A/N: Sorry this took so long! I know you can keeel me if you'd like. Thank you to Saga Svanhildr for being my best frand and beta.

Wicked Ways

We both need forgiveness

And we both need to forgive

For the past that hangs above our heads

And drives us to the end

"That Changes Everything" by 12 Stones

With a grin, Gwen was the last to reveal her hand. Her head tilted to the side for a moment as she leaned back into her chair. The three around the table just stared. Each one of their mouths had started to gape open slightly. She leaned in and used the tips of her fingers to close their mouths. Joker swatted her hand away while Gabby grinned and Kenneth fumed. After Horizon, a friendly card game had been what she needed. It allowed her to focus on something else, productive or not, while they made their way to the other side of the galaxy.

"I thought you were new at this!" Right, back to the game.

"Oh, it's so worth seeing you get knocked down a notch, Kenneth."

"Shut it, Gabby, you lost too."

"Oh, Kenny boy, I think your bad side is starting to show," Joker laughed as he tossed his money towards Gwen. The Commander smiled at the pilot before she turned her attention back to the two engineers.

"Shouldn't you be flying the ship, Joker?" Kenneth snapped which only made Jeff laugh more. He stood and pushed in his chair.

"I'd love to stay for the oncoming show but someone has to dock us on Illium." Joker put a hand over his heart as he looked down at the red head. "Expect a rematch."

She nodded to him. "Of course," she said before he started off.

"Don't expect me to be a part of it," Kenneth added in, "I've already lost enough." Gwen had to admit that she was a bit more amused about the whole thing than she should be. It was nice to see that she could still surprise people, let alone her crew. Granted, the current crew was relatively new, it was still a good feeling to kick their ass while just hurting their wallets.

Gwen grinned a bit as she set down her cards. "Ah, I didn't realize you were such a sore loser, Kenneth," she teased. She winked at the man across the table and watched him blush slightly as his head hung low. He let out a scoff and looked at her.

"Sore loser she says! Take it easy on the Commander she says!" He exclaimed.

"And here I thought she was a terrible liar," a new voice joined the three of them.

Gwen felt her cheeks flush slightly. She didn't have to look up to know that it was Kaidan who had walked into the room. She brought up a hand and scratched the back of her neck before she looked up at him. "Alenko, sir," both engineers greeted him while Gwen looked back at the table. She hadn't known what to say to him since the whole ordeal with Toombs.

"Got room for another?" He asked lightly. Gwen looked at the two who glanced at each other before they excused themselves. "I'm starting to think they don't like me."

She raised an eyebrow as he took a seat next to her. "You still give off the 'I hate Cerberus' feel," she told him. He opened his mouth to say something but she raised a hand to quiet him. "I know you're trying. I know." She didn't dare to ask him to try a little harder. Her lips pursed slightly. "Still want to play?"

Kaidan nodded. "If you'll have me."

"What are we playing for?"

"You."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you playing at?"

A small smirk played across his features as he reached out and took the deck of cards. "It's simple really, Shepard," he started, "if I win then you have to forgive me. If you win, I'll leave you alone and you can dump me off at the next space port." She watched him shuffle the cards as her eyes narrowed.

"That's not what I want-"

"The way I see it, Gwen, is that it doesn't really matter what you want at the moment because we've been playing by your rules and honestly, they're starting to suck," Kaidan interrupted. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"There's nothing to forgive though, Kaidan," she argued. She didn't like the idea of having her love life figured out with a deck of cards.

"Isn't there?" He asked. "The way you keep treating me says there is."

She wanted to fold into herself. She wanted to curl into a ball and close off the rest of the galaxy. "You don't deserve this," she said in a low voice.

"You're right, I don't," he said.

Gwen shook her head. "I meant you don't deserve for this to be fated all on the chance that you'll win," she told him. His boldness had caught her by surprise but she knew that it was warranted. It wasn't like she had given him much of a choice to begin with. "But if that is the game you want to play, then fine. Let's play."

Kaidan had dealt the cards and they went back and forth until they were both sure that they had the best hand, at least that was how Gwen thought things were going. She ran her tongue over her lower lip, knowing that the hand she was dealt was better than the one she had beat Kenneth, Gabby and Joker with. "Well?" He asked. With the choices that he had given her, she didn't want to beat him. She didn't want to see him go. She didn't want… well she didn't want a lot of things but something told her that was the point of this little exercise and it was something she'd have to thank him later for.

