Previously :

Sitting there Jane finally admitted that her determination and will power as well as Maura's unconditional love and support had their limits and that if she truly wanted to put her dark past behind her she would have to consult a professional. As humiliating as it was for her to admit she couldn't do this on her own Jane knew that Maura was right, that if she continued to refuse to face and understand her issues, soon her will power wouldn't be able to keep them buried. Luckily for her Jane knew that no matter how hard seeking professional would be she would always be able to count on Maura's support, that she would stay by her side.

On the other hand Maura was proud that Jane finally admitted that ignoring the cause of her issues wasn't the heathy way to get rid of them. Unfortunately Maura, just like Jane felt like a failure for not being able to help her girlfriend on her own. Luckily for Maura, as a Medical Doctor she knew that being close to Jane made her bias and that their almost symbiotic relationship was clouding her judgement and that only a trained psychologist would be able to help her.

Chapter 10:

The right way.

After lying down for a little while in silence thinking about the progress they had made in the past couple of hours the two women were finally at peace. After trying to ignore her feelings for so many years, pushing everyone away Jane was finally able to let her guard down and allow herself to confide in someone without feeing weak. On the other hand Maura after spending months wondering if they were really meant to be together and if Jane would ever open up to her was finally starting to see the end of the tunnel. She obviously knew that they still had a long way to go but she could feel Jane's desire to let her in and accept her help and knew that there was still hope for their relationship, that she just needed to hang on a little longer and continue to support her unconditionally.

Sitting on the edge of Maura's bed entirely naked Jane felt surprisingly comfortable and confident in her body for the first time in a long time. After months of avoiding stripping down in front of her beautiful girlfriend Jane was finally able to expose herself both physically and emotionally and strangely she didn't feel vulnerable, she felt stronger than ever. Grabbing her PJ's under her pillow Jane slightly turning her head immediately felt Maura's eyes on her. She wasn't lurking on her in a perverse or dirty way, she was simply marveling at her with those loving eyes that made Jane feel so complete and loved.

"Come back to bed." Snaking her arms around Jane as she slowly started to kiss her naked back Maura never so happy in her life. Feeling Jane naked body against her, feeling her shiver under her touch and being able to finally taste the sweetness of her skin was everything she ever wanted and what made it even more enjoyable was that Jane seemed completely comfortable.

"We need to eat something Maur'. I know you don't listen to your intestines but your belly crying for food. Don't worry it's only gonna take a minute." Pulling up her black boxers before sliding into her favorite matching tank top Jane knew that if she didn't get dressed now she would never be able to leave that bed to get their dinner and she was starving.

"Promise me you won't leave." Saying those words Maura immediately realized how foolish she was. She knew that Jane had no intention of leaving, that if anything she had proved that she wanted to be with her for the long run.

"Oh baby. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I promise, but right now we have sushi's waiting for us and considering how expensive they are I don't want them to go to waste. Just stay in bed and relax. I will be right back." Cupping Maura's face with her right hand kissing her forehead tenderly Jane couldn't blame Maura for being scared. After months of pushing her away and hiding things from her Maura was afraid that after finally allowing herself to be vulnerable in her arms she might freak out and leave. Luckily for Maura despite being scared Jane didn't want to run anymore. She wanted to stay right here with her and continue to work on her issues no matter how physically or emotionally enduring she knew it was going to be.

Ten minutes later Jane finally joined Maura back in her bedroom carrying a large tray full of those delicious sushis Maura loved so much.

Walking towards the bed Jane immediately noticed that Maura was sitting up against the bed board wearing nothing but her blue shirt.

"Damn you look so hot in my shirt." Sighing at the view of Maura bare legs strategically crossed and slightly opened Jane started to feel aroused again.

"It smells like you." Maura replied inviting Jane to join her.

"That's gross on so many levels but anyway here's our dinner. Enjoy." Licking her lips in anticipation Jane's stomach was literally crying. The last meal she had was lunch with Frost and she could not wait to finally taste those delicious sushis that had cost her an arm.

For the next thirty minutes the two women enjoyed their dinner in silence both trying to recover from what had happened tonight and to make sense of it.

Only two weeks ago Jane finally opened up about her dark secret and at first not only she had found herself scared to death that this revelation might be too much to handle for Maura and that she was consequently going to break up with her but also that she could not be helped, that she had been in that abyss for so long that she would never see the light again.

Luckily for Jane she had underestimated Maura's strength, resilience and unconditional love. Seeing Maura staying by her side, listening to her without judging her, taking the time to try to understand gave her the strength and confidence to move forward thinking that maybe things weren't that desperate, that she might be salvageable and worthy of Maura's love.

"So I have been thinking and I think you were right." Lying on her back her right arm around Maura's shoulder Jane was finally ready to consider the next step in her journey, a step in which Maura would have a major role, if she chose to join her.

"Tell me something I don't already know." Maura giggled resting her head on Jane's chest her right hand slid under her tank top gently wandering them on her firm stomach. After spending a couple of hours naked in bed their body tangled together before having dinner Maura was now unable to get he hands off Jane's soft skin.

