I woke up alone. The bed was still ridiculously hot, meaning Jared hadn't left too long ago. Jordyn stumbled into the room minutes after I woke up, looking like she'd been hit by a train.
"What the hell happened to you?" I asked, sitting up and running my fingers through my hair. She smiled at me and bit her lip, setting her heels down on the bed before sitting next to them.
"I was with Lucas last night." She smiled. I gave her a look as she bounced up and down like a little kid, her face brighter than a Christmas tree. "We…I mean…we spent the night together."
My jaw hit the floor and she laughed quietly, careful not to wake Mom up across the hall. The light was starting to pour into the room, dim, but it was making progress. I stared at the light navy sky, wondering how long it would be before the sun approached. She shrugged sweetly, the pink in her cheeks was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. It was good to see her happy, to see someone happy. "You have a life outside of me, ya know." Jared's words echoed in the back of my mind. He was right, but I didn't want to admit it.
"So…am I getting details?" I smiled, playing the part of the little sister. I liked this, being able to pretend that we didn't have a care in the world again.
"Well he's…big…if you catch my drift, right?" I laughed at her innuendo.
"Did it hurt?"
"A little," she admitted. "But after a good 10 seconds it did not hurt at all." She winked at me. "It really wasn't bad. Why….are you planning to uhm…"
"Who, Jared?" I exclaimed, nearly toppling out of bed. She laughed at me but kept a serious face. "I mean…" my cheeks were flaming. "Of course I would…it's just that I don't know if it's an option right now.."
"Oh please, the kid can't get enough of you." Jordyn smirked, hopping off the bed and pulling her blue sparkly dress off.
"I'm guessing it was a fancy restaurant?" I asked, looking around the room.
"And a fancy hotel room." She winked. I rolled my eyes at her and grabbed a brush off my nightstand, ripping it through my hair. She started pulling on school clothes, a pair of jeans and a knit sweater. She tossed her blonde waves over her shoulder and threw her makeup bag onto her bed, setting down next to it and going to work.
"So what is going on with you and Jared?" She asked, padding her cheeks with foundation.
"I don't know," I sighed honestly. "I mean…I don't know."
"I heard them talking about you the other night." She murmured. "All the Elders, when they were talking to Mom at the fire. They think you have some weird bond or something, like you need each other around. All I heard was some mumbo jumbo about protection."
"Huh." I murmured, pretending not to know anything.
"Was he here last night?" she asked, stopping her makeup application. She raised an eyebrow at me as I smiled sheepishly at her.
"Sort of. Yeah. Okay, so yes, but we didn't do anything."
"You've spent the entire weekend with him."
"He needs me, Jor."
"I know, I know, trust me I totally understand, what did you guys even do?"
I thought about answering honestly for a minute, wondering if I was willing to let go of the intimate moments between me and Jared. That was our secret, our safe place, and even if I was used to telling Jordyn everything, I felt like keeping our "safe place" to ourselves meant that we had something, not a relationship, maybe not even a complete friendship, but something that held us together besides this stupid protection deal.
"We really just talked about it. I spent a few nights at Em's, you know. We all just spent time together, tried to heal him as much as we could."
Jordyn nodded like she understood.
"Why don't you just try honesty?" she asked simply as I slid out of bed and stretched, sifting through my closet.
"It's not exactly that simple." I murmured, pulling on some clothes. I ran my fingers through my hair again and splashed some water on my face in the bathroom. Ooo. Talk about rough. It looked like I'd been hit by a train too, which, it sorta felt like I did after the past few weeks.
I strode back into the room and plopped onto Jordyn's bed, allowing her free reign over my face. She prodded here and there, adding whatever she felt necessary to make me look presentable.
"Is he coming to school today?" she asked. I shrugged honestly. Who really knew? She nodded and finished with my face, dropping everything into her purse before grabbing my hand and skipping to the car.
