Epilogue
"Jesus, Eddie! C'mon, already! You've been in there forever! Open up!" an impatient Jameson Reagan rattled the locked bathroom doorknob before continuing to pace barefoot outside in the hallway early the next morning, dressed only in a pair of sweatpants and an old, maroon washed-out Harvard tee for comfort. He'd been kept in this state of angst ever since his father's shocking observation at yesterday's Sunday dinner which had immediately halted all conversation, necessitated a stop at a 24/7 drugstore on the way home and was now producing a level of stress he had never experienced before. A rushed engagement and subsequent wedding with an eye towards staying together on the job as partners notwithstanding, there was no question in his heart that Eddie was his soulmate and it could be argued that the two had practically lived as a couple without benefits for the last several years, but parenthood was a whole other stratospheric level of commitment. While it was something they had both previously agreed was mutually desired at some point, it was for damn sure not supposed to be on the radar just yet in the middle of all the recent upheaval their lives had undergone.
"How long can this possibly take?" he whined.
"Jamie, shush! Walk away! I can't pee with you out there listening!"
"Since when have you been shy about anything?" he continued to harangue instead as he turned around, leaned his back up against the door in frustration and unsuccessfully tried to contain himself in silence long enough for her to do the deed even while he considered their recent active sex life which had been both satisfying and anything but timid or quiet after years of denying themselves.
"Maybe if you had been, we wouldn't be in this situation."
"Oh, right… it was me. I always thought it took two to tango, Reagan… and besides, Boy Scout, weren't you the one in charge of always being prepared? Maybe you should try not being so naked and um, standing at attention every single time we get into bed!"
"Yeah, okay, I know," he admitted guiltily knowing he was likely the one at fault for any type of preventative failure or malfunction. "But it's so damn hard not to be… you know… that… when you're so unbelievably gorgeous."
"Ha, and you think flattery will get you everywhere, lambchop… Remember that, especially when it looks like I swallowed a beach ball in a few months."
"Oh, uh… yeah, I'll try," he stuttered and paused at that vision while considering all it would entail to get that far before deciding that would make her even more attractive to him if it were possible. To know she was possibly carrying his child within her had already brought forth a rush of intense emotions that ranged the gamut from abject, knock-kneed shaking anxiety to euphoria and unbelievable pride and love at the thought of being a father.
"Do you really think you are? I mean have you ever been late like this before?"
"Never. I told you that ten times already!"
"But every website I Googled said not to freak out," he pressed, having successfully wrestled his laptop out of her hands for the first time the previous evening since being assigned to that damn concussion protocol as a desperate web search was obviously in order. "There was a whole list of reasons other than just being pregnant for a missed period… like stress… that was at the top of every page and we've sure as hell been through that lately."
"Well, maybe Google doesn't have a body that runs like a swiss army watch! When I say never, I mean it, Reagan… every fourth Thursday for fifteen years like clockwork," she reminded.
"Then I don't understand why we couldn't just do this when we got home last night if you're already sure?" he moaned as the suspense of waiting an additional twelve hours had been almost unbearable for him and apparently the rest of the Reagan family considering the barrage of prying texts that had already appeared on his phone, and here she was extending it for even longer.
"Because the directions say it has to be done first thing in the morning or it might not work right! I know you! No matter what it said then, you would have questioned if it was accurate and we would have been up all night wondering before I had to run out for another test, anyway! This was easier!"
"You could have bought two right away," he tried to rationalize. "Ed, please? Try running the water in the sink, maybe that will help," he offered impatiently before adding another louder plea after she took the advice in an extended attempt to drown his voice out.
"Are you done yet?"
"Yes," she abruptly opened the door as he lost his balance and stumbled in backward.
"So?" he looked wildly at her for some kind of confirmation that their lives were going to be turned upside down in a way neither had anticipated just a few short hours before.
"So? SO, WHAT? It takes like another three minutes, genius! Didn't you read the box?" she demanded before moving past him to go sit down on the bed and wait with her short, satin housecoat pulled shut and arms nervously wrapped around the knees drawn up to her chest to hide her face.
"Oh, God, Jamie… I can't look."
"Three minutes," he repeated with another glance at that little pink and white stick sitting on the edge of the counter that held the secret to their immediate future.
"Yeah, three minutes for us to decide exactly how we're gonna deal with this!"
"Decide? Oh, Eddie…" Jamie softened and trailed off as he turned and joined her on the bed while putting his good arm around her as she started to cry into his shoulder. "Honey don't be upset. We talked about this last night… no matter what, it's going to be okay."
"Is it? Look at the way you're acting!" she pointed out while likewise stressed. "I don't even know what to hope for, or if I'm ready to do this! We just got married three weeks ago; we didn't date before we got engaged, and how weird is it that your Dad… my boss…figured it out before I did and announced it to the whole family? I feel so stupid! Maybe I don't have a clue about anything! How am I supposed to take care of a baby if my father-in-law has to point out the fact that I'm pregnant in the first place?"
