Chapter 10: You want me, but I don't want you

"I think I deserve an update." he says, sitting down next to me on the dark red couch.

It's been three hours since we got home. Alexis had to drive back to Yale, she has a test coming up in a week. The Boltons/Sloanes/Greys left us alone. Alone to come... home. A home he doesn't know. A home filled with pictures of us. Of memories. Memories he doesn't have anymore.

I look away from the fireplace and place the crystal glas with white wine on the table.

"Is that a Pouilly Fumé?"

I nodd, "What would you like to know?"

He shruggs, before his eyes eyeball me. "Have you always drunken wine?"

I shake my head, before letting my body rest against the back of the couch. "You started it. Nearly Nineteen years ago, you suggested this wine."

He nodds, "I thought so."

I arch an eyebrow at him, "What do you mean?"

"I use this wine to make women drunk." he says simply, "It's a typical wine for the first date. A date for either a restaurant or my apartment. Where was our first date?"

"Here."

"That means I must've liked you a lot. More than anyone else before you." he says and frowns, "Which is not very typicall of me. I usually use this wine in a restaurant..."

"I was different." I say simply, "You want a glas as well?"

He shakes his head, "No. I don't even like that kind of wine."

"Seriously?" I ask him surprised. "You just wanted sex from me that night!"

His lips form a tiny grin, "Well, seems like you are able to read me pretty well."

"We've been married for eightteen years, I think I should know you by now."

"I feel like I don't know you at all." he says to me, his eyes are capturing my glance.

His bright blue eyes stare into mine. He looks at me as if he could remember. But he doesn't. "Did it work?"

I stare back at him confused.

"The wine."

"Oh, yes it did." I say with a smirk, "And how it worked..." I say with a giggle.

"When did I tell you about..."

"Oh about you being a former polyamorist?"

"Yes." he says in a stiff voice.

"The same night. With the contract of course."

He nodds.

"What?"

"Nothing... I just... I guess you must've charmed me from the beginning. How did we meet?"

"I held an interview with you for the Yale Daily News. I did the interview because Sharpay was sick on that day..." I say and giggle, "I jumped on your shoe that day because you scared me... I was under youe spell right away. Guess, you've charmed me from the beginning as well." I say with a shrugg.

"How long did we know each other before we got married?"

"A little more than a year."

"Where did we get married?"

"On Monti Fleur. We spend our honeymoon on your island..." I say and lift myself to get the picture of our wedding day from the fireplace.

I hand him the picture and he stares at it for a minute or two. Trying to remember. Remember our day. "Do you remember anything?"

"No." he says before he places the picture on the table. "Guess pictures don't help."

I bite on my lip, "I have no idea how awfull you must feel."

"I've forgotten the past nineteen years of my life. All I know is that I am married. Married to a woman I can't remember. To a woman I have a child with. A child who is currently expecting another child. It seems to be an awfull lot I forgot."

I grin.

"What?"

"It has always been an awfull lot to the others... But to us it was normality. This is how our life was. A rollercoaster ride. A very fast rollercoaster ride..." I say with a shrugg.

"How can you be so calm about all of this? I would have freaked out if I were in your position." he says, brushing through his sandy brown hair.

I smile softly at him, "I'm just happy you're alive."

"What if my memories won't come back?"

I shrugg, "We'll make new memories."

"What if I don't want to be married to you?"

I gulp, "Do you?"

He shruggs, "I don't know."

"But if you decide to not want to be married to me anymore then I guess we'll get a divorce."

"Do we have a marriage contract?"

"No."

He nodds, already knowing what that means.

"But I would only keep my money of course."

"Of course..." he echos me, capturing me with his glance once more. "You're a beautifull woman. You were a beautifull wife. But I don't remember you. Neither do I remember our daughter."

I nodd, "I know."

"I feel like I have to apologize for it. For something I can't change. Something I didn't do. Something which just happened to me."

"There's no need to apologize. You did nothing wrong." I say and sigh.

"Were we happy? I am as a married couple... as parents?"

I shrugg, "Sometimes we were. Sometimes we weren't. We had tough times. We had happy times."

"Did we love each other?"

"More than anyone else. Well anyone except for our daughter."

"Did we try to have more than one child?"

I nodd, "But I couldn't get pregnant a second time. Alexis is a miracle. I had leukemia as a child and the chemo killed nearly all of my eggs. I had a 5% chance to get pregnant. And it happened by accident."

He is silent for a minute or two. Digesting the news, I guess. "We weren't safe?"

