Words She'll Never Say

The halls were stark and challenging. There was no comfort here. Sam didn't understand how plaster could seem so cold compared to concrete, but as she made her way through Area 51, keeping pace with her guide; she couldn't help but feel out of place. The concrete tunnels of the SGC were home to her, she realized this now more than ever. A few stray glances caught her eyes, but for the most part the scientists and military personnel didn't even seem to notice her presence.

It had been a good seven minute walk before they turned the final corner. She almost walked on the young lieutenant's heels when he stopped abruptly in front of a door. "This is the General's office ma'am. He's waiting inside."

Sam read the name plate on the door. General McConnell. "Thank you Lieutenant." Sam nodded as she knocked on the door, hoping he would leave before she was summoned in. No such luck.

"Come." Came the voice from inside. It was less than inviting. Even for a military call.

Sam reached for the door handle and opened it with confidence that wasn't really there.

"Thank you, David." The General stated, still staring down at the papers before him.

"General." Sam didn't have to turn to hear the Lieutenant finally walk away just before the door shut behind her.

"Sir, Major Carter reporting as ordered." She gave a salute.

General McConnell reached for another folder and pulled it in front of him. He'd yet to look at Sam. "Major Samantha Carter." He stated plainly. "I always wondered if we'd get you out here. Seeing as half of the requests that pass my desk mention your involvement in the original diagnostics, testing, or discovery of whatever godforsaken object or project these people want to work on."

Sam didn't know how to respond, or if she was supposed to for that matter.

"So, Major. Would you like to tell me why you're here? Or would you rather hear the official report that I received? Either way, I'm pretty sure it's going to be rather… dramatic." His steely gaze finally lifted towards her own.

"How so, General?" Sam cocked her head to the side. His tone was enough to push her buttons, especially with the words being said with it. Her promise to herself to suck it up no matter what was quickly washed away as her fears became recognized. There would be no mercy. Her eyes challenged him to continue.

"I'll take that as my queue then." He leaned back in his chair, never offering her a seat in return. "According to the information sent to me, you've been charged with behavior unbecoming of an officer…regulations offense of the highest degree, especially in your line of work, Major."

"Sir, if you've read the report then you know that those charges were questionable in the very least. I was never formally charged with anything. This is all based on fabrications."

"And yet, here you are."

"Sir?"

"Major, I don't care what the papers say. You wouldn't be here if they didn't think you were guilty of something. So as far as those in charge are concerned, you are guilty. And everyone you run into on this base is going to think that very same thing."

"Sir, with all due respect…"

"No, with all due respect…Major! I'm not telling you this to hear myself speak. And I'm not trying to remind you of what you're being accused of. I'm trying to make you understand that you're not at the SGC. You aren't going to have any friends here to side with you. Rumors are like a disease on a military base. And there is no vaccine on this one. I can assure you that every person who will be under your command will be giving you their full respect, and their full cooperation. But I can also assure you that with every glance they make, they'll be wondering exactly how long you and your dear colonel were breaking regulations back at the SGC."

Sam's nostrils flaired. "We DIDN'T break any regulations, SIR."

"I never said you did." McConnell picked up a folder from his messy pile and walked around his desk towards Sam. "In fact, I'm almost positive that you didn't."

Sam lost control of her tongue as she took in what he had said. "Sir?"

"I don't care how important the Stargate Program is, Major Carter. But if something had happened between you and Colonel O'Neill, then something else would be going down entirely. Instead of discharging one of you, or demotion, or even a clear mark on your records as to what happened, it's come down to this. Apparently SG-1 pissed off the wrong people. And from what I've read, it was probably for doing the right thing."

Sam bit back her words. She had been flabbergasted in her life only a few times, but this added to the number for sure. General McConnell had started out as her new seeming enemy, but he was suddenly on her side. There had to be a catch.

"Here are your new orders Major. There's a team waiting for you in your lab. David will take you there. Dismissed."

Sam stepped forward and retrieved the newest folder that had been pulled from the stack on the general's desk. As soon as she took it, McConnell was back to his paperwork. Not another spoken word would pass between them for some time.

Four weeks had passed in Colorado Springs since Sam Carter had left the population. It wasn't unusual for her to be gone for long periods of time. But usually that was because she was off world, saving the galaxy. Now she was gone for good, to a top secret military base that was anything like the top secret one she had worked at for the better part of eight years.

Rodney McKay was the new science expert of SG-1, and no one was taking it lightly. Especially not Jack O'Neill.

"Where is he?"

"Who?"

"The Pillsbury Doughboy, Daniel. Who do you think I'm talking about?" Jack's irritation had become his dominant feature over the past weeks, and Daniel didn't even cringe at his raised voice.

Daniel did sigh though. "McKay said he had to get some equipment from his lab. A laptop or something."

"And that takes how long exactly?" Jack grumbled.

"It takes as long as it will take O'Neill." Teal'c interjected. At the Jaffa's own utterance of irritation, Jack clamped his mouth shut and shifted his attention to the gate. He wasn't sure how much longer he could take it.

"I'm here!" Rodney shouted before huffing and puffing his way towards the ramp base.

