A/N: First, as always, thank you to the super fantastic people that reviewed the massive last chapter!
Second, this chapter was supposed to be titled "These are feelings to hard to measure" and it was supposed to cover a whole lot more than this. Then I was one hundred and fifty pages into the next chapter, still not to the event that I wanted to end on, and I realized I can't just split it into parts for posting, I needed to make it into separate chapters. I think it feels like it's moving a little slower that way and it's kind of less complete, but it's much easier to digest than over one hundred and fifty pages at once if I split into about four chapters (or at least that's what I'm thinking at the moment- with this being the shortest, the next being longer, the one after that being slightly longer than this one, and the very last being twice as long as this update). This rearranging of how things are going to be posted (and therefore extension of how many chapters the story is going to be total) means that for once I'm actually ahead as I already have the next two updates written (yay!). Let's hope things can stay that way.
Third, did everyone get a chance to finish the last chapter? It got almost as many hits as chapters do on average, but far less reviews so I was worried that, given it's extreme length, you lovely readers were having to go back to it, reading it in bits and I worried that many of you possibly never finished. Sorry if the length made reading the chapter difficult. As this update demonstrates since I'm breaking it up the larger part it was intended to be a part of, I am making an effort to make chapters less massively time consuming to read.
Fourth, in the next chapter I'll be having Will assign duets as the first post- Sectionals assignment for the glee club (which will be performed two chapters from now) and given the topic of the next episode I'd like to say that I think it was totally my idea first. I planned this bit out last December and I have the notes on everyone's song selection to prove it so I'm pretty sure I beat Ryan Murphy to the fairly obvious idea.
Fifth, all places mentioned (with the exception of Foster's, naturally) are actually in Lima, Ohio. I did massive amounts of research. Though I did take some creative liberties with places google earth wouldn't let me look at.
Finally, I hope you enjoy reading the chapter and enjoy the AU direction:D
Cheated Hearts
VIII. Some say losin' it all can bring something new
(Here's something you should know: Despite her decision to do things alone now, Quinn's still just as confused as ever.)
Quinn had walked away from Puck as briskly as her feet would carry her without breaking into a run. She tries to calm down and stop the tears running down her cheeks before she passes someone in the halls- even if that's not likely given that it's about forty minutes after school got out on a Friday.
She keeps walking even after her tears have stopped. (And tells herself firmly not to think about what just happened with Puck, what she just told him. It was for the best.) She gets a distraction from the thoughts she's trying not to have in her head pretty quickly as it occurs to her that she doesn't know where she's walking to. She doesn't know where she's going at all. She doesn't actually have anywhere to go to. She doesn't have a home anymore, she doesn't have a place to spend the night anymore.
She takes a deep breath and tries not to dwell on how sad those thoughts make her feel. She's in control of her life now; she decided that as she sat in that alcove thinking of what she had become. So, she's in control. But what should she do?
As she had told Finn when she initially became homeless, she could probably get Brittany to let her spend the night at her house- though she's showing a bit now so parents are probably going to be more wary of her, she thinks. But what would she do the night after that? She couldn't depend on other people, other teenagers, for short stays at different homes. She need a permanent solution. One wasn't going to come before the night did, she was smart enough to know that the situation was more difficult than that. So, what could she do tonight? She had a little money, maybe she could get a hotel room. Although, thinking of how much she had, how much places cost, and the fact that she'd need to eat at least once at some point, she knew she was probably lucky to have enough for a night at the seediest motel in town. So how could she add to the money she has? She knows she could ask Puck, but though he'd help her she knew he probably couldn't actually afford to.
She stays stuck for a few minutes, unable to think of other people she could depend on to help her. (She doesn't want help. She does want to get through this on her own. First, because she feels like she needs to prove that she can- she's had so many blemishes to her character lately. Second, she feels like she deserves to be alone after everything she'd done.) The kids from glee probably hate her now because she's responsible for Finn leaving them. Plus she hadn't been that great to them to begin with. The idea of having to face Mr. Schue again made her want to run and hide. Addie- she wished she had a number for her and knew whether or not she was in town. She'd been in a sort of similar situation herself and she had always been so kind so Quinn thinks she would help, if only she could find a way to reach her.
There was always her sister too- maybe. Quinn hadn't really talked to Jessica in months- not since she found out she was pregnant. She never mentioned Puck to her and barely mentioned Finn. Her parents could have turned her sister against her possibly, but Quinn didn't think it was likely. If they told Jess she was pregnant she would have called her immediately or even shown up at the high school (somewhere she knew she would find her). If she told her sister now, she could probably send her the money for a hotel room. Maybe she'd even come and stay a few days and help her sort things out. Maybe she could even leave Lima and go stay with Jess and her husband in Reading, Pennsylvania- it's not like she really has anything to stay here for (a guy who kept breaking her heart, a school full of people who will ridicule her more now, a home she's not welcome in). Talking to Jess had been different the last few times she had done it and she wasn't looking forward to having to tell another person she cares about what she's done, that she's pregnant, but her sister had never been like their parents so it should go okay. Talking to her could be really helpful (she thinks- if she were positive of that she would have done it sooner).
Quinn heads for her locker to get her cell phone so she can call her sister. Unfortunately for her, apparently her parents finally caught on to the fact that they were still paying for it and picked today to cancel her service (it was just working a few hours ago too- damn their timing). There has to be a payphone somewhere around the school though…probably, she thinks so she grabs her bag and tries to think of where to head to first to look for the now uncommon object.
Before Quinn gets two steps from her locker (heading toward the gym thinking a phone may be in there), she hears a familiar voice call, "Quinn! Good, I found you again."
Rachel comes speeding in front of her blocking the direction she intended on head in. She rants, "I know you wanted to be left alone, but I spaced before and forgot to mention that I'm not only sorry for telling Finn, but sorry for making up the T-sacks- which, yes, was made up- so I could find out if Puck really was the father. It was awful of me to use your love and concern for your child against you. I'm sorry." She barely pauses long enough to take a breath before she's rambling again, "And I know I can't make up for it exactly, but I'd like to try by offering to take you in for as long as you need. I know you were staying with Finn and what I did made you homeless again, so I want to fix it by offering my home. I've told my dads about you, they'll be fine with it, don't worry. You can even partake in my pre-competition ritual with me tonight- it consists of a strict diet, several hours of practice, and being in bed by eight-thirty."
"If you really told your dads about me, then I doubt that they'd be fine with it," Quinn responds. She knows that it is nice of Rachel to offer- even if she's doing it out of guilt. But it's not what she needs or wants right now so she tries to find holes in the logic.
"Oh they won't care that you're pregnant. They don't judge," Rachel responds, thinking that was the reason Quinn believed her dads would object to her presence.
That would normally be the reason Quinn would believe she was unwelcome somewhere, after all it was why her parents threw her out, but this time she thought they'd object for a different reason. "I meant if you told them about me- how I used to…harass you through your Myspace page and how…cruel I could be to you at school. If I was in their position, I wouldn't want me in their home."
"Oh," Rachel stumbles eventually. "I never told them about any of that," she confesses, "I don't tell them when any of the kids at school do something mean. I don't want them to worry about me." She manages a smile and offers, "As far as they know you're the girl who's boyfriend I liked and who he was having a baby with- but we can gloss over those changes. Other than that they know that we're in glee together and though I think you have a lovely voice you're lack my range and training so you don't offer competition for some of the more demanding vocal performances that I would like the club to feature exclusively." She seems to realizes she side-tracked into a mini-rant and concludes, "They'll be fine, I promise."
"You promise what?" Kurt asks as he pops up suddenly beside the two of you.
"That my dads will be pleased to have Quinn stay with us," Rachel says hopefully. Quinn begins to think that she's being genuinely nice here and acting out of more than just guilt.
"She's not staying with you, she's staying with me," Kurt informs Rachel. He turns to Quinn and explains, "I may have helped plant the idea of being honest with your parents in Finn's head, which I've felt awful about- I had no idea what would happen. But I'm part of the reason you don't have anywhere to stay so I'd like to offer you one." He glances back at Rachel and offers, "It'll be better than Rachel's. We have a spare room-"
"We do too," Rachel interjects.
"-it's got a fantastic French countryside decorative theme to it," Kurt continues.
"Ours is very artistic. My dads painted it themselves," Rachel interrupts again.
"It's got it's own bathroom, a TV with cable, and we have Wi-Fi," Kurt adds on.
"Ours too," Rachel declares.
"And I cook and so does my dad. We'll have something fabulous every night," Kurt promises and looks to Rachel, challenging her.
