Note: So friends, because I am procrastinating my RL responsibilities, you get an early update (I really don't want to mark labs :( ). Thanks to Sally once again for beta reading this. I really liked writing this part of the story; it got long, so I had to break it into two different parts.
Raven called Clarke's mom on the way to the hospital. Abby was working that night, so she was waiting in the emergency room when the ambulances arrived. Clarke had continued to become more aware on the way to the hospital but was still groggy as they wheeled her into the ER. Abby immediately took over, checking vital signs and ordering a head CT for her daughter. She was about to move on with Clarke to get the CT when Dr. Jaha arrived, pulled Abby away and quietly spoke to her. Raven could see the stubborn set of Abby's jaw and knew that whatever Dr. Jaha was saying to her, Abby didn't like it. However, after a few moments of intense conversation, Abby nodded her head stiffly and let Clarke go on without her, returning her attention to Raven.
Raven swallowed and tried to stand up straighter as the formidable Abigail Griffin eyed her. Abby was in full Chief of Surgery mode, and she could be intimidating. Raven was both impressed and slightly terrified as the woman approached her. She reached Raven in a few strides, grabbed her upper arm, and dragged her into an empty exam room before rounding on her and exploding.
"What the hell happened?"
Raven cringed at the anger, fear, and worry that infused the other woman's tone. She was no longer dealing with Dr. Griffin, but with Abby - Clarke's mom. And Abby was terrified.
"I'm sorry Dr. G, but I don't know all the details. I missed most of it, which is why I'm here, the police didn't need me." Raven squeaked out.
"THE POLICE!" Abby cried. "What in God's name...tell me everything you know. Right. Now." Abby forced out through clenched teeth.
Raven gulped and gave her best friend's mother the condensed version of what had happened based on the brief conversation she had managed to have with Octavia before the police took her in for her statement.
It wasn't much, but Abby was seething. "Did they catch him?" she gritted out, her jaw clenching so hard Raven was sure she was damaging some teeth.
"I honestly have no idea," Raven stated quietly, then added hesitantly, "Dr. G?"
Abby looked at her with brows raised in question, anger still evident on her face.
Raven looked down at the ground then back up at the doctor. "Clarke will be ok, right?" she asked softly, tears welling in her eyes. "She was out for a while and didn't seem too aware of what was going on when we got here," Raven continued with a small hitch in her voice as all the concern and stress of the evening caught up with her.
Abby's face softened as she looked at the distraught girl, and reached out and pulled her into a fierce hug, placing a kiss on the top of her head.
"Clarke should be all right honey," she assured. "It's good that she started to come around relatively quickly, but we'll know more when the CT comes back."
Raven pulled away and looked at her, asking the question that had been nagging at her since they wheeled Clarke away.
"How come you didn't go with her?"
Abby scowled and mumbled something about hospital regulations regarding treating your family. Then she looked at the dark-eyed brunette before huffing out, "I have to wait for the results just like every other parent."
"Oh. So how long do we have to wait?" Raven asked.
"It shouldn't be too long," Abby answered, shoving her hands into her lab coat, looking around the ER, then back at the young woman fidgeting in front of her. "I'm going to see Dr. Jackson and see how Jasper is doing, okay? Why don't you head out to the waiting area, and I'll find you as soon as I know something."
Raven nodded her assent and wandered out to the waiting area. She saw Monty sitting in one of the hard-backed chairs, hands clasped and dangling between his knees. She could hear Jasper's voice as he chatted with someone, probably or nurse, from behind a curtain as she made her way to the waiting area towards her friend and slumped into the chair next to him.
"Quite a night, hey," Raven said, looking straight ahead. "Jasper seems to be doing okay."
"Pfffft," he blew in disgust. "I don't know who I'm madder at," the young man said. "Finn for being a dick or Jasper for trying to be a hero." He said the last while throwing his hands up haphazardly, only to have them come back and land heavily in his lap.
"You know," he continued in disbelief. "The whole way here, in the ambulance he was asking the EMTs how cool his scar was going to look. Can you believe that? He's treating this like a joke, Rae!" Monty took a deep breath and then lowered his voice.
"He could have been hurt badly, and he doesn't care."
Raven had turned to look at Monty while he vented, and when he finished, she placed her hand on his arm and quietly said, "I think he cares Monty. I think he just doesn't know how to react yet, so he's whistling in the dark. It will sink in, though, and then he's going to need you to be there for him while he deals with everything that happened tonight."
Monty sighed and hung his head. "I know. I know this clown act is just his way of dealing. It just drives me crazy." Monty continued to fill Raven in on Jasper's experience in the hospital, letting her know that he would get to go home as soon as they were done stitching him up.