"I'm serious Maur'. I think that the progress that I have made so far, the massage, the bath or even pleasuring myself in front of you weren't real progress. I think they were the signs of my strong determination but not a proof that I'm actually getting better. I'm also starting to think that to really get better I need to understand why I feel the way I do and to achieve that I need to seek help, the professional kind." Admitting that she didn't have all the answers and that her determination was not enough was the hardest thing Jane had ever done in her entire life. Over the course of her career she had found herself forced to go to therapy after Hoyt took her the first or after shooting herself in order to be cleared for duty. Luckily for her the departement's shrink was not hard to satisfy and convince but she knew this time would be different. She knew that if she truly wanted to get better she would have to throw herself into therapy without any restrain, that she would have to open up to her therapist and to do what ever exercices he or she would require without complain but luckily for her this time she had the best reason in the world to really do the work and get better.

"I agree with you Jane. As I said earlier I have never met a woman with such courage and determination in my entire life. I truly believe that you can achieve anything as long as you put yourself to the task but you're right. For example you decided to allow me to make love to you tonight I have no doubt that it would probably be very enjoyable for the both of us but it wouldn't be for the right reasons. Don't get me wrong I want to make love to you and to finally have the opportunity pleasure you as much as you always pleasured me but I want it to be real. I want you to allow me to reciprocate because you feel ready and comfortable not because you want to prove to yourself or to me that you're strong." Hearing Jane finally admitting that she needed help Maura never felt so proud. She knew how much she hated confiding in strangers especially to professionals and she was determined to be there every step of the way.

"I know. It needs to be real and sincere not because I have something to prove. I need to put my pride and stubbornness aside and do the work that's I decided that tomorrow I'm gonna look for a good therapist and start working on my issues as soon as possible. Will you be there for me?" Finally allowing the walls surrounding her to fall Jane felt extremely vulnerable. The idea of someone dissecting her entire life, her deepest fears scared her to death. She was scared of what she was going to discover, of not not being to handle it and knew that the only thing for her to go through with this therapy was to have Maura holding her hand and picking her up every time she would fall.

"Oh Jane…Of course I will. I will be there after every session to talk if you need me to or to hold you if all you want is lie in bed with me and If your therapist wants to include me I would be happy to join you. I'm so proud of you." Rising her head feeling her eyes filling up with starrs Maura was once again amazed by Jane's determination.

"Thank you but wait until you hear the rest." Jane replied biting her botom lip hoping Maura would agree to what she was about to ask her next.

"Alright, I'm listening." Narrowing her eyebrows looking at Jane straight in the eyes Maura suddenly felt her heart hammering her chest. She had a feeling that Jane was about to ask or say something though and knew she could on react harshly no matter how hard the words coming out of her mouth would be to hear.

"I think we should stop having sex until I'm ready to allow you to reciprocate. I know it's probably going to take months and that you have needs and I would understand if you choose to refuse but please just hear me out. I love you Maura. I'm so in love with you and I'm not saying we need to start over but I want us to do things the right way from now on. I want the next time we find ourselves naked in the same bed to be perfect and to have meaning. I want you to make love to me and to pleasure me. I don't want our sexual encounters to be one sided anymore. It's not fair to either of us." Her throat extremely dry Jane despite trusting Maura was afraid of her reaction. Unlike her Maura was a very sexual individual who had needs, needs that she tried her best to satisfy and she knew that asking her to forget about those needs for an unknown period of time was probably not fair but she knew it was the only way.

"Alright darling look at me. You're right it's probably going to be hard to sleep in your arms and cuddle knowing we can't take things further but I want to do this right too. We both deserve it. I waited my whole life to meet you Jane so trust me when I say that I can wait another few months." Saying those words Maura meant every single one of them. She had waited her entire life to mean her significant other, to meet that one in six billion person that was able to love her unconditionally, to make her feel safe and cared for without ever judging her and she wasn't about to destroy all this because she had needs.

"Okay. Well thank you Maura. God I love you." Closing her eyes allowing a long sigh to escape Jane was relieved. Holding Maura in her arms she knew that she had everything she could have dreamed about, that she had a great job, a fantastic partner and a family that had accepted her relationship with Maura and treated her like their own. Thinking about it Jane knew that she could not mess this up, that she couldn't be selfish and withdrawn anymore, not only she had too much to loose but it wasn't fair for her loved one especially to Maura. She knew that she needed to get better for Maura and for herself because after everything they went through in their lives they deserved their happy ending. So despite being scared Jane was more motivated than ever because she knew that with Maura by her side she would not fail not only because she knew she would be supported but because she could not bring herself to let her girlfriend down. Maura deserved the best of her and she was going to dig deep inside of her and give it to her.

Hey guys! I know I haven't updated this story in two months and after receiving many PM asking me if I was ever gonna finish it I decided to give it another try.

When I started writing this chapter I wanted it to be the last one, to end it with Jane going to her first therapy session leaving you guys with the hope that she was gonna get better rather than giving you all the answers.

Then I decided to re read the story and I realized that it was actually a good story and because it was so important and personal to me that it deserved a proper ending.

If you want this to be the last chapter don't hesitate to tell me though :( but if you do want me to continue I will make sure to update more regularly and to write Jane's therapy as best as I can.

Thanks for the support! I will do my best to be worthy of your support.