The impossible isn't impossible, your existence is proof of that.
Well, really I speak spanish but I'm learning english, and to practice it , I write my fics in this language. If I make any spelling or grammar error (I'm not perfect), please advise, so I correct it. n..n
Chapter 9:
Azula's field diary (part 1)
I don't know how but I filled my mental diary and I'm writing a field diary now, my former plan became useless when Elimu said that I shouldn't be enclosed in my room until I heals but I mustn't be alone!
I need my parents' attention and love according to her! You can figure how I hate her... Well, I need Uncle Iroh to tell me Ozai's history but this will have to wait, I'm in the Fire Nation's palace and he in his tea shop in Ba Sing Se, Right in the middle of The Earth Kingdom, the other side of the ocean... The second that I needed was knowing them: Zuzu, Mai, Kian, the stupid dragon and the earthbender.
I'm all day with Mai, she doesn't let me in no moment, the positive side of this is that I can knowing her better, the negative side is that I must admit that I don't know the people as well as I thought... No, you read that right. This was the first and the last time that I tell it. Mai is loyal but only with who she considers family or a friend, and I wasn't included in any of those categories and now I don't know if I'm in one.
When Zuzu comes to stay with us, always but always he kisses Mai as there was no tomorrow, I try to not stay between them but... they don't care if they crush me. He likes playing with Kian and me, he wanted to teach me firebend but, I can't understand him according to Elimu. When he talks with me do it slowly and moves his hands in an improvised sign language, (Elimu said that maybe I could understand this language). I learned something about Zuko, I can get him to do what I want but, only if Mai isn't close to him... well, she always wins when they argue… And she lets him win in rare cases (only when he manages to convince her).
The next on my list is Kian, he follows Zuzu to wherever he goes. He likes to play with me and always tries to make Mai plays with us too. Sometimes she said no, but almost always she does it... She doesn't ignore me like Ursa did... When Zuzu and I were child he tried to make her play with me like Kian but… Well, He did it until he got tired and stopped trying…
Continuing the history, Kian tries to protect me almost always... At first he was jealous of all the attention I was receiving from Mai and Zuzu, until they explained him that I'm 'sick' and I need protection. After this, he decided that he would be my protector and he began to practice more firebend. He just told it because he is three years old and is still little, he'll forget it when he grows.
Well, with Shiyun... What can I say... really, What can I say? He's a stupid dragon without a brain and, I doubt that he'll become wise at some point in his life. And talking about Toph... my new body and her aren't a good combination. The reason is...
The other day, Kian was in his firebend lesson with Zuzu while Mai and Toph were having tea, is normal have a conversation while, but isn't great when you are the main theme of it.
"Then, let me see if I understood you... Elimu doesn't know which is the disease that Azula has, right?"
"She told us she has many different symptoms and these could mean she has more than a disease, but the same symptoms tell she couldn't be sick." Mai replied, she hadn't touched her tea cup, I knew she was so since the visit of the physician of the sanatorium. I was sitting over her legs, One of her arms was around my stomach while her hand touched something inside her sleeve, this was possibly one of her many knives. She always did it when she was nervous... I still don't know how many knives she carries on her person. Well, returning to the conversation... "She said the people who have autism don't know how communicating but Azu knows. When she wants something, she calls my attention or Zuko's and she points to what she wants."
"And sometimes she acts as if she knows how manipulate her parents, but many kids can do it when their parents adore them." Toph added.
"That's one of many things that The physician said. If she is an autistic, she couldn't do it."
"What else the physician said?" Toph asked, she was eating the cookies but she was eating so fast that it seemed she didn't chew.
"The same that Elimu, the only difference was what he added 'I would say she has the mind of a teenager if this wasn't impossible'." I was sure that sentence had been around her mind since this morning when she repeated it. "And Elimu said that she needs to stay with Azu all the time she can if we're agreed. This is so that she can discover if she is sick or what is wrong with her. She needs can read her emotions to can help her." The voice tone of Mai didn't tremble but she wasn't calm, her eyes looked without looking the tea over the table.
