Chapter ten: Anger
I was glad – glad, because I had a distraction from the throbbing pain in my chest. I knew there was something different about Edward – physically and mentally.
Every angle on his beautiful face became sharper and his skin was much paler compared to before. His eyes – those emerald eyes changed into a different color – the color of topaz or maybe honey. Those physical changes didn't mean much to me. I know in my heart that he is still the same man I love.
Though the worst part about meeting him again was that he couldn't remember me... Nothing at all. If my heart was shattered before – now, it was pulverized to dust.
I wasn't sure if I could bear going to school the next day. My mind was separated into two parts – the masochist and the coward. The coward wanted to hide in the house, not brave enough to face him. I could see myself wrapped up in a blanket, never leaving bed and crying my heart out. The masochist – the more foolish side of me – wanted to go to school, just to see a glimpse of him. Even though she knew it would hurt, she wanted to see his face.
I really was foolish.
As I neared the school grounds, I saw only a few people loitering on the parking lot. Once my foot reached the granite floor, I clumsily balanced myself. It had rain last night – as it always does in Forks – and the pavement was slippery. To my dismay, I slipped on a shallow puddle as I made my way to the school entrance.
Though the pain didn't come, I didn't feel it. I only felt the cold hands wrapped around my forearms. Looking up, my breath hitched and my eyes widened. I didn't expect or rather I never expected for Edward to come near me – much less, touch me.
He recoiled his hands from my arms and for a moment, I thought I saw a flash of alarm cover his face, but I quickly dismissed the thought once I saw him smiling. Just seeing that tiny change in his expression made my heart beat to overdrive.
"Why are you here?" My voice quivered slightly. I was nervous – something I anticipated – but even more than that I was excited.
"To study." He chuckled seductively.
"No, I meant, why are you here in school so early?"
"I could ask you the same thing." A crooked smiled made its way to his lips. I couldn't help, but scrutinize his beautiful face. "Bella?" I thought – for the slightest second – I saw his hand move.
"Sorry. I was – distracted." I admitted sheepishly. Hopefully, he didn't catch on with the implied meaning of my words, but knowing him, I knew that he already deciphered what I meant.
"Oh?" He replied nonchalantly. Though his voice was indifferent, I knew that he understood what I said.
"Can we talk?" I pointed at the small wooden benches at the far side of the brick building. I didn't give him time to answer. I headed towards the benches and glanced at my back to see if he was complying with my request.
I sat on the middle of the bench while he seated at the edge – inches away from me. "Why do you that?"
"Do what?" He asked innocently.
"Sit far away from me? Do I smell – bad?" I said, flushed. I played with the strap of my bag hanging loosely on my shoulder.
"No." I waited for him to continue, but I guessed he didn't want to push the topic further.
"Do you always have mood swings?" I said quietly. He gave me a perplexed expression. I bit my lip and looked at him. "You don't want me to be near you." Not a question. "But here we are – talking."
"I don't." His answers, as always, were short and vague. It was as if he didn't want me to know more.
Exasperated, I sighed loudly. "Bella?" And then – I snapped.
"How could you not remember me? The way you say my name – it sounds like we've known each other for a long time. Am I that forgettable? I know you, Edward. I know you, but you don't seem to remember me. What am I suppose to feel? Betrayal? Hatred? I can't feel any of those. I should hate you, but I never do. Not even in the slightest. No matter how much it hurts, I could never hate you, but I'm broken. I wanted you to remember me. Please. Can't you?" I noticed the hot tears brimming over my eyes. I didn't blame him. Maybe I was really that forgettable. I didn't leave an impression on him. I was just a vague memory that could easily disappear. I shouldn't have said those words – hate him – even thinking of it hurts me.
"Bella." He murmured. He touched my face, gently caressing my cheeks, wiping the tears away. His cold hands were a remedy to my heated face. I gladly took comfort in them. Sighing contently, I relished his touch, placing my own hand over his. I could feel his hand froze for a slight second under mine, but it quickly relaxed.
"I can't remember." My hand dropped from my face.
"What?" Tears started to flow again from my eyes and Edward wiped them away with his cold hands. He closed the gap between us, pulling me to his chest and gently kissing my forehead.
I looked up and saw a painful expression flash before his eyes. "Please don't do this." I pried his hands from my cheeks and sent him a pleading face. "I don't know if I could take it if you leave me again when you hold me like this."
"I'll try to remember. Just don't cry." A sorrowful expression graced his face. It hurt to see him like this and I knew I was causing the pain – though the tears never stopped. I was happy that he would try to remember, but even more sad. Clearly, he didn't want to be near me, but I forced him.
"I'm sorry, Edward." I expected – I yearned for his touch. I wanted to feel his hands on my face again, wiping those tears away. Maybe, I was the bipolar one.
He encircled his arms around my shoulders and I gasped softly at his actions. I gladly and excitedly returned the embrace, clutching my hands to his shirt while limply hanging on his chest.
A few minutes passed and he untangled his arms around me. I sadly complied, seeing as the other students were coming in the school grounds. My face felt hot. I felt ecstatic and embarrassed that Edward had to see me like this. Emotional and vulnerable. Still, I couldn't suppress the smile making its way to my lips.
His eyes met mine and my brain immediately stopped working. "Uh –um." I stuttered. I didn't know what else to say.
He sent me a crooked smile before he said, "See you in Biology." My heart pounded crazily when he uttered those words. He shot me a look of amusement before he stood up from the bench and started walking away. I wanted to follow, but my feet remained planted on the ground.
And for what seems like a boundless emotion – I thought that I reached the maximum point, if there was one – my love for Edward Cullen grew infinitely.
A/N: Ah. Kill me now. It's so fluffly. I can't help, but smile. I hope you guys enjoyed reading the chapter as much as I did. The last sentence -- even though I wrote it myself was quite vague to me, but I'll try my best to explain it. Here were the things I was thinking when I wrote the last sentence.
What? So Bella didn't love Edward as much until at this point? That's not possible. No. Oh, okay. I get it. When she was alone, her love for Edward grew at a steady rate, but after talking to him -- the dominant love just exploded and it grew so much more.
Sorry. I'm not good in explaining. :)
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