Ahem. *Clears throat*

I would like to make a formal apology for the prolonged wait. Here it is – the ninth chapter!

Thanks for everyone who waited patiently... and not so patiently. Hope this won't disappoint!

-x-x-x-x-

"Hold on a second." Hinata blinked at me owlishly as I rested my chin in my hand. "I don't understand. How is it possible for you to be telling me what happened if you fainted so many times?"

Hinata opened her mouth as if to answer, then froze that way for a moment before stroking her chin thoughtfully. "Actually, I'm not sure..."

"I can answer that." Hinata and I both jumped, heads snapping to the right as Kakashi emerged from underneath a large, lumpy pile of shredded fabrics and feathers.

"Kakashi-sensei?" we both gasped in unison, eyes widening in disbelief.

"Yo," he waved, nose buried deep in on of his perverted books.

"Wha – have you been here this entire time?" I asked incredulously.

Kakashi hummed for a moment, before shrugging bashfully. "Yup. Just been lyin' here."

Hinata and I both turned to face each other slowly, knowing grins on our faces as we shared a slightly exasperated look while shrugging hopelessly, as if to say, 'oh Kakashi, you little scamp'. The Jounin merely scratched the back of his head and laughed.

"Alright you," I said warmly, before blinking at the very uncharacteristic tone in my voice and shaking my head back to an emotionless mask. "Hn. You said you could answer my question."

"Ah, that's right." Kakashi winked at us. "You see, Hinata, last night's events were just so darn exciting it didn't feel right that you would miss out, what with you passing out every so often, so I took it upon myself to whisper everything that was happening in your ear." Hinata looked positively horrified. "I suppose it was sort of like I was commentating for a blind person."

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y..." Hinata stammered, twitching and sounding akin to a broken record.

She continued to stare at him as if he were a mutated crossbred abomination while I seriously considered leaving Konoha again to find a better sensei. Hinata's eyebrow then twitched in a manner that indicated that this particular eyebrow-twitch was in fact a horrendous curse in some foreign language composed entirely of varying eyebrow twitches that only Hinata knew.

Glancing between the two, I rubbed my temples in exasperation. "Why the hell did you do that instead of seeing if she was okay, or even waking her up, Kakashi?"

The man merely leered at me. "I had my reasons," he muttered darkly. "Also, Hinata – do you use cinnamon body lotion?"

"Wha... yes, but—"

"I knew it!" he proclaimed, slamming his fist into the dirt in triumph.

"I don't even," I sighed, running my hands through my hair in frustration. "Kakashi. Get the fuck out." The grey-haired man stumbled closer to us and plopped down beside me, crossing his legs childishly. "I mean it," I ground out dangerously, each word laced with venom. Kakashi didn't bat an eyelid.

"I'll be good," he assured us, though I didn't feel the least bit assured, because he was grinning in such an obscure way the very same grin would not look out of place on a serial killer that had just launched a stick of dynamite into a classroom full of children who were also made of dynamite in a building that was coincidentally insulated with dynamite founded on top of an old dynamite-production plant. "Please – continue."

We gave Hinata enough time to wake from her shocked stupor to continue the story.

-x-

Tenten took her place beside Neji, who scooted away from her subtly as she cleared her throat. "Alright!" She glanced around the circle, picking out the person who tried their best not to meet her gaze, "Choji! Truth or dare?"

Choji stiffened at his name being called, gulping down his fear. Not wanting to seem like the coward he was in front of Ino and Shikamaru, his courageously brazen self declared, "D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d... d-d-d-da-da-da-da..."

"He appears to be broken," Tenten said loudly. "I surmise that a good smack over the head will fix him up!" She gestured towards Neji, who scuttled over to the stuttering ninja and politely backhanded him so hard his face connected with the floor. There was a meaty crunch, and Choji slowly sat back up, blood pouring profusely from his nose but looking serene.

"Thank you, Neji," he said softly, nodding appreciatively at his fellow ninja. "I choose dare."

Tenten's face clouded over darkly. Neji thought, in that moment, that if she had a moustache she'd look strikingly similar to Hitler. "Excellent," she purred. Choji's stomach sank.

She reached into her thigh holster and, apparently well prepared at all times for a Truth or Dare standoff, unraveled her clenched fist to reveal a humble red balloon. Choji's heart prickled with hope that she might dare him to eat it and leave it at that. But then she began blowing it, and while she blew it her eyes bored into his dangerously, a sly smirk on her lips. If one's imagination was at full capacity, much like Choji's, they might also be able to compare the red balloon he was blowing to a palpitating animal heart, Tenten's teeth clenched into it ravenously.