"Kaidan, this is stupid," she argued, but of course, he would hear none of it. She looked down as he showed her his hand. She closed her eyes and showed him hers.

"Well," he started. His voice had sounded so strained that it was heart breaking. "Illium, right? That's where we're going? I'll just take a shuttle from there back to the Citadel, don't worry, Shepard, you won't see me again."

She listened to him get up and her hand darted out instinctively and caught up by the wrist. "I told you it was stupid," she said. "You're not leaving Kaidan."

He took his hand back. "Why?"

"Because I need you." It had been the most truthful thing that she had ever said, that she had ever felt.

He let out a short snort of a laugh. "You don't have to say you love me, Gwen," he told her, "just don't act like you don't."

"I know," she groaned. Gwen straightened herself up in the chair before she looked at him. "I know," she repeated this time a little more softly than she would have liked. "Patience, remember?"

"Patience. Right." Kaidan didn't seem convinced so Gwen stood up. She dusted herself off lightly and inclined her head up just slightly enough to where the height difference between them wasn't really a factor. She decided that she liked the new control that he had found, the assertiveness… it was different from when they were together before. She nodded her head slightly before she reached up with both of her hands and cupped the sides of his face.

Her thumbs stroked his cheek bones. Her eyes met with his. Words weren't needed. If anything, they'd just hinder what she wanted to say. Without knowing the right way to convey it she decided that actions spoke louder than words. Her lips parted slightly as she just took in the sight of him. There was sadness behind his beautiful brown eyes and it cut deep to know that she was the cause of it.

What made her breath catch in her throat was the last bit of hope still left, hope for them and it made her smile. "Stay," she whispered. Her voice had taken a rough tone as her chest tightened. She watched his face crumble only for a moment before he took her into his arms. She buried her face in his neck and just closed her eyes.

Make me feel human again.

She had already asked him once for that and he delivered. Better than she had expected. Even though she had known him so well before, sometimes she thought that she hadn't known him at all and there was excitement in getting to know him again.

Gwen pulled back and kissed him. Her lips landed lightly on his cheek before he allowed her lips to follow a trail along his jaw line to his. His hands landed on the small of her back as he pulled her close. Forgiveness was two sided. That was something forgotten more often than not, and it was something that she needed to be reminded of daily.

Gwen and Kaidan parted ways and the Commander had hoped to head to her room before EDI informed her that the XO wanted to speak. She almost asked where Garrus was but remembered that it was Miss Lawson that was her second in command on this ship. She asked the AI to alert Miranda that she was on her way and was grateful for the silence that followed.

The elevator came to a halt and the doors opened to her room but she pressed the button to visit the crew deck. The doors shut quickly and she felt the elevator move down. Gwen leaned against the inside railing until she came to a full stop. She hadn't made it a point to speak with the dark haired woman much since being on board. The only time words were exchanged was when they had to be. Both women had come to a mutual agreement on that which suited them just fine. What could have possessed the other woman to break that?

Not that she should be complaining of course. It was only proper of her to get to know her crew, despite inner protests and the unwillingness to be proper. She opened the door to Miranda's office and walked in. The Cerberus Operative didn't look up but she knew the woman acknowledged her presence. Sure, take your time, Gwen thought but waited instead of interrupting the woman before she finally looked up at her.

"You wanted to speak to me, Miranda?" Shepard leaned against the wall after the doors to Lawson's office closed behind her. The dark haired woman looked at her…dare she say nervously? Gwen watched as she pushed her chair back from her desk and stood.

"Yes," Miranda said. "Shepard… I…"

She wasn't going to push for the other woman to speak to her. "Take your time." She had tried her best to keep her tone neutral from amusement. But that had died quickly when she saw the real concern on the Cerberus woman's face. Gwen bit her lower lip and glanced down as she felt a little shame for wanting to tease her. She swallowed hard before she had gained the courage to look at her again. "It's okay, tell me."