Raven gave him another pat on the arm and then pulled away, crossing her arms in front of her.
"How's Clarke?" Monty asked.
"Not sure," she said worriedly. "They took her away to scan her head or something. Her mom said she'd tell me as soon as she knows anything."
"She must have hit her head pretty hard," Monty observed.
"Yeah. I mean, I guess. I didn't see it, but it was bleeding pretty badly, and she was out for a while. Bellamy said he caught her as she fell, so that was lucky." Raven wiped her hands down her face and then pulled out her phone to send an update to her friends.
She set up a group chat and realized with a pang that she didn't have Lexa's number. Given the stricken look on the young woman's face when Raven had first entered the kitchen, she was fairly sure the brunette had feelings of some sort for Clarke. She felt bad that she wasn't able to include Lexa, but there was nothing that could do about it at the moment. She shrugged it off and set about composing a message.
Rae: Hi guys. Hopefully, you are on your way. No news on Clarke yet; they took her in for a head thingy, but she was starting to come around in the ambulance, so that's good. Jasper is in excellent form; I heard him flirting with the nurses as they stitched him up. His wound was mostly superficial, so they treated him with a local anesthetic, rather than needing surgery, so that's good news. They'll let him go home or with his parents tonight. Monty and I are in the ER waiting room, find us when you get here.
Rae: Oh, and if Lexa's with you or you see her, let her know that I wanted to include her in this, but I didn't have her number. Pass the message on, ok?
It only took moments before a response came in from Octavia.
O: On our way. Lincoln's driving and Lexa's with us. Bellamy stayed to clean up. Be there soon.
Raven shared the message with Monty, pocketed her phone and sat back to wait for news of her best friend.
Octavia, Lexa, and Lincoln all climbed into Lincoln's truck in silence. They had spoken briefly to Bellamy to let him know where they were going. The police had more questions for him since he had been present from the moment of Finn's arrival. He said he would stay afterward and clean up to get it ready for Jasper and Monty's return.
Lexa sat tensely on the passenger side of the truck, her shoulders and neck so tight she felt like they might snap at the slightest movement. She felt a driving compulsion to know how Clarke was, but she felt equally strongly that she absolutely did not want to go to the hospital. Octavia seemed oblivious to the other girl's internal turmoil, but Lincoln kept sneaking worried glances at his cousin as they drove and got closer to the hospital.
About halfway there, Octavia's phone buzzed with an incoming text. She scrabbled in her pocket for her phone, while the tension in the truck became palpable. She thumbed open the messages screen and quickly read the message silently, letting out a staggered breath when she reached the end.
Lexa was a barely able to keep herself from demanding to know if it was from Raven, and she bit her lower lip hard enough to taste the iron tang of blood while she waited.
Octavia kept the message open as she shared the contents with the other two. "Okay," she started. "So Jasper's going to be all right, and they'll let him go home tonight," she began.
She took a deep breath before saying, "Clarke..."
"What about Clarke?" Lexa said at the same time, immediately embarrassed at her outburst as Octavia looked at her.
"Clarke," Octavia said again side-eyeing Lexa, "started to gain consciousness in the ambulance and when they arrived they took her for a 'head thingy' Raven called it."
"A head CT," Lincoln offered. "It's probably just a precaution," he stated when both girls looked at him with concerned expressions. "It's like an X-ray, but it lets you see the soft tissue and blood vessels in the brain. She walloped her head hard enough that they probably want to make sure she doesn't have any cranial swelling..." Lincoln trailed off when he noticed the horrified looks the two girls were shooting his way.
"You are not making me feel better Lincoln," Octavia stated worriedly. "That's all there is. Except she said to mention to you Lexa, that she would have included you in the message thread but doesn't have your number, so she asked me to make sure you heard." Octavia finished.
"Thank you," Lexa replied tightly trying to control the sense of panic she was feeling after listening to Lincoln's description of Clarke's head injury.
Lexa's mind was racing with near-panic. She felt like there was a tornado of emotion inside her head, and if she lost control for just one second, that she would start screaming out loud. She was going to a place that held only nightmares and heartache, and she still didn't know if Clarke was going to be all right. She was suppressing her panic, but she knew she must be doing a horrible job of it if the looks her cousin was shooting her was any indication. Lexa clenched her fists and felt her fingernails digging into her palms, but she used the pain to ground her and hold it together.
Much too soon, and also not fast enough, they were pulling into the ER parking lot of GWU Hospital. Lincoln pulled over to let the two girls out and pulled away to find parking. Octavia and Lexa quickly walked to the entrance, and when the doors opened automatically, Octavia briskly walked through, not noticing that Lexa had stopped dead at the door. It had taken several strides before Octavia realized that Lexa was no longer beside her, and she stopped and looked back at the other girl who was frozen in the open doorway, hands clenched tightly at her sides.