"We mostly order take-out," she confesses, "but from the best places. Our taste in take-out is really…the best."
Before Kurt can come up with any other thing to promise and for Rachel to counter him again, Quinn interrupts finally, "Look, this is nice of both of you, but I can't accept. It's my fault I've lost two homes, not yours."
"But where will you stay?" Rachel asks. She doesn't look relieved that Quinn turned her down, she looks concerned, which is nice of her (again).
"I was just about to call my sister," Quinn tells them. (She hopes her sister will help or she'll probably have to take back what she's saying here and take one of them up on their offer to help.)
"Oh, I didn't even know you had a sister," Kurt comments and Rachel nods agreeing.
"She doesn't live in town anymore. But she'll come and help me figure something out- a more permanent solution than staying in people's spare rooms," Quinn tells them. She stays vague on where her sister is and hopes that they don't ask so she won't have to come up with a lie. If she tells them she's eight and a half hours away she knows they probably won't let this go. "Thank you for offering though," she tells them sincerely. She really didn't think anyone would be that nice to her after what just happened.
"I hope things work out with your sister, but the offer stands," Kurt says.
"Ditto," Rachel agrees. "I guess we'll see you tomorrow then. Both of you remember to rehearse for at least two hours tonight and one hour tomorrow before meeting for the bus at ten," she dictates and follows it with a "good-night" before marching back down the hall.
"I'm so not doing that," Kurt mutters as Rachel leaves. After Rachel is out of sight he turns in the opposite direction and heads off with a simple, "Toodles Q."
Quinn's left to finally continue on her way to they gym to look for a pay phone. Only, she finds out minutes later, there isn't one there. Back in one of the main hallway, she looks around trying to think of the next most likely place to have one. The office is closed by now, she knows that so there's no point going in there. As she's considering a place to go she finds a person walking towards her that she didn't expect to see again.
"Good, you're still here. I've been trying to call you since you walked-off," Puck tells her as he approaches.
"My parents finally canceled my phone," she explains.
"Oh, well," he hesitates and then, finally only a couple steps away from her he stops and dives in, "I realized that you're out of a place to stay again. I know you're doing this alone, but if you need a place to stay now or any time, you always have one at my place."
"Thank you," Quinn says sincerely. She thought she could depend on him and she's glad she's right. But what she needs to do here isn't changed by his offer so she can't accept. "I don't need a place actually. I was going to call my sister- as soon as I find a way to call her. Do you know where any payphones are around here?"
"No," he says after considering it. He pulls out his phone and offers, "But here. Go ahead and call her."
She bites her lip because it's another nice thing happening that she didn't expect and wants to accept, but she can't. "It's a long distance call, she's in Pennsylvania, and I can't let that get charged to you. It'd be too expensive."
He nods understanding. His money has better places to go after all, it probably would be better to avoid spending it on things he doesn't have to. But something stuck out to him what she said. "Pennsylvania?" he questions. "Does that mean you're going out there?" he asks, afraid to hear the answer but wanting it all the same.
Maybe, is the honest answer. But this is his baby too and with the way he's looking at her right now, like her leaving would be the worst possible thing that could happen to him, she can't say it. She's definitely staying through tomorrow though, through sectionals, and then thinking about things so she tells him as if he has asked about her plans for the very immediate future, "No." She explains (and lies a bit), "She knows some of the stuff going on- not the most recent developments of course, but once she does she'll come out here. She should make it by tonight if I could find a phone soon. And if she can't make it by tonight she'll send me some money to get a hotel room for us for the rest of the weekend, come tomorrow, and she'll help me work something out- a more permanent place to stay."
"Good. That sounds…good," he responds awkwardly. It'd been only about thirty minutes since she declared she would be going it alone and she already had a plan- and a better one than he could have come up with. Maybe she really didn't need him. (He knew though, he still wanted her to want him.) He remembers the things she said, thinks about what both paths could mean, and offers, "Well if she can't come today I can take you by Finn's to get your things then take you wherever she gets you a room. And if she's not here before we need to meet at the bus in the morning I can swing by and give you a ride here."
If her sister couldn't come immediately (and she knew that immediately would get her here very late tonight), she hadn't honestly thought how she'd get her things from Finn's or how she'd get back here tomorrow. She supposed a cab though she hated to waste the money on one. So she decides, "Mrs. Hudson has work at six tonight. I figured Finn would have my things waiting for me outside shortly after that so he doesn't have to see me. It probably isn't a good idea to leave them out on his doorstep or front yard too long and my sister, if she makes it tonight, may not make it soon enough so I may have to take you up on that. I'll let you know, about both of them."
He nods. It's not like he can force her to accept his help even if he wants her to let him help. There's still one thing he knows she needs at the moment though and since he's not giving up on being there for her, he thinks about it and suggests, "While I was looking for you I saw Ms. Pillsbury still in her office. If she's still here I'm sure she'd let you borrow her phone to call your sister."
"I'll go look for her. That's a good idea, thank you," Quinn tells him- genuinely grateful because finding a payphone on campus was seeming more hopeless and the more time that passed the less likely it was feeling like she'd ever get to talk to her sister.
He nods again. (It feels like this is all he's really doing even though he knows he is doing something for her here. So why doesn't it feel like progress?) He asks, "If you want, I can hang around here until you've made your call and give you a ride wherever after?"
Again, it is a nice offer. Nice didn't feel right to her right now though. And besides if she goes off with Puck, spends time with him after today (a horrible day) and ends up believing in him, wanting him, as she's already starting to here with him looking at her like that (and just being near), then she'd probably only end up getting her heart broken again, repeating past mistakes, and she had just vowed not to let those things happen again. She tells him (honestly- she had already thought of this when she realized she'd have a wait for her sister), "I was actually just going to go to the library while I wait for my sister or to get my things. I have a project due next Tuesday and I could really use a distraction from today for a little while anyway. It's a short walk, I'll be fine getting there. But thank you."
"Alright," he says, accepting her choice. He has something else to say here, but he hesitates. Not because it's a very difficult thing to say, but he knows waiting a beat could open up an opportunity.
She starts to take a couple steps backwards toward the direction she'll be turning and heading in in a second, right after she says, "I'll see you tomorrow."
As soon as she begins to turn he takes a step forward and catches her forearm- holds it lightly between his fingertips.
(Her breath hitches a little- enough that she notices it, not so much that he could.)
She turns back to him and he lets her arm slide from his slight grasp as he tells her, "I have to tell my mom tonight. Word's going to spread and I need her to hear it from me."
She tries not to think of all the things he's saying by saying this (and all the ways he compares to Finn about this situation). Instead she nods and tells him, "I know."
"She's probably going to want to meet you," he warns. She's going it alone she said, so he doesn't know if he'll be able to tell his mom that of course the girl who's pregnant with his kid will meet her (if that's what his mom wants- which he's pretty sure it will be).
Right. Puck's mom wasn't like hers-she'd probably want to at least meet the girl who's having her granddaughter (and she hopes that the woman doesn't judge her for that). But it feels…like too much, for right now at least. She has enough stuff to deal with, to figure out, and she just can't imagine going through that any time in the immediate future. She tells Puck, "If she wants to meet me of course I'll do it. But, can you maybe ask her for some time? I just don't feel up to it right now."
"Yeah, sure," Puck responds, understanding. It'd been a long day and it wasn't even over. Plus he knew Quinn had been through a lot lately (some of it thanks to him) and even if meeting his mom probably wouldn't go badly really, she probably didn't need another difficult situation to go through at the moment. "Call me if you need anything," he tells her again and lets her go her direction while he heads another.
She forces away thoughts of their interaction and heads for Ms. Pillsbury's office. She is indeed still there. It looks like she's just staring at her hands as they're flat on her desk in front of her. "Ms. Pillsbury?" Quinn says tentatively from the doorway.
"Quinn, come in, what can I do for you?" she knows the contents of the day already and she couldn't begin to guess what would come next so she simply asked the standard question of those that enter her office.
"Most people already knew, I don't know if you're one of them, but I was staying with Finn because my parents kicked me out. After today-" Ms. Pillsbury nods, she was there, so Quinn skips over any further detail, it's not necessary, "I need to arrange another place to stay and to do so I wanted to call my sister but my parents finally canceled my cell service."
"Use my phone," Ms. Pillsbury jumps in as she turns the phone around for it to be easier to reach from the other side of her desk.