She was chattering the entire way to school, Lucas this, Lucas that, and the more I listened to her sexual exploits, the more I wanted to have some more of my own. I thought about what it would be like to touch him, to feel his weight above me, to feel him in me, even, a burn growing between my thighs. It was warm, smoldering, and suddenly I wanted to be next to him 20 times more than I usually did, which was a lot. We pulled up to the school, the spring air washing over me with its confusing euphoria. It was warm outside today, bright, and spring was well on its way-but there was still a certain breeze in the air that had a tendency to catch you off guard if you didn't remember it was still late February.
The Pack boys were all leaning against Paul's black, shiny, Jeep, grins on all of their faces. Jared was with them, beaming when he saw me. Jordyn nudged me in the rib, winking as she skipped away to Lucas, who picked her up off the ground when they made contact, spinning her around. Boy, were they theatric. Jared jogged over to me, crushing me into his arms the second we made contact. I was lost in his scent again, the way he fit perfectly with me, his heat radiating all around us.
"How'd you sleep?" he asked quietly.
"Better when you got there." I smiled. "You should come over more often."
"Can I?" he smiled, excitement growing in his voice. I nodded enthusiastically.
"Anytime ya want." I winked as we started walking towards the building. "It's fun," I said quietly, nudging him. "It's like the stuff that only happens in movies."
"I am the stuff that only happens in movies." Jared countered, looping his arm around mine. His elbow was up to my collar bone, that's how freaking tall he was. We strode down the hall, people staring and whispering, of course.
"Don't mind them," he said softly, trying to soothe me. "We're apparently the only good thing that came out of the whole fire situation."
"We?" I asked, staring up at him. He blushed a little, running his free hand through his hair.
"We," he smiled. "We're best friends now, apparently."
"You think you have what it takes to be my best friend?" I teased.
"Are you kidding? People wish they could have me as a best friend. You should feel honored."
"I feel late." I smirked, sliding into class, leaving him in the doorway.
"Can I come and get you after?" He asked, leaning against the frame. I looked over my shoulder at him and raised an eyebrow. "Let me."
"Fine," I agreed, sitting in my seat behind Brady. "Come get me after."
I spent my entire Geometry class thinking of things to say when he came and got me. Of course, Katie's repetitive "psst"-ing and occasional tossing of paper at my head wasn't helping.
"What?" I snapped, whirling around in my seat to face her. She looked like she hadn't slept all night.
"I have to tell you something." I waited for it, but she just stared at me as if waiting for permission.
"Okay…?"
"Kim, I swear, you can't tell anyone okay? The only reason I can tell you is because…of your…friend…"
"Friend? Katie what are you-"
"Brady's a werewolf."
I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to make sure she wasn't drunk again before bursting into laughter. I threw my head back, the loud noises flying past my lips before I could stop them. My stomach hurt so bad I could feel a six pack coming on. Katie's jaw was collecting drool on the classroom floor as she stared at me wide-eyed.
"What, you think I didn't know that?" I laughed, wiping my eyes. Katie's eyes got wider than I thought possible before she swatted at me. "Ahh, damn! What?"
"You knew he was a werewolf and you didn't tell me?"
"Well of course I didn't tell you, what the hell was I going to say?"
"THAT MY BOYFRIEND WAS A WEREWO-"
"KATIE!" I nearly tackled her, earning a dirty look from Ms. Newsom. "Katie, you can't just go around screaming things like that." I scolded, not taking my hand off her mouth until she nodded in understanding.
"I didn't even know what to say to him. He just sort of fessed up, like it exploded out of him while we were eating at McDonalds and yeah of course I thought he was crazy, but then he showed me and-"
"He showed you?" I asked. Katie nodded. I furrowed my brow, trying to remember when I'd ever gotten to see Jared actually phase. Never. What was this nonsense? How come Katie got to see her macho man turn into a sexy beast but I didn't?
