Author's Note: Yes, another long pause between updates, but this time I have a valid excuse. I apologize for this, but I'm not sorry for it. You see, October 3 was mine and my boyfriend's two-year anniversary, in which we spent a week in Disneyland. He told me I could bring my laptop and work on the story there, but I said no, that it was strictly "our time". There are some things in life that just have more priority. Also, understand that my beta is now back in school, so she can only do her beta-ing when school work and real life aren't put first. On top of all that, I finally got a break in the block for my original novel, so I try to work on that when it's needed. But, this fic is far from being abandoned, so don't give up on my now. I will see this fic through until the end.

Chapter Seven

The Rose's Confession

"Christine, please! You've been like this for days! You're really beginning to scare me!"

Francine's words only sounded like a distant mutter to me, as though it were coming to my ears through a thick fog. I knew that she was worried about me, probably to the point of making herself sick over my sake, and yet I could not find enough heart to care. Not since the last night I had seen Erik…

When I finally found the strength to leave the terrace above the torture chamber and had somehow, miraculously, stumbled my way back to my own guest chamber, I had collapsed onto my bed as a fresh torrent of sobs overtook me, leaving me in a weepy, red-faced mess ever since. Time no longer had any meaning, and I did not so much as even feel the hunger that gnawed away at my stomach after going days without eating.

It seemed as if the whole of the world had abandoned me, as it rightfully should have. I was all alone in the crushing, black abyss of my guilt -- that guilt that continued to consume my soul, little by little with each passing moment of the day, leaving nothing more than an empty shell littered with the remains of my broken heart.

I was disgusted with myself as I never had been before. I loathed myself with every fibre of my living being. How could I have been so heartless, such an utter, pathetic, and weak coward? How could I have ever been so cruel to him, to not look into his unmasked face, to break Erik's heart after all he'd done for me?

But I already knew the answer.

Because you were afraid…

No! No, I was not afraid of Erik! I trusted him – I had trusted him with my life! The night on the balcony had proven that much!

And yet… I could not deny that I had felt some fear of him that night. First it had been due to his uncharacteristic cold manner when he had first found me, then it had been the insane edge to his voice when he had talked about death as an art form, as casually as one talking of the weather!

But his anger…

Oh God, never before had I seen such unbridled fury in a person. The memory of the hellfire that had raged behind his eyes was burned into my mind, his angelic voice twisted into a demon's crow as he demanded that I look at his unmasked face. The Erik that I had known was gone, replaced by a winged devil that frightened me far more than his face was ever capable of, regardless if it was horrific enough to cause a woman's death sometime in Erik's dark and shrouded past.

I had, that night, been afraid for my life, even if it was only for a scant second…

Then that horrible fury was gone, leaving such sorrow, such hurt in its wake that I could swear that I had actually heard the sound of Erik's heart breaking before he left me alone with my own grief.

How many days ago had that been? I no longer cared; I no longer cared about anything other than that poor heart I had broken with my own selfish fears. All it seemed I could do was remained curled up on my bed, falling in and out of my pitiful weeping spells, mourning the relationship that Erik and I once had which was now undoubtedly lost to us forever.

"Christine! Answer me, please!"

"Oh, leave her alone, Francine." I barely heard Gisele chide somewhere on the other side of our rooms. "If she wanted to talk to you, I would assume she would have done it by now. Besides, I'm sure it's nothing to fret over. The little urchin probably just found a dead cat in the road or something."

"Stop it, Gisele!" Francine snapped, talking in an offensive tone to her sister like I had never heard before. Had I not been such a mess myself, I probably would have applauded my younger cousin's newfound audacity. "How can you be so heartless? Can't you see Christine's really upset about something?"

"Of course I can see that she's upset. Whether I care about it is another story. Now stop wasting time. We were supposed to be at dinner five minutes ago."

Francine glowered at her sister's back, but the sudden sass she had acquired had seemed to have run its course. Instead of retaliating – not that I had expected her to – my second-oldest cousin turned back to me, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Christine, won't you at least come to dinner? It's been days since you've last eaten…"

A quick shake of my head, still buried in my tear-soaked pillows, was the only pitiful answer I was able to give. I heard Francine sigh in resignation, and felt the soft mattress under me shift as she stood up. "All right then… Can I at least bring you something? In case you're hungry later?"

