Thanks again for all the encouraging reviews. I'm hoping to get chapter 21 done tonight. Yes, this will be a long story. :D

Chapter Ten "Not All Who Wander Are Lost"

Danny sat down with some difficulty, his hand still resting on Steve's shoulder. They both stared out at the ocean, not saying anything. Talking was what got them here, and Danny had said what he needed to say.

"I know I'm impossible," Steve finally said.

Danny was about to disagree with him, but Steve wasn't finished.

"I am extremely hard to get along with," he said. "I think I'm always right, and I'm not thoughtful at all. And you've made no attempt to spare my feelings on that. I don't see why you should start now."

"But I didn't mean to say that it was your fault that things are the way they are with Johnny," Danny said.

"No, but I think it is."

"No." Danny shook his head. "No, it's not. You are not responsible for every bad thing that happened to your family. We've been over this."

"You can say that and say that, but I'll never really believe it."

"Hey, Steve, you are all those things you said, but those are only your flaws. There's a whole lot more to you. Everything else you are is so much more important."

"I don't know what I am, Danny. I don't know anything."

"Then I'll tell you. You're committed to everything and everyone in your life. You genuinely care about the people around you as much as you try to hide it. You love your son, and you do what's best for him, even when it's freaking hard, and that's something even I haven't always been able to do."

Steve shook his head. "You'd think," he said. "That if I were doing what's best for Jack, I wouldn't be at work so much... and I'd be able to make things work with Catherine."

Danny sighed and pulled his knees up closer to himself, getting sand in his shoes. "You know, I think lately I've just been telling you what to do and what you're doing wrong rather than just being here for you like I should be."

Steve shook his head. "You haven't done anything wrong, Danny."

"Chin told me that I fix things too much. I think that's what I've been trying to do to you since I first met you."

"You have been the one person I can really trust. I guess I just got a taste of what it might be like if you really did think I was a lost cause, and I don't think I can live with that."

"No one's a lost cause," Danny said quietly, and Steve finally looked at him, knowing how hard it was for Danny to say those words.

H-5-O

Johnny stood before his home feeling like it was about time to run away. Very far away. He couldn't have known what just coming back to this house would do to him.

No one was home, which was good. Johnny turned to the right and took the path to the beach. It was safe there. So he recalled, anyway.

The sun was starting to set over the waves and the bright golden color brought back so many memories. He had avoided going to the coast in Oregon, even though Portland wasn't that far away. He just couldn't bear the disappointment. Nothing could ever be as good as this.

Maybe that's why he never wanted to come back. His memories of life here couldn't have been accurate. He would only be disappointed.

But staring out across the familiar ups and downs of the Pacific waves, Johnny wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't sure of anything.

The hope was that he would figure some things out tonight, but that wasn't as simple as it sounded. Johnny couldn't remember the last time he'd talked to a kid, and Steve's son could only be one or two.

The whole idea seemed slightly ridiculous to Johnny. He had never pictured his brother with kids. In Johnny's mind, Steve was cold and detached. Maybe it was the other way around. Johnny was the detached one; Steve was the hurt one.

He really didn't know anymore, and he was tired of thinking about it. The sun was almost gone now and Johnny flicked his lighter on and off. His best friend Josh had given him that lighter for his 25th birthday. It was silver and had Johnny's stage name engraved on it. Josh died two years ago in a random gang shooting in downtown Portland. It was supposed to be the third safest city in the US.

Johnny put his lighter away without actually using it. Then he heard a car pull up to the house. But when he looked up the beach, he knew it wasn't Steve. He hadn't expected this, but when the woman and a small child got out of the car, he found himself walking toward them.

The woman looked up as he approached, and Johnny saw her dark brown eyes which seemed filled with such deep, unexpressed thoughts and feelings. Johnny wasn't sure why he noticed that.

The woman picked up the boy, Jack. "You're Johnny?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah," he replied. "Guess you've heard about me."

"A little. I'm Catherine and this is Jack."

"Are you my uncle?" Jack said.

Johnny found himself smiling accidentally. "Yeah, I am."

"Where's Daddy?"

"Uh..." Johnny looked toward the road. "I guess he's not done working yet."

Catherine frowned, but didn't say anything. But Johnny thought it seemed more of a worried frown than an irritated one.

Then she started toward the front door. Johnny watched Catherine pull out her keys and let them inside.

"Jack, why don't you go put your things away," she said.

"Okay." When Jack hit the floor he was off running up the stairs.

Johnny watched him go and then turned back to Catherine. "You have a key?" he asked.

She avoided eye contact. "I guess I never gave it back," she said.

"So, you and Steve..."

"Complicated."

"I think I know a bit about that."

"Yeah? You two haven't spoken in a while?"

"Two years. And about eight years before that... Come to think of it, the last real conversation was about my third grade homework."

Catherine smiled sadly. "He helped you with your homework?"

"Yeah. All the time. Mom was so busy and..."

Catherine nodded. "Your dad wasn't there. Steve's told me."

"You were pretty close to him then?"

"I... we have a son."

"That doesn't always mean anything."

"Well, it... did, anyway."

"So what happened?"

"Nothing. That's just it. Nothing at all."

Johnny nodded. "I know exactly what you mean."

H-5-O

Steve saw the two cars in his driveway, and Danny asked if he wanted him to come in with him. But Steve only shook his head.

"No," he said. "I'll call you in the morning about hiking."

"Okay," Danny said quietly. "You need anything, let me know."

Steve got out of the car and pushed back any hesitation as he walked to the door. This was his home and he shouldn't feel afraid of it. He wouldn't. He loved the people inside it, and it was about time he found a way to let them know.

Words were insufficient. Words never said anything except when they said everything. And that sounded like something Chin would say. It was confusing, and it made no sense. Like Steve's life.

Opening his door, Steve heard loud footsteps on the stairs and anticipated the call of,

"Daddy!"

He didn't think about where the other two people in the house were or whether they were watching him. He bent down and picked up his son as he ran into his arms.

"Hey, Jack," he said quietly into his son's nearly black hair.

"Can we go swimming?" Jack asked.

Steve found a certain comfort in the fact that he always asked that. They were so alike in many ways that scared Steve, but this was one thing he loved. He supposed it came from Jack having two parents in the Navy. The kid probably had salt water in his veins.

Steve heard movement in the living room, and finally turned to acknowledge his guests, still holding Jack at his side.

"Is everything all right?" Catherine asked.

At first Steve wasn't sure what she was talking about. "Oh, yeah," he said. "Sorry I was late. It was... Probably Danny's fault."

Catherine managed a weak smile. "Okay, I guess I'll be going. Let me know if there's anything you need."

She said it casually, but Steve could see the look in Johnny's eyes, even from across the room, that signified he could sense the underlying tension.

As Catherine left, Jack returned to his previous question.

"Do we getta go swimming?" His voice was a little more impatient this time.

"Tomorrow afternoon," Steve said. "After your nap."

"What're we gonna do all mornin'?"

Steve smiled. "That is a surprise. But Uncle Danno and Gracie will be there."

"Can Uncle Johnny come too?"

Steve hid his surprise at the question. "If he wants to," he said. "But now I think it's time for you to go to bed."

"But I just got here."

"I know. But we have a big day tomorrow, and you'll get to stay until Monday morning."

"How far is that?"

"About 60 hours."

"That's a long time."

"I know. It's gonna be great, so you need to get lot's of rest tonight."

Jack yawned. "Okay..." He leaned his head on Steve's shoulder and Steve had a feeling he would be asleep before he could get him upstairs.