Knights Nerds Naps

"Hello?"

"Santana?"

"Mami!" Santana yelped. She was glad she was alone at the moment, because absolutely no one was allowed to know that she turned into a squealing two-year-old at the sound of her mother's voice. "Where are you guys?"

"Lisbon. I got your message. I'm sorry I couldn't call sooner. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Blaine and Rachel took care of me."

"Aww…I'm glad you have such sweet friends. We're having them over for dinner when we get back. No arguments," she said when Santana tried to protest. "I want to meet your bodyguard, and as a parent I have to embarrass you in front of your girlfriend at least once."

Santana sputtered.

"Please, Santana, did you really think I didn't know?" her mom said, chuckling. "We don't talk much, but when we do I'm pretty sure 75 percent of our conversation centers around your plans with Rachel. But I have to go. Your father says hello. Oh, and he wants you to know that he's bringing you a snowglobe."

Santana chuckled. "Thanks. Bye, Mami."

"Bye baby."

Santana hit the "end call" button and tried not to cry. She missed her parents, no matter how brave a face she put on. She glanced at the time…it was only two o'clock. Another four hours until Dads Berry came home. She had a weird urge to hug a parent. Any parent would work. "I'm fucking pathetic." Sighing, she made her way down the hall to Rachel's room. She smiled as she pushed the door open. The diva had had a morning shift from hell and fallen into bed as soon as she'd come home. Santana climbed in and snuggled her from behind. She dropped a kiss to the girl's shoulder and closed her eyes.

The next day

Santana was taking the last bite of her salad when a small wrapped box was placed in front of her. She looked up to see Finn taking a seat across from her. "Finnocence?"

"I'm demanding a new nickname," he said, smirking. "Sam said you gave Blaine one."

"That's because Blaine didn't have one to begin with. What's with the box?"

"It's my way of calling a truce. Open it," he said, giving her his big goofy grin. Normally, it infuriated her, but today he reminded her of a puppy. It was probably because he was soaking wet from the rain.

"It better not be anything gross…."

It was an iPhone.

"I paid off the first month, after that you're on your own," Finn said. "It's just…. Look, I know I do dumb stuff. And no one ever really calls me on it. Everyone just kind of moves on. And I like it that way, because I don't have to deal with the awkward apologies that I'm no good at. But this is different." He paused and played with one of the napkins on the table. "I gave him your number because I wanted you to back off of Rachel, so it's kind of my fault that he's texting you constantly."

"To be fair, it's mostly Verizon's fault now," Santana said. "Thanks though. This was really nice of you. I hope you didn't drain your lemonade stand money buying this."

"Nah…Just went with the fanciest plan."

"Oh god…"

"I've got to go buy groceries. Burt's making fajitas tonight."

"Coming to Mike's party this weekend?"

"Of course. I'll see you guys there."

Quinn: You there?

Rachel: Good afternoon, Quinn! Even though our days are usually frought with stress, I must say that I missed seeing you.

Quinn: Aww…I feel special! Anyway, I need your advice.

Rachel: I'll do my best to help.

Quinn: If your parents surprised you with a hundred dollar special edition of a book you like, for no fucking reason, what would you think?

Rachel: As much as I loathe being cynical, I must admit that I would assume they were prepping me for some bad news. Either that or bribing me.

Quinn: I'm glad you're thinking what I'm thinking.

Rachel: Which book?

Quinn: Machiavelli's The Prince.

Rachel: !

Quinn: I know. I'm drooling.

Rachel: I could make a joke about the choice of book….

Quinn: How it's perfect for me? :)

Rachel: Your words, not mine.

Quinn: I haven't touched it yet. I have a feeling it's blood money.

Rachel: Not to cut our conversation short, but I have to go. My dads are calling me. Please text me when you ascertain your mother's motivations. I'm intrigued.

Quinn: I'm going to assume that was Rachel!speak for "Call me when you figure it out".

Rachel: Yes, Quinn.

Quinn: Got it.

Rachel signed off and walked downstairs. "Daddy?"

"We're in here, sweetie."

Walking into the living room, Rachel immediately began to panic. Her dads were sitting really close on the couch and one of the armchairs was facing them. It was the family meeting setup. "Is everything okay?"

"Perfectly fine," Hiram said, a bit too quickly.

"You're freaking her out, honey," Leroy said. "We just want to talk to you for a moment. Have a seat."

Rachel sat down and smoothed her skirt out. Everyone was silent for a while, listening to the rain outside. Finally, it was too much for Rachel. "What is it?"

"We just…thought we should have a talk about…things," Leroy said.

"We understand you and Santana are becoming closer, and we wanted to…check on things."

Rachel made the horrible realization too late to save herself.

"You're maturing into a young lady, and I'm sure you're going to start to have…urges."

"Oh sweet Barbara."

"And we know that it might be tempting to act on those urges."

"Barbara, Oprah, and Celine, someone help me…."

"We just want you to know that we trust you enough to be safe and make wise decisions."

"And we want to make sure that you know to talk things over with Santana before things…start to get intimate."

"Of course, we would be much happier if you waited until you were married. But Santana's a very pretty girl, and we know you two have some sort of special bond. We are officially installing an open-door policy while she's here, however."

"Santana's…we're not…oh god."

"Anyway…we're sure you have things to do…."

"Yes," Rachel squeaked. Then, thinking she should at least give the allusion of maturity, she added, "Uh…thank you. For checking on me. I appreciate it." She bolted from the room then, pretty sure that she was the first teen in the history of anything to actually thank her parents for The Talk. She retreated to her room and got back on her laptop. She saw she had a message from Quinn.

Quinn: God almighty…she was trying to bribe me to go out with a boy from church. She's worried that Santana's having a gay influence on me. Actually, her exact words were, "Quinnie, I'm worried that you're giving up on boys because you're looking at Santana's relationship. I know she's happy, but maybe you shouldn't write off all men yet?" I had to explain the concept of Quinndependence to her.

Rachel smiled and typed out her reply.

Rachel: I can top it. My dads are worried that Santana's after my virtue. They just gave me The Talk.

Her phone buzzed. It was from Santana.

Get over here, woman!

Santana, you are not a cavewoman. That request was unacceptable.

It's raining!

Yes, dear, it is.

I want to take a nap. I need you here.

You need me there for a nap?

Don't make me beg….

I don't see why you need me for a nap….

Santana?

I, Santana Maribel Lopez, am a helpless cuddle monster. I hereby request the presence of my girlfriend, one Rachel Barbara Berry, to assist me in an epic rainy day nap.

Not sure if it's the way you asked, the fact that I finally got you to admit your snuggle dependency, or the fact that I can actually see you scowling at your phone…. Either way, I'm coming over.

Delete that text before you go.

Hell no. That's jewel's going straight to Quinn if you ever piss me off.

You play dirty, Berry.

You love me.

Damn straight.