Once the balloon was full of air, she passed it off to the nearest person. "Tie it," she commanded Kakashi absently, her eyes never leaving Choji's.

The man complied, taking his time to get to know the balloon before he handled it so roughly, apologised profusely as he watched his most recent friend's tail get mangled obscenely and his compassion reached out for the poor plastic toy. He handed it off to Tenten, sniveling pathetically, who merely grinned a little wider.

"Put this in your pants," she commanded seriously. Choji merely blinked. "Once it is in there, you must pop this balloon using only pelvic thrusts."

Kiba snorted and Shikamaru couldn't help himself, he cracked a sly grin at his friend's expense. Choji numbly took the balloon, staring at it for a long moment, feeling nothing but intense hatred. "I hate you balloon," he ground out angrily. "Now watch over my penis."

He shuffled to his feet, extending his waistband as he slowly, flinchingly, lowered the balloon into his nether regions. He pretended he didn't squeal a little for his dignity's sake, but he wasn't fooling anyone, and the damage had been done. Once the balloon was in place, heedless of the profound bulge in the front of his trousers that made Naruto howl with laughter, he stood uselessly for a good three seconds.

"Uh... how do I do this?" he asked reasonably.

"Pelvic thrusts," Tenten repeated hotly, hands on hips. "Use whatever else you must around the room, just don't use your hands."

Choji solemnly scanned his surroundings, finding nothing but jagged rocks and other marring surfaces that would be most uncomfortable to rub his junk against.

"What's there to hump?" he asked shamelessly.

"You could use Sakura's face," Kakashi replied immediately, ignoring the girls' indignant cry, "she's used to it by now."

A hand appeared and slapped him across the face, unmistakably Sakura's but the girl hadn't moved from Sasuke's naked form, her eyes soaking in the delicious sight like an ocean-sized sponge lowered into the ocean-sized ocean. How? Nobody knows, and they are forever haunted by the knowledge that Sakura gains abilities far beyond the limits of a ninja when faced with a naked Sasuke. Kakashi rubbed his cheek consolingly as Choji sighed and decided the wall would have to do.

He inched up against it, ignoring the mirthful laughter that his comrades spouted at his expense, petulantly crossing his arms as he stood on his toes and allowed his hips to attach to the wall like magnets. Then, with one mighty deep breath, he thrust.

A muffled boom sounded as Choji's pants expanded in a billow of smoke, pouring out the legs and from the waistband. His eyes went wide and he screamed, doubling over in pain and clutching his crotch, helplessly flailing about like a slinky hanging from a helicopter. The laughter immediately halted and everyone save for Kakashi, Sasuke, Ino and Sakura scrambled to his side worriedly, trying to soothe his screams and asking what happened. A small, fleshy ball rolled out from his trouser leg and nobody tried to guess what it was.

"What did you do, Tenten?" Neji shouted incredulously as Shikamaru cradled the wailing ninja in his arms. Tenten shook her head, mouth hanging open wordlessly, unable to speak. The balloon flopped from Chouji's pants and Hinata detected the remnants of a paperbomb. "What the hell! You put explosives in there?"

Tenten shook her head furiously, tousling her perfect buns, gesturing wildly as if to retell the story then pausing as she looked over at Kakashi, who was grinning flagrantly. "K-Kakashi!" she stammered in disbelief. "Did you slip a paperbomb in the balloon?"

"...No," he denied lamely, between strangled laughter. Nobody could spare the energy to reprimand him as Chouji continued to scream bloody murder, blanched and in a cold sweat. Hinata saw no choice but to force him unconscious, quieting him with medical ninjutsu.

-x-

I winced empathetically for Chouji, hand hovering over my own crotch. A small, fleshy ball to my right caught my eye, and I forced myself not to focus on it.

"We ended the game, then," Hinata added quietly.

-x-

Once Chouji had settled down, Sasuke's naked body had lost its novelty and Kakashi had been sufficiently reproached for de-balling a fellow ninja, a strange crackling sound filled the air.

"What's that noise?" Tenten wondered aloud. Neji shuffled around, trying to figure out the same thing.

"It sounds familiar somehow," Kiba added.

"It's really loud, too," Naruto remarked, his ears picking up.