"Anyway, I ended up trying to walk away but it was like the second I saw him in his…wolf thing state I couldn't ever leave him. I swear Kim, I'm gonna marry him some day, I swear…" Her words rang in my ears, coated in my own envy. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. Sam and Emily, Katie and Brady…they'd all been shoved into the same situation that Jared and I had, but unlike Jared, their boys weren't being prudes whatsoever-trust me, I'd slept in a room next to Emily and Sam before, and there was almost no such thing as a quiet night for those two…
The bell rang, and as I scooped my things up, following Katie to the door, I'd nearly forgotten that Jared was supposed to come get me before running into him. He smirked at me, keeping me from toppling over.
"Again?" he laughed as I rolled my eyes at him. He could tell I wasn't teasing. He followed me to the cafeteria, Embry raising an eyebrow at him when I nearly threw all my things down and walked towards the salad bar. Jared was across from me, peering at me over the guard in seconds as I scooped lettuce onto my plate.
"What's wrong?" He asked, mirroring my every move with his own plate. "Kim, what's wrong?" he asked again, this time grabbing the tongs out of my hand. I looked up at him in exasperation, running my fingers through my hair.
"This isn't fair." I murmured. He furrowed his brow at me. I looked around, wondering if I was really brave enough to do what I wanted. I walked away swiftly, giving him the signal to follow as I waltzed up the stairs and into a dark classroom. Jared strode in past me, biting his thumb. I was making him nervous.
I leaned against the door and locked it, the pair of us staring at each other for a moment, the room growing hot with our anxiety for each other. He could feel it, the electricity buzzing between us, like our bodies had registered that we were finally alone again. Mine screamed for him, was begging me to leap across the desks and have him. I inched towards him.
"This isn't fair." I murmured again, shaking my head. Jared was trapped in my gaze, unmoving, his nails digging into the desk next to him as he fought himself. I was closer, closer, closer until we were inches apart, me staring into his dark brown eyes. "It isn't fair."
"What isn-"
"Sam and Emily. Brady and Katie. They're different."
"I can't help that, Kim."
"Yes you can." I breathed against his lips, standing on tiptoe and teasing him. I needed him to come to me, needed reassurance that it wasn't just me going insane on the inside. Jared was fighting with himself, his hands inching back and forth between my body and the desks, trying to hold himself back from grabbing me. "Come on, Jared." I whispered against his lips. If he needed encouragement, I was chock full of it.
His top lip brushed mine for a split second, his own mouth finally sinking into mine painfully, like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar but refused to stop. It was like dipping your hand in acid, but loving the burn. Like adrenaline as it ran through your body, searing your veins but making you feel more alive than you ever have before. It was like a jumpstart, and I nearly flung myself at him.
He snatched my arms up in an instant, holding me back from him, his lips still struggling to meet my own. He was shaking furiously, and desks that had been within two inches from him were pulsating against the ground, shaking violently as if we were having our own personal earthquake in the small science room. His grip was vice tight around my wrists, and I could feel the tears start forming in my eyes as he pulled himself away from me again. Jared threw my hands away from his, nearly ripping the window pane from the wall, flowing nimbly down the tree outside of it. I watched his shaking figure as he bolted down into the pit of the baseball field faster than humanly possible.
I threw myself out of the window, climbing down the tree as fast as I could and following, going as fast as my legs would take me. He was convulsing in the corner of the baseball field. I scanned the area, there were no witnesses, no nothing in case he were to fall out and have a complete seizure. I moved to him, running my hands over his cheeks.
"Jared, Jared, come on, Jared, come on, look at me, you're okay, you're with me, you're alright." His shaking was only getting worse, he was trying to shove me away from him now, but I wouldn't have it. I grabbed his face in my hands and forced him to look at me, doing anything I could to get him to tell me what was wrong so I could help him. He looked scared, excruciatingly fearful and Emily's face flashed across my mind, initiating the start of my backtracking. I stumbled away from his as he exploded out of his skin, his clothes laying in bits and pieces around us as a massive 7 foot beast stood in his place. So that's what it was like to see…Maybe I should've left this adventure for Katie.
