A/N so iv'e been thinking about where I want this story to go, and I would love to have some direction from you guys to see what you want, so remember to reveiw and say what you think!
Katniss
After whispering back to Peeta, I head upstairs to start packing for the trip to the Capital. We got a call from Haymitch saying we were not needed in Four. Figures. Who needs a mockingjay in Disrtict Four? I am relived and worried at the same time. I don't have to visit my mother, or relive those awful memories. But then I have to go to the Capital, and relive the worst moments of my life. The games. Coin. Snow. War. Death. Finnick. Peeta's hijacking. P-Prim and her...passing. I am still not over the death of Prim. The harder I try not to think of her, the more I see her in everything around me. It's like her spirit is roaming around everywhere I look. In the flowers. In the kitchen. In Peeta's eyes. In me. Her spirit is in me the most. I still haven't worked up the courage to go in her room yet.
I sigh and walk into my room. It looks awful. There are sheets thrown all over the floor, clothes spread around everywhere, shoes, socks and pillows on the floor. But none of those things impact me as much as the photo of me, Peeta and Prim on the day that Peeta was teaching Prim how to bake and I happened to walk in on them. In the picture I have a bowl of cake batter in my hands and a spoon covered in the batter, and some of the batter is on Peeta's face. He's smiling down at me, and I am smiling up at him too. Prim has chocolate icing all over her cheeks and nose.
I remember that day all to well; it was a few weeks after the Victory tour. Prim could not stop talking about how excited she was to be baking. Peeta was coming over to show her. I had rolled my eyes and left the room because I am a terrible baker. I almost burned down Peeta's house trying to make cheese buns. But I was also secretly glad he was coming over because I wanted to see him. After smelling something really delicious coming from downstairs, I decided to join them. Peeta saw me and smiled, then asked if I could mix the batter without burning the house down. He got playful smack for that. While I was doing that, Peeta make a joke about how terrible I was at baking, so I threw the spoon at him. We both stared laughing, and we forgot about Prim. It wasn't until she asked if the icing was good that we looked at her, and her face was covered in icing. My mom had taken the picture after saying what a mess we made. But even she couldn't help laughing.
I grab the photo and fall onto the bed. I lay there and sob, remebering how happy we were, and how we will never experience another moment like that again. I cry for I don't know how long, quickly forgetting about packing for the trip. I cry knowing that I will never see Prim again. I will never see that happy smile on her face, I will never see her to blonde braids. I will never see a happy moment like that again. I just lie there, silent tears streaming down my face. I hear someone's laughter coming from downstairs. Well I'm glad their happy because i'm not. I start to feel a little weird, wondering who is downstairs until Peeta comes in the room.
"Hey Katniss, is my comb in you ro-" He takes one look at me and comes rushing over.
"Katniss? Are you alright? Are you hurt? Katniss?" He is now sitting next to me. I don't answer him. I don't have enough energy to. So I just lay there while he asks me if i'm alright. At some point he picks me up and lays my head on my pillow, tucks me in, and kisses my nose. Then he leaves as I drift off.
Peeta
After leaving Katniss's house I go to my room and start packing. The guilt feeling never leaves me. I feel guilty knowing what I put Katniss through. She deserves more than I could ever give her. Everyday I look back at what I did and I feel ashamed knowing what I did. The only thing more frustrating than knowing what i did, is when people say that it wasn't my fault. Like yeah, I know the Capital hijacked me. But that would have never happened if I didn't let the rest of our alliance separate us because that's where it all went wrong.
I've heard Haymitch say 'It wasn't your fault boy. You did what you could do'. But what I could do was not good enough. I curse myself everyday for that mistake. But I also try to remember the good things, like how Katniss and I are in a... somewhat steady relationship. I smile at the word relationship ignoring the word somwhat. And I know the love is real. No more pretending. No more pretending to love the Capital. If we are asked bout the Capital, Katniss will gladly tell them that the capital can go to hell in the blink of the eye. Speaking of Katniss, I think I left my comb at her house. Sure I don't really need it, but I need a reason to go check on her.