This is what she was hoping for, a phone. But Quinn had been looking for a payphone (and had made sure she had plenty of change for it) because she lied when she told Puck her sister was informed on things- this conversation would probably take a while. She warns Ms. Pillsbury so she can retract the offer if she needs her office and/or phone, "I haven't told my sister much lately. I have some explaining to do. It's probably going to take me a while so if you need your phone, if you could just direct me to a payphone-"
"No, take all the time you need," Ms. Pillsbury insists. She stands up as she continues, "I need to check in with Mr. Schue anyway- see if he's found you guys a twelfth member for tomorrow and go over a few other specifics. I'll be back in a little while to check and see how things are going and if you need anything." She smiles reassuringly as she leaves and shuts the door gently behind her.
She has a phone, privacy, and time, so Quinn no longer has a reason not to call her sister (except the continued fear that she may not actually be able to count on her). She dials the number from memory and takes a deep breath as she listens to it ring.
"Hello?" comes her sister's voice after the third ring.
"Jess, it's-"
"Quinn!" her sister exclaims and continues quickly, "Should you be calling me yet?"
Huh? "What do you mean?" Quinn returns, greatly confused.
"You haven't called in forever so I called the house- about two weeks ago- and mom and dad said you were in the middle of those tests you take to get college credit. They said they'd last like a month and that I shouldn't bother you until they were finished," Jessica explains.
"AP tests aren't until spring," Quinn says- the first wrong thing to correct in what she was just told.
"Oh," Jessica says, "if I was a better student in high school I probably would have known that." Her parents lying to her wasn't unusual, but this case was odd. She asks, hoping Quinn knows, "Why would mom and dad tell me that then?"
Okay, this is it. No more hesitating. She needs her sister to know if she's going to get some help and she really needs help. Quinn forces out, "Because they couldn't let you talk to me at home because I'm not at home. They kicked me out a few weeks ago."
"Why?" her sister manages to squeeze in asking during Quinn's pause.
She's said this before, it shouldn't be hard to do again. (It is though. Because right now she's telling someone she cares about- someone she's letting down.) "I'm…pregnant," she confesses evenly.
"What?" Jessica returns thinking that she must have an awful connection and couldn't have heard right.
"I'm pregnant," Quinn repeats, softer (shame entering her tone).
"Oh," Jessica responds, not knowing what else to say. Saying one of the thoughts in her head, Jessica comments, "I didn't even think it sounded like you really liked your boyfriend that much."
"It's not his," Quinn says because she might as well tell her sister everything, she'd need to eventually anyway.
Jessica stays silent for fear of saying something stupid in her state of shock. Okay, her little sister, her teenaged sister, is pregnant and apparently kicked out of their parents house. Wait, then, "First, I can't believe mom and dad kicked you out. Well, I can believe it it's just…anyway, where have you been staying since they did?"
"At Finn's," Quinn says and knows that her sister must be confused. She tries to explain simply for now, "It's a long story but until earlier today he thought the baby was his."
That was certainly going to need more explaining, but concentrating on the words Jessica picks up, "So now you're going to need somewhere else to stay?"
"Yeah," Quinn confirms. She proposes, "I know I have a lot of explaining to do and I want to tell you everything, but I was hoping maybe I could do it in person. Do you think you could come here and help me sort things out this weekend? And then maybe consider going back with you by Monday? I'd leave here sooner but I have this glee competition thing tomorrow and I really need to show up to it."
Jessica sighs heavily over the phone and says, "We really need to talk more often and share more when we do." Quinn's brows furrow in confusion but before she ask her sister what she meant Jess was continuing, "First, of course I would come immediately, but I'm kind of unable to walk at the moment."
"What happened?" Quinn interjects worriedly immediately.
"Oh it was so stupid," her sister says in a sigh, "I was at Macy's, a little over two weeks ago, and I was rushing down the escalator and I slipped and slid down to the bottom. I landed funny or something- broke my left leg in four places. I had to have surgery on it and I'm all laid up in this cast I can't move in. In another three weeks they're going to check on it and if it's not healing right they said they'll have to do surgery again and I'll be going through this all over again. It's awful. I can't really get around on crutches even and I definitely can't fit in either of our cars. Eric had to get one of his friends who's wife has a mini-van to drive us home from the hospital."
"Why didn't you call and let me know what happened?" Quinn asks and she gets the irony- she hadn't exactly been forthcoming about what had been going on with her either.
"I thought you were you know, living at home, and I didn't want mom and dad finding out- I don't want them to have a reason to visit. Though apparently I'll probably be laid up through the holidays so I'm either going to have to tell them or come up with one hell of an excuse," Jess responds. That settles how she can't go and see Quinn now like her sister wanted, but she needs to settle the other question too.
"I have something else to confess that might alter what you do next," Jess adds on. She sighs and admits, "Eric and I are having money troubles. Serious money troubles. Dad gave us that money as a wedding present and we decided to invest it in buying more stores, which as far as everyone knows was a really good idea. They're all part of a franchise though and when business has been dropping from bad to worse over the last three years- the franchise is costing us more money than the stores are making. It's been sucking our bank accounts dry. We've put all but one of the stores up for sale and I was at Macy's that day I fell, rushing, because I was trying to make it to a job interview."
"I'm so sorry. I had no idea things were that bad," Quinn says, not really knowing what to say but feeling bad for her sister and like she should say something.
"We didn't want anyone to know how bad things have gotten," Jess replies. She confesses, "I've been looking for a job to help support us for over a year because things have been…we're lucky we put away some savings when things were going good, if not, we would have lost the house by now." She sighs and gets to the part she really wishes she didn't have to say, "Quinn, you said about coming to live with us and of course you're welcome to, but I can't promise that we could afford to support you or the baby. I wish we could, but realistically I don't see us being able to. If you come we'll make it work of course. You'd just have to get a job too and after I get a first job I could take on a second. We may have to sell the house and move somewhere cheaper- our mortgage is a little outrageous- but we'll make it work. So when you're considering what you want to do, keep in mind that things won't be better here, just different." She exhales harshly into the phone and adds, "And I really hate to say this, but if you don't come stay with us, Eric and I will still help you as much as we possibly can, but…if we could avoid letting mom and dad know that we are that could be really helpful. Eric and I are nearing the point where we may need to ask them for help, for a loan, and I have a feeling they wouldn't give it if they knew we'd give some of it to you so, not that it sounds like you'll be seeing them, but it'd be best if they didn't find out that we're picking your side."
"Oh," Quinn responds slowly, not quite sure what to make of everything. It was a lot of information to take in at once (a feeling she knew her sister would be having/was having given everything she told and would be telling her).
"I'm so sorry," Jess apologizes immediately, "it's so awful of me to say that, I know. I should refuse any contact with them from now on for what they did to you. Throwing their own daughter out of their house and while she's pregnant no less- it's awful. But there's interest on bank loans and we probably wouldn't qualify for one at this point so we may need the help. I'd make sure you'd benefit from their help too of course- not that makes it any better of me to ask this of you."
Quinn believed her sister. She believed that she felt bad for having to tell her everything that she did. But she did need to know the circumstances before she made any sort of decision and the fact that it sounded like things would feel just as impossible if she moved in with her sister was something she needed to know. Her sister's house wasn't going to be the convenient safe haven she was hoping it would be. "It's fine. I understand," she tells her sister, assures her, because she really does understand that they're desperate too and unfortunately for the situation her parents could be their solution (even if they're the ones who made her situation more difficult).
"I'm sorry," Jess apologizes again, because she feels awful that things are the way they are and that she can't do more. She's not a bad sister though, despite her mistakes and circumstance. She offers, "You need some place to stay tonight though. Eric's actually in the area. We finally got someone interested in some of the stores. He was showing the one in Cincinnati yesterday and he showed the one in Dayton today. He'll be heading your direction because his cousin just got a job as a professor at the university in Findlay. I'll have him stop by and see you since I can't. I have my laptop here, just a second, I'll look up who has rooms free for the next couple of weeks- the Fairfield Inn or the Country Inn- and I'll call him and tell him where to get you a room."
"No," Quinn declines, "those are the two most expensive hotels in Lima. I can't let you pay for a room at either of them for a couple of weeks. The Travelodge or the Days Inn will be fine- for a week, I'll figure out something else by this time next week."
"You are not staying at the Days Inn- you might as well stay at the Red Carpet Inn- both of them are so…disgusting," Jess says with a shudder. Quinn can hear quick clicking of her sister typing and before she can argue that she's (fairly) sure the Days Inn would be fine, Jess continues, "Here. I'll have Eric get you a room at the Wingate. It's not much more than the places you proposed and it's in a better location. It's closer to your school and it's in the middle of town so you won't have far to go to get something to eat. Plus there's free breakfast included so one of your meals each day included in the price."