"Dial it up Walter!" Jack hollered.

"Yes, Sir." Came the amplified response.

The wormhole formed, and the four men made their way up the ramp, Jack and Teal'c, followed by Rodney and Daniel.

"You know McKay, you really are going to have to pick up the pace. Colonel O'Neill doesn't like waiting when we have a deadline." Daniel remarked a few feet from the event horizon.

Jack and Teal'c disappeared before them, into the shimmering miracle.

"I would have been on time, if someone hadn't stopped me." Rodney's tone changed suddenly. It became a mixture of humor and hyperactivity. "One of the scientists in the lab…Ferret…Forest…Felt…something or another, anyways, he seems to have some off the wall idea as to why Major Carter was transferred to Area 51!"

The two paused before pool of light. Daniel arched his brow, ready for the latest rumor. They had done a good job of covering for Sam's removal from the program. Going so far as to create a few rumors of their own: personal reasons, family issues, need for a change of scenery, and best of all, Area 51 just couldn't hack it without her. "And what reason would that be?" Daniel didn't wait for an answer before stepping into the wormhole.

Believing only Daniel would be close enough for their conversation, McKay hopped through quickly, eager to report his absurd finding.

"He said that Sam was having an affair with…" Rodney came face to face with a very angry, very armed, Jack O'Neill.

Amazingly enough, Sam wasn't having any more luck with rumors. The only problem was that no one was talking to her face about them. She would go through the routine, day by day. Her assistants would smile their fake smiles. They would fill her coffee. There were some who were promising enough to be transferred to the field she thought. But at the same time she was growing bitter as to their words, and would begrudge them any recommendation.

Today was one of those days when it got harder for Sam to walk into her lab. She had been called to one of the weapons labs to help with an unstable power source, and was finished so quickly that the scientists left behind in her lab had no idea she would be back so soon. She heard the hurried voices of two men and paused outside the doorway to listen to what she already knew was being said.

"Surprised she's stayed."

"What are you talking about, you think she's going to quit?" The second voice replied.

"Well, maybe not quit, but…she's been here every day since she started. I'd have thought she'd have gone back to Colorado Springs, I mean at least for a weekend or something."

"Why? She doesn't seem like the type who has a family. I mean, look at the way she works around here. That's a lifestyle."

"She might not have a family, but…I'd have thought she'd have gone back to see him."

"Him?"

"You know, her boss, O'Neill."

"What the hell are you talking about?" The voice was more excited than confused. "Colonel O'Neill! SG-1?"

"Yep."

"No, seriously, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the part where Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter liked to come back from alien planets and play house."

"No way. You've been listening to those women in diagnostics again haven't you?"

"No. It's on record, if you know where to look. Major Carter got sent here because she and O'Neill were accused of having inappropriate relations. And who could blame him?"

The other man laughed a bit, no doubt nodding in admitance. "But still, you just said 'accused' that doesn't mean anything."

"Why else would she be here then?"

There was a pause, and a deep breath. "Yeah, you're right. I wonder how they got caught."

Now was the other's turn to laugh. "I can only imagine…"

Before they could see her, Sam decided to go for a coffee break; and the argument in her head rose up once more.

"There was no inappropriate relationship. Of course, you wouldn't think that the way everyone's talking. I wish they'd all just stop talking. Stop thinking about it. Thinking. That's all I ever got to do. I never did anything but think. WE never did anything but think. And here I am, hiding in the hallway, afraid to go into my own lab. They're all looking at me. Even the SFs. They're all staring at me when they think I don't know they're there. Thinking, 'she's the one'. 'That's Major Carter…O'Neill's'…Oh, screw them. Screw them all. They don't know anything. They don't know us!

"I only ever thought it. Of course I wouldn't even admit that. No point in denying that is there? Yes, there is a point. But denying that would make denying the rest pointless. If they asked the right questions, I'd have the wrong answers.

'Do you have feelings for your commanding officer?' Scratch that, former commanding officer."

'Yes.'

'For how long?'

'I'm not sure?'

"That's right Sam. Admit it. You DON'T know. How long? A year? No, more than a year. Three? Definitely longer than that. But an exact year, an exact date. You don't know that. Love. That's the key. Oh God, not that word. Not that horrible, deadly word. Love. Why has it taken so long to think of it? That word. That feeling. No, I've thought of the feeling, just not what it means. Why now? Why four weeks after I've said my goodbyes? Absence and the heart? No. Stop. Stop thinking about it Major.

"Love. Damn it.

"How long? How long have I loved him? Oh God, no. I can't think about this. I put this behind me. Let it go. Even if they won't, I've got to.

"But I've loved him for so long. I loved all of them though. The problem was when loving turned into being in love. But I'll never say it."

Sam threw her empty paper cup into the receptacle and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Those telling tears had come back again, saying what she never would.

A/N: So, I went to a Taylor Swift concert…and got some good inspiration. :D Jack's chapter about what's going on in his head is next, followed by what I like to call…OMG for short; and it's not what you think.

Hope you're still enjoying the story. Thank you to each and every one of you for your reviews. I am really happy to get so much feedback. This story is truly unlike anything I've done before, and your words help me so much. So thank you!

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