I barely had the willpower to nod my head once, weakly, just to give her some satisfaction, which would hopefully get her to leave. All I wanted was to be left alone with my misery.

When I heard the massive doors of our chambers bang shut, I finally gathered enough strength to roll over, curling my knees up to my chest as I stared blankly at the wide windows, the skies beyond stained the gentle, rosy pink of a typical Persian sunset. They were the same windows I had been sitting at when I saw Erik for the first time…

Sniffing back a fresh wave of tears, I rolled over, facing the wall again. It seemed that anything I looked at reminded me of the masked man whose trust I had so cruelly betrayed. I could have only imagined the ghastly sight I made, laying like a sick dog on the plush Persian bed. My eyes felt hot and sticky from crying so much, my hair horribly tangled, my dress badly wrinkled. All of my strength, passion, and renewed love for life seemed lost to me all over again, only now the void was almost greater than it had been since my father died.

My father's death, at least, had not been my fault.

"I'm so stupid." I murmured to myself. "Look at you. Here you are, feeling sorry for yourself, when it's Erik's heart you broke. You're nothing more than a spoiled, selfish brat, Christine Daaé, and a coward on top of that."

The urge to apologize to Erik – no, to grovel at his feet for forgiveness – was eating me alive.

And yet, I did not think I had the strength, nor the courage, to face him again. I did not know if he was even still mad at me or not. Besides, what could I possibly say to make amends with him? 'Erik, I'm sorry I was so shock-stilled and terrified of you the other night, why don't you take off the mask now that I've decided to stop being such a child?'

I snorted dryly to myself. It felt that no matter what I did, I would only make things worse.

What I needed right now was someone to talk to. Someone whom I could vent all my woes, my fears, and my sadness onto without fear of being judged, and, hopefully, receive some words of comfort, and some incisive advice that would hopefully help see me through this.

Right then, I needed someone like a parent.

Shakily, I rose from my bed, crossing over to my vanity to splash some water on my face, making myself a tad more presentable before leaving the chambers and heading for Rosie's apartments.

As much as I needed to talk to Rosie, to seek her advice from years of lived wisdom, there was still a part of me that dreaded the visit. I had, after all, promised her that I would stay away from Erik, and flat-out lied to her about ever even speaking to him when she had been so shocked when I told her I had been looking for him in the first place. I did not have a doubt that she would be displeased with me for not telling her the truth about Erik and I… But if I did not speak to someone, I felt as though I would burst.

With a shaking hand, I hesitantly knocked on Rosie's door, waiting for her to answer as I nervously shifted from one foot to the other. Rosie always took her meals in her room, so I did not have to worry about her not being there, but when the doorknob clicked and the door slowly swung inward to reveal an aged, wrinkled face, my stomach still gave a jerking lurch of anxiety. I didn't even have to say a word for the old maid to realize that there was something wrong.

"Good gracious, child!" Rosie gasped, pressing a hand over her heart. "What in the world happened to you?"

Grasping my hand tightly in both of hers, Rosie led me inside her small room. The door wasn't even properly shut before tears started to pour down my face once more. Rosie led me over to the cot she used as a bed, sitting me down before handing me a cool, damp cloth to dab my eyes and face with.

"There, there, dearest. It can't be that bad. Now, tell me what your awful cousin's done to you this time."

I choked on a sob, guilt rising in my throat like bile. Regardless of whether she would be angry at me or not based upon what I was about to tell her was not important; right then, I just needed to tell her.

"Rosie…I'm so sorry..."

The whole story poured forth in a garbled mess of stammered words, tangled sentences and wet sobs. I told her everything from my first encounter with Erik in the tiger's cage until now: the lessons, his secret identity as a red-winged changeling, the torture chamber, even about Luciana, the girl from his past who had died of fright when she saw him without his mask.

Rosie did not say a word as the story was told to her, but I knew if I had stopped talking, I would have been too overcome with emotion to start again. After what seemed like hours, I was finally finished, complete with streaming eyes, runny nose and sore throat. Suddenly I was no longer sixteen years old, but rather four years old again, ready to receive my punishment for being a naughty, misbehaving child who had been keeping a terrible secret.