Quinn knows where the hotel is. Lima isn't so big of a town and it's hard to miss a building as big as a hotel. She knows, from the look of it from the outside, it would be nicer and if it's cheaper than the ones her sister said about (and since her sister's got her insistent tone about her) she should just agree to it, "Okay. Thank you, that would be great."
"No problem," Jess says, "Now I'll call Eric and let him know what's going on and what he needs to do and I'll call you right back."
Quinn has to explain about her phone then and since she doesn't know Ms. Pillsbury's number they have to agree that Quinn will give Jess five minutes to get things squared away with her husband and Quinn will call her back. Jess wants a few more answers before Quinn can't commandeer someone's office any longer.
Quinn sits in her chair and stares at the walls for the five-minute wait. She doesn't want to think of anything. She knows that what her sister told her about her and her husband's financial situation changes so many of her possibilities. She knows that things are going to be harder than she thought they were (and she already knew they were going to be so hard).
Once the five minutes are up she dials her sister's number again and Jessica answers on the first ring.
Jessica doesn't check to make sure it's her sister calling before diving right into the details, "Okay, Eric will pick you up from the library. He should be there around six/ six-thirty depending on traffic. He said to start thinking of somewhere you want to go to dinner. Then, after dinner, he's going to take you to get a phone and we'll add you to our family plan- no arguing, I want a way to get in touch with you no matter where you are. Then he's going to take you to the Wingate and check into the room I'm booking for you through a week from Sunday. No arguing with that either- you may have said a week, but I'm getting you an extra weekend there so we have more time to figure out something better."
Quinn knows better than to argue with her sister's stubbornness and she's really grateful for the extra help anyway so she's not about to refuse it. "That sounds great. Thank you so much," Quinn says sincerely.
"No problem. This is what family is really for- even if mom and dad never made it seem that way," Jessica declares. She knows that they have limited time given where Quinn is though so she doesn't hesitate to dive right back into their conversation, "Now I know we don't have long because you're in some lady's office, but I need to know a few important things before I let you go. And you also have to promise that after Eric leaves you you'll call me and fill me in on the rest of the stuff that's been going on because it sounds like there's a hell of a lot that I don't know."
"I promise," Quinn swears. She's just glad her sister wants to know the details and doesn't seem to be judging her for the situation she's ended up in. It's a nice change to have a family member accept her. (She regrets now that she didn't tell her sister sooner. They'd had that stupid little argument last time they talked so she didn't want to chance it again. She wishes she had trusted her sister more.)
"Okay, then first things first. Are you okay? Are you getting medical care?" Jessica asks concerned. Of course how her perfect little sister ended up pregnant was the question she really wanted answered. But right now, with limited time to learn things, there were other things that were more important.
"Yes I've seen a doctor, had an ultrasound. Everything's fine," she tells her. Though after that fall the previous day maybe she should get checked out again. The websites told her not to worry, but she was worried anyway.
"Good," Jess states. "How far a long are you?" Jess asks. It's not that important of a question at the moment, but other than it only the heavier questions seemed to be coming to mind.
"Just getting into my second trimester," Quinn answers. She knows the exact week she's in but she's not sure her sister knows what that would mean as much as the answer she gave. (Her sister's never been pregnant and they've never talked about whether or not she's wanted to be. She's been married a little over four years and if pregnancy is a sore spot Quinn doesn't want to accidentally rub it in.)
Wow. That meant her little sister was over three months pregnant. Possibly even showing now. The image of her little sister pregnant was having trouble processing in her mind. She just couldn't seem to wrap her head around all this and struggled to come up with a simple, important, answerable question for the moment.
Met with silence from the other end of the line, Quinn gets a little self-conscious. She doesn't know what her sister is thinking about, but she feels like it's important she know sooner rather than later about the circumstances of how she got pregnant (in the briefest sense for now at least). She blurts, "It was just once. And it wasn't some frivolous thing."
"Oh I know," Jessica assures. She felt bad that her sister thought she had to tell her that. Of course Quinn wouldn't just be sleeping around with anyone. She may not get to see her very often or even talk to her as much as she'd like and they may not have really grown up together since she was ten years older than her sister, but she did know her despite all that. She laughs a little and jokes, "I know you're not a girl that would do things like that. That girl was me in high school. I lost my virginity in the bed of Jason Ward's El Camino freshman year of high school. But I was in that phase where I just had to try everything mom and dad forbid me from doing. You're not like that though. You never have been. I know that however you ended up pregnant, it meant something to you. I know the guy meant something too. Right?"
Quinn's tearing up. She's glad her sister has so much faith in who she is and that she doesn't seem to think that whatever her actions were, they were wrong. "Yeah, he did," she admits in a tear-filled breath. (It's difficult to admit, after how everything went wrong- multiple times- that she cared for him.)
"Does he still?" Jessica can't help but ask even though she knows it's one of those heavier questions that should probably be left for later when they can talk as long as they want.
"I don't know. It's complicated," Quinn answers. It's a mostly honest answer. (Really, she knows everything lately with him wouldn't hurt so much and even their last conversation in the hallway wouldn't have been so awkward if she didn't still feel something for him. She's not so sure anymore though that that something really means anything.)
It sounded like she'd be in for a real story when they talk later, Jess thought. She sighs and decides, "Well honey, I guess I should let you go. We've occupied your guidance counselor's phone line too long probably."
"Yeah, I should let her have her office back," Quinn agrees. She doesn't want to let her sister go. She feels better talking to her, but at least she knows she'll be able to talk to her about anything any time she wants from now on. No more hiding or fear will get to her.
They say goodbye and Quinn hangs up the phone. She stands up, wipes at her eyes, and turns the phone back to how Ms. Pillsbury had it. As she's picking up her bag from the ground she hears the door open. She looks up to find Ms. Pillsbury standing in the doorway.
"How'd it go?" she asks adding on, "If you don't mind me asking."
"It went good," Quinn tells her. She doesn't want to be completely honest because she fears it would raise too much concern. So she tells the guidance counselor, "My sister broke her leg since the last time we talked actually so she can't make the trip here. But her husband should be here in a couple of hours and he's going to help me get some things sorted out- a temporary place to stay and help me work on a more permanent one."
"That sounds good," Ms. Pillsbury says optimistically. She heads further into her office, around to her side of her desk as she adds, "I can always help with anything too. I know you haven't taken me up on any of my proposed sessions- and that's fine- but you can come in here for anything, it doesn't just have to be for academic advising."
"I know. I just haven't felt up to it," Quinn explains. There are a lot of things she knows she needs to start working on/deciding though. She hadn't wanted to before, but now she really wants to take control of everything and start making progress on her life. So she tells Ms. Pillsbury, "But I'll probably be in this week. There are a lot of things I know I need to talk to you about, just concerning school even, and I'm going to get them sorted so I can be organized when I come in."
"Great," Ms. Pillsbury exclaims, feeling like progress has been made. "Well," she says and pauses as she grabs her bag, "I am finally done here, Mr. Schue found you guys a temporary replacement, so I'm heading out. Do you need a ride anywhere? Or anything else?"
"No, I'm fine. I'm just heading to the library- only a couple of blocks walk," Quinn assures as she adjusts the bag on her shoulder and heads for the door.
Ms. Pillsbury follows her out and bids her a good night and tells her she'll see her in the morning in the parking lot to get on the bus. They part ways in the hall. Quinn heads back to her locker and picks up more of the things she thinks she may need this weekend. All of her books make for a heavy load, but thankfully the library really wasn't far.
As she leaves school, Quinn realizes that everything seemed different than when she had arrived this morning. While she felt awful about how she had hurt Finn, she didn't feel bad about all the changes. She hadn't really made any progress in sorting out her life exactly, but at least she felt like she could now. She finally felt like she had control of her life again and it was a good feeling.
-o-o-o-
Quinn finishes her weekend homework within an hour of arriving at the library. It had been a long day and very emotionally taxing day so she didn't want to get into any of the hard decisions she knew she had before her. She wanted to make progress on them, figure out what she was going to do with her life, but right now she really needed a break from that stress. So she browses the books and settles on The Secret Garden because it was a childhood favorite, it was familiar, and she needed the happy ending right now.
It's while one of those magical moments is occurring in the book that she hears a questioning, "Quinn?" She puts down the book to find her brother-in-law standing across her table from her (she picked one toward the front of the library so he would find her easily). She didn't really know him very well. Her sister had met him while they were in college at Northwestern and then they got married and moved to Pennsylvania as soon as they graduated. She didn't see her sister much besides some holidays after that so she didn't see Eric much. She figured that spending time with him tonight would therefore probably be awkward- especially considering the circumstances.
