The world and most of the characters belong to Peter Jackson and Tolkien.

WARNING: A bit of harsher language in this one.

CHAPTER TEN

CROSSROADS

"It is the dawn. You must wake up."

Kili groaned and rolled over, burying his head back into the blanket to block out the noise. "Shut up."

"I will not, thank you, Master Dwarf."

Kili froze. That wasn't his brother. Or his mother. Or his uncle. Or his cousin. Or his second cousin. Or his neighbor. Or his friend. Or anyone he bloody knew. Who on earth was it then, waking him at such a wretchedly early hour?

He jerked into a sitting position, his eyes snapping open, only for his head to ram into a solid chunk of wood with a radiating "thud." "Bloody Mahal!"

To his utter irritation, he heard stifled laughter to his left. He would have looked up to glare, had he not been clutching at his splitting skull, gritting his teeth and trying to blink way a swell of dark spots. "Keep it down, would you?" piped another voice, this one actually recognizable as Gimli.

As soon as he could, Kili rolled over on his bedroll, peeling his eyes open. Though the light stung at his eyes, he made out a tall, slender figure silhouetted in the light of the already risen sun. Kili used a hand to shade his eyes to get a better look at this newcomer, grumbling, "Who're you?"

"I am to escort you to the presence of the Lady."

Kili frowned, squinting up at the elf, his thoughts still falling sluggishly. "That's what you're to do, not who you are. I asked who you are."

The elf looked a bit surprised at his insistence, but quickly reverted to a straight face. "That is an irrelevant detail."

Kili rolled his eyes. "I won't get up until you tell me."

"Natharin."

Kili flopped back onto his bedroll. "Brilliant."

"Aren't you getting up?"

Oh, this elf was going to prove quite annoying, wasn't he?

Reality had quickly come rushing back to Kili after he had been forced from his little shelter. It seemed that a good, comfortable night's sleep had left him more than a little muddled upon waking. However, it appeared to have had its benefits. His head didn't drag so much, his limbs losing a few pounds. It was nice to feel actually alive again. His companions, once they'd actually woken anyway, seemed to also have benefited from a full night of good rest, and within a quarter of the hour, they were all combed and scrubbed from a cool spring, dressed in their cleanest clothes, and being ushered up one of the great winding staircases.

Kili's pulse beat steadily with anticipation. Natharin had said he was bringing them into the presence of the Lady. Kili could only assume he was speaking of the Lady Galadriel. Kili was quite curious to get another look at her, now that he was in a better state of mind. Was it pure exhaustion that made her appear to radiate with a light more beautiful than any he'd ever imagines, and made her voice tear into him, her ageless eyes know him more than anything?

A shiver jolted up his spine. Something told him that that all hadn't just been an effect of his exhausted mind.

They were lead up to a platform, where Natharin left them, disappearing up a staircase with a muttered order to "wait here." Kili drew in his surroundings as his companions huddled together, muttering a bit between themselves. It was a beautiful day, now that the sun had risen above the horizon. Although he could only see snippets of it between the thick foliage of the treetops, it seemed the sky was clear and blue. The sunlight that did fight through was golden warm against his skin, and a cool, driving breeze kept the temperature brisk. The platform they were stood upon, was, of course, hundreds of feet off of the forest floor, and shaped round, the intricately carved staircase that Natharin had disappeared up at one end. His eyes then lit upon his companions, worriedly discussing with each other.

All of the sudden, this struck him a bit. He wasn't part of this group, worrying, planning, plotting. Since when had he become so distant from them? When had he become more their leader than their brother? When had he changed?

Bofur, who Kili's gaze had been left focused on, seemed to notice, and raised a brow, speaking over the mutters of their conversation. "Kili? What's wrong?"

Kili startled a bit at having been called out. His hesitation left Bofur's eyes going wide, his hands patting down his hat and braids. "Have I got something on my face?"

By now, the other two had turned to look at Kili, who was feeling a bit flustered under this sudden pressure. "No," Kili assured Bofur. "No, you're fine."

Bofur began stepping a bit closer, though cautiously, almost as if he was trying to approach a wild beast. Mahal, was that what Kili had become? "Good, good. So…Why, exactly were you glaring at me so?"

"Glaring?" Kili's frown returned, this time tinged with confusion. "I wasn't glaring."

"You were," Gimli corrected him.

"Just like Thorin does," Ori added with a sage nod.

Kili paled. Evidently, instead of becoming a wild beast in their eyes, he was becoming his uncle. Which was, actually, a bit worse, all things considered.