Jared howled loudly, forcing me to cover my ears before they were blown out. He leapt over me, dust swirling around my face as he dashed off into the forest. Embry was at my side in minutes, pulling me from the ground. He held me against his chest and rubbed my back, me nestling in between his shoulders quietly at the comfort. I felt odd, rejected, but not quite. I felt it. Needed it. The bond between us not only caused me to need him, but to need him to be mine.
Just like I had in Geometry, I spent the rest of the day thinking of things I could've said to get as many points across as once. I tried to conjure up the right words in hopes he'd reciprocate well, or at least the way I wanted him to. The last bell couldn't have come quickly enough, and as I threw my things into the passenger seat of Paul's Jeep, my mind was racing. I'd stopped at home, picking up the clothes Jared had left at my house the previous night. Emily didn't ask questions as I entered her house, just mentioned she needed errands to finish and that Sam and the boys were out. I trudged into the living room, my clothes damp from all the rain. It looked like the weather was channeling my mood. I threw myself onto the couch, waiting for what seemed like hours when Jared Thail's massive figure finally filled the doorway.
I stood silently, shoving the clothes against his chest and moving to the dining room to pick up my backpack. He looked at me confusedly as I swung the bag over my shoulder and started heading for the door. Jared blocked the door.
"Move." I ordered flatly, refusing to meet his gaze. He ducked down, trying to find my eyes but I kept turning away.
"Kim, please, just let me-"
"Move." I ordered again.
"I'm not letting you go home alone." He said, his voice throbbing with something scarier than I could even describe. It was a statement, not a suggestion, not an option, a flat out statement. I folded my arms across my chest, turning away from him as he headed upstairs to change clothes.
The second he was out of the room I strode out the door, the mud squishing beneath my boots. Of course he was following me seconds later, his voice murky against the heavy sound of the rain.
"Kim! Kim!" He picked me off my feet and I thrashed against his hold, my bag falling into the mud as he set me on my feet aimed towards the house, the rain soaking us both. I wrenched myself free from his hands, trying to grab my bag again. "Can you just listen to me please?"
"NO, I AM DONE LISTENING!" I shrieked. "I am SICK OF YOU!" every drop of hurt, every jealous sting, every rejection filled word was flickering at my tongue like a thousand suns, begging me to let it out. "I am sick of being the only one like this, Jared!" his dark eyes were focused on me under his mass of soaking black hair, hanging in curtains over his forehead. "I'm the only one, Jared! The only person who seems to feel it, or at least the only one who will admit they do!"
"Feel what?"
"Oh don't you dare," I growled fiercely, shoving him. "I don't want this anymore than you do, I can promise you that!"
"Oh yeah? That's it then, you want nothing to do with me?"
"Not you, IT! AND MAYBE NOT YOU EITHER!"
"THEN MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN STUCK TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE."
"YEAH MAYBE! AT LEAST THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO KEEP IGNORING THIS LIKE IT ISN'T EVEN THERE!"
"IGNORING WHAT, HUH?"
"This!" I shrieked, pulling him to me. I wound my fingers in his hair, him wrapping his arms around my waist automatically. I brought his forehead to mine, knowing that I'd soon be cut off again but praying that I wouldn't be. I couldn't handle another episode of rejection, another shot of him telling me I was wrong. He struggled against my hold. "Don't!" I cried. He pushed down on my hips, seemingly fighting himself like he had before.
"Why are you doing this to me?" we both whined at the same time. The tears were the only cold things in contact with my skin despite the freezing rain, thanks to his warm arms.
"I need it." He breathed, his heart rate picking up furiously. "It hurts, Kim, God does it hurt but it's better. It's better if we stay the way we are-"
"Don't do this to me!" I whimpered. Jared looked like he was in excruciating pain, clutching me to him and shoving me away all at the same time.