When she looks up at him he continues, "This seems to be a pretty nice library. Are you sure it's a safe place to be though? Some homeless guy barked at me on my way in."
"That's just Patches. He's harmless," she tells him as she stands and gathers her things.
"Okay," he accepts.
(He doesn't glance at her stomach and try to see if she's showing- which in this dress she's not really- and she's grateful for that.)
He picks up some of her books to carry them for her and he checks with her whether she has anything in the stack she still needs to check out. She doesn't so she heads for the exit. He stops her before she's gotten two steps past him in the direction of the entrance, "Barking at that guy back doesn't make him…not-harmless, right? Because if that's the wrong thing to do with him then we need to find another exit."
Quinn smiles, "I don't think it'll be a problem." She can't help laughing a little as she asks, "You barked at him back?"
He shrugs and answers, "It felt like the right thing to do."
They head out to his car (there's not a problem with Patches) and he apologizes for all the mess in it- he'd been driving a lot for the last couple of days and had kind of let things go.
It's then, after he asks where she wants to go, that she has to mention about getting her things. He doesn't ask questions, just says to give him directions to get there and they'll get her things. When they get to Finn's her things are piled on/around his stoop just like she expected (they're packed away nicely too, which she appreciates). Eric jumps out of the car telling her he'd get them and she should just stay there before she can argue.
Once back in the car, he pulls away from the house and drives down the street even though he doesn't know where he's going (it didn't seem like a place she'd want to be from the little he'd gathered from his wife).
After a few minutes of driving without direction in silence, Eric asks, "Okay, so, according to Jess especially, I'm not good at reading women. Are we acknowledging and possibly discussing the whole…pregnancy thing or are we pretending it doesn't exist for tonight? Because I'm good either way- whatever you want or need to do, I'll go along with it, no problem."
Quinn knew her sister would pick a good guy to marry, but she had never had any particular experience to go on with him that she was assuming that on, just belief in her sister. But now, she knew he was indeed a great guy. It had been a long time now (or at least felt like it) since she pretended that she wasn't pregnant, had mostly gotten used to the idea that she was. Plus, when she had the option not to for whatever reason, Quinn didn't particularly like to pretend. So she quips good-naturedly, "Well I think pretending I'm not pregnant would be impossible to do once you see how much I can eat now." (It wasn't that much- except when compared to how much she'd eat on her constant dieting.)
From there they discuss where to go to dinner, but Quinn doesn't have any suggestions. Her parents were never big on eating out at anything but the nicest restaurants in town or their country club and she didn't want to go any of those places (they were too expensive anyway). They couldn't go to the Olive Garden considering Finn worked there. And when she went out with girls from the Cheerios or dates before/with Finn they usually ended up at any pizza place or the restaurants in the mall, which she also didn't relish going to (she figured they'd be packed with kids from school). Foster's was closed so it was out (Eric called 411 for the number when she mentioned it, but no one answered). Finally, Eric said he saw a Cracker Barrel on his way into town and asked her if she wanted to go there. Quinn had never eaten there, which Eric, for some reason, couldn't fathom (apparently it was a popular chain in his home state of Pennsylvania too). He declares that she has to experience the Cracker Barrel so that's exactly what they do.
There's silence as they pour over the menus. Eric was familiar with it, but Quinn had a lot of reading to do considering she could choose from ordering breakfast or something off the lunch/dinner menu. Thus silence prevailed between them prior to ordering.
Once their meals were ordered and there was no longer the convenient distraction of the menu, both Eric and Quinn were at a loss for where to begin. So Quinn's thankful when Eric offers, "Jess is really sorry she couldn't come."
"It's fine," Quinn assures. She wishes her sister could be there, she wishes she could see her, but she understands why it's impossible. "Was she in the hospital long after the surgery?"
"Just a couple of days," he answers. Something clicks in his head and he pulls out his phone, he takes a second with it before passing it across the table to Quinn as he tells her, "Here she is in the hospital bed. She hated that I was taking a picture, that's why she looks like that, not because she was in pain or anything, they doped her up good." Silence settles between them again as she hands back the phone (she didn't know what to say about the slightly blurry and bad picture of her sister so she just smiled and gave the phone back). Unfortunately, this silence is an awkward one.
Thinking that he probably didn't know what to say to her because of her situation, Quinn thinks it may make conversation easier if she finds out what he knows. She asks, "So what did Jessica tell you about…what's been going on with me?"
That seems like a question that requires a delicate response. Eric thinks for a second and responds, "She told me everything she knew- I think." That doesn't seem like a very clear answer and he feels uncomfortable saying it, but since it seems that Quinn wants to hear it, he elaborates, "She said you're a little over three months pregnant, the father isn't your boyfriend but is a guy who things are complicated with, your parents kicked you out, your boyfriend thought he was the father and found out that wasn't true today and that's why we picked up your things before coming here, and she mentioned being confused over you saying something about a glee club."
"That does cover what I had time to tell her," Quinn says. She responds to the confusion because it's easier than anything else, "The glee club thing was just that I joined the one at school towards the beginning of the year. Finn, my boyfriend, had joined and my parents thought it would be good if I did too- it's kind of a long story. But I like the club. It's probably been the only fun thing about…anything lately. And we have our first competition tomorrow."
"Good luck," Eric wishes sincerely. "That sounds like a fun club. My high school didn't have anything like that- I don't think."
There's another lull in the conversation and Eric decides to just offer, "Look, we haven't gotten to know each other that well over the years, but you can talk to me if you want. I have a sister and female cousins, I can be a useful in a conversational sense. But if you don't want to talk about any of it that's fine- I'll just dive into what's been on TV lately and what movies I've seen in the last year and we'll find something to discuss I'm sure."
Just like he had before in the car, he was making things easy for her. He was offering an easy way to give her whatever kind of night she wanted to have. The only problem was that Quinn wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about anything or if she definitely different. It felt odd to just start out saying something about what kind of horrible things have been going on in her life just because he'd asked right now. "Thank you," Quinn says sincerely, "I'm honestly not sure what I feel like doing at the moment though."
"Okay," Eric accepts and continues, "then we'll start with me." He smiles kindly and confides, "So you know about what Jess and I have been up against for a while and why I was around here? The guy I met who was interested in buying a couple of the stores seemed even more interested after I showed them to him. I don't want to jinx it, but I think he's going to buy them. And that will get the pressure off of us a bit so it would be pretty great if he did."
"That's great," Quinn comments.
"Yep," Eric agrees. He smiles again and continues, "And now I get to have dinner with you and after I'm going to see my cousin in Findlay so my day's just getting better."
Quinn smiles, grateful for his kindness. She asks, trying to make conversation, "Jess said that your cousin just got a job at the University of Findlay? What is he or she doing there?"
"She's teaching art history," Eric answers. He explains, "She's my favorite cousin. She has the life I always wanted. She went to five different universities across Europe to get her degrees and then she just worked her way around the continent and Asia and Australia and Africa and bits of South America. She's almost never in the country so I was really excited when she said she'd be somewhere sort of near by and for at least the rest of the school year because she took over some professor's contract who went on a sudden sabbatical."
"Why'd she come back finally?" Quinn asks curiously.
Eric shrugs and guesses, "I don't know. When I'd ask her on the phone she'd give me some vague answer about it being a good opportunity- but she had better opportunities in better places, I know that. So I'm really looking forward to getting up there to sleep on her couch and grill her about why she made the move to Ohio of all places." He thinks for a second and adds on, "My cousin, Kelly, is really great so I'm going to make sure I put her number in the phone we get you after dinner. If you ever need someone around here she'd help."
Calling a complete stranger for anything doesn't sound appealing, but she appreciates the thought so Quinn says, "That's a thoughtful suggestion. Thank you."
They talk a bit more about things that had been going on with Eric and Eric and Jessica lately. Their food arrives and they dig into their platters (Eric, roast beef; Quinn, fried chicken). After a bit of topically-light talking during dinner, Quinn offers apologetically (because he'd been great, but she didn't feel exactly like taking him up on his kind offer to talk), "I'm sorry. I do believe that I could talk to you, but it doesn't really feel right to tell you anything I haven't told Jess and there's so much I haven't told her right now."
"It's fine Quinn, don't worry about it. I understand," Eric assures. He continues joking, "I mean, I'd love to know something you haven't told Jess so I could lord it over her. But I do understand."