Kili shook his head, trying to smooth his face back out. "I do not frown like Thorin."

"You were just then!" Bofur explained. "Downright scary, it was. I had half—"

His eyes snapped wide in a second, to Kili's confusion, the words disappearing in his throat. The frown once again returned, and Kili looked to the others. They, too, were fixated on something over Kili's shoulder, eyes wide, hands trembling.

Realization struck him hard and he turned, seeing just what he thought he might see. The Lady Galadriel herself was at the top of the staircase, looking down at them with a slightly tilted head, as if faintly amused. Kili immediately bowed his head down, admittedly grateful that he was still able to breath upon looking at her head on, unlike the previous night. She was, of course, no less unbelievably beautiful, than before. Her dress hung long and draped, scattered with tiny white crystals that cast sparks of pure light about whenever the sunlight glanced against it. The golden silk of her hair fell down to her hips, the insistent breeze hardly having any effect on it. Her eyes, bluer than anything Kili had seen, warmed in the sunlight, proved less of a harsh piercing into Kili's heart. He found the Lady in the daytime much more bearable than in the night.

The light of the sun will always outshine any of my own light, Master Dwarf. In the night, you are not adjusted to such illumination. But now, your heart is clear. It will not burn as it did once.

Kili drew up from his bow, his eyes meeting Galadriel's. She smiled softly at him, before looking up further to see the rest of the dwarves. "Welcome."

No response came from his companions, and Kili could only assumed that that were feeling a searing light such as the first time he had seen her outside of his dreams. "It is an honor," Kili replied graciously, speaking surprisingly smoothly, considering the way his heart squeezed simply to have him looking at her.

"Many find your presence here strange," she said, not even as a question.

A chuckled huffed out of Kili, a bit of a smile tugging at his mouth as he muttered. "As do I."

Lady Galadriel smiled a bit more widely.

Kili only noticed Natharin standing behind Galadriel until he spoke up, "My Lady, if you would like to move to the meeting space…?"

Galadriel nodded a bit offhandedly, before addressing the dwarves again. "If you will discuss your journey and its future, I would have you join me."

"Of course," Kili said.

He made to follow her up the staircase, but found his companions were not following. Ori was sniffling a bit, his hands clenched in his mittens as he stared hard at the ground. Bofur tugged absently at one of his braids, a wide smile across his lips and tears gathering, unabashed in his eyes. Gimli, meanwhile, was staring unseeingly forward, a deep frown furrowing his brow.

Kili's eyes swept them over again, before he spoke. "Are you alright?"

Bofur looked up to Kili, pure joy lighting his eyes as he said in the most honest tone Kili had ever heard, "She's beautiful."

"She is," Kili said, Bofur's smile transferring to him as well.

"Her eyes," Ori began, voice shivering slightly.

"Aye," Kili finished. "They cut right through you."

Gimli still hadn't moved. Kili considered him for a moment as Ori and Bofur tried to clear the tears out of their eyes, increasingly massive grins splitting their faces. Finally, Kili said, "Go on, you two, after her. I'll bring Gim along in a moment."

A glance back at the frozen Gimli seemed to sober them a bit, but Kili gave them a nod of assurance, and they were off, Bofur nearly skipping, Ori and bumbling over his own feet after him. Kili watched them go for half a moment, before turning back to his cousin, speaking a bit more softly. "What did she say to you?"

Gimli merely shook his head slightly, his frown remaining.

Kili raised a brow. This was odd. "What did she show you?"

Finally, Gimli's head jerked up, his eyes, slightly teary, meeting Kili's. He shook his head a bit more, mouth opening and then closing as if he couldn't quite find the words to say. Kili gave him a moment, until at last, the ginger dwarf choked out, "How does she know?"

Kili frowned. That was a good question indeed. After a moment, Kili began speaking, saying, "I don't think she knows for certain. But I think she's been around long enough to have a good idea."

"Right," Gimli said, though his tone said nothing of that being true, his eyes still a bit glazed. "Of course."

Kili gave him a moment to gather himself, before slinging an arm over the shorter dwarf's shoulders, beginning to guide him towards the staircase. "Come along then."