I walk in her house, and it still looks the same as when I left. But more importantly, her only suitcase is still sitting next to the table in the living room. I start to worry about her even more than I already was. Why hasn't she used her suitcase? Why is her favorite pair of shoes still by the door? I think I might have started to hyper-venilate. I take deep calming gulps of air to try to calm myself down. There are many reasons why she could still have her suitcase downstairs. All of a sudden I start to laugh. I am acting so foolish. I'm worrying about Katniss because of a suitcase? I worry way to much. I start to make my way upstairs to her room. I think I hear crying.
"Hey Katniss, is my comb in your ro-" I stop mid sentence and run over to her. She is lying on her side with tears streaming down her face.
"Katniss? Are you alright? Are you hurt? Katniss?" I ask but all she does is lie there. I keep talking, but I dont think she is listening to me.
"Katniss? are you alright? you alright? Please answer me." I keep trying to get her to answer but all she does is sit there with a blank look on her face. I look down to see what is in her hand, and see the day I was teaching Prim to bake. Then I know why she had this breakdown. She still isn't over Prim. No, Not in the least bit.
I pick her up and wipe her tears off with my thumb, tuck her into her bed, and kiss the tip of her nose, then I leave her house. I stop and turn back around, going back to her house and start packing up her things. It's the least I can do. I know how stressed she is about Prim, and going to the Capital. For a minute I start to wonder if she was worried about me. I quickly push the thought away. If she was worried, she would have said something. After packing her things, I leave her house for real this time, and go to mine. I decide a nap won't kill me. But thats a funny thing to say, since alot of other things I thought couldn't, can.
Katniss
I wake up grumbling at the person who is shaking me awake. I'm about to yell at them to go away, until I see the blue eyes. I immediately soften up.
"Hello, gorgeous." Peeta says. Ugh. How can he think of me like that when I look like this. My hair is in a messy half braid, my clothes are rumpled, and I have some tears on my face.
"Only you can think i'm beautiful when I look like this." I say voicing my thoughts.
"I didn't call you beautiful. I called you gorgeous. But you are gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, breathingtaking, heart stopping, chest pounding and have the most amazing eyes."
I just roll my eyes and stand up.
"No, you Peeta Mellark have the most beautiful eyes. I love the blue in your eyes." I take two steps foward and I am standing right in front of him.
"You are breathtaking and all of those other things you said about me. " My forehead in now touching his.
"I wouldn't have it any other way." I close what little space there was between us. My hands automatically go to his hair, and his hands slide up my back. I sigh and lean into him, while never breaking the kiss. His lips feel like a cool glass of ice cold water on a hot summer day. Our tongues collide and dance about in our mouths. Peeta breaks off the kiss. I am about to protest, but quickly forgive him when he starts to place soft kisses up and down my neck. He nibbles on my ear and I let out a sigh and let my head fall back. Just as he finds that spot I like, the phone goes off. Peeta lets go of me and raises his eyebrows at me. Annoyed, I yell, "WHAT THE HELL!?" I angrily stomp to the phone while Peeta laughs his head off at me. I snatch the phone off of the holder.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?"
"Didn't get enough beauty sleep, sweetheart?" I hear Haymitch laughing at his own stupid joke.
"Haha. What do you want? You interrupted a very good moment." I am so annoyed at his timing.
"Let me guess. You two were going at-"
"SHUT THE HELL UP HAYMITCH!" I scream into the phone, cutting him off.
"For your information, Peeta and I are not in that part of our . I do not plan on having kids anytime soon and Peeta is too nice to lay a hand on me until I say so. We have not and will not for a long time, have sex."
"Yeah whatever. That's what I said. Are you ready? The train is coming in ten minutes. Be ready to get on in it. And try not to tell the Capital how much you hate them." No way. I'm not trying to save anybody's life, so I will be glad to tell the Capital off.
"Well I am not fighting for my life, or anybody elses life for that matter, so no. I will tell them exactly what I think of them. If they don't like it, they can shove it up their ass." I slam the phone back into the wall and stomp upstairs.