The rest of dinner and dessert (he insisted she indulge) passed pleasantly. Afterwards they headed to the nearest AT&T store (Eric and Jessica's cell service provider) and they got Quinn a phone- she insisted on one of the ones that was free with a two year contract. He headed to the nearest ATM after that and gave her more money than she wanted to accept. He also wrote her three blank checks and told her to use them any time she needs them and when she runs out they'd find a way to get her more money when she needs it- just call them with the amounts after she cashes something. Quinn tries to gracefully not accept them as well, but she's easily swayed into doing so because she knows she only has about fifty dollars in her wallet and no more money so she really could need this from them. Then Eric checked to see if there was anything else she needed, and since she didn't need anything he took her to the hotel.
As Eric checks in to the room his wife booked with Quinn by his side the hotel receptionist looked at him funny. When she leaves for a minute he whispers to Quinn, "I think she thinks I'm a pedophile."
"Sorry," Quinn apologizes, knowing that he's only getting looked at like that because she's with him and that they're only here because of her situation (and because she's not old enough to get a hotel room on her own).
"Don't worry about it," he returns, brushing it off, "I'm happy to be here. If it means you having a room, a safe place to stay for a while, then it's worth it."
She smiles at him gratefully.
He helps her bring her things up to her room and makes sure she's okay there. He asks, "Are you okay here? I can stay longer. I can get a room next door and stay the whole week if you want."
"No, it's fine. I'll be fine. I'm used to being on my own anyway," Quinn assures.
He nods in acceptance, leans forward and hugs her, and leaves promising to call soon and making her promise to call his wife ASAP.
Quinn takes a little while to settle into the room. She finds her clothes for tomorrow, her coat because it was getting cold out, and puts a few of her things away. She adds her sister's number to her phone (and Puck's- though she tries not to think of why even as she does it; unsure if she was doing it because it was his baby she was carrying and that made him important, or if he was just important). Then she settles on the king sized bed, back resting against pillows piled against the headboard, and calls her sister.
"Took you long enough to call me," Jessica answers, "Eric texted me your number over ten minutes ago after he had left you- with the instruction to call me immediately."
"Sorry Jess," Quinn says with a small smile, knowing her sister was just teasing.
"We have a lot to talk about and while you were at dinner with my husband I realized that could make this call really expensive," Jessica begins.
"The guy at the store said that me being on your family plan meant that we could talk an unlimited amount, no extra charge," Quinn interjects confused between what the guy at the store said and what her sister was saying.
Jessica sighs and admits, "Fine. That is true, but I wanted you to sign up for Skype like I just did so I could see you while we talk. It's free. And I haven't seen you since Easter at the beginning of last April- it feels like forever."
Telling her sister she was pregnant and discussing it with her was different from letting her sister see that she's pregnant. It felt…big, maybe too big after the day she's had. "No. I look awful," Quinn protests.
"I doubt that's possible," Jess returns. "I look awful, I've been laid up in bed for over two weeks." As Quinn twists her lip between her teeth trying to think of what to do, Jessica thinks she catches on to why there's silence on the other end of the line. "I doubt I'll be able to tell you're pregnant," Jessica offers, "I've had friends as tiny as you get pregnant and they take forever to start showing."
"I've gained weight," Quinn tells her.
"Pssht, I'll believe it when I see it," Jessica remarks. She encourages, "Come on, just download it. If you don't I'm going to have to call Eric and tell him to turn around and go back there to force you to do it." She assures again, "It'll be fine."
Quinn concedes, "Okay. Just give me a few minutes. If we're really going to be talking a while then I'm changing into my pajamas and it may take me a few minutes to get on to the hotel's wireless too."
"No problem, I'm on under my name so just call me when you're ready," Jessica tells her sister and hopes that Quinn calls her soon because she's had lots of questions rolling around in her head for hours now.
Quinn manages to change, download Skype, and find and call her sister using the video features within ten minutes. Jessica spends a few minutes defending her ragged appearance- blaming it all on not being able to manage being upright for more than a few brief minutes a day. She doesn't comment on Quinn's appearance- doesn't want to spook her away since it was an obvious concern.
After some small talk where Jessica asks questions about what Eric and Quinn did that night/talked about, Jessica dives into the harder stuff by simply saying, "Tell me everything."
Quinn takes a deep breath and does just that. She starts at the beginning, at Foster's. She tells her sister about Addie and Foster and Kelyn and Puck. She explains the babysitting and how the relationship between her and Puck evolved even though she remembered thinking that it was a bad idea to let it. She explains why she had been hinting to Finn that she'd go out with him previous to this time and why she said yes when he finally asked her. She explains how she saw Puck in the time in between setting a date with Finn and actually going on the date. She explains how she ended up going out with Finn after spending the week with Puck and how her relationship with Finn progressed from there, what it was like. She explains the night that she got pregnant (leaving out some details of course) and then she explains the day after. She explains how she came to have her boyfriend who she never had sex with think she was having his baby and how many mistakes she had made with everyone in her life from there. She explains what her parents said when they kicked her out. Finally, she explains what happened today and the decision she told Puck about.
She concludes simply with, "That's everything."
"That was a lot, but I don't think it was everything," Jess returns.
Quinn's brows furrow. Her sister's not asking for details about that night, right?
Thankfully before Quinn assumes that and starts talking again, Jess elaborates, "You haven't really said anything about the baby. Do you have any ideas about what you're going to do yet?"
"I did," Quinn admits, "When it was Finn's I didn't have any choices- I had to give her up. I couldn't let a baby that's not his ruin his life. But now things are different. I don't have anything she'd need. I don't see how I could give her anything she'd need because I don't have anything. But I don't really have a definite decision anymore."
"She?" Jessica inquires because that bit of information was new despite the fact that they had been talking for hours.
"Yeah," Quinn confirms softly, tears starting to sting in her eyes, "it was supposed to be too soon to tell, but they said it's a girl, they seemed sure."
"How are you feeling?" Jessica asks concerned (her laptop may not have the biggest screen, but she can see the glint of water in her sister's eyes).
"Fine. The morning sickness finally tapered off a week or so ago," Quinn answers, thinking it was what her sister was asking.
"That's good, but I meant how are you really doing with everything?" Jessica says with inflection in all the right places so her question didn't get lost in translation this time.
"I'm…" Quinn trails off her lip quivering and her eyes watering enough to spill tears now. Barely anyone had asked her that since this whole thing started and it was nice that someone cared enough to. And she can't pretend with her sister there staring at her so she answers honestly, "I'm so terrified. I don't know what I'm doing and I don't have any idea what I'm going to do and everything is coming too fast."
"Aw, honey," Jessica sighs, feeling tears sting her eyes thanks to watching her sister fall apart. "It'll all be fine," she assures, "you have me and you have Eric and we will help you. You'll see, we'll make sure that this is far from the worst thing to ever happen. Everything will be okay."
Quinn nods and tries to believe her sister. She certainly hopes she's right. But she's doing this alone now and what if she continues to make all the wrong decisions like it seems like she's been doing? What if everything just gets worse? (And if she has to give up this baby girl, the only thing that's been a constant in her life lately, her life can't possibly get better, can it?)
"Now dry off those tears and show me this weight you've gained so I can feel better about getting fat while I lie mostly immobile in this bed," Jessica says, trying to change the topic so her sister will forget about how hard everything's going to be for at least a little while longer.
Quinn laughs, thankful for the change in topic and reluctantly does what her sister asks. She thinks she'll look bigger thanks to the webcam but Jessica swears that if she's showing then she must have been far too skinny before. It's reassuring, as was the entire conversation and seeing her sister again even if it was just through a web cam. Quinn's so glad that she decided to ask for help from her sister, it was definitely one of the best things about her life lately and the assurance that she does have family who cares about her helps her fall into a peaceful slumber that night.
-o-o-o-
Puck's Friday night was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of his life so far.
After he and Quinn parted ways in the school he went outside and sat in his truck. He moved it so it was on the street that Quinn would need to go down to get to the library from the school and he waited. He sat there until he finally saw her leave the school and head in the direction she said she'd be. He wasn't going to stalk her or anything, he just wanted to make sure…he wasn't quite certain what he was doing. He just knew he needed to see that she made it out of school okay, got her call made and proceeded in the plan she had just like she told him she would.
