AN: Okay, I know these are coming out kinda weirdly paced but long story short I hurt my back at work and have been back and fourth to doctors and PT. Might need an MRI, etc. :c So I've been cooped up and have been trying to write more, you can benefit from my pain ;~; I usually don't ask but I'd appreciatereviews if you guys are so inclined. :3
Also sorry this one is a little short, I really wanted to get this out there and it seemed like a good place to end.
The piano played quietly against the soft hum among the irradiated insects in the distance. Juniper silently wondered, if they were louder in the summer, If time really stopped being so important anymore. The minutemen flag that served as her curtain in her kitchen had been moved to the side, and she was contemplatively looking out of the window. The yard was still mostly unchanged, eventually she wanted to plant something in her old garden. She had told MacCready they were going to get his son's cure, but the plans weren't concrete. She'd been repairing Sanctuary's crumbling houses and electrical systems for almost two weeks. God two weeks, she sighed softly. She'd been reading up on as much handyman material as she could find. Although sometimes it felt frustratingly pointless, one strong hit to the settlement and it'd all be gone. The constant uncertainty was exhausting, but up until recently she was so busy it seemed so distant. She wondered where MacCready was, he'd taken up some of the nighty sniper watches at the front gate lately. Most of the candles lining her living room had been extinguished, all but the one on the island across from the table. She'd tried to make her house seem more like a home and not a crypt. Even with new decorations and the growing collection of preserved plates and coffee cups things felt empty. The playing continued almost sadly, while the hedges in the back yard rustled in the wind. A chill ran up her spine, and she secured the blanket around her shoulders. It was mid december after all.
"Gener- err, Juniper, do you have a moment?" Preston was in her doorway with his usual attire. She smiled, and waved him in. He walked across the kitchen and stood across from her.
"You can sit down, did you want coffee, or Nuka cola?" She went to get up and he held a hand up stopping her.
"No thanks." She looked worried and sat back down, Preston pulled out the chair. "Old habits, huh?" He smiled a little and sat down across from her. Nocturne started to play on her pipboy and she frowned turning it down. He watched her inquisitively.
" It's my least favorite, always sounds so melancholy." She cupped her glass, and smiled sheepishly at him. She had only had a small amount of bourbon for the warmth, she still hadn't drank what Jack had given her the last time they saw each other..Her hair was washed and curled naturally around her jawline and down by her collar bone. He leaned forward, his arms resting on the wooden table.
" I've been wanting to ask you, about something. I-I don't know" He broke off and looked out the window. He inhaled and looked back at her with his dark eyes determined but with a hint of sadness. " Is it as hard for you, as it is for me to be friends while trying to rebuild the minutemen?" When she didn't say anything he continued. "I want you to be our general there's no one better for the job but, I want to be able to still be friends after this. I don't know if that's going to be possible." Thunder rumbled far off in the distance, and they both sat there quietly.
" What the hell are you talking about?" Sounding sharper than she wanted. " Preston, I know this has been difficult, and confusing but jesus." She leaned backward into her chair, he looked so lost. " Is it because of me being the general? If that's it I don't want it, I don't want to be some figure who reunites the commonwealth while losing ties to the people I care about."
"Sometimes.." He started off softly. " Sometimes, I think about everyone I've lost during this fight. Not just people, settlements too and I'm not sure if there's a middle ground for me. This rebuild this...has to work." He said it so desperately, she couldn't look him in the eyes.
" Juniper this is all I have left, and I'm not the only one." She felt so alone in that instant, tears threatened to surface.
" Preston, It may sound selfish and I'm sorry but for my sake please try. Please try to find that middle ground." She stood from her table. " I um, I'm going to go for a walk." He watched her go through the back door and sighed.
The night air felt good on her flushed cheeks, everything felt so crushing again. Her rose coloured dress swayed in the wind. Time felt so abstract, why did it even matter what happened to the minutemen? Or the Commonwealth for that matter? They'd survived two hundred years without some like her. Why had all of this fallen on her shoulders, all she wanted was her son back. I can never get Al back. She kept walking down the dirt path towards the vault and stopped when she heard her footsteps on the wooden bridge. Her feet felt cold, Juniper took the railing and let her head fall a bit. " I forgot to put on fucking shoes."
If he could see me now, would Al even recognize me?
Swan lake overture came on softly and she smiled. After a brief glimpse around and when she knew no one was awake, or watching she put her blanket on the railing and embraced the cool winter air. The stream hummed under the decaying boards, she let her toes prop her up higher.