"I'm sorry." I babbled from under the cloth I pressed over my face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… You made me promise me that I should have stayed away from him, and yet I went anyway, and now all this has happened. I hurt him, and I broke my promise to you… Rosie, I'm so sorry…"

I had honesty expected some sort of reprimand from the old woman, a "serves you right" speech that adults seemed so fond of giving to children who had done something they weren't supposed to. I was, to say the least, surprised when I felt her thin arms wrap around me and pull me towards her, holding me in the most motherly embrace I had ever had as I continued to cry freely into her dress.

"Sometimes, I forget that you are no longer a child, dearest, but rather a young woman, and a stubborn one at that. You no longer need to listen to someone telling you what and what not to do. I had a hunch that you would have gone to find that magician regardless of what anyone told you, so I can't say I'm surprised that you found him anyway. Although, seeing him for singing lessons did come off as being quite a surprise."

"What am I supposed to do, Rosie?" I whimpered. "I don't want it to end like this, but I have no idea how I'm supposed to fix it. I was such a coward… I couldn't even look at him. He hates me now, he must…"

"Do you believe that this Erik would ever harm you in any way?"

"No…well, at least I didn't. I still don't know. I suppose…that if he ever had a reason to, it would have been that night…"

"Do you think he would ever harm you?" The old woman repeated, more firmly this time.

I thought for a moment, remembering everything I knew – or at least, I thought I knew – about the man who was once my maestro. His rage from a few nights before had been terrifying, yes, but I also thought back to the night we had our lesson under the stars, how he held me on the balcony and promised that he would catch me if I fell…

"No. I know he wouldn't."

"Then an apology would not be a bad place to start."

"It would sound so pathetic, though…" I sniffed, wiping my nose with the back of my hand in a very un-ladylike manner.

"But it would be better than saying nothing at all. At least he would know. The rest of the rebuilding would be entirely his decision afterwards."

I dropped my gaze, tears threatening to form again. "But, Rosie…what if he does hate me? I don't know if I could live with that…"

"Believe me when I say this child; it would be a lot harder living with yourself if you never got to tell him you were sorry for what had happened. You can believe this old woman when she says that's not something you want hanging over your heart for the rest of your life."

I sighed dejectedly, but nonetheless took her advise to heart, knowing that an apology, no matter how weak it might have sounded, would be the first step in rebuilding what we once had…

If it could ever be rebuilt, I couldn't help but think gloomily.

"Christine…do you love this magician?"

Rosie's shockingly unexpected question caused me to gasp so sharply that I began to cough, my heart hammering hard behind my ribs as I fought to make sense of what she had just asked me.

"Do I…what?"

Rosie's deeply lined face stared at me with the most serious resolve I had ever seen as she slowly repeated her words: "Do you love him?"

My eyes continued to widen further in shock and I felt significantly light-headed as I tried to process what she had just asked me. "I…I don't… I mean, Erik's my teacher, I'm not supposed to think of him like that…"

But the truth was, I did, and I could not deny it. I could not and would not deny that I was infatuated with him, and had been since the moment I saw him in the gardens. His voice was as sensuous as any siren's song, his eyes passionate and captivating, and I felt particularly attracted to his wings, but I could have passed off my fondness of birds for that. However, late at night, after my lesson for the evening, I would lay awake, thinking of my maestro, recalling small details about him that I noticed during my time with him. I began to take note of the way he would unconsciously flick his long hair out of his eyes as he played, the way his long fingers would dance across the pale ivory keys of the piano, the unnatural grace he possessed whenever he made the slightest movement…

And that smile… that small, ghostly smile that would only momentarily pass over his features when I happened to please him with whatever aria we had worked on that night… My heart skipped a beat right then thinking of it.

But did I love him? Could I have been in love with the man who rekindled my love of music and magic that I had thought was lost to me? Could I love a man who was secretly a changeling, hiding his beautiful wings from the world who would otherwise shun him? Was it possible to love someone who saw human death as an art and had a temper that could have made a lion cower in fright?