He drove home and spent the next couple of hours in his room thinking about what he was going to say. He hoped Finn hadn't told his mom yet and that Mrs. Hudson hadn't called his mom about it. When his mom finally gets home from work she gets started on dinner right away (and she doesn't seem any different than usual so he supposes she hadn't gotten any phone calls revealing the truth to her). Both Kelyn and his mom seem surprised that Puck was not only going to eat with them on a Friday night, but that he was also going to stay in. He tells them that the glee kids would be pissed at him if he went out and risked having a little too much fun to be useful tomorrow. They don't seem to really believe him, but Puck has bigger things to worry about.
As they sit at dinner though, Puck realizes he can't say anything for a while. He can't tell his mom when his sister is there to hear. How she gets told about everything is his mom's decision too so he's stuck sitting there, knowing he's got to tell his mom things she's not going to be happy about, and pretending everything is normal. He tries not to think about everything he's going to have to say and usually he was pretty successful at not thinking, just not tonight when he really needed it.
(It doesn't help his sister's and mom's suspicions about his strange behavior- being there in all on a Friday night and his distractedness- that he keeps checking his phone every other minute like he's waiting for something important.)
(He thought maybe she'd need him tonight after everything that today was.)
Finally the time comes. Kelyn's falling asleep on the couch around ten and their mom encourages her to just go to bed, which she gives into. With the door to Kelyn's room shut and a few minutes having passed so it doesn't seem like she's coming back out again, Puck knows that this is the moment he's been waiting for. But here he is, not taking advantage of it. Instead of saying what he needs to say he sits on the couch (where she once slept next to him and held his hand with a bag of frozen peas in the middle) and nervously jiggles his right leg- arms crossed across his chest and staring intently at the TV even though he wasn't watching it.
"Noah," his mother says without taking her eyes off the magazine she was flipping through, "you're going to wear a spot in the floor there." She puts the magazine down and stands up to put it in a rack near the TV. She looks at him (he put a hand on his leg to stop it from moving and wouldn't look at her)- something isn't right. "What's going on?" she asks him.
Well, she did ask and he really needed to tell her everything. His leg starts jiggling again nervously as he says, "Ma' I have to tell you something really important."
"Okay," she says.
"You should probably sit down," he advises because he remembers how he was standing when he found out and how it felt like the ground fell out from under him.
May does as her son asked of her and she sits on the couch next to him facing him. She doesn't think she's ever seen him look so serious or scared and it terrifies her.
"I-" Puck begins looking at his mother, but he can't say it and watch her face and see how disappointed she's going to be. He turns away, eyes on the old brown carpet beneath the coffee table in front of them and finishes, "I got a girl pregnant."
It's not exactly the last thing May ever expected her son to tell her. She knew he was sexually active so she feared that this conversation would come at some point, but she thought it would only ever be a worry, not a reality. She takes a deep breath because she thinks she stopped breathing there for a second. Then she squeezes her eyes shut and starts praying.
Hearing his mother's quiet muttering gets Puck to finally look at his mother. Her eyes are closed and he has no idea what she's doing- he expected sheer disappointment not…insanity? "What are you doing?" he questions.
"Praying that the next words out of your mouth aren't that the girl's that Santana," May says and continues with her prayer.
"You can stop. It's not her Ma," Puck tells her. She opens her eyes and looks right at him. (It is there- the disappointment, and hurt too. But there's also concern and that makes it a little better, though not easier to continue.)
May sighs and confesses, "I don't know where to start. I have so many questions."
"There's a lot I have to tell you," Puck reveals.
"A lot?" May checks. Puck nods and she blows out a breath as she says, "Oh." The idea of what's happening here settles in the few beats of silence that follow and she finds herself crying. This wasn't supposed to happen. Her kids were supposed to have good lives. They were supposed to get to be happier than she was. Not that she was unhappy- her kids made her very happy. But she had so many obstacles to over come thanks to her ex-husband and they were supposed to have it easier. Now her son was having a baby as a teenager so having an easier life no longer seemed possible for him.
"Ma' I'm so sorry," Puck apologizes fiercely. "Please don't cry," he begs.
She wipes away her tears and tells him, "I know you're sorry. I know you didn't mean for this to happen." She takes a deep breath, wipes at her eyes again, tries to smile a little as she says, "I'm fine." Her son needs her now so it's not the time to dwell on how this will probably change his life for the worst; it's time to make sure she's there for him to try and make sure that that doesn't happen. She thinks quickly and decides, "Okay, you have more to tell me and I want to know everything. But I have a feeling that all this may tempt me to turn to my old ways and Dr. Goldman advised that I should deter those feelings with exercise- it's damn hard to drink while on the elliptical... and then there was something else about endorphins, I don't know, I don't remember. Anyway, it worked the other time I tried it so it'll work now. I'm going to go change into something I can get on there in and then you tell me everything while I'm on there. Okay?"
"Yeah," Puck agrees. He didn't really understand it, but last time his mom felt like drinking, last time something bad happened (they found out his dad moved again- didn't leave any signs of where he took off to this time), it seemed to help her to keep busy like that to work through her depression/anxiety. Puck hadn't pictured telling his mom everything while she was in her track pants and star of David t-shirt huffing on an elliptical, but at least she wasn't crying anymore.
Puck moves their coffee table and brings the elliptical (possibly the oldest one ever made- they got it cheap at a garage sale) out from its poor storage place behind the couch. His mom gets a glass a water and gets on it as she says, "Okay, first I assume the girl is having the baby otherwise there wouldn't be much more to talk about like you said."
"Yeah, she is," Puck confirms from his spot on the couch next to the elliptical.
"Okay," May accepts with a nod. She still doesn't know where to start, but she figures the other person involved in the situation is as good of a place as any. "Tell me about this girl," May says. (She knows it's unlikely that the girl will be Jewish so she tries to prepare herself not to look displeased about that.)
Puck doesn't know where to begin. He knows Quinn could come off sounding awful because he's got to say that she spent a night with him and she was Finn's girlfriend- all things that made her sound horrible and not how he wanted her to sound. "Do you remember that time I had someone stay over and I said she wasn't just some random girl and how I thought she may be around for a while?" he asks.
"And only hours later you said she wouldn't be around. Yeah, I remember that," May responds. She's wondered what happened there for months.
"It's that girl," Puck tells her, "the girl that spent the night that night is the one that's pregnant. Her name's Quinn."
"Like Kelyn's babysitter from… last spring?" May asks.
"Yeah, that's her," Puck responds.
May's brow furrows and she confesses to her son, "I'm confused. You lost me somewhere already."
He knew he'd mess this up, telling his mom. It was too complicated and he didn't want to say things wrong and have Quinn come off badly and that just seemed impossible. He sighs and tells his mom, "Okay, I can do this better, but some stuff I'm going to say is going to sound really bad about me and about her probably, but it's not like it seems so just don't… judge it yet. Just let me explain everything."
"Okay," May accepts.
"Quinn, who babysat Kel for free while I was working, is the girl that was here that night. We… had something right after we didn't need her to watch Kel anymore. But that something we had wasn't public so everyone thought we were both single and Finn asked her out and I didn't give her a reason not to go out with him so she did and we kind of ended before we really even began," Puck explains (he figured trying to explain how the two of them actually snuck around after Finn asked Quinn out was too complicated and not really necessary anyway- plus it made them both look worse). He sighs and continues with the even harder part, "Then there was that night and she was still with Finn, but she'd had a bad night and she called me and I knew it probably wasn't right, but I went to see her. I couldn't help it. We just talked for a while but somehow we ended up fighting and then I sort of implied how I regretted that I didn't give her a reason not to go out with Finn. I mean, I didn't say that, I should have, but she knew that for the whole four or so months since we had been almost together I missed her. And when we came back here I really didn't think that we'd, you know, because she's not that kind of girl. She was president of the chastity club at school. But, after, she was going to break up with Finn immediately and we were going to see each other secretly until he got over them and would be okay with me asking her out. Her parents are…assholes though. Somehow after she talked to them and they'd told her what she could do and couldn't do if she wanted to remain a part of their family she realized she couldn't break up with Finn like she thought and she couldn't ever really be with me for anyone to know we were together. And we fought and I said a lot of things I didn't mean, I think she did too, and we ended again. Because of how bad we ended, I guess she really just didn't want me around at all so she told Finn, who she'd never slept with, some ridiculous story and he believed the baby was his until today when he found out the truth. I tried to get her to trust me for a while, tried to make us a family, but then I realized that she didn't deserve to have the baby ruin her life. Because she was headed for some great college probably and she was going to be something important, you know? So I did some more things I regretted in a brief period of stupidity and made her think I was lying when I said I wanted her and the baby and so she'd give up the baby and get the life I know she wanted."