" I might not remember everything." She paused and thought back to the huge white house on the cliff from her dreams. The image of the tiny little baby girl flashed in her mind, how did she know it was a girl? " But I can remember every single fucking ballet lesson." Juniper tried to let the bitterness fade as she turned the volume on her pipboy up louder.
Her arms stretched out on each side and her left leg went up behind her. She swayed and let her muscle memory guide her through each stance. The adrenaline was enough to ignore the numbness in her toes, the melody picked up in tempo and she matched it's intensity. The smell of rain flooded her senses, but she couldn't stop. She didn't want to. All of the fighting, the scavenging, the constant fight for survival in a world she didn't belong in, everything melted away in the rain. The overture began it's final bar, and she slowly let her weight down again. The rain was drizzling softly, and the moon was barely visible through the dusty clouds. The next composition came on, turning she started to walk back to sanctuary.
" I…" She stopped quickly and looked up. MacCready wasn't wearing his duster or his hat, he looked lost for words. Juniper looked back at the stream.
" Sometimes, It's all just so much. I didn't mean for anybody to see me, I don't know.." She felt so embarrassed it was suffocating, her arms were crossed and she held onto her sides.
" Whatever it is that you're feeling, please tell me." He walked closer and she backed away a little. " I can't begin to imagine what it was like waking up to..to this." He looked around the landscape and back at her. He'd never asked her this before, never sounded so genuine.
" I can't.." She softly shook her head at him, she couldn't hold her tears back anymore and they streamed down her face.
" What? What can't you do? The things I've seen you do, the people you've helped." When he reached for her this time, he didn't recoil like he did at the interchange. He held onto her arm and searched for an answer. His hand was warm, his fingertips calloused softly stroking her forearm. How long had it been since she felt someone touch her?
" I don't know If I can be the person they all want, If I can make it out of all of this alive. What if there's no place for me in this world." Her voice cut off and she shivered. Her hair was starting to stick to the back of her neck from the rain. It's not fair, It's not fair to dump this on him.
" There's no place for any of us, look around. None of us should even be alive, but here we are and all we can do is muddle through it. I know I'm just a hired gun, but I want to be more. You've been helping me realize that, and not just that... you've given me the chance to do it." He paused and Juniper held her breathe. He was so close, closer than he'd ever been before.
" I don't know what I'm suppose to do, even when I try and do the right thing it's never enough." Juniper bit her lip and looked down trying to hold in the welled up frustration. " At first I just was doing things, without really thinking. I wanted Shaun back, but there was always...god something else. I'm just exhausted...I haven't even found my goddamn son." Her voice cracked and MacCready pulled her close into a tight embrace. He smelled strongly of gunpowder and stale cigarette smoke, his arms were more muscular than she thought and they wound themselves around her protectively. She let herself deflate into his arms, reaching her hands up onto his sides. They stood like that for awhile. The rain started to trickle down the old trees and the hubflowers that surrounded the bridge.
MacCready felt her small frame shake, and held her as she sobbed softly. He waited until she steadied a bit and spoke. " The wasteland can tear people apart, I'm not going to let that happen to you. Do you understand?" She nodded into his shoulder, and he leaned his head against hers. He wasn't sure how it ended up this way, or what was going to happen next. It was terrifying, caring about someone like this and it wasn't suppose to work out this way. It gave him the urge to fight to protect her from the cruelties that may lie ahead. " I don't know if I believe in fate or destiny or whatever. But I'm happy that you came in the third rail that night."
It started to rain a little harder and he lifted an arm up to move her wet hair from her forehead. She looked up at him and he looked back at her, he felt his body burning. Her eyes looked so pleading, he felt drawn closer and stopped with his nose touching hers. Her breath caught in her throat, and she moved her head to the side. " Is this really ok?" His hand was cupped against her face and he whispered softly.
" I don't know, but I'm here for you too." Juniper said it so softly and she moved her head back towards him. " I know you still love Lucy, and I still love Al. I don't know If I'll ever stop." Her voice cracked a little and he pulled her waist closer. His head tilted against hers, she shut her eyes and his breath against her skin made her shudder. " Should we really do this?"
MacCready laughed a little, " Of course not, but I don't know If I can resist your charms anymore." She opened her eyes and moved her head back.
" What! You're the one who.." She paused. Has it really all been me? She felt so small, and looked down. " Has it really been all me?"