"Sorry, that's me," Kakashi said blithely, struggling against the weights holding him down to reach for his pocket. "Just my radio."

Sakura stiffened. "You mean... communication radio?" she asked slowly.

Everyone took a few moments to process this before jumping to their feet in outrage. "WHAT?" they screamed in unison. Kakashi mused that they would work well together as a choir group.

"Radio. All Jounin have them," he replied, confused as to why everyone was closing in on him with a daunting menacing aura.

"You mean to tell us," Shikamaru growled – that was a very difficult feat for Shikamaru to accomplish, mind you, for he typically only had two manners of speaking, being 'drawled' or just plain old 'said' – "that you've had a radio this whole time, and you haven't tried to contact the village or alert someone of our current location or situation?"

Kakashi crinkled his nose thoughtfully. "I never thought of using a radio that way."

Sakura snapped and lifted him off the ground from his collar, smashing him against the wall with enough force to rock the entire cavern. "What other reason is there to use a radio!" she screeched ferociously.

He shrugged, as if he wasn't one bone-snapping away from his death. "Lots of reasons... you know, sexual reasons."

Sakura smashed him against the wall again, harder this time, and he gurgled slightly. "Where. Is. It," she ground out gravely.

Kakashi noted that Sakura needed a tic-tac, coughing as he replied, "It's in my pocket."

"Hand it over," she seethed. "NOW!"

Kakashi wriggled under her grasp, sighing pathetically. "Alas, it is impossible." He shook his shackled hands for emphasis as he continued, "My hands are tied."

Sakura seemed torn between removing the weights and beating him a few more times, when an enlightened look crossed her face. "Well, what pocket is it in?"

"Don't do it, Sakura, it's a trap!" Ino warned her.

"Front left," he answered genially, his visible eye curving upwards in a smile. "Be careful down there," he teased.

Sakura bit at his face, missing it by a hairsbreadth and reluctantly sliding her hand into the directed pocket. She fished around for a moment before huffing, "Whereabouts is it?"

Kakashi's eye fluttered closed. "Yeah... right there, Sakura... mh..."

Sakura's eyebrows furrow for a moment as she brushed against something inexplicably hard. "What is thi—FUCK KAKASHI YOU PERVERT!" She grabbed onto the radio and stormed away angrily, Ino hot on her heels and chanting 'I told you so, didn't I? What did I tell you', a light blush on her cheeks.

Kakashi slumped against the wall, his legs splayed open wide in a completely undignified manner. "We should do this more often," he called after her softly, briefly averting his gaze from Sakura's ass to wink at a snorting Kiba.

Sakura pressed a few buttons on the small radio, fiddling with the volume and talking into it. The object remained unresponsive. "Looks like the batteries died," Ino muttered.

Sakura twitched. Everyone held their breath. When Sakura twitched it was as if that twitch signaled the detonation of TNT set up all around the walls of Sakura's inner 'dam of wrath'. She got to her feet, trembling with silent rage, breathing heavily.

"...Sakura?" Ino ventured after a long silence. "Are you oka—"

"ROAAAAAR!" Sakura picked Ino up by the boobs and twirled her around overhead like a shit loaded diaper, releasing at the pivotal moment required to have her ricochet off of Kakashi's face, which began turning an interesting shade of purple as he shrieked in agony, and plummet face-first into the ground, where she made a person-shaped divot. Sakura stomped around, her arms above her with clawed fingers and roaring like Godzilla.

"She's gone berserk!" Neji shouted, rushing out of her way as she stomped towards him, ripping a large boulder from the floor and chomping into it, disregarding the many teeth of hers that fluttered to the floor.

"Somebody d-do something!" Hinata cried in terror. Sai, apparently incapable of sensing dramatic tension, was standing aimlessly in her path until Sakura chest-bumped him so hard a patch of ninja ink squirted in his crotch and a black stain dampened around it.

Naruto puffed out his chest, hero instincts kicking in. "Don't worry, everyone! Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage here to save the day!" He turned to a red-eyed Sakura, nostrils flaring and foot scuffing the dirt like a fuming bull, and gulped.

"SAKURA! SMAAAAASH!" Naruto prayed that Jiraiya was watching over him as he bolted head-on towards the rampaging Sakura, summoning a shadow clone and twirling a Rasengan in his hands.

Sakura sneezed and the Rasengan blew away in the gust of wind that followed like feathers billowing through the sky. Naruto coughed, looked around at the flat looks he received, rubbed his neck coyly and began trembling in terror along with the other shinobi.