"I need a reason, Kim. All the time, every day, it kills me just as much as you if not worse. I find excuses to touch you, to talk to you, I have to figure it out…" he started shaking again.
"This, this is exactly what I mean, I feel it Jared, you feel it, it feels better just to touch you, just to have your hands on me!"
"I can't drag you into this!"
"IT'S TOO LATE! I am in this whether you're with me or not! Why do you keep fighting with yourself? Did I do something, did I say something? I know I get into trouble all the time but I-"
"You did nothing wrong!"
I shook my head, feeling like the fight in me had burned out long ago. I was empty, I was giving up, the first time I ever had in my entire life. I released my grip on him, the pit forming in my stomach as he let me go. We were both crying silently, Jared shaking his head to himself, swearing quietly. I dropped my hands, everything starting to hurt all at once.
I moved around him, dipping to grab my backpack. The second I turned around, Jared ripped it from my hands, throwing it to the ground. His lips were on mine furiously, looking for something, trying to give anything, an excuse, an apology, a desperate 'I need you', it was all there at once, his tongue sliding across my lips as ours moved in sync.
His heat was everywhere at once and so were we-one second he had me pinned against the hallway wallpaper, the next I was kicking my shoes off as I straddled him on the kitchen counter. He hitched my thigh around his hip, running his hands all over my backside as I wound my fingers in his hair, having no intention to ever let him go.
"Kim, if we don't stop…" he breathed huskily, the sound of his heavy breathing making my blood hot. I shoved my lips to his again, not caring. I wanted him, I needed him, he was finally within my grasp and it was like drinking water after a two week drought, I just couldn't get enough.
He literally tore the clothes off of me. The sweater was lost somewhere in one hallway, my tank top ripped off in the bathroom. His shirt was lost in the dining room, he hovered over me as I laid on the table, ripping at the buttons at his chest. I clung to his broad shoulders, every inch of him begging me to explore it. I closed my eyes as he trailed his lips down my body, using nothing but his teeth to unbutton my jeans. Good Lord, this boy was good. They were off in an instant, and he was holding me by the thighs once again, me perched on his torso, planting kisses all over his jaw and face as he carried us up the stairs.
Jared threw us against the wall, the mirror cracking behind me, pieces of glass now littering the floor. Em was gonna be pissed about that one. Jared watched me unbuckle his pants, and when I had it off I kissed the buckle and threw it behind him, earning another horde of kisses. His tongue was scorching inside my mouth, ours working together like they'd been doing this for years. Even with all of the royalties I was being granted right now, my body wanted more, begged for it almost, like a crack addict. Jared nearly tore my bra off with his teeth, pausing a good 10 seconds to do nothing but stare at my chest as it rose and fell underneath him before running his tongue down my torso, planting kisses all around my bellybutton and using his mouth to pull down my underwear.
A moan slipped past my lips as his lips skimmed along the inside of my thighs, brushing against the core of me. Every muscle in my legs went haywire as his tongue went to work in a way I didn't even dream was possible, and I could feel myself starting to climb some sort of invisible ladder that kept begging me to go higher. He kept going, going, going, my toes curling until I felt like I was going to explode.
"Now!" I breathed, grabbing at his shoulder. He looked up at me, smiling broadly as he crawled over me once again.
Jared lowered, his length brushing against me as the same time his lips did, sending lava shooting through my veins.
"What a tease." I growled, rolling us over so that I was on top. My hair hung in curtains around us as my lips forced themselves on his, his hands groping at my backside as I lowered onto him. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt. How the hell I even managed to fit that inside me, the world may never know. Jared carried most of my weight in his hands, dropping me onto him slowly as to make sure the pain wasn't too much. When I'd finally popped on eye open to look at him, he laughed lightly.
"How bad is it?"
"I won't know until you move, will I Mr. Thail?" I murmured, moving my lips against his again. I raised, a satisfying moan flying out of Jared's mouth. He breathed out heavily, shaking his head.