He could feel Gimli shaking. What on earth had Galadriel said to make his usually obnoxious cousin go silent? (Perhaps Kili needed to learn this trick…)

They followed another staircase up a-ways, before they found the others. A wide, round platform had opened up, reminding him a bit of those in Rivendell. Across the platform, a gap in the trees provided a wide vista, showing a sea of trees rolling downwards from them. From this vantage point, they had to be almost at the top of the trees. The leaf cover above them was sparse, allowing a wash of dappled golden light to spread across Kili's skin. A round table stood, solitary in the center of the platform, six high backed chairs, looking to be made of white-bleached branches, placed around it. Galadriel was sat at the head of the table, in front of the vista, Natharin at her right side. Ori was seated on her left, looking shivery as a mouse, shooting nervous glances at the Lady every few seconds. Kili nudged Gimli to the seat beside Ori, before he took the only remaining one, directly across from Galadriel.

Natharin straightened in his seat as soon as Kili had sat down, turning to address Galadriel. "My Lady, if you would like to begin?"

Galadriel nodded slightly, before fixing her gaze onto Kili, who tried not to fidget. "Glorawen is not here."

A sharp sigh tugged out of his chest, his fists clenching, eyes squeezing shut. He knew that she wasn't. He had known for some time. A part of him just knew that she wasn't near. Still, disappointment stung hard at his heart.

This struck his companions as well. Ori's eyes dropped to the table, a hard frown on his face, and Kili heard Bofur mutter "Bloody brilliant," his tone, for once, not hinting at humor.

"That's it, then I—"

Natharin cut Gimli off without even looking at him, addressing Kili. "But she was, not four days ago."

Kili blinked slowly. So she was? So he was on her path? He found his words choking a bit in his throat as he lifted his eyes again. "How…how was she?"

Galadriel's gaze glinted with something akin to pity. "She is fading."

Natharin continued. "She is alive, and in fair health, but her spirit is drifting."

Just as yours is.

Heat clenched in Kili's throat at the sound of Galadriel's silent words. He wasn't just seeking answers of Gwen when he asked his next question. "Why?"

"I am not sure," Natharin answered with a frown. "It was strange. She seemed hounded almost. Chased by dreams, haunted by memories. Every time that I came to wake her, she was already awake, eyes blank and staring. It could very well be that she wasn't sleeping at all."

By the time Natharin had finished that explanation, Kili could feel that he'd gone pale, his hands shaking slightly in his lap. "Mahal…"

She is chased by memories, forced to flee in her dreams.

"She's used to that, though," Kili shot back to Galadriel, not particularly caring if he appeared bloody insane. "She's used to running."

"Because she is used to it does not mean it does not weigh on her soul,' Galadriel replied, also out loud.

Kili lowered his head a bit, the familiar strain of this mission falling back hard onto his shoulders. "What are we to do now, then?"

Silence. He looked up to see the dwarves avoiding his gaze, while Natharin looked about at them, confused at their silence, before speaking. "She is but four days from here, Master Dwarf. If you make haste, I am sure that you will have caught up to her within the week."

Kili huffed a chuckle at the elf's tone. He spoke as if that was the most logical, simple response in the world. "It's not that simple, aye? I…I don't know that we can afford to go on with this wild goose chase."

"Wild goose chase?" Natharin spoke again, as the others still remained silent. "It is hardly that, I think. The person you have sought is just down the road—"

"I know that!" Kili burst out, looking up to meet Natharin's gaze with a glare. His mind was in enough tumult. The last thing he needed was an elf trying to pry into things that they knew nothing of. "But we've been running on 'just down the road' and 'just a bit further' for the better half of a month! Perhaps we've had enough! Perhaps we've just tired of it all!"

The sourness of that lie settled on his tongue and was immediately prodded by the silent tone of Galadriel's voice.

You have not tired of it.

"I know," Kili breathed, trying to squeeze out some of his frustration as he looked into the tranquil pools of Galadriel's eyes. "But the others are."

"Oi!" Bofur piped up. "We're not tired!"

"Aye!" Ori agreed with a thin cover of gusto. "We can go on, Kili."

Gimli hesitated, but relinquished, "If she really is just down the road, I don't see why we wouldn't just get it done…"

"But it's not 'just down the road'," Kili sighed. "It never is! You know that."

"Aye, but—"

Kili cut Bofur up, placing his head in his hands hard. "You're tired! I know it, I have eyes, I have ears. You're all sick and tired of this dead-end senseless quest." He shook his head, still in his palms. "And I don't disagree. I would be tired too."

There was a bit of a silence, until Bofur spoke up. "Well, I don't know if I'd say senseless…"

"You do have some sense," Ori added.

"Aye," Gimli snorted. "The sense of a madman."