Shikamaru sighed at the amount of noise stirring him from his nap, cracking an eye at a monstrously screeching pink glump of fuzz, his sleep-blurred eyes blinking in incomprehension as it approached him rapidly.

"Run Shikamaru!" Choji shouted from the other side of the cave. Shikamaru blinked away the last of the sleep and fully realised what was going on, jumping out of the way just in time to avoid being hit by Sakura's headbutt. Instead, she rammed straight into the wall, shaking the entire cavern and unsettling rocks from the ceiling. For a moment it seemed like the walls would cave in and they'd be trapped forever, but just as Sakura began stumbling around dazedly while releasing a low hum, the walls stopped shaking and she collapsed to the floor, unconscious.

The cowering ninjas slowly surrounded her, unsure what to do from here. Kiba kicked Sakura in the side experimentally and nothing happened. "She's out cold," he determined, and everyone let out a breath of relief.

They were used to Sakura's spontaneous and entirely irrational spouts of rage, so nobody was particularly shaken by now, but still, they were pissed off because now the wall had a very large and very worrying crack in it.

"Alright everyone, we're going to have to be especially careful not to disturb the walls around us now," Shikamaru told them sagely, scrutinising the fissure with a jaundiced eye. "One more blow and this baby's coming down."

"Ngh," Sakura stirred, sitting upright on the floor and rubbing her head. "What... happened?"

Ino crouched down beside her, checking for any major injuries. She found nothing but a large lump on the back of the girl's head, deciding that it wouldn't need immediate medical attention. "You blacked out again," she explained, but Sakura wasn't listening.

Her hand gripped Ino's shoulder and she stared ahead blankly, eyes wide, panting with a crazed-dog look in her eye. Ino snapped her fingers in front of her face and called out to her. "Sakura? Sakura. Hellooo, anyone in there?"

Sakura blinked, shook her head slowly and clutched her heart, breathing so heavily Ino was actually a little worried she'd missed something. "What's wrong?" Hinata asked, scooting closer to the girls with a roll of bandages in her hand.

Sakura turned to her mechanically. "I... I'm not sure," she began, spooked, "but I think I just had a... a vision," she finished dramatically.

"W-What?"

"...What," Ino parroted flatly, "the hell."

Sakura leant on her knees, glancing around wildly. "I saw... I saw... me, in the future... and you were there, and you too!" She pointed at Ino and Hinata in turn, whose faces were completely blank. "Destruction," she continued dangerously. "And... and oh – two, beautiful, busty breasts... and they're mine... all mine!" Her hands travelled to her chest and they lingered there, tracing small circles. Ino and Hinata both backed away a bit.

"I think you hit your head a bit too hard," Ino deadpanned.

"...Oh yes... huge... Sasuke finds them irresistible... make Ino's look like pebbles..."

Ino smacked her over the head and stormed back to the unmoving Sasuke, deciding she might just stay there the rest of the night. Hinata sighed and coaxed Sakura into leaning against the wall while she tended to the lump on her head timidly, trying her best not to listen to her 'future' because deep down she thought maybe Sakura might be right. She was very superstitious.

"CHOJI!" the girl exploded suddenly. Choji choked on some more of his mother's chili, unsure whether or not he should approach the beckoning, and probably psychotic, girl.

"Yeah?" he asked hesitantly.

"I see – I see you, and... oh my!" She clapped her hands over her cheeks in pure horror. "Death. I see death. An untimely and unseemly demise... a potato masher, eight-inch fingernails and a straw are somehow involved!" she predicted surely.

Choji gave Hinata a questioning look but the girl merely shook her head in dismissal.

Meanwhile, Kakashi was fuming. Not only was his face swelling up like a ripened blueberry, but there was a massively unfinished crack in the wall, and it pissed him off. Kakashi's own internal 'dam of wrath' bubbled dangerously and soon he couldn't control himself. Chidori sparked in his right hand, breaking away from the weights holding him back and bursting forth in a surge of chakra energy, punting straight through the wall, then chidori-ing the small bits of rock that fell all around him frantically until the whole wall was just a small pile of dust on the ground. Water from outside began pouring in and surrounding the ninja on all sides, who were forced to abandon their now drenched blankets and flatten themselves against the only portion of dry wall left in the cave.

3, 2, 1...

