Infat 10

Bella swore under her breath, and the truck jolted to a halt in the parking lot. She scrutinized the silver Volvo across the lot for a familiar blond mop of hair. Seeing no movement near the car, she parked several spaces away and ducked into the hardware store before she lost her courage.

She flinched as the bell jingled when she entered and then chided herself for being so jumpy. So Jasper had acknowledged her… that didn't mean anything. She had to deal with Mike every day, and she was less attracted to him than she would be a spider. Interacting was a basic human function; it didn't mean anything to her.

Except when he's doing the acknowledging.

Despite Bella's best efforts, her hormonal side – which steadfastly maintained was irresponsible – had set up exceptions for all her rules when it came to Jasper Hale. He was irritable, but she could match his temper step for step. His sense of humor was warped; she liked that. Nothing else seemed to matter when it came to him, though she knew for a fact that it should. It frustrated her that he confused her meticulously laid plans and stuck in her mind like a burr.

She turned the corner and almost didn't see him. She stopped short and watched him test the plastic tubing like a trained professional, his face intent. The muscles in his back rippled beneath his shirt. She sighed and jumped back when he turned.

"Can I help you, Bella?"

She looked past the smile to the sneer hiding on his tongue. His tone was grating on her last nerve, but his hopeful smile was anesthetizing the pain. There were a thousand things she wanted to shout at him, but she couldn't think of anything that would slap him hard enough to break the infuriating wall of ice around his heart. Nothing would impact him as much as he had hurt her.

"I really doubt it," she said, turning.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her around. She jerked away from him. "I'm actually trying to be polite here," he said as if it could make a difference. Angry Bella had just found her voice.

"Either you're an asshole and just don't know yet or you're an even bigger ass because you do this shit on purpose!" she retorted. "Maybe you should just decide whether you'll play nice, because, honestly, I'm sick of living with your regret."

He repeated her last word as if it was foreign. He blinked in confusion, digesting what she'd said. Somewhere in her mind, Bella heard his ice crack. She smiled victoriously.

"Yeah, Jasper, regret." He took a step back as she berated him with all the accusations she'd been considering over the last six weeks. "I realize you hate me, okay? So do me a favor and stop pretending to care."

He came to the same conclusion she had weeks ago with a look of horror on his face. The words tripped from his mouth slowly, hesitating on his lips. He spoke as if through a fog.

"You think I wanted the van to kill you," he said.

She thought of a thousand witty responses and even more sarcastic ones. No, I thought you wanted to hug me and play nice when Alice is out of the picture. I thought you wanted me to be a bit more maimed than you. I thought that there might be a chance your smiles were genuine.

Instead, she chose the simple, vindictive answer. "Of course."

Jasper recoiled as if she'd slapped him in the face, and in a way she had. The hurt expression fell from his face like washed-out colors. He swayed in place, looking sick, as his face turned a queer shade of gray. He mumbled something and brushed by her, a shaky hand over his mouth. In the distance, Bella heard the ice shatter. It wasn't until then that she realized what she'd said.

She bought the part Charlie needed to fix the sink. The parking lot was empty when she emerged, and she kicked her way across the weathered asphalt moodily. Every oil stain and hardened wad of gum seemed to glare at her from the pavement, but it was just the tears gathering in her eyes. This time, however, she was angry with herself.

When she arrived home, she dumped the bag on the kitchen counter and walked outside. The afternoon was cloudy but, so far, rain free. She took a stroll around the block but found no enjoyment with mind so uneasy. She kicked pebbles, stomped in puddles and dragged her heels like a child with a temper tantrum. Then she returned to the house and threw ingredients into the Crockpot before grumbling her way upstairs.

Concentration eluded her. She read her assignment for English twice before finally deciding that Cliff Notes would be a better option. Her mind was too preoccupied to focus on Mark Twain stories, and she thought perhaps a better assignment would have been to write an essay on guilt. That way she could expunge it from her brain and get Jasper off her mind.

The look on his face was seared into her brain. She already knew he didn't hate her – hadn't even considered the possibility of hating her – and that made her words ring louder. The sound was deafening in her ears. Rather than tempering her confusion, saying what she meant had jumbled the thoughts already racing through her mind.

She picked up her cell phone twice to call Edward but thought better of it both times. It bad social etiquette to call a boy and ask for his brother. Not only that, she got the sense that the two were a fault line on the verge of a temblor; their relationship was strained at best, which was confusing in and of itself when she remembered how protective Edward had seemed of his big brother. Yet every time she brought Jasper up, his face became stormy. No, she couldn't call – even if she wanted to apologize.

Bella paced and cleaned for an hour then browsed the Internet for another two hours before giving in the urge to call home. Well, to be precise, she was calling Renee. The exact location of "home" changed with the whims of Phil's schedule. Renee, however, was never far from her cell phone.

Her mom answered breezily after the third ring with an explanation of runaway phones. Bella chuckled.

"Hi, Mom. I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"Oh, baby, I know that voice." The best thing about Renee was that, despite her wild ideas about painting the cupboards lemon yellow or wearing straw hats year-round, she had mind-bending intuition when it came to relationships. "What's wrong?"

"Remember that car crash?"

"Of course! Is this about Jasper?"

Bella groaned and nodded into the phone, disturbed that her mom had remembered his name after such a long time. "Jasper. Yeah."

"Sounds like someone is a little infatuated with this boy!"

Bella threw herself onto her bed and hugged her pillow. "Don't say that, mom," she moaned. "He's a jerk!"

"Oh, honey," her mom soothed. "Tell me all about it."

She confessed to her mom about how rude he'd been and what she had said to him. "He looked so confused, Mom. This is the first time I've stuck up for myself instead of crying, and I feel so bad!"

"I think he likes you," Renee said softly after a moment's deliberation.

Bella was easily annoyed by her mother's romanticism. In her mind, she wasn't in elementary school anymore; pulling her pigtails and making her cry wasn't a charming way to win her affection. She grumbled.

"It's a nice way to show it," she snipped.

"Well, he got your attention, didn't he?"

Bella knew her mom was smiling on the other end of the line. She sighed heavily. If her mom thought so, then it must be true… she just wished it wasn't. The embarrassment and guilt were unbearable.

"Listen, Bella, he's sounds like a bigger social idiot than you. That's hard to find, you know. He might be the one."

"Mom!"

Renee laughed. "Well, when it comes to boys you are clueless."

Bella chuckled humorlessly, remembering her last crush in Phoenix, who was now in a relationship… with another man. The one before that, Liam, her first official crush – because she couldn't count Justin Timberlake – had turned out to be a pill popping addict with a death wish. At this rate, Jasper was probably a serial killer. She sure knew how to pick them.

By the time she ended the phone call, Bella knew she had to apologize to Jasper. He had saved her life, and she at least owed him that. He deserved a new start. But, he was so unapproachable that she didn't know when or where she'd get to talk to him. Either way, when she saw her chance she was taking it.

E/N: Thank you, everyone, for your favs/alerts. Bakahime123, vickycullen89 and all the others! You keep me motivated (not joking) because I feel bad for missing updates now. See you soon!