Summary: Melinda once again visits Grissom. Can he forgive Sara?
Disclaimer: See chapter 1.
A/N: Sorry it took a while to get this chapter up. It was kinda hard to write. I had to get into the mind of Grissom and his thoughts of Sara and their relationship. Not to mention that school is taking up a lot of my time now. I hope you like it and remember to review.
Chapter 10: Forgiveness?
"She was the only person I ever loved." Gil solemnly starts off. I stayed with Gil all night, and Melinda showed up at his office a few minutes ago. I sit on his desk while they sit on his couch. Oh, the memories on that thing, both of those things. I can tell he was ambivalent about opening up, but evidentially he changed his mind.
"I met her in San Francisco at a seminar. We hit it off immediately. Afterwards, we stayed in touch. Then, I asked her to move to Vegas, and she didn't even hesitate. And then she stayed without a second thought. I pretty sure it was because of me." He's right. When I got his call and he later asked me to stay, I didn't think twice about it. I would've done anything to be with him. Had I know it was going to take him almost five years to act on it, I would've given it another thought, but at least it all worked out.
"Ever since we met, we had this sexual tension between us. It was so hard for is not to act on it in San Francisco. Then, here it was even harder. We danced around each other for about five years. I just couldn't commit to it. Then, after she got suspended, we decided to try it. I wasn't sure, but I thought I would just see what happens. And when I almost lost her to a mental patient, I realized that I needed her and I couldn't imagine life without her. That was when I decided to fully commit to a relationship with her. We had our ups and downs, but everything worked out great. I never thought I could love someone so much."
"She was very special to you wasn't she?" Melinda asks. Well, duh! Has she not been listening to what he has been saying?
"That's an understatement. She was everything to me." Gil responds. He eyes are getting teary. Knowing him, he will hold it in. He hates crying in front of other people. It took him a while to cry in front of me, much less a person he met a few days ago.
"I asked her to marry me once." Gil continues.
"Yeah, she told me you two would have been married had she not seen marriage as a useless tradition." Melinda says. Is marriage really anything else?
"Yeah," Gil chuckles. "That sounds like Sara. She said no practically before I had the words out of my mouth. At first, I was angry. I mean, here is this woman that I am totally and completely in love with, and she refuses to marry me. I thought she didn't feel the same way, but she explained it. She said she loved me more than life itself, but she would never ever marry me. That is was pointless and a useless tradition and she would never get married. She said we didn't need rings or a piece of paper to say that we love each other. That just being together was enough. And as long as I had her I was fine with anything. And, I'm sorry if any of this is offending you since I can see you are married." Gil explains motioning towards her ring.
"No, it's okay. I'm not offended. Everyone is entitled to their opinion on marriage." Melinda says.
"A few days later she asked to move in with me. She told me that since she wouldn't marry me, then the least she could do is live with me. We decided to buy a house. Start out fresh, and then came the dog, Bruno. I miss him. I gave him to the neighbors down the street. They loved him almost as much as we did, so I thought they would be suitable parents. I almost moved out, but I couldn't leave all those memories of her. We were so happy together. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. She was my life. Hell, she still is. I haven't been able to get rid of any of her things. I tried, but it felt like that if I sell her things, then she is really gone. It was hard enough to get rid of Bruno, but Sara always took the best care of him. I knew that I wouldn't be able to give him what he deserves." Gil says, some tears escaping. I don't like that he gave away Bruno. He misses us. I visited him a couple of times. He is happy with the Bridgewater's. They love him.
"What was your relationship like before she died?" Melinda asks after giving Gil a moment to collect himself.
"It was great…for the most part."
"What do you mean 'for the most part'?" Melinda asks. I hadn't told her anything about our relationship pre-death.
"A couple of weeks before she died," he sighs. If this is leading to where I think it is… "I stayed at a friend's house wi-" Yes it is. I am not listening to this. I already know about his night with that, that…woman! And she is no friend of his. What kind of 'friend' doesn't even come to see you when your one true love dies? What kind of 'friend' hasn't called or even seen you in over a year? What kind of friend is that huh? Not a very good one I tell ya.
I'm so not listening to him talk about her. La la la la la…not listening…la la la la la. What's he saying now?
"She tried to kill herself, and I needed to help-" Still not listening. Yeah, I know she tried to kill herself and I am glad that you helped you, but you could have at least, oh I don't know, called me! That man can be so dense sometimes. But, I still love him. What about now?
"I explained it all to her and she eventually forgave me." Good, he's done with her. He's lucky he only had to sleep in the guest room for three nights. I should have given him more, but I caved. What can I say; I'm a sucker for him. "I haven't heard from Heather since." I cringe; he just had to say her name one more time didn't he?
"So, everything was good after that?" Melinda asks.
"Yeah, up until she died." Good, we're back to that.
"Yeah, we were planning on making breakfast together after shift. Blueberry pancakes, her favorite. I didn't think I could miss someone as much as I miss her. I have no idea how I have made it this past year. I'm basically running on autopilot. That's the only way I can get through work. At home, all I do is walk around touching her things and trying not to cry, but I always do. Any more, I'm just not sure it's worth it. I've lost the only thing in the world that mattered to me." Gil tells Melinda. Tears are pouring out of his eyes again.
"I know this is hard for you, but she needs you to stop this. She needs you to stop being so depressed and smile again. She needs for you to be happy again. But, most of all she needs you to forgive her for dying. She can't move on and be at peace if you don't."
