Title: To Love & Live In L.A.
Summary: Kate Beckett has suffered another tragic loss and can't stand to stay in New York, where the memories are unavoidable. Can new places and new faces help her rise from the ashes of her painful past? AU.
Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.
Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!
They hadn't said a single word for the entire ride home, but the lock on the front door had barely clicked into place before Alexis let her thoughts be known.
"What was all that, Dad?" She demanded. "I've never seen you act like such an unreasonable, bullheaded, patronizing jerk."
"Alexis, being angry does not give you the right to talk to me like that." Castle reprimanded sternly.
"Oh. Okay." She crossed her arms. "I see how it is. Only you can fly off the handle and say whatever you want just because you're mad."
"Keep that up and you'll be grounded, young lady. Just because I haven't had to punish you in a long time does not mean I still won't."
"I'm fine with being grounded." Alexis glared at him, challenging him with her eyes. "I don't mind admitting when I did something wrong."
Castle opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again without speaking. He sighed loudly, and his whole body seemed to sag slightly. He rubbed a hand over his face and looked back at his still fuming daughter.
"I don't want to fight with you, Alexis."
"Too bad." She dropped her arms back down to her sides. "You started this when you blew up at Kate for no reason."
"She lied to me about you. That's a perfectly legitimate reason." His tone was gentler than before, but Alexis could tell he was struggling to stay calm.
"She just did what I asked her to."
"That's not really the greatest argument for her defense." He turned away and walked towards the kitchen.
"Dad." Alexis sighed and followed him. "I am sorry that I left Mom's without telling you, and if you want to be mad at me for that, that's fine. But you shouldn't have taken it out on Kate."
Castle grabbed two water bottles from the refrigerator and held one up in Alexis' direction. She shook her head so he put it back in and shut the door. He cracked open the other bottle and took a long, slow sip. It was so cold that his eyes began to water, but he drank nearly half of it before he stopped for a breath. Alexis was sitting on a bar stool, staring at him, waiting for him to give an answer.
"I'm not mad at you, Alexis." He said dejectedly.
"Well, if you should be mad at anyone, it is me." She rebutted. "I'm the only one who didn't do what they should have done."
"Alexis, Kate didn't do what she should have done. She lied to me. About you."
"Yeah. You've mentioned that. So, what, Dad? Are you going to try and tell me that you've never lied to anyone to help someone else out?"
"That's not the point."
"It's exactly the point, Dad." She took a deep breath and locked her gaze onto his. The distress she saw in his stormy blue eyes shocked her and a sudden revelation came over her. "You're not really mad at Kate, are you?"
He stared at her for nearly twenty seconds before he finally spoke.
"I've never been more scared in my life than I was tonight."
"Scared?"
"When I didn't know where you were." He sighed. "And the fact that Meredith didn't seem to be even the slightest bit worried made me angry. I guess she was right not to be concerned, but I assumed because I was, she should be too." He reached across the counter and placed a hand on hers, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on the smooth skin.
"Dad, I'm a smart kid." Alexis turned her hand over and squeezed his. "You raised me well. You should've trusted me."
"I do trust you, sweetheart." He squeezed back. "It's the rest of the world I'm worried about."
"You can't protect me from every single bad thing out there, Dad."
"Maybe not, but I'll die trying."
"I'd prefer you hold off on the dying."
"No worries. You won't be getting rid of me any time soon."
"Good."
Alexis let go of his hand and slid off the barstool. She came around the side of the counter and by the time she reached Castle, his arms were spread open wide. He wrapped them around her and she pressed herself tightly to him, her arms reaching around to his back. He buried his face in her hair and sighed deeply. After a few moments he turned his head and rested his cheek on her head so he could speak.
"I love you, Alexis. More than anything on this whole wide world. I'm sorry about tonight. When I found you I was so relieved, but I still had all this fear and anxiety and adrenaline pent up inside of me. I let my emotions get the better of me and I know I said some things I shouldn't have."
"I love you too, Daddy." She pulled back just enough to look up at him. "And don't worry. You'll make things right with Kate."
Castle leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.
"Right now all I want is for things to be right with you and me." He said softly.
"I'm good." Alexis smiled. "Are you good?"
"I've got you." He replied. "I'm great."
She smiled wider and rose to her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. When she pulled back, she chose to ignore the tears brimming at the edges of his eyes.
"I suppose you'd like to know why I left Mom's?" She asked him.
"Only if you want to tell me."
"I do. But let's go to the hammock room. It's been an emotional evening and I could go for some relaxing."
Castle laughed and dropped his arms to his side, and Alexis did the same.
"The hammock room it is then, my dear daughter. Lead the way."
She reached out for his hand and started down one of their many hallways. Castle knew he would have to deal with the way he'd treated Beckett, sooner rather than later. But not tonight. Tonight was about Alexis. So he followed her to the hammock room.