"Who was it? It sounded like you weren't very happy." Peeta ask when I stomp in the room.
"Yeah well I wasn't. And it was Haymitch. A trains coming in ten."
"Oh and so i'm to nice to lay a hand on you? Hmm we'll see about that." Peeta grabs me and pulls me into his arm. He kisses me feircly and it feels so good that I have to stop it so we won't miss our train, although I wouldn't mind if we did.
"Okay Peeta. So your not so nice. And a very good kisser. The train is coming so get out so I can change."
"Without me?" Peeta asks jokingly.
"Peeta!" I playfully swatt him./
"Hey i'm only kidding. Now hurry up." He leaves the room and I hurriedly rebraid my hair and put on some black pants and a green shirt.
"Okay, i'm ready. Let's go." I say walking downstairs and grabbing my suitcase that seems to have packed its self. I try and give Peeta a quick kiss on the cheek, but he sweeps me into his arms and gives me a full kiss on the mouth.
"Peeta." I say looking up into his eyes. "Were gonna be late and you already proved your skills." He settles with a kiss on the tip of my nose and grabs my hand as we walk through the door. It's around six o'clock when we leave. I see Haymitch a few feet away from us, with a bottle in his hand. Peeta calls his name and waves as he comes over to us, I roll my eyes. He is to nice.
"Nice to see you, Peeta." Haymitch says then eyes me. "Not quite as nice to see, but still nice."
As we walk to the train station, Peeta and Haymitch make small talk, but I tune them out. I'm too busy looking around the new square to notice. I just startd looking at the foundation for the bakery when somthing in the corner of my eye catches my attention. When I look over, my heart stops. A few feet away frm the bakery are these statues. I didn't even realize that I stopped walking until I feel the tug on our enwitted hands. I gasp, glaring at the statues. How are they? I guess Peeta saw that I stopped, or that my mouth is hanging open, or that I tugged on his hand, because he smiles at me and starts to talk about them.
"You like them? They came in this morning. There is one of the important people of the rebellion. Theres one of me, you, Haymitch for some reason, Gale has one here and in two theres-" I tune him out because there is only one that I looks at. I see the statue of a girl, with blonde braids, and her medical uniform on, and the shirt tucking out of the back. Like a little duck. Peeta sees what i'm staring at and shuts up. He gives my hand a comforting squeez.
"Your sister was important. After all, she was a rebel medic. And the Mockingjay's sister. Everybody loved her."
I just nod my head and keep walking like I understand what he's saying. I do understand. But who gave them permission? Not me. I would have never approved. She is my sister after all. I decide to let it go. Just this once.
We board on the train and I can't help the funny feeling I get when i'm in this train. We all start walking around tying to get a feel for it. I notice Peeta looking in weird places like corners of windows, and the ceilings. Something tells me he's not searching for a feel of the place. We looka round for a few more minutes. I sit down at a table and the funny feeling still isn't gone. I trail my finger over a dent in th table and gasp. I now know what that funny feeling was. What the hell?
Peeta
Katniss has been very...different lately. It's almost like she is happy and glad to have comfort. Maybe I really am making an impact on her. On the way to the train, Katniss stops. I look behind my shoulder at her. Her mouth is wide open and she looks shocked. I follow her gaze the new statues they put in this morning. I noticted when I went to buy some flour at the new market. I won't tell her, but I think she looks hot in her mockingjay suit and her bow in her hand, with her arrows over her shoulder, and her long braid going down her arm. So I just smile at her.
"You like them? They came in this morning. There is one of the important people of the rebellion from our district. Theres one of me, you, Haymitch for some reason, Gale has one here and in two theres Prim and Someone else I don't recognize. Pretty cool huh? You know, you would have saw them if you actually go to the square." I look at her and see the sorrow and anger in her eyes and follow her glare to the statue of Prim. I don't know why she is surprised. Everybody knew Prim. Everybody loved her too.