"Lexa?" Octavia queried, a small confused frown on her face.
When the older girl didn't respond, Octavia turned around and started back toward her, calling her again, louder. "Lexa. Lexa!"
The third time Octavia said her name, Lexa finally seemed to register that she was blocking the door, and she took two hasty steps back toward the sidewalk. Octavia moved out with her, looking at her in concern. "Are you okay?" she asked.
Lexa visibly startled, glanced at Octavia, and then away just as quickly. "Yes. You go ahead. I can't..." she trailed off. "I'm just going to wait for Lincoln."
Octavia regarded her carefully, knowing that there was something Lexa wasn't telling her, but she didn't know the other girl well enough to pry. And she didn't really want to, at the moment. She just wanted to find her friends. So she nodded and turned back to the entrance, saying over her shoulder "See you in there in a bit, then."
Lexa took one long shuddering breath after another, shifting from foot to foot as she stood looking through the glass doors of the ER entrance. It was there that an unsurprised Lincoln found her several minutes later.
"Lexa," he murmured as he came up beside her, placing a big hand on her slender shoulder.
Lexa took another deep, shaky breath and exhaled,
"I don't think I can do this," she whispered.
Lincoln pulled gently on her hand, turning her away from the door and to the side of the entrance, interposing his body between her and the hospital. He placed his hand on her shoulder and gently gripped her chin between his thumb and his forefinger, tilting her head up to look at him. He could see the unshed tears in her eyes, and he gave her a sad, compassionate smile.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Lex," he assured her softly.
"I can't go in there and sit and wait to hear how she is. Not aga...I can't" Lexa stated flatly, her voice breaking slightly at the end.
Lincoln's heart ached, but there was nothing he could do to help her. If he was surprised at the apparent depth of feeling she was displaying for Clarke, he kept it to himself. He nodded shortly and then reached around her slender frame and drew her in for a loving hug.
Lexa wrapped her arms around him and dropped her head to his chest and felt the first tears fall from her eyes. She stayed there for a moment, allowing the tears to fall before standing back and wiping her face with the backs of her hands. Lincoln produced a tissue from somewhere that she took with a brief look of thanks and finished drying her face and wiped her nose.
"You just happened to have a tissue handy?" Lexa asked once she had finished.
Lincoln just shrugged, "I grabbed them from the truck. I figured someone might need them before the night was over," he said before looking back at Lexa.
"What are you going to do?" he asked her softly.
Lexa sighed. "I don't know," she said sadly shaking her head. "It's all too much Lincoln. Too much, too fast."
"It's been just over two years Lex," Lincoln said slowly, trying to get a read on his cousin. "You've kept yourself so alone, so apart from everyone. Ever since you started playing hockey again, it's been like watching you slowly come back to life, but there was still something missing."
He paused before pushing on, hoping he was about to say the right thing. "It wasn't until last week that the spark in your eyes came back. This past week, it's like you're living again, not just surviving. You deserve better than just to survive, Lex," he finished softly, looking into her bright green eyes.
Lexa looked at her cousin, who was more friend than relative, and she knew that he was right. It terrified her, the intensity of the feelings she experienced every time she was around Clarke. It was too terrifying, too out of control.
She shook her head again and said wistfully, "I have no idea what is happening here Linc, and worse, I seem to have absolutely no control over it. I only just met her, and I can't stop thinking about her. I can't resist the pull I feel towards her...I'm not sure I want to, but it terrifies me. I can't go through that again. I don't know what I'm doing," she admitted plaintively.
"You don't have to have all the answers, Lex. You just have to take a leap of faith. Ask yourself, does it feel right? Is it worth the risk? Are you ready to put yourself out there?"
Did it feel right? It did, overwhelmingly, it did. In fact, when Lexa was in Clarke's presence, it was the only time everything felt right. She felt complete. She felt whole. She felt safe. The feeling was both soothing and terrifying, and she wasn't sure her heart could handle it. Especially here, standing in front of the hospital, wondering if the young woman she had met only recently was going to be all right. It made her feel weak, and Lexa Woods hated feeling weak.
"I don't know if I'm ready, Lincoln," Lexa stated quietly. "But I do know that I have to know how she is, the rest I can figure out later."
Lexa turned and looked at the door to the ER again and nodded shortly before starting towards the entrance, Lincoln at her side. As she approached the double doors and they swooshed open to admit her, she reached down and grabbed Lincoln's hand as she stepped across the threshold and into the hospital.