" Of all the things to get hung up on." He half scoffed and chuckled looking away. She looked back at him startled. " I'm not saying we just jump into things right now, I just needed you to know I'm here for you. You've let me lean on you so much, It's time you started to lean on me." His voice made it clear he wasn't doing this on a whim. Thunder crackled above and Juniper looked at his wet hair laughing. " Oh yeah? You should see your mop, I didn't know your hair was so curly." He smirked, and she smiled back at his soaking wet face.
" I usually try to keep it straightened because it's easier to manage, should we, uh?" She nodded over towards the path and he let her go, she missed his embrace but the rain wasn't letting up. They both started running back towards Sanctuary, laughing as they both were getting covered in mud.
They made it to the house, and MacCready ran in first and she shut the door behind him. She felt her clothes sticking to her, and she looked up to see his shirt was transparent and was clinging to every curve and muscle. She felt her cheeks burn, and he coughed awkwardly.
" I'm gunna go get changed uh, see you in the morning." He hurried into the bathroom and she waited until the door shut for her to run into the bedroom. She looked at her dress and gasped, her dress was soaking wet and her breasts perked almost straight through the fabric. She grabbed her sleeping clothes and tossed them onto the bed. After she toweled herself off, she threw on the warm loose clothes. The bathroom door clicked and she heard his footsteps in the hallway. He stopped and heard hesitation in his voice. " Goodnight."
She tried to respond quickly, " Yeah goodnight." There was a pause and she heard his footsteps fade into the living room. MacCready had been sleeping on the couch since his shoulders healed. She wanted him closer, but there wasn't any other rooms in her cramped starter house. The roof had been repaired decently to keep most of the rain out, but she still had small bowls in certain problem areas. A rain droplet fell and ripples into a small bucket by the door. She fell onto the bed on her back and let out a long sigh. The room was lite by a small candle on the drawers in front of the larger window in the room. The light it gave off sometimes almost unhinged her more than the things she had done trying to find her son. It always reminded her of how alone she was. Lightning struck hard close by and she jumped, the rain wasn't going to let up. She leaned up and eyed the almost overflowing bucket. Grumpily she got up grabbing it carefully and headed to the bathroom to dump it. Juniper heaved it over the sink and let it drain, slowly. MacCready must be asleep by now.
She carefully tiptoed out into the dark living room, making her way for the bowl by the door. It looked less than half full and she shrugged. Sheepishly she looked over the couch at MacCready, he was laying on his side without a blanket. Why?
Then she remembered, cursing quietly she looked around the room for a replacement.
I used his blanket and forgot it at the bridge.
She brushed past his arm and he softly tugged at her shirt.
" What're ya lookin for?" He said sleepily, she shifted uncomfortably.
" A blanket for you. It's too cold to sleep without one" He shifted without opening his eyes.
" Thought you left that at the bridge?" She paused, how can he be so snarky when he's half asleep? She jerked away, then regretting it sighed.
" Come on, let's go to bed." He opened his eyes dubiously at her. He stared at her so intensely she felt his gaze burn on her skin somehow. When she stood there waiting he spoke.
" Okay." He got up and followed after her, Juniper felt her heart beating wildly.
He said we didn't have to rush into it, nothing's going to happen.
The thought of something maybe happening made her thighs push together uncomfortably. She stopped at the side of the bed closest to the door.
" Umm, what side do you want?" She didn't turn around, and stared at the bed.
" Closest to the door is good, If that's alright?" She turned and saw him eyeing her hesitantly.
" If you want me to go back-"
" No!" She said quickly and she looked away. " I want you here, I don't want you to sit out there." She said so softly he almost didn't hear it. He smiled and extended his hand to the bed.
She crawled in first and turned towards the window, watching the curtain sway with the wind. She felt the bed dip and then his familiar warmth crept up behind her. The blanket fell softly on her body and she felt him tuck it around the both of them. He moved closer and hesitantly rested his arm on her side. That comfort he brought spread throughout her body, she reached out and pulled him closer by his arm. She felt his breath now on her neck and he nuzzled her neck with his nose, his goatee brushed against her back. She shivered and he stopped. " It tickles." He exhaled happily and brushed his lips on the back of her neck. The sensation was almost too much for her, and she held her breath.
" Goodnight Juniper." His voice sounded so husky and yet so peaceful. Her head spun, while his scent filled her senses.
" Goodnight MacCready." She whispered, almost instantly she felt his muscles relax around her. The sensation of sleeping so close to him, she smiled and held onto his hand tighter. As she fell into a deep sleep she felt him squeeze her hand back.