That hit Kili in the heart and he sat back in his chair. Ori slapped Gimli hard on the arm. "Don't say that!"

"We all know it's true," Kili chuckled, a wry smile spreading across his lips. "I've cracked, haven't I?" A curious twinkly in Galadriel's gaze caught his attention, but he pressed on, forcing some vague sort of authority into his tone. "I…I need to go home. I said that if she wasn't here, this would be the end. And…I suppose this is the end."

A tense silence fell, and Kili let his head drop back into the chair, sighing as defeat washed over him. "It's been a good run, I suppose." He tried desperately to ignore the throbbing of his heart at the thought of turning tail.

Galadriel spoke suddenly, her voice bearing an underlying sternness that sent a shiver down Kili's spine. "Kili, you were not drawn into this forest for it to be a turning point to home. No…you will continue this quest until you have succeeded."

Kili opened his mouth to speak, to argue for the cause of his weary friends, but Galadriel gave him no space to speak. "You will travel alone from now, and your companions will return to their home."

Disagreement from the dwarves broke out immediately, though Kili remained silent in consideration as Gimli grasped protectively onto his forearm.

"Y'can't just separate us like that!"

"My Lady, he is our family."

"Who d'ya think you are anyway?"

Galadriel silenced all of this with a cool, sweeping gaze. "Without the determination,t he motivation , you need, this quest will quickly become impossible. "

Before his companions could start again, Kili silenced them with a look, before speaking, meeting Galadriel's gaze as steadily as he could manage. "Will I truly find her, if I continue alone?"

Protest sprung out of the others immediately, and a fit of annoyance slammed Kili's fist down on to the table, his teeth gritting. "Shut up, all of you! "

A strange, guilty sort of silence fell, and Kili forced out a calming sigh before addressing Galadriel again. "Will I meet her again if I go on?"

Galadriel considered him for a few long moments, her eyes sweeping over the entirety of his thoughts, gathering the information she needed to continue. At last she admitted, "Time can be the only true herald of such things, Kili."

He recognized the unspoken confirmation in her eyes, and breathed out a sigh, sitting back in his chair, trying to ignore the fact that all eyes around the table were fixed onto him. Bloody Mahal. This much attention was stressful. He mulled over his words a bit before speaking, his voice hardly seeming louder to him than the wind that blustered about them. "Very well. I will continue alone from here."

There was an almost audible intake of breath from around him. Kili kept his gaze fixed ahead, lest it stray to meet that of one of his companions. His friends. Mahal, what was he really leaving behind here?

Galadriel nodded towards him, a knowing smile lighting her lips. "I see. Natharin, you will go with me. I shall make arrangements for your departure," Galadriel said to the dwarves, before she stood from her seat.

Seeming almost as if in habit, the dwarves, except for Kili, stood as she did, in acknowledgement, a sign of silent respect. And indeed, that silence remained until the sound of Galadriel and Natharin's footsteps had disappeared from earshot. Kili tried not to wince as he felt the weight of their gazes on him. Finally, he forced himself to lift his chin and look them in the eye.

Bofur looked sad, certainly, and perhaps a bit regretful. He looked as if he had surrendered.

The pain in Kili's chest hurt a bit more at the sight of Ori who looked rather sorry. As if he had done something wrong, wringing his hands fitfully.

Gimli was, by far, the worst. Betrayal, raw and ragged, hung in his gaze, directed unflinchingly, and perhaps a bit tearfully at Kili.

Kili wilted under this pressure, clearing his throat slightly, before breaking the silence with a choked-out, "I'm sorry."

Bofur was the next one to speak, as he sat heavily back down into his chair, tugging at one flap of his hat. "Aye. We are too, lad."

That sent a sharp sting of regret into Kili's heart.

"You don't have to," Ori said, voice hardly louder than a breath, hands wringing all the more furiously. "We can stay with you."

"You can't," Kili corrected him gently. "It's been long enough that I've been dragging you about the countryside, with no proper payment of any sort."

"We didn't ask for payment," Bofur scoffed. "Trust me. We'd had asked for it if we'd wanted it."

That drew a slight smile to Kili's face. "I…I know that. I cannot say enough how much I have appreciated you all coming along with me this far. But…" he struggled to find the right words. "It is time for me to face this on my own. I've bullied you along for too long."

"Hardly bullied," Bofur snorted.

Kili would miss that. The dwarf's uncanny ability to pull out a joke even at the most misplaced of times.