That was a lot of information to take in at once. Suddenly the exercising was doing nothing but making May more exhausted. She sighed, "Oy vey." She stopped moving and got off the elliptical as she said, "I've got to sit down." She sits next to Puck and takes a second to think things over. She's glad that the girl wasn't just some "hook-up," as the kids were saying. But she's not sure what to make of everything. Finn was like a brother to Puck and the fact that he did these things that would hurt him didn't make sense. Perhaps the girl meant more to Puck than Finn did, she thought, which was a really, really big deal. Puck seems to feel bad enough about everything (and Finn finding out today explains his bruises and black eye better than his excuse about football practice-which she was pretty sure already ended) so she doesn't want to dwell on that right this minute. Instead, thinking about some of the other things said, May asks, "Does Quinn know what she wants to do about the baby? Is she keeping it or giving it up? And I'd imagine she's a little over three months along now, right?"
"Yeah, she's just over three months," Puck confirms, not that he's quite sure (he should probably count the weeks from that night just so he knows exactly how pregnant she is). "When everyone else thought it was Finn's she was going to give the baby up. She had a couple arranged but I'm pretty sure that fell through. I don't know what she's going to do now. Earlier today after everything changed she said she needs to do this on her own and she asked me to respect that," he explains.
"And what are you going to do?" May asked in return. First, just because the girl was doing things on her own didn't mean that this wasn't still Puck's responsibility too. And second, by the tone in his voice as he said it she didn't think that this was going to be something Puck left alone.
Puck shrugs and offers, "I don't know. I don't know what we should do about the baby anymore. If we keep it or we give it up, neither option seems right, right now. I do want to be involved in everything, but I don't want to force my self into it. I want Quinn to want me to be involved. I want her to believe that I'm not as bad as I seem again. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to prove that to her."
"Good," May says, "that sounds like a good plan." She's glad Puck wants to take responsibility even if it sounds like he's screwed up so far and in a way that made him untrustworthy and not wanted. But back to the important issues still at hand that had yet to be mentioned, May asks, "Did Quinn tell her parents about the baby yet? Do they have an opinion about what should happen?"
"They found out, she didn't tell them. She was trying not to because they were serious that day we broke up when they told her that being a part of her family had conditions. They kicked her out as soon as they found out about the baby," Puck answers a bit bitterly because he still can't understand how anyone could do that and hates them for doing it to Quinn.
"What?" May exclaimed. She knew Puck said they were assholes, but her son said that about most people so she figured it wasn't right. Now though, she'd have to agree, they definitely sound like assholes. "Where has she been staying?" she asks concerned.
"With Finn," Puck explains, "Until today at least. I told her she could stay here-"
"Of course she can. Any time. You tell her that okay? She's welcome here any time," May interjects. Maybe this girl was just like the Santana girl that she never liked, but as far as May was concerned that didn't matter. It didn't matter what the girl was like, she was pregnant with her grandchild and that meant she always had a home in their home.
Puck nods and says, "I told her you'd say that, but she has a sister who's not like their parents and she doesn't live around here, but she said she needed to talk to her sister and she'd help her out. She's at a hotel somewhere with her now probably."
"That's good," May comments, "it sounds like having a supportive family member around is something she could really need right now." May tries to decide what else she feels like she needs to know now.
Puck notices how his mom pauses, sits there and thinks, and realizes one of the things she's probably wondering but doesn't want to come out and ask. He offers in answer to the unspoken question he knows is on her mind, "She's not Jewish. She's some kind of Christian. Always wears a cross."
That was expected. May tries to take it well and offers, "Well at least she has some kind of faith. In difficult times like these, that helps. You could benefit from coming to temple with me more often."
How did his mom always manage to just insert life suggestions like that when they weren't even talking about him? But Puck hadn't felt like having faith in anything had ever been particularly beneficial to him so he just shrugs in response. He changes the topic with something that will distract her, "Quinn found out that the baby's a girl."
"A girl?" May checks, a little thrown by the randomness of the comments. Puck nods and she lets it sink in. She could have a granddaughter by this time next year. Or at least a little girl will exist that will technically be her granddaughter by this time next year, that was a definite. "Oh," she says simply. Knowing the baby's gender did make it seem more real.
"What do you want to do about telling Kel?" Puck questions, because he hadn't come up with any way to explain it to her that made him feel even slightly okay about telling her at all.
May sighs and spends a minute thinking about the question before she answers, "I don't think she needs to know quite yet. If Quinn needs a place to stay and shows up here then we'll just dive in and explain it to her. If that doesn't happen then I think we should wait and you, Quinn, and I should explain it to her. Quinn meant something to her, she's never liked a babysitter so much, so I think she should be involved. But first I have to meet her and you have to get her to want you to be involved like you said." She barely waits a second before she adds on, "And you got that part about me wanting to meet her, right? Because I don't care if she wants to do this alone, I still want to meet her no matter what."
"I know," Puck responds, "I figured you would and I told her that. She needs some time though. She's lost everything in the last few weeks. She said she'd meet you, but she just wants to have a little time to… I don't know."
"After what her parents did to her, if I was her, I wouldn't look forward to meeting any new parents involved in this. And like you said, neither one of you exactly come off sounding like angels in how you ended up in this situation, which is probably making her nervous. That's all understandable. Tell her there's no immediate rush. I'd like to meet her by the holidays though," May says thoughtfully.
They sit there on the couch for a couple of minutes in silence- each thinking of the things to come, how everything was different now. Eventually Puck admits, "I don't know what I'm going to do so she knows I'm a good guy despite all the things I've done to show her otherwise."
May scoots closer to her son and wraps an arm around him. She tells him genuinely, "You are a good man. Everyone makes mistakes and your mistakes don't change the fact that that's who you grew up to be." She kisses him on the cheek before continuing, "And she'll see that by your actions. Remember, actions speak louder than words so just keep doing things to show her you care, to show her how wonderful you are."
It's good to hear that his mom thinks he's a good man. After everything he thought that she'd never be able to believe that about him now. (He still has his doubts about how good he is despite her words though.) "Thank you mom," he says, sincerely grateful for how cool she's been about all this and the advice she just gave him.
She smiles at him and declares, "You should get some sleep. You still have that glee thing tomorrow and we have plenty of time to talk more."
"Yeah," he agrees and stands up. He puts the elliptical machine back in its storage place for her. When he's done, she wraps him in a hug. He says again as he hugs her back, "Thank you Ma', for everything. I'm really sorry for all this."
When she pulls away, she can see how scared he is. He talked about it so well, had thought things out and made some decisions. But right now she saw how he was just a terrified kid in a situation more serious than he should have to deal with so young. So she smiles wider and promises, "Everything will be okay. You'll see." He nods (he wants to believe her, but with Quinn not even wanting him around apparently it's hard to believe that). She changes the subject and says, "I'm sorry I can't come tomorrow."
"It's cool," Puck assures. He offers, "Quinn will be there anyway and, like I said, she's not ready to meet you and it's not the best place for something like that."
"Quinn will be there? I didn't know she was in your glee club," May comments. She thinks for a second and decides, "You know, I'll get someone to cover for me. I want to go see you guys win your competition."
"Ma' did you hear what I just said about Quinn and everything?" Puck asks tiredly.
"I heard," she assures, "and I won't approach her, I'll make myself scarce from all your club. And I won't bring Kelyn so she doesn't see her yet. I just want to see you perform…and get a look at the girl who's having my granddaughter."
Puck's stare/glare says that he thinks this is a terrible idea.
"I'll be good. I promise," May swears.
Puck doesn't bother arguing because this seemed like one of the things she was going to be stubborn about. Instead he says goodnight to his mom finally and goes to bed feeling a little better than he has since he found out about the baby. At least now he was being honest with one of the most important people in his life. No more hiding and guilt over lying to his mom. It was emotionally exhausting to talk to his mom about everything, but now that it was over he certainly felt lighter.
(Here's something you should know: They both feel better because at least everything is out in the open now so they can start dealing with everything- no more lies, no more hiding. Or at least, that's how they thought things would go.)
A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter! More development in this AU direction will be coming soon. I'd like to try and make sure that as many wonderful readers as possible get a chance to finish this chapter before posting the next one so even if you don't have time to review or simply no desire to, a note saying you're ready for an update would be awesomely helpful.
Though, please do review! I missed hearing from many of you last chapter and there are still quite a few of you who have this on alert or favorites or both that I have yet to hear from.
Next chapter title: I'm tired of living my life like nothing is happening from "Waiting for a War" by the Morning Benders. This chapter title was from "Someday" by the Perishers.
Thank you for reading!