Jacob had been in the pool for the past twenty minutes and he had come to one inescapable conclusion: the backfloat sucked. It was pointless. It was boring. It allowed for way too much time for a person to think, which was something that Jacob would rather avoid if possible.
Could he have made a bigger ass of himself? The first person in his twenty-two of life that he had feelings for, and he told her he wished he never met her. Well, technically he had said "a part of him" wished he'd never met her, but he doubted Liz appreciated the distinction. True it may have been, but stupid it must certainly was. Would have omitting it really have been so wrong?
Even in his youth Jacob had been goal-oriented. He wanted food. In order to get food, he needed money. He'd used whatever method was most practical to achieve his objective. This frequently meant doing something "wrong" like picking a pocket, or stealing a car, but he'd never lost a moment's sleep over it.
Having decided that he wanted Liz, the same philosophy should have applied. It wasn't like Jacob had never pursued a girl before. He knew the tactics, he knew the right things to say. Then again, given that Liz had sat through the same course he had, she might have called bullshit on him. Still, he hadn't needed to be quite so honest. Or maybe he had. Liz's mere presence did have the unsettling ability to coax the truth out of him.
"Can we talk for a second?" Jacob shot up to a standing position, and spun around, his eyes locking on Liz. She was sitting on the edge of the pool, her feet bare and dangling in the water.
"Sure." Jacob waded over to the wall and pushed himself up out of the pool. He turned himself around so that he was sitting next to her, with about a foot of space between them. He couldn't make heads or tails of her body language. Liz wasn't looking at him, but instead gazing across the empty pool with a distant expression on her face.
"I was ready to die the day we met. I was disgusted with myself, with what I had allowed myself to become. Killing Morris seemed like the perfect way out." Liz fell silent as though she wasn't sure how to continue. Jacob decided to prompt her along.
"And I stopped you." If he hadn't been passing the room at the exact moment he had, Liz would had died that day. Even Jacob had to admit that was a hell of a coincidence. He be tempted to attribute it to fate, if he were the type to believe in that sort of thing.
"Yes, you did. You told me I had a choice. You gave me the opportunity to fight for my life. You made me realise that I want to live. I still do." Jacob's heart sank. Liz had only come here to explain why she couldn't be with him. It was too dangerous. The logical part of his mind knew that and couldn't fault her for it. It didn't stop the wave of disappointment from sweeping through him.
"I understand." He couldn't look at her, not if there was the smallest chance she'd glimpse the emptiness he felt within himself. He felt abandoned, despite the fact that Liz was sitting exactly where she had been a minute ago. That foot of space between them might as well have been a mile. He couldn't touch her. He would never be be allowed to touch her again. Was this what people meant when they said they were lonely? Suddenly he felt warmth, unexpected, but welcome on his right hand. He turned and saw Liz had put her fingers over his. What was she doing?
"No, you don't. I want to live. Not survive. Live." Liz's perplexing statement forced Jacob to finally raise his eyes to hers.
"Is there a difference?" Instead of answering Liz tentatively leaned forward, her eyes on his lips. Unable to resist, he eagerly leaned into the kiss. It was just as he'd remembered it. The world dissolved into a haze of unimportant white noise and Liz came into sharp focus. If he lived a hundred years he'd never forget the sensation of her lips against his. He would be able to recount exactly every shade of blue in her eyes. Finally Liz pulled away smiling at him.
"Did you feel that?" He knew she didn't mean the blood pounding in his veins, or the softness of her lips. She was talking about a feeling that ran deeper, beyond the physical. Jacob closed his eyes, searching for something, anything that might qualify. Something had changed, and it took him a moment to identify. He felt still. Where once there'd been the itch, the urge to keep moving, he felt still. Liz was his anchor. When he was next to her, there was no where else he wanted to be.
"Yes." Liz's smile broadened.
"That's the difference. Tomorrow is never a guarantee, not for normal people and certainly not for us. I would rather die going after something that I want than survive, because I was too chicken-shit to try." She was right, risk had always been a part of his life. Leaving the foster home, coming to St. Regis, every mission he'd ever been on, he'd been calculating danger, more often than not life or death. In every situation Jacob had always run toward the path with the potential of the best future. Now Liz was doing the same thing, weighing her possible futures. By some miracle, she thought her best choice might be with him.
"And what do you want Liz?" They were inches apart, but he couldn't close the gap, not until knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt. He needed to hear her say it.
"You." The single word banished any lingering hesitation and his lips locked with hers. She had chosen him and he was going to make damn sure she never had reason to regret it.
Sorry the chapter was so short, but originally this was part of last chapter, but then that one felt too long…. The next installment will be longer I promise. Thanks to everyone who has been leaving reviews, they always make my day. AnonAuthorA asked a question for me about Liz's and Jacob's ages. At this point it is April 2002, and Liz recently turned 18. Jacob is 22. He graduated from the school at 16 and has been in the field for six years. Thanks for reading and please stay tuned!