"WHAT THE FUCK KAKASHI!" everyone screamed in unison. Kakashi mused that everyone was speaking in unison recently and wondered if there was something horribly wrong with him for not joining in on instinct.

He merely shrugged and Neji snapped, holding Kakashi against the wall by his collar. Kakashi was overcome with a strange sense of déjà vu. "What the hell did you do that for?" he seethed.

Kakashi pushed the little Hyuga of him and dusted down his vest, muttering about rude children. "Well, if the wall just didn't break then it would be a very anticlimactic plot movement," he stated in all seriousness.

Everyone began yelling at once, this time not in unison, which relieved Kakashi's conscience a little bit. He tried to shush them but was largely unsuccessful.

"Are you insane?"

"Now the rain is coming inside!"

"We're gonna freeze to death!"

"Does anybody have a breath mint!"

"!"

"Alright, alright!" Naruto shouted over everyone. His voice was loud enough to defeat the other people's loudness, and with no small bit of pride he continued just as loud, "I got it covered, okay!"

Everyone stood back as Naruto pulled a massive scroll from his back and lay it at his feet, subsequently blurring his hands in a flurry of handsigns after biting his thumb and smashing his hand on the ground. He was encased in a cloud of smoke just as everyone heard a cry of "Summoning Jutsu!"

White curls of smoke slowly dissipated and in its place stood a very large, very red, very imposing toad sitting in the rain. Well, to be precise, the ninja were only privy to a nice view of the toad's ass, but it was pretty easy to tell from all the warts, the webbed feat and lack of a tail. Naruto slid down its back from outside, and soon the Toad backed up into the hole until it was blocking all rain from outside.

"Ta da!" Naruto exclaimed, bowing at the gathering of ninja. The others couldn't deny they were pretty thankful for Naruto then, applauding him good-naturedly before Shino opened his big mouth and rained on their parade.

"How am I supposed to sleep with a toad's rear end pressed against my face?" he deadpanned. All rejoicing halted as the others, too, fully realised just how uncomfortable this would make them all.

"Oh my," Hinata sighed, blushing and turning away from the large backside.

"Have no fear," someone cried halfheartedly from behind them. The crowd parted to reveal Kakashi, who was finally able to move again, standing with his hands on his hips grandly. "Kakashi is here."

"Oh no you don't," Ino groused, stomping towards the man angrily and jabbing a finger in his chest. "You've done enough damage for now! Just sit down and don't talk, or else." Sakura nodded her concurrence from behind, cracking her knuckles aggressively.

"Maa," the man flapped, waving them off flippantly, "I was just going to put a genjutsu over the toad so nobody would feel uncomfortable."

"Oh really?"

"That's actually a decent suggestion," Sai noted from the sidelines.

Kakashi nodded, and without waiting for any further say so, his hands whirred in a series of handsigns. The toad's image began to wiggle from side to side, fading over into what was identical to the wall he had destroyed not ten minutes before.

"Whoa!" Kiba exclaimed in astonishment, and even Ino and Sakura couldn't deny that was impressive. "Kakashi sensei, how did you manage to do that?" he gushed.

"I'm just that kiss ass," he proclaimed grandly. Sai gave him a strange look. "Wha – I mean kick ass." He paused. "Speaking of ass—"

"Stop, Kakashi," Sakura deadpanned. "Come on."

"Is that an invitation?" the man leered.

Sakura sighed tiredly, picking up a nearby stone and stabbing Kakashi in the foot with it. "Dirty old man. Why're you so obsessed with sex anyway?"

His lecherous grin slowly faded to a solemn expression, looking off to the right distantly. "It's all because of this damn mask," he sighed. "Do you know how hard it is to get laid when you look like an ashamed burn victim?" His voice was thick and the girls felt a little bad. Then he pulled out the big guns. He sobbed pathetically, nose running and panting like a racehorse, and Hinata, Ino and Sakura melted empathetically.

"Aw, don't cry," Ino cooed, bringing him into her chest and making shushing noises. Sakura occupied herself with stroking his hair and apologising over and over while Hinata wiped away his tears and muttered sweet nothings into his ear. Kakashi winked at the gaping men all around them, completely shocked. Tenten snorted.

"Women," she sniffed.

"Is everyone else not hearing the utter stupidity of this right now?" Neji asked helplessly. "Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm the only sane person here."

"You'll get used to it," Shikamaru sighed from beside him.

-x-

Da da daaa~

Done. Finally. Yay!

Thanks for reading!