"Don't worry, If she needs help to read your daughter's emotions I can help. I can do it, she isn't sparky's crazy sister." This statement surprised a little, but she couldn't do it, I could lie during the invasion of the day of the black sun, but... "She is surprised now." And my heart began to run faster. "And now she seems scared. Or she misinterpretation us or she doesn't what us to understand her." And then I noticed that this is a new body and I still don't know how control it. This was going to get difficult things for me.
"It's the first choice surely" Mai said and I grateful that she did not believe in the reincarnation or some spiritual thing.
"Maybe..." Toph said and added in a whisper. " But it seems as if she could understand more than we think."
I began to think that she spent too much time with my uncle and the avatar. I don't know if Mai heard her comment or if she chose ignoring it. Anyway, I learned something about her, she is dangerous for me until I can control the reactions of my new body. But I can practice my control with her here. Hmm... I'll have to do it when she isn't in the palace...
Things done: Learn more thoroughly to those who are around me.
Things to do: 1) Get Toph out of the palace. 2) Get Ozai's life history from Iroh. 3) Find out how to write a field diary because this is more like a normal diary.
Memory 2 (If you appreciate your life, you'll not ask where is the memory 1 or indicate this isn't the correct way to write a field note.)
Date: eight months later of my last memory
Place: Palace in the Capitol of Fire Nation.
(If you think that I going to do a field diary writing something every day, you must visit the doctor because your mind doesn't function correctly)
Uncle Iroh came to visit us for a week but I never could stay with him alone, Kian never left me alone and this made me a bit annoyed, he still doesn't want me to stay alone. And if he wasn't with me, Mai, Zuzu or Toph were there. The only person with whom I can stay alone is with Elimu. Elimu is the type of person who hears without saying nothing, she attends to everybody here, although she isn't a healer, all the servants prefer to be attended by her instead of the healers. Maybe this is because they can talk with her knowing that she won't to say it to no one... well, she tells someone all what she hears.
This is how I know what people think and feel with Zuzu in the throne. Elimu tells me everything while is teaching me sign language, nobody but me hears her. Well, the vast majority of these things could sent someone to the gallows. I know whom are happy with Zuzu's reign, who aren't, and why. I found out what have Zuzu altered in this way also. And why he and Mai, the latter since some weeks ago, had been busy until late at night. Many of the villages have economic problems, Their economy was based on the manufacture of armors, ships and other gadgets, all for the war, but when the peace was proclaimed, this way of life "passed away."
All this would be useful to me if I wasn't so young.
Mai and Zuzu pretend that all is well, but isn't. In the night when they think me and Kian are asleep (my room is the next to Kian's, and our rooms are in front of his parents's), began to discuss. Almost always, Kian and Shiyun come to my room and sleep with me. He says I shouldn't worry that 'mom' and 'dad' discuss, that he going to protect me and he says that all will be right tomorrow. (I think he is already trained to repeat that.) I have a small bed and I must share it with a midget and a dragon...
The last night Kian came to my room, like always that Zuzu and Mai argue and didn't control their tones, (this isn't usual in Mai but...) He wanted me to play with him and Shiyun and I wanted to sleep. His wish was the winner and I couldn't sleep for not know how many hours, also I need to know him too, so I'll be able to use him and then discard him. I don't know how long we were playing or where we fell asleep, but I know I woke up by the laughter of Mai and Zuzu, they were looking at us with a stupid smile on their faces, I tried to stand up when I noticed that a body weight prevented me. Kian was embracing me while he was used Shiyun like a pillow and the last had his entire body lying around of us.
This was the first time that I have seen Ursa laugh since my birthday, she had always been standing in the corner doing nothing. It must be because she is part of my mind, and she needs some things that she hasn't to discuss with me.
For the time being I need this part, my madness gave me back my reason, maybe it can give me another thing.
Things done: I didn't even make a shadow.
Things to do: 1) Get Toph out of the palace. 2) Get Ozai's life history from Iroh.
Information gained: Elimu is a great source of information, she's like a daily updated library. Kian is taken too seriously his duty to protect me.
Memory 3
Date: four months after the last memory.
Place: Royal ship, in the middle of the ocean.
