Chapter 10

A/N from Bethany (RiverDapple): Just a reminder that I am posting this story on behalf of my friend Josie, who doesn't have an account :)

A/N from Josie: I uh - I don't know what this chapter is, I'm sorry. Bending the truth slightly for fiction hell yes.

We had arrived in L.A yesterday afternoon, and had left with our bags into one of the many yellow taxis which waited outside of the airport.

Arriving at the hotel had been interesting, as most people attending the convention were all in the same hotel. We went to check in, saying hi to some people who Phil and Dan knew, and were greeted by people who we didn't know. The whole lobby was filled with an electric energy which poured off of every person there.

The chatter had been enough to drive someone insane. There were countless conversations taking place all at the same time, while individuals talked to their cameras in an attempt to convey the atmosphere - which could only ever be experienced first hand. Not a single person in the room wasn't smiling or laughing or expressing joy of some sort.

We had taken the lift up to our suite, our bags in toe as we strolled down the hallway. I hadn't known we had reached the door until I nearly walked straight into Phil, who had stopped to take out his keycard.

They had gone back downstairs to hang out with Cat and some other people, while I stayed lying on my bed. The pillows had been extremely comfortable, and I found myself talking out loud. There was a need to fill the quiet room with words and thoughts, and anyway, my brain could only seem to thought-hop as I waited for sleep to take me.

Though I had slept plenty on the flight over to the US - and even before going to the airport - I was still tired. Yet sleep evaded me. I didn't fall asleep until four in the morning, when Dan and Phil had long since come back, gotten into bed and given themselves over to rest.

"Come oooooooon," Phil said, the following morning, bunching the end of my mattress with his hands excitedly. "Disneyland, Disneyland, Disneyland!"

"Don't rush meeeeeee," I replied, rolling out of bed. "Food or clothes?"

"Clothes, we're going to get pancakes on the way," Dan called into my room as he walked past, a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

I nodded and shooed Phil out of my room as I headed to the suitcase with all my clothes in it. Black skinny jeans were worn even though the sun was pounding ceaselessly up in the sky and I wore a loose purple t-shirt with a random design on. Shoes and sunglasses were grabbed, and I was ready to go in no time.

"Ready!" I called out, throwing my useless phone back onto my bed as I walked into the main area of our hotel room.

"Cat's waiting for us now," Phil said, closing his laptop.

Disneyland was a horrible experience. I had found myself separated from the 'adults' and my thoughts had gone mental in the overwhelming environment. I was short of breath and leaking tears, unable to comprehend what was happening. I felt like a child - wailing helplessly as they got left behind due to their own stupidity. My chest felt heavy and constricted, like a cat had just lay down upon it … but without the warmth.

Dan had found me - a tan hand on my arm and worried expression on his face as he sat beside me, asking me over and over again what was wrong. I had just looked at him, tears making tracks down my cheeks as I did so. My eyes watched him as I screamed in my head in hopes that he would understand... understand the meaning in my stare, and the message behind my now slowing tears.

"God damn it, Phoebe," Dan said angrily when I didn't reply, standing up and running a hand through his hair. A shot of pain ran through my chest at his frustration and I felt like crying all over again.

"Phil!" He called over people shorter than him. "I found her!"

Phil came running muttering how he was the worst godfather ever and how he should've realised sooner. He knelt down in front of me and placed a hand on my knee, his large blue eyes filled with nothing but worry.

"What's wrong?" Phil said. "Oh god, don't tell me someone tried to touch you - I don't think I could live with myself if that happened - I'm the worst person - "

I shook my head, wiping tears which were still hanging from my eyelashes. I told him that it wasn't his fault. I told him about how this had all happened before while Dan went to bring Cat over to where we were. I told him how as a child I'd been separated from my parents for hours in a theme park and with lack of sleep and unfamiliar surroundings it was all too much.

"I'm so sorry," Phil said, wrapping his arms around me. "I shouldn't have let you get left behind."

"Seriously, Phil, it's not your fault," I told him.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked.

When Dan and Cat had returned, we bought a bottle of water and Phil insisted on getting me a soft toy, if not to make me feel better, but for his own good. He tried to tell me that he wouldn't go to the party they had planned to go to tonight, but I insisted he went and had fun - after all I was basically an adult myself.

I ended up sitting on Dan's bed with his bottle of Patron Platinum Tequila (which he had jokingly asked for in the Vidcon registration). He had already had some of it before leaving with Phil and Cat, but I still felt bad as I twisted the cap.

"What are you doing?"

I turned quickly, facing the door, though I made sure that none of the bottle's contents spilt. In the doorway stood Dan, wearing a casual button up, jeans and a deep frown.

"I was going to give you the money to replace it tomorrow," I said, standing up.

"That doesn't answer my question," he said sharply, chucking his wallet onto his bed and striding over to me, snatching the bottle from my hands. "Why were you going to drink god-knows how much of this?"

"That's how people deal with problems they don't know how to handle, right?" I snapped. "They turn to alcohol. I've watched you do it, don't act all innocent. Hell, I've even seen Phil turn to alcohol once or twice."

"That's not the issue we're talking about here. I'm not going to let you pour your life into alcohol, Phoebe."

"Why? Because then you don't have to explain to Phil that you let me get shit faced? You watched me suffer day in and day out before finally making a fool of myself in Disneyland. Happiest place on earth, my ass! Where was your compassion before then, Dan? Why now? What's it to you?"

"Because I care about you!" he raised his voice, not quite yelling - but not far off. "Phoebe. Don't you get -"

"Just let me be young, god damn it! Let me be young and drink away my problem like every other teenager my age is doing. Stop trying to protect me and shelter me from the big bad world, because it's already had it's way with me. It's already broken me beyond fixing point and there's nothing you or Phil or anyone can do about that! Even if you could, I can't just have you running after me for the rest of my life."

Dan watched as my chest rose and fell while I yelled my throat raw. When I paused, he cut in.

"Phoebe that's not the -"

"No, it is the point. You'll fall in love and start a family soon enough, and I can't always be there to hold you back. You or Phil. So please," I said, my voice shaking as I did so. "Please just let me protect myself the only way I can."

"Why won't you let us look after you? Is it really that bad to be treated like you matter to someone? We just want to see you be happy, that's all." He was somehow calm and collected, though his eyes betrayed his pain. "Why won't you let people who love you do anything for you?"

"Because," I breathed. "It's not your place to do anything for me. You're not my dad, Daniel - so, please, don't ever try to be."

And with that I walked away, leaving him standing with bottle in hand, alone and left behind, just like I had been.