Beckett's mind was wandering as she watched the slow dripping of coffee from the brewing basket to the pot. She'd slept fitfully, feeling unsure of what the morning would bring. Would she still be able to look out for Alexis? Or would Castle refuse to ever even let her see Alexis again? What would Gates say if Castle asked her to remove Beckett from his employ? On top of it all, she still didn't really understand why Castle had gotten so angry. Yes, she'd lied, but it was what she had thought was best for Alexis at the time. And wasn't that what she was supposed to do? She just didn't know what to do now. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, trying to will the coffee to brew faster so she could feel that soothing warmth that would come with that first delicious sip.
A sudden, gentle knocking broke the almost silence of the apartment. The sound was so soft that Beckett wasn't sure where it was coming from. She left the kitchen and went into the living room, turning her head in different directions to try to locate the source of the noise. It wasn't coming from the floor above or underneath her. She went into her bedroom and couldn't hear the knocking any longer. When she went back out to the living room, she headed towards the front door. As she approached she heard the quiet rapping stop, but it had definitely been coming from the door.
She looked through the peephole, but didn't see anyone. She was about to head back to the kitchen when the ding of the elevator rang out from the hall. Beckett tugged on the straps of her robe to tighten the soft fabric around her, then unlocked her door and cautiously opened it. Stepping through the elevator's still opening doors was a familiar form.
"Rick?" Beckett called out.
He stopped and turned around with a sheepish look on his face.
"Did I wake you up?" He asked soberly.
"No."
Castle stepped backwards out of the elevator and turned to fully face Beckett.
"I didn't want to knock too loud, in case you were still asleep." He swallowed hard. "I know it's early, and I probably should've called first because I always just seem to show up here unannounced and I-"
"Rick." Beckett interrupted, her tone leaning towards annoyed. "Why are you here?"
"I came to apologize." He swallowed again and licked his lips, making Beckett realize that he was nervous. "I'm sorry about last night. I was worked up and I...I went overboard. The things I said, well, I didn't mean them."
"Rick, it-"
"Let me finish, please." Castle took a few steps towards her, stopping when he was a couple of feet away. "Kate, I panicked. Perhaps foolishly, but I did nonetheless. And when I found Alexis, I was so worked up and I let everything out and you got caught in the crosshairs." He took another step towards Beckett. "I was wrong to say what I said. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to Alexis. I'm just not used to her having someone else she can go to, someone else she wants to go to." He sighed. "So, I'm sorry."
Beckett studied him for several long seconds before she responded.
"I'll accept your apology on one condition."
"Anything." Castle said without hesitation.
"You have to accept my apology."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Kate."
"Yes I do, Rick. I shouldn't have lied to you about Alexis. There are plenty of ways I could have let you know what was going on without betraying her trust. I just didn't stop and think about what the consequences of my actions would be." She cleared her throat. "So, I'm sorry too. And while I may not be her parent, or anyone's parent for that matter, I can promise you this. As long as she is in my care, I will do everything in my power to keep her safe." She smiled, an almost shy upturn of her lips. "I hope you can still trust me enough to believe that."
"I do." He said softly. "And I accept your apology on the terms that you will accept mine."
"Deal." Beckett stuck her right hand out.
Castle started to reach for her hand, but he paused to shift a small, canvas bag from his right hand to his left. Beckett's brow furrowed in curious confusion. Somehow she had failed to notice the bag during their entire conversation. As Castle shook her hand, he seemed to observe her observing the bag.
"Have you eaten breakfast yet?" He asked.
"I haven't even had my coffee yet." Beckett laughed.
"Well, if you're hungry, I brought stuff to make pancakes." He held up the bag slightly.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously." He nodded as he lowered the bag again. "To say thank you for last night."
"Thank you?"
"Yeah. For being there for Alexis."
"You don't have to thank me for that, Rick."
"I want to though." He smiled.
Beckett pressed her lips together and huffed out a breath, but the hopeful blue eyes staring back at her were not something she could say no to.
"I don't have any syrup."
"Do I look like an imbecile?" He grinned but then scrunched up his face. "Don't answer that. But not to worry. I brought syrup. In fact, I brought the finest maple syrup one can import from Canada."
"You don't say?"
"I do say."
"Okay, then Rick. Come on in and make us some pancakes."
"You going to lead me there?"
He shot his eyes down to their still joined hands and Beckett blushed.
"No." She let go of his hand. "I'm sure you can find it yourself."
They wordlessly stepped inside and Beckett shut the door. She smiled behind Castle's back as he headed into the kitchen. He sat the bag on the counter and started opening cabinets.
"Where are your mixing bowls?" He called out distractedly.
"Just to your left." She replied as she entered the kitchen. "Want some coffee?"
"Please and thank you."
Beckett filled two mugs and doctored up each to their liking as Castle began cracking eggs into a bowl. The man had even brought his own eggs. She set his cup down next to his makeshift work station and leaned against the opposite counter. As she watched him and sipped her coffee, one thought kept running through her mind. She could get used to this.
A/N - So, this story is coming to an end soon. Therefore, instead of my usual every Friday posting, I'll be putting the last few chapters up as I finish them. They'll be shorter so I can do this, but it's what feels right for the story, as cheesy as that may sound. Thank you so much for reading, and for the alerts and reviews. I love writing more than I can say, but y'all make it even better. Until next time, Paige