How was it possible to not love someone who held such a longing, such a passion in their eyes, only to be countered with an abysmal loneliness unlike I had ever seen before? Erik's eyes… They perhaps haunted me most at night. No matter what mood he was in – even when he was in his fury days before – there was some unspoken secret in their golden depths, a wishful longing for something he desperately yearned for, yet never had… Something that he knew was always beyond his reach, no matter how close it was to him.

How was it possible to not love someone who harbored all sadness of the world in their eyes?

Eyes that have never seen…

Human compassion…

Human love…

The tears I had fought to control slipped unheeded from my eyes once more, only now they were not tears of sadness.

Sitting beside me, I heard Rosie chuckle lightly. "Of all the people in the world to fall in love with, Christine Daaé…"

"But I'm not…I can't be…" my words sounded weak and useless, even to my own ears. "Besides, I barely know him… I know nothing about him…"

"Hmm," Rosie began, pensively. "Maybe. Then again, no one ever questioned Romeo and Juliet. Sometimes, love happens before we ever realize it's there. No one can choose where they will find love."

"Rosie…what should I do?"

"Stay to the original plan. Apologize first. Then, if you two do so happen rebuild your bridges, I suggest you re-enact the events of that night, only knowing what you know now. Accept that his face is as horrible as he says it is, and you expect it to be, but at the same time keeping in mind that love knows no boundaries, even if the greatest of human flaws seem to be standing in your way."

I suddenly felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Rosie's sage-like words filled me with a newfound strength, inspiring within me the courage to finally stop running and do the right thing. I threw my arms around the old woman and hugged her tight with more energy and strength that I had in days. "Thank you, Rosie." I said with all the gratitude in the world in my voice before bouncing up off the cot and leaving the small room before she had the chance to say another word.

Night had almost completely fallen by the time I was on my way up to Erik's chambers, the velvety night sky was stained with a faint golden hue on the western horizon despite the stars that spangled the heavens, and the full moon was rising in the east. Something at the back of my mind nagged me that Erik probably was not in his chambers – I had learned that he took to wandering the palace at night, after our lessons were adjourned – but it seemed like the best place to start looking for him.

If I had to search the whole palace, so be it. I would not rest until I found him.

"Miss Daaé?"

I had been so intent on finding Erik that I was barely aware of anything else around me. Perhaps that was why I shrieked the way I did when the sound of my name broke through my thoughts.

Nadir Khan stood a little ways behind me with a rather amused look on his face. "Forgive me, mademoiselle. I figured you were in some sort of hurry if you could pass by without so much as a 'hello'."

I could not help the blush that came to my cheeks. I had been to wrapped up in my thoughts I didn't even see him coming the other way! "Oh…Monsieur Khan… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

Nadir held up a hand as a peace offering, gently cutting off my apology. "It's quite all right. Funny how we keep running into one another like this, isn't it? Am I…keeping you from something? You were looking rather determined about something…"

For a brief moment, I was tempted to not tell the Persian man anything; I might have been spared a lecture from Rosie, but I had a strong suspicion I would not be so lucky if I told Nadir of my troubles I created with Erik. It occurred to me not more than a heartbeat later that out of anyone within the Mazanderan palace, excluding the shah and the khanum, I was talking to the one person who seemed to have the closest ties with my maestro. If anyone knew where Erik might have been, it would be Nadir Kahn.

"Actually, Monsieur, I was hoping you would perhaps help me. Do you know where Erik is?"

The good humor immediately vanished from Nadir's face, replaced by something darker and troubled, and I felt my heart sink a few inches in my chest. "Erik? Actually, I have not seem him in days myself. It's nothing new for him… Sometimes he goes into spells where he prefers to be alone, but that only really occurs after he has an audience with the khanum. I don't know what that woman does to him myself, but it's enough to discourage him away from human contact for a while. Did you need to see him?"

"Yes!" The words came out forcefully, taking the Daroga by surprise. I softened my voice, trying to take the franticness out of it. "Yes… I do need to see him, and it's of the utmost urgency. I would tell you, Monsieur," I added hastily at the sight of one of Nadir's eyebrows raising in suspicious question, "But it's really between me and him. If you could just help me find him…if you have any idea where he might be, or how I can get in contact with him, I would be eternally grateful."

