brunette held her girlfriend tightly.

After a few seconds, Amanda pulled back.

"I need to go…" She told Olivia.

"No, you don't." Olivia replied quickly and firmly.

"I do… you go hang out with the guys. I'm gonna go for a run… maybe hit up another meeting."

"No." Olivia stated. She was scared now. She didn't like the thought of Amanda leaving, not when Amanda had just freaked out.

"Yes," Amanda replied.

"Babe… don't do this…" Olivia whispered to the younger woman.

"I'm not doing anything." Amanda promised with a small smile, linking her hands with Olivia's. "I'm going to go take a breather. I can't walk back into that room, not right now."

"I'll make them leave." Olivia told her.

"No," Amanda stated. "You're going to go back in there and enjoy your time with them. I am going to get myself and my thoughts together." She told Olivia firmly, giving the older woman's hands a squeeze. "I need to process this… you gotta remember the last time something got out about my personal life, it was my sexual assault with Patton and my last squad tore me apart. It's why I moved here… I know the guys aren't like that but… I just need some time, okay?" Amanda did her best to explain her feelings to her girlfriend.

Olivia was now getting misty eyed.

"Come back to me?" she whispered in question.

"Always," Amanda replied. Olivia leaned in to kiss the younger woman. It was a nice gentle kiss that lasted a few moments, still no tongue though.

"I'm going to come back later on tonight, I promise." The blonde told her.

Olivia huffed. She had no choice but to let Amanda go. The woman needed to be alone and Olivia had to let her. There would be times when Olivia needed alone time as well and she would have to trust Amanda to do the same for her.

The brunette leaned in once more, kissing Amanda's forehead before letting her go and watching her head towards the elevators.

Olivia gave her a sad smile and she stood and waited for her girlfriend to board the elevator.

The older woman didn't start back towards her hotel door until Amanda was gone.

Once Olivia arrived at the door, she cursed herself because she realized she'd locked herself out. Grabbing her room key hadn't even occurred to her when she had chased after the blonde.

Olivia sighed as she knocked on her own door.

"Guys… I need you to let me back in… I locked myself out…" she told them. Olivia heard feet shuffling and someone coming to the door but it didn't immediately open.

"What's the password?" Fin asked through the door. She could hear all three of the men snickering and she rolled her eyes. They were like children sometimes.

Olivia propped her good hand up on her hip.

"Odafin Tutuola," she started, her voice strong. "If you don't open this door, I'm gonna tell the guys how you brought me one of Amanda's thongs to wear." But it didn't matter, she said it loud enough so that they could all here her.

Loud laughter erupted from somewhere inside the room as Fin quickly opened the door. His lips were pressed in a thin line and he gave her an unimpressed look.

"That aint cool…" he replied lowly. Olivia smiled at him as she walked through the door, enjoying his embarrassment.

I'm sorry I changed the story up and made a new one. I needed to fix it though, it was bothering me pretty badly and distracting me from writing. Please don't hate me.