After not speaking for a moment, Gil says, "I don't know if I can do any of that." What, oh come on Gil, you've come this far. It only took Melinda a few days to get you to open up, it took me several years. Just take that last step and forgive me damn it.
"Why not?" Melinda asks him.
"She was my world. She still is. How can I just stop being like this when I feel that my life has no meaning? I don't think I can forgive her for leaving me and making me feel like this." Gil sadly states.
"Don't say that. I didn't want to die. I hate seeing you like this. I just want you to be happy and stop sulking all the time. It's not good for you Gil. It's killing you." I say, standing up and coming closer to them.
"She says that she didn't want to die. She hates seeing you like this. It's killing you." Melinda tells him for me. I wish I could tell him myself, but if I could we wouldn't even be having this conversation.
"You know what, it doesn't matter what she wanted; that's what she did. She died and left me here to live miserably and alone. So, why should I care about what she thinks about my lifestyle? Her opinion stopped matter over a year ago." Gil says, anger rising in his voice.
"NO!! Stop saying that. I may be dead, but I still care. I don't want you to be miserable and alone. I love you and I hate you being like this. Please just listen to Melinda." I say as tears pour down my face.
"She says-" Melinda starts, but Gil cuts her off.
"Stop! I don't care what she says. I just don't care anymore. She can wonder this earth for eternity for all I care, because there is no way I will ever be able to forgive her!" No, no, no! Why won't her forgive me? The last thing I wanted was to die there. I didn't want for this to happen. Wait, where he going? He's leaving. I'm going after him.
"Are you coming?! I can't exactly talk to him." I yell to Melinda and she gets up and follows him too.
We chase him through the halls and we finally catch up to him by the A/V lab.
"Stop. You can't just walk away from this. Sara needs you." Melinda says as she grabs his arm and spins him around.
"I don't care what she needs! She's dead!" Gil yells at her. People are coming out of their work station to see what the commotion is about.
"Yes, she is dead, but she still needs you. She needs to leave and she can't do that without you. You need to stop being selfish forgive her so she can move on." Melinda says as Gil chuckles at her mention of him being selfish.
"I'm the one being selfish? I can't believe that you think I'm the one being selfish. Sara is the one being selfish." As he says my name, people visibly wince. I can't believe these people live like I never existed. It's like they have forgotten about me, since Gil doesn't let anyone talk about me. "She is the one who needs me to forgive her for dying, because she can't 'move on' if I don't. She wants to go into the light and live in eternity all happy and peaceful, while I live here depressed and miserable. If that's not selfish, then I don't know what is." Gil yells, anger clear in his voice and face.
"That's not selfish of her. It's what we are all supposed to do when we die. It's what we all need, including her. And you not forgiving her is keeping her from that." Melinda tells him.
"No." Gil says. That one word keeps destroying me and my hopes of leaving.
"Why not?" I yell at him.
"Why?" Melinda asks him for me.
"Because she doesn't deserve it. I hate her for what she did and there is no way I will ever be able to forgive her for that. Let her soul rot on earth forever for all I care. I hate her more than anything and will never ever forgive her." Gil says and starts to walk away. Now my anger is starting to rise and being a spirit that is not a good thing. "Oh and Melinda, if I you come back into this building, I will have you arrested." And with that he is gone. Off to live his life miserable and alone while I am stuck here to 'live' miserable and alone.
"I'm sorry Sara. I tried." Melinda says to me. My anger is really starting to take over. I've been wonder what I can do as an angry soul. I could do a lot as a person; I can't even imagine what I can do now. I can tell that I'm about to find out.
"That son of a-" I don't get to finish as my anger takes over and I unleash my spiritual energy on the Las Vegas Crime Lab.
The glass walls being to shake and break and it begins to rain glass.
"Sara STOP!!" Melinda yells at me as the equipment in the A/V lab let's out a loud, ear-piercing screech.
Everyone covers their ears and if they haven't already, they leave the scene.
"Sara, you have to stop this!" Melinda yells over the noise while covering her ears. Things in the labs are beginning to break now.
"NO! I hate him for doing this. This is all Gil's fault." I tell her. I can see the rest of the gang coming over to see my work. They look on is disbelief while covering their ears to try to block out the deafening screech. I'm sure they have no idea what's going on. After all, Catherine is the only one she told about me. Even she looks like she can't believe what she is seeing.
"Sara, you have to stop this and just crossover. You don't need to stay here. Just ignore Grissom and leave. It's what you need." Melinda desperately tells me.
"Never. I can't just ignore him." I tell her. Suddenly, everything stops: the noise the breaking, the chaos. People come out of hiding and just stare around and especially at Melinda. My anger is still there, but I must have used up all of my energy. I feel very weak and tired.
"Thank you for coming and trying to help me, but I can't crossover without his forgiveness. I'm sorry. Enjoy the rest of your life Melinda." I say and leave her, leave Gil, and leave the lab. Forever. I will never go back there. If he can't forgive me, he doesn't deserve to have me by his side all the time. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
TBC
A/N: So how will it end? Y'all have to wait for the next chapter. I'm not sure what that will be. School started last week, so I'm not sure when I will have the time to write it. I will have it up before the premiere though, I promise you that. I hope you liked it. And I love reviews, so please, please review.