"Now, Thorin," he continued. "That was bullying, for sure. But with you, it was more…playful threatening."

Kili rolled his eyes, though a smile managed to curve his lips. "Aye sure." All of the sudden, he realized that Gimli had yet to speak. That was certainly a thing unusual for the young dwarf. Kili was a bit startled to find that the dwarf's broken gaze had hardened a bit to anger, seething behind his eyes. Kili's frown disappeared. "Gim?"

"You bloody bastard," he growled out before turning on his heel, storming down the stairs.

Kili let out a sigh. This was starting to seem like one of the temper tantrums Gimli would throw as a child to get his way. Only this time, it was hurting Kili's heart to see him this angry.

"What's got him?" Bofur asked.

"He seems quite—"

Kili cut Ori off, already getting to his feet. "I'll go after him."

He found himself hurrying down the stairs after his cousin. He was practically taking them two at a time, and found himself a bit out of breath when he finally caught up to the dwarf. "Gim!"

He made no move to having heard Kili's cry.

Kili rolled his eyes. "Bloody—Gim, for Mahal's sake, just—"

He did indeed stop quite suddenly, just before he went down another flight of stairs, whirling around, fire spitting in his eyes. "Get his name out of your mouth!"

"What?" Kili asked, recoiling a step back in surprise and confusion.

"You do not deserve to have the name of our creator on your lips if you betray your own kind!"

"Be—"Kili was taken aback. "Betray? What are you on about, Gim?"

"You have forsaken us!" Gimli spat, his anger only seeming to grow. "You have forsaken your kind, your very kin, to these lying, scumbag elves!"

"I haven't forsaken anything!" Kili protested, his tone beginning to rise to match Gimli's.

"You have!" Gimli bellowed back, his voice breaking slightly. "You're following the advice of some loony, mind reading fairy, going after…after some elven bitch instead of being where—"

That hit Kili like a blow to his chest, spilling a wash of fuel over the flame in his heart. "You know nothing of her!" His fists were clenched hard to keep from striking the dwarf standing only feet away. "You know nothing of where I belong, or who I belong to or who I bloody am! You nothing of me, or what I have gone through, or—"

"I am not some innocent dwarfling, anymore, Kili!" Gimli roared, his hands clenching onto the hilt of his axe, muscles tense. "You cannot push me aside as you always have! You cannot just leave me behind in the dark anymore! I know this world. I know you! And I know when you're making a decision that you'll regret forever!"

"You know—Maybe I will!" Kili shouted, throwing his hands back, fighting against the terrible feeling that rose up in his throat. "Maybe I will regret this forever, Gim. But you don't know, just as I don't! But one thing I sure as hell know, is wherever I am after this won't be the rift I'm trapped in now! I'll know for sure what was meant to be, and what can be! I can't live like this anymore!"

Kili found himself drawing in sharp, ragged breaths, clutching at the handful of fabric over his throbbing heart, waiting for Gimli to speak. When no sound came, Kili swallowed down the thickness in his throat, speaking through his gravelly, low voice. "I'm tired, alright Gim? I've tried to keep it together, but I'm slipping away. I'm…I can't drag the rest of you down with me any longer. You know that."

Gimli stared firmly out over Kili's shoulder, refusing to show emotion or respond in the slightest, it seemed. Kili sighed. "I know you don't understand, and…I don't either. But this would haunt me for the rest of my life. I would always be wondering what may have come of it, if I had only done what I knew I should. …Maybe I will regret this all by the end of it," he acknowledged, letting his shoulders slump. "But I won't regret it as must as I'll hate myself for never having tried."

"Very well," Gimli finally said after a pause of at least a few minutes. Kili's heart tore a little more in his chest. His cousin, his friend, still refused to meet his gaze. "I hope she's worth it."

The words rang in the air, hollow, and empty of any true hope. Kili watched helplessly as Gimli stormed away down the staircase.

Just as the dwarf fell out of sight, Kili had a sudden thought. This thought was affirmed as Gimli reappeared, marching, huffing past Kili, muttering, "I don't bloody know where I'm going in this bloody place."

Despite the gaping rift forming in Kili's chest, a slight smile forced itself onto his face. That lad had always had the directional sense of a drunken slug.

Aaaargh, these chapters are so heavy….don't worry, they will lighten up later. Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! They make my little fangirl heart siiiiiing.

Ahem. That got a bit weird. By the by, if you're looking for more of these characters, go check out my other running story, Shibboleth. Review if you have the time or will to make this fanfic author very happy. See you next week!