"Allegedly pregnant," Jamie quipped as he could not help but use that typical legalese before conceding to her state. "Ed, it's not like you haven't had a lot of stress and distractions the last couple of months… the Sorrento shooting, getting engaged and married, taking the sergeant's test… everything that happened to me last week… all of that could have knocked you out of whack, right? Dad's been through it before with my mom, so he knew what to look for is all, and none of that has anything to do with what kind of a mother you might be… will be," he corrected. "Because I know for a fact you'll be a pretty terrific one."
"So, now you really want this?" she sniffed and looked up in his eyes, searching for some kind of assurance that he was willing to face everything with her before doing a complete one-eighty and turning the tables on her worries again.
"Then what if it's not?" she wailed. "Will you be disappointed?"
"No… yes… maybe a little? I mean honestly, no matter what that test says, it's a win-win," he initially waffled before settling on that approach and sealing it with a kiss on her forehead before she demanded he explain his reasoning. "Try thinking of it like that."
"How can it possibly be both?"
"Well, if you look at it this way: you've already taken the exam, and I know you nailed it. That list is supposed to come out next week, and it'll probably be active for the next three or four years, so I'm either going to keep the ride with you for a little longer until you get promoted to a kick-ass sergeant and then become an awesome mom sometime afterward, or we're going to have a baby now, and you'll get to do that first before you wear your stripes. There's time for both, honey… I promise."
"You can't be sure of any of that," she admitted quietly and deflated as her own self-doubts resurfaced. "The only thing it means is if it's positive we won't be partners at all anymore," she whispered and lamented the sudden end to that aspect of their relationship. Even though they both knew that recent moves would make that eventuality arrive sooner than later, it had been easier to push things off, and even fight the unwritten rules of the NYPD and the mighty Commissioner Frank Reagan rather than face the truth squarely.
"No, we wouldn't, not like that," he agreed. "Being married and riding together I could handle because we've both had those feelings for years and were able to work around them; I knew we could still stay safe that way, but a baby… Eddie, if you are pregnant, I'm afraid… no, I know I would go off like Mr. Vargas if I saw anyone threaten you. Maybe it's some kind of hardwired caveman thing, and I don't mean it like I'd see you as any less capable of being a good cop, but I have to be honest… we promised each other to say something if we ever felt that way."
"Yeah, I know that too," she confessed, and as much as it hurt to think about their time together on the job coming to an end, it also felt comforting and safe to have his arm around her now and to know that he would always be her protector as long as they were together. After not having anyone in her corner like that for years and being forced to fight her own battles since her father had betrayed their family and was sent to prison, it was a new and welcome feeling of security that suddenly eased the indecision in her heart as they worked through this situation.
"And I think if I am it might make me hesitate too much… I couldn't ride with you, or anyone else, like that."
"After a few months they'd put you on modified anyway," he added. "Either way, if you're not pregnant and get promoted, we weren't going to have much time left, so as long as we're both together here, then everything we've always wanted will eventually come true… and the order doesn't really matter, right? That's why I said it was a win-win."
"I don't know if I'm ready to give that up yet though. Seeing what happened to you last week when you rode with that stupid green rookie… that really scared me, Jamie."
"It scared me too, so going forward I'm for damn sure going to listen to my gut right away and not assume I'm riding with anyone I can trust like you. I let my guard down, Eddie, and that was my fault but seeing how you handled yourself that day made me realize I can't hold you back anymore just because I want to stay on patrol, and for a while," he paused before adding honestly. "For a little while, it seemed like Dad was right about that rule of his especially when I thought I was responsible for hitting the boy. Maybe this is just another sign, Ed, but for the first time since we met, I was glad it wasn't you in the car with me because I didn't want you to be held responsible for my mistake."
"But you didn't make one!" Eddie insisted. "And I would have known that! None of that would have happened because you would have had a partner that actually had your back!"
"We'll always be partners," he determined. "I know before that staying on the job together seemed like the most important thing, but now that we're married, and I get to come home to you every night… it feels like we're so much more than that, Eddie. You're my whole life now, and nothing will ever change the way I feel about you."
"Even if I look like I've swallowed a beach ball?" she repeated anxiously, stuck on that potential imagery and sighed with an unsteady resolve as a glance at her watch confirmed that dreaded three minutes was just about up although at least they had managed to map out a strategy to deal with either eventuality that test result might bring.
"Especially then, Mrs. Reagan," Jamie smiled just as the timer went off and they both simultaneously took a deep breath and looked into the bathroom where their immediate destiny was already predetermined and sitting on the corner of the counter waiting for them.
"No retreat, no surrender, right?" Eddie tried to steel herself as they stood up, holding hands with a mutually tight grip and walked over to see what it revealed.
"You can always count on me," Jamie smiled and pulled her in tight for a kiss after a glance down provided the answer they were waiting for.
-fin-
So, maybe she is…or not? Bahahaha! You decide!
I'm honestly conflicted myself as to whether they should stay together as partners, but they almost have to in order to make the show's format work, so hopefully, we don't get the rug pulled out from under us before there is a wedding or a happily ever after. Now the season 9 opener is closer, and I've finally got this story out of my system, I'm off to finish the rest of my "werks" and anything new that pops up in the meantime. Thanks again to everyone who read and reviewed, that's what keeps the muse happy! Back with more soon!