"There's a confession I have to make first," she told her. Miranda lifted her hand and tucked some of her dark hair behind her ears. Gwen waited as she felt her stomach twist in knots. Away from Kaidan that moment had been the first time she had really felt human. "The Illusive Man wanted me to watch you, to keep you from delving into your past that would keep you from the mission."

The Commander felt her hands begin to shake. She had no weapon on her and she had a feeling that was a good thing. Her instincts screamed that she was not going to like what she was going to hear. "Miranda…"

"You sent your messages to Alenko, yes, but he never got them… because I intercepted them."

Gwen felt her biotics flare and Mirandas did as well in response but she calmed herself knowing that the two were powerful enough to rip a hole in the bulkhead. "How…"

"I'm sorry, Shepard." To Miranda's credit, she really seemed like she was. "But I needed you to know before I asked you if you would help me."

"What makes you think that I will help you?" Gwen snapped at her.

"I don't," Miranda said simply. "But I couldn't ask in good conscious without telling you." Gwen snorted. "Please, Shepard. My sister's in trouble. My father has found her."

Shepard hesitated as she felt her chest tighten. "Fine," she said, but hadn't liked it. She wouldn't let an innocent suffer due to someone else's stupidity. "I won't forget this." She knew Miranda wouldn't either. But they both knew that Gwen would forgive. She turned away from the other woman, still fuming and ready to leave. She prayed to whatever deity that was listening that Miranda wouldn't say another word to her.

"I've already forwarded the messages to Kaidan's inbox," Miranda said behind her so softly that she almost missed it. She paused and nodded. There was one more room that she needed to visit.

Sometimes things didn't work out as planned. That had been a lesson that he had learned long ago. Not that he ever wanted to listen, but that was beyond the point. He closed his eyes but the mocking glow of the screen in front of him was still present, fighting against his eyelids. Kaidan ran his fingers through his dark hair as he hunched over his private terminal. A small groan escaped him as he finished reading the last message.

Kaidan,

I don't know why you haven't responded but this will be my last message. I can take a hint. I just wanted to know if you were happy. I'm sorry.

She told him that she had sent him messages but he didn't want to believe her on the Citadel. He had thought it had been a ploy for him to go with her. Granted, things had worked out that way in the end, but she had told him the truth. He had doubted a lot of what she said during their time together and thought that it was her who was being selfish.

"Jesus, it was me," he groaned.

"What was you?"

Kaidan whirled around to see a tussle of red hair. His eyes lowered to find a familiar curve of her jaw line and the lips he had kissed not too long ago. "Gwen… I…"

She shook her head. "Miranda told me she was the one who kept my messages from you," she said as she moved towards him.

"And she's still breathing?" He asked amazed.

Gwen tilted her head back and he watched her throat move as her lips parted to let out a small laugh. His skin tingled just to be near her and he'd never get tired of it. He wanted to touch her but he controlled himself. Even she should be proud. "I may be human again after all," she replied. Her eyebrows furrowed together and her eyes narrowed. Kaidan didn't miss the upturning of the corners of her mouth.

Despite himself, Kaidan laughed. He reached out and pulled her to him. His hands found a home at the small of her back and he buried his face in the crook of her neck. "We're all kinds of messed up aren't we, Shepard?"

"Everything bends, but not all that's bent is broken," she whispered as she brought up a hand and stroked the back of his neck. "We'll be okay, Alenko. I know it now. I hope you do too."

He pulled back to look at her. The tips of his fingers grazed against her chin. "So what do we do now?" It seemed like a stupid question and he wanted to take it back as soon as he said it, but as he watched Gwen's face and the way her eyes lit up he guessed that he had finally said the right thing.

Knowing her, she was about to say kick some Reaper ass, but the words never came. She just smiled at him and pulled him towards the door. "We go to our room," she simply said. Those five words were the sweetest things to hear in that moment.

Kaidan raised an eyebrow mostly out of curiosity. "Our room?" He asked. A mental note was made to make sure that he would either thank or strangle Miranda Lawson later, but he knew he would opt for the former.

"Just because it's in a different place doesn't mean that part has changed," she replied. He wished that he could see her face as she said that but no one would find any objection leaving him in that moment. Things were looking up and he was brave enough to ignore the voice in his head warning him that it wouldn't last long.

Because it never did.