I smile, "I wasn't safe. It was my mistake."

"It wasn't a mistake. She seems to have turned out into a wonderfull woman."

"And it's been a long way until now..." I say and smile. "We had a lot of arguments because of her."

"Who is the father of her child?"

"Lucas. Her boyfriend for about three years now."

"Do we like it?"

"You like him very much. I was a little sceptical when we met him. But you... you trust him. You told me once, that you're not afraid that he would knock her up. Because they are exactly like we were. You said, if you could have had me when you were seventeen it would have saved you a lot of wrong paths. A lot of pain."

"I must really love you."

I shrugg.

"What if I will meet another woman?"

I arch an eyebrow at him. Why is he asking me those kind of questions? "You mean if you decide to start dating?"

He nodds, "I have no emotional connection to you. To me, you're a stranger. To me you're just a woman. A beautifull woman, but yet a woman... When I look at you I feel nothing. No love."

My breath gets stuck. No love. I feel nothing. "I... So you do want a divorce."

"I believe that would be best."

"Best for you or your family?"

"I have no family. Emotionally, I am a bachelor."

"But physically, you are married and have a family!" I start arguing with him. What the hell has gotten into him?!

"This, " he says holding up his left hand, "means nothing to me. Don't you understand?"

"It means everything to me!" I say before I get up. "I can't believe you don't even want to try to remember!"

"I am trying, okay?! But it doesn't work!"

"So you think asking me questions would help you remember the past nineteen years?! You won't remember so fastly, Troy! This ain't a movie!" I yell at him.

He looks surprised at me. Then he frowns. "This ain't a movie." he echoes me.

"Yes." I agree, a little confused.

"This ain't a movie and this is not our happy ending." he says to me, his eyes seem a little shocked.

"Are you... are you remembering something?"

His eyes turn black. "Nothing with you, sadly."

"What do you remember?"

"I remember her."

Her?! Who the hell is he- Oh my God. "Sasha." I breath out, letting my body sink on the couch again.

"Yes." he says looking into my eyes. "What's my relationship with her?"

"There is none."

"None? But I... I loved her."

He what?! "You what?!" I ask him back shocked.

"In college... At Yale. I loved her. I fell for her instantly. Fell for her beauty..." he says and smiles. It's a dreamy smile. A smile he usually only gives me.

I feel my heart breaking into a thousand pieces. He loved her. Sasha. He loved Sasha. "You...You never told me you loved her."

"What happened between me and Sasha?"

"You never had her, or at least that's what you told me. She's the one who turned you into a..."

"A Polyamorist?"

"Yes. But you gave that up. Your lifestyle. As soon as you met me. You changed. For me. Because of me. Because I couldn't be with you. But you wanted to be with me. So badly, that-"

"That I let Sasha go." he finishes my sentence.

I nodd. "We met her at Meredith's New Year's Eve party in 2012. She called me a hoe. Months later I told you that and-"

"I kicked her out of my life. Completely out of my life."

"You remember?"
"No. But it seems logical."

"Oh."

"I mean, the love I felt for you must've gone beyond words if I did what I did. I did everything for you. To keep you. To love and cherish you."

"But you don't love me now."

"No, I don't. I also have no idea who you turned me into. You turned me into one of these men I never wanted to me. You made me live monogamic. You made me have a child. You made me want to marry you. You destroyed me!" he says in an angry voice before rising from the couch. "You destroyed my life! You destroyed everything!"

"Destroyed you?! I never did anything to hurt you! I didn't ask for this!" I yell back, yet feeling the tears forming in my eyes.

"I want you out of my apartment."

"What?! You can't kick me out of the apartment. This is our home!"

"It is my home. Not your's. And I want you out. Immediately!" he yells pointing at the hallway. "NOW!" he screams, his eyes are pure black. He wants to scare me?! He doesn't scare me. Not anymore. Not after all we've been through.

"No." I say simply, before rising as well.

"You want me to call Taylor to kick you out?"

"Taylor won't touch me. And he also won't listen to you. He will listen to me. And you want to know why? Because I am not the one who forgot the last nineteen years of my life." I say back to him.

"Eightteen years of marriage must've teached you a lot."

I shrugg, "It taught me enough to stand up for myself when I have to."

"Okay, well if you won't leave I will." he says before walking pass me.

"You don't even want to try to be a family again, do you?!" I yell back at him.

He pushes the button and waits for the elevator to come. Then he turns around. "Exactly." he says before walking into the elevator.

New chapter :) Please review.

Xoxo Nic