For a moment, I was sure he would refuse my offer, and lapse back into a speech on how moody and unpredictable Erik was. Well, that I already know, I thought bitterly to myself. At least I'll be a little more prepared next time…

"I cannot promise you anything. But I shall try."

Hope flared in my chest. "Thank you, monsieur!"

I followed Nadir around the palace like an eager puppy, waiting with bated breath and pounding pulse every time he paused at a small, off-shot courtyard, or a hidden room, or some other forgotten secret place that I assumed were Erik's usual haunts. We searched for an hour, and during that time, my anxiousness to speak to Erik slowly began to diminish as doubt and cold apprehension as my nerve began to slip from me. What if he was watching us, knowing we were looking for him? What if he stayed in hiding for the rest of my time here in Persia? Then I would never be able to apologize…

Voices echoed dimly down the hallway adjacent to the one Nadir and I were currently walking through, and he held out an arm to stop me. The voices were speaking in their native Persian tongue, so I could not understand a word of it, but by the deepening frown on Nadir's face, I could tell it was nothing good.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my fingers gripping his sleeve.

"They are members of the Mazanderan court. Apparently there was a counsel today with the shah. They're saying the Grand Vizier and Erik had an awful disagreement during that time."

I felt my blood run cold. "What does that mean?"

"It means, Miss Daaé, that we are going to want to stay away from Erik tonight. When those two have a disagreement… Well, let's just say that no one will be sleeping well tonight. Come; I'll escort you back to your rooms."

Before I could question him further, a cold wind swept through the palace, and the light of the moon seemed to dim; a grim premonition of things to come.

For once, I was not going to argue.

Author's Note: So, I make you wait for the new chapter, and then I don't even give you Erik. I'm going to loose some appendage for that stunt.

Now then, the next chapter is the one I've been looking forward to writing. However, it is something of a nail-biter; not only for the readers, but for me as well. I know this fic's taken a huge leap in the Phantom fandom because it is so different, but I'm slightly anxious to see how many people react to it. I mean, I wasn't expecting so many people to be surprised by a talking Ayesha, so what I'm planning for the next… Well, it's not going to be anything really weird, just very, very different; like, I'm sure it hasn't been attempted before in any fic to date. I might be wrong. There are quite a few out there. But, as far as I know, there isn't. I won't give anything away, but I only ask that you keep an open mind and remember that this is a fantasy story, so I am allowed rather extensive leverage to do as I like. Regardless of what the opinions are after the chapter… Well, it won't discourage me from finishing it. This fandom needs its roots shaken up every now and then. It only takes on brave enough to rise to the challenge.

Erisofchaos8: Angst and fluff have to come in their own strides. The fluff shall return shortly. Sorry for the longish update, but I hope this chapter holds you over until the next.

Jinxed4Ever: Thanks much. Sorry for the delay.

Twinkle22: Thanks for your comments

Miffster And update I shall. Thanks for reviewing.

Diana-Lupin: Yes, poor Erik. He's so easy to angst up, but he makes it so easy…

Lothiel Yeah, I know what you mean. If a story's all angst, there's no conflict, and therefore no plot, which means I get bored. Then again, you need the right kind of angst, and careful to avoid cliques. On the other hand, if you write non-stop angst, nothing seems to get done, and the characters are running around in circles, which drives me bat sheezy as well. It's a delicate balance, really.

Erik'sLittleLotte Angst and PotO kind of come hand-in-hand, lol. Thanks for the review!

Witchy-grrl I made you cry? Aww, I'm sorry. Things will get better soon, I promise.

Monimator Turn Ayesha into a human? Sounds plausible, but I'm too much of a hardcore Erik/Christine shipper to have it any other way, lol. Thank you for your comments.

YoukoElfMaiden Thanks you very much!

Mlle Skywalker: You can take my hair. At least that grows back. And don't kill Christine yet, she still needs to redeem herself.

Kainaku Hotaru: Yeay, muffin! Only now that you've given me food, I'm following you home.

Marie Phantom: Good luck with your writing. Thanks for reviewing!

Faerycatcher1: Thank you for your comments!

Kat097: Aww, thank you very much! I'm flattered!

OritPetra Aw heck, you're making me blush. Thanks for your comments, especially on technique and all that. At least I know I'm doing something right!