"Dear God save me." He breathed, running his hands over his face. The reaction was exciting. I did it again, causing another, then another ,then another, until we had a steady rhythm. After a few minutes I could understand his enthusiasm, it was like the fire that had licked in my veins for him was now a smoldering, a low, comforting, sexy, flame burning in the pit of me, spreading throughout my entire body.
Jared growled and sat up, nipping at my collar bone as we stayed along with our rhythm my fingers clutching his shoulders, my toes curling as the ladder grew shorter and shorter. He stood, running me into the vanity, makeup and lotion and all sorts of bullshit clattering to the floor as he was in control now, deciding pace, deciding force-and boy was I happy to let him be in charge. My hair was in wild waves framing my face as he continued sliding his tongue around my mouth, running his hands everywhere at once, his heat surrounding me like I was having sex with the sun instead of my best friend.
We went everywhere possible. The bathroom floor, back to the dining room, we nearly broke a part of Emily's kitchen counter(which she would also be quite angry about), we were in the living room, the bedroom again, up against the wall, on the stairs, he kept pushing and pushing and pushing, the two of us going at it like there would be no end. As long as he wanted me to I could stay heated, stay ready for another round, and vice versa. It wasn't always sweet, it wasn't always gentle-we were plenty rough, scratching and giving love bites, and bruising, pushing, throwing, and God was it good. I didn't want the tender first-time go around, I wanted Jared Thail, and I wanted him NOW.
Jared held my hands above my head, the wallpaper brushing against my back, my legs wrapped around his waist as he pushed, taking me up higher and higher and higher until I couldn't even breathe anymore, let alone make sensible English words come out of my lips.
"Jared!" I breathed, clinging to him. He picked up the pace, going faster, needing one of his own now until finally he dug my wrists into the wall, moaning as he compressed me to the wallpaper, our bodies literally as close as possible. He peeled me off the wall and carried us upstairs again, giving light kisses on my lips each step of the way.
Sometimes it was sweet, sometimes we did cool it down-he'd keep a slow, steady beat, focusing more on letting me feel a little bit at a time instead of giving it to me all at once, planting light kisses all over my face, stroking hair away from my heated skin, cuddling me to him as we moved like one person-and then we'd be off again, I'd moan or he'd moan and it would set the other into a frenzy, we'd be at it again like we were wild animals, unsure of what else we could do to satisfy the need for each other. At some point, we'd both have to reach the top of our ladders, scratch that, not just reaching it, but getting to the top and kicking the son of a bitch over for making it such a painful, pleasant, heated journey. All it took was a touch. A look. A heavy breath, it didn't matter how many rounds had taken place, we would attack as soon as one of us felt the jolt for each other again.
"So you aren't just my bodyguard?" I asked, trailing the lines in Jared's palm with my fingertips as we laid tangled in a pile of white sheets on the floor, the color contrasting with his beautiful russet skin.
"Absolutely not," he murmured, lacing his fingers in mine and bringing them to his lips. "Much more. When a wolf Imprints, it's like the entire world suddenly revolves around her. You're literally finding your purpose in life in her, she's everything to you, you'd do anything for her, protect her, be a friend, a brother-"
"A crazed sex addict…"
Jared smiled at me before getting serious again.
"Why'd you do it, Kim? Why'd you stay with me for so long? I was horrid."
"You were confused," I corrected. "There's a strong difference between the two."
"Is there?"
"Mhmm. There's you, and then there's horrid." Jared smiled at my light-heartedness. "There was a time I really wanted to quit. Which was earlier today. But ever since the fire I felt it. There was this pull, like I had to be where you were, regardless of how I was being treated, I had to be treated some way by you."
Jared stared at me for a moment before kissing me on the forehead, pulling me tighter into him.
"Kimberly Conweller, you deserve more than me."
"Fine. Then I want you, and your heart." I murmured, closing my eyes and nestling against him. "All of it."