Mai gave to Zuzu an ultimatum, if we didn't get a vacation, she was leaving him, take Kian and me and we were going to live in only Agni knows where. So we are going to Ba Sing Se, I have the worse dizziness of my life, and Mai makes is worse because she is cradling me. This travel takes four days, and don't know if my stomach can handle it.
Zuzu takes me and... well, I was missing painting his robe with the content of my stomach. He and his clothes don't.
Things to do desperately: Get off this damn ship, after this the rest of the things. You already know what!
Memory 4
Date: a week of travel after we came out of the Fire Nation
Place: Uncle's tea shop in Ba Sing Se.
Zuzu and Mai had to go to the party of the Earth King, Kian and me had to stay with uncle Iroh because he wasn't going to go.
Now Kian is playing with Shiyun in the garden while I am with the uncle in the kitchen.
"How have you been?" Iroh asks, he is smiling but his smile doesn't reach his eyes.
He is doubting about my intentions... well I must be careful with him, he isn't a jerk. I frown and look at him for some moments, I need him to tell me about Ozai, I need find a way to make him tell me it.
"How do you think?" I ask a bit irritated." If he believes I'm nervous because i'm confused like Zuzu when he was in prison, he'll try to be a guide for me, and if it not work, well... there are more than a way to make him feel guilty.
"If I know it, Do you think that I have to asking it?" Something is wrong with him, it's as if... he is angry? I will not give ground, two can play this game.
"I'm sure that you can, because... Aren't you a wise old man?" The touch of vehemence in my voice make him a bit annoying.
"I can be it, but I never can understand you, and I can't do it now." He looks at me seriously but I hold his gaze for a few minutes until he talks again. "Why are you pretending to be sick?"
Then that's the problem, he thinks that I plan it. He's afraid of myself and what I can do to Zuzu and his family...
"That's a stupid invention of Elimu!" I cry with a false indignation. "Do you think that I like being enclosed with Mai or Zuzu all the day? They never let me alone but with that stupid girl, she can know a lot, but she still is a socket head!"
"They love you and only want the best for you!"
"They are like my jailers, I am all day under their supervision!" He goes to talk but I know what he goes to tell me and I say suddenly. "They just love me because they think that I'm their daughter. Do you think they would continue to love me if they know that I'm the former princess Azula, sister of the Fire Lord?"
"You aren't his sister now!" Uncle says raising his voice. "You are loved now and have a loving family! Kian adores you, don't hurt him like Ozai hurt you!"
"What?" Now I want an explanation... but...
"so I'll be able to use him and then discard him..." She never talks and now you have decided that is a great time, don't you think, Ursa?
"Are You planning make someone who loves you kill Zuko, to take the throne? Are you going to lose all the people who like you?" His face turns obscure.
"Azula you are...!"
"I'am tired of you saying that I'm living Ozai's life! I don't know his story! I don't know what he did and what not! According to me you might be scolding me because something that he didn't commit, but how I don't know it, I don't know if it's true or false!" My indignation face and the anger in my voice must be enough to make him tell me his story...
He sighs and replies.
"I can tell you almost nothing about him, because I almost wasn't in the palace. My father sent me to an academy away from the capitol. So I saw him so little. But all the things that I saw him do, these were done by you too."
If I could, in this moment he would be a dead! He just can tell me an incomplete history!
"That isn't enough to tell me that I'm living his life!"
"Not for me." He says seriously and I try to calm myself, but... in some moment this tea shop burns.
"You have accused me with an incomplete history like a fundamental!" I think that the bird feels the danger because he just fly away.
"You're wrong. All stories are incomplete if these aren't counted by those who lived them. I could tell you all the life of Ozai, but this would be from my point of view. And I can't tell you what motivated him or why he acted like he did, because only he can say it."
"But..." I can't continue talking. The sound of a carriage resonates from outside.
"Dad and Mom came back!" Kian cries running to the principal door, Uncle Iroh stands up, takes me and walked to the door, but I can hear.
"We can continue talking in another time" But I don't need it, he doesn't know what I need.
Wait for a year to know that the person who can reply my question was under my nose.
Things to do: Visit Ozai in the prison.
Sorry for the delay, but I forget that the previous week I had exams so I devoted to studying. I promise not to take so long to update.
Thanks for reading and the reviews n_n.