"Your sister was important. After all, she was a rebel medic. And the Mockingjay's sister. Everybody loved her." I tell her and squeeze her hand.
We board the train and It feels kinda...well weird. We walk around the train to get a feel for it. Well that's why their walking around. I'm looking for hidden cameras. Our days of having to be cautious of what we say are over. What else can we say that the Capital doesn't already know anyway? I still check. When I'm satisfied, I lean agaist the wall. My hands rub the wall and I come across a panel, seperating the two walls. I see a scratch on the inside of each panel. Thats when I realize satisfied is not the only thing i'm feeling. Suddenly a bunch of memories form in my brain and demand my attention.
"So, you're supposed to give us advice." Katniss says to Haymitch over breakfast.
"Here's some adivce." He says. I expect him to start talking about stratigies to help us survive n the arena. I couldn't be more wrong. He decides to go in a different direction. "Stay alive." He starts to laugh, and each second it lasts the more anger builds up inside me. How is he supposed to help me keep Katniss alive when he's making jokes? We'll see who's laughing.
"That's very funny," I knock the glass out of his hands. He can't be drunk if he's going to help me keep Katniss alive and get her home he looks at me for a moment then punches me square in the jaw. He sure is strong for a drunk guy. I'm starting to think that was all for nothing when I see him reaching for the bottle. I look up and see Katniss drive the knife into the table between his hands and the table, barely missing his fingers. I think she missed on purpose because i've seen what she does with a knife.
"Did I actually get some fighters this year?" I her Haymitch say.
When I go to put some ice on my face, Haymitch tells me to leave it. He's giving advice now, so thats good. He asks if Katniss can hit anything else with the knife and I immediately know that it is a yes. She pulls the knife out of the table and aims. She throws it so fast that I don't have time to duck before the knife peirces me in the chest. I fall to the ground and hear Katniss laughing at me.
I quickly shake my head as if it will clear the image from my head. I now know why this traim seems so familiar. It's the same train we had during our first games. Those bastards.
I guess Katniss realizes it too, because she gasps loudly and looks shocked. She runs her finger over the dent on the table she is sitting at.
"This was the train we rode in when we went to the games. Real or not real?" I ask. Im not doing this for my benefit, but for hers.
"R-Real. I remember this dent. This is where I stabbed the knife into the table." Katniss stares at me in disbelief. "Why would they do this? They're lucky I don't have my bow and arrows."
"Maybe they wanted us to feel like were at home?"
"At home my ass. Those stupid sick barstards." Katniss mutters.
She really needs to watch her language. I don't say anything because I know if I did, she would just say I'm not her mother and tease me. Katniss goes off to her room without another word. Haymitch goes to the kitchen to get a drink. I go to my room and get out a pencil and several sheets of paper. I sketch old memories i've had on this train. I sketch for a few hours, even though it feels like minutes. It's about ten when I finally go to bed. I just lie there, thinking. Thinking about whats going on, about what going to happen, and about how Katniss is holding up.
I start to think about asking Katniss if I can spend the night in her room. I decide to come up with an excuse to go in there. I don't have to wait long, because Katniss's screams fill the train. I get up and run to her room. I shake her softly whispering comforting words to her. Even as I try to soothe her, she continues to thrash around in my arms.
"Katniss, shh it's okay it's okay. Your safe. Shh."
Eventually she calms down and cries in my arms. We just sit there, together, enjoying eachothers company. I know eventually i'm going to have to leave, but I try not to think about it. I just sit and embrace that she will tell me when she's ready. I can't help thinking of the Victory tour, and how she was having a nightmare. And I stayed with her throughout the night.
After about an hour when I think she's sleeping, I lay her down gently and try my best to sneak out of the room. Quietness has never been my strong suit. When i'm almost at the door, I hear her quietly ask in a voice so quiet it sounds like a whisper, "Stay with ?" I think about how she hurt her heel after jumping over the fence to get home and she had sleep syrup in her. Just like then, when I whispered back to her, I do it again. So I don't hesitate when I Whisper back, "Always." And climb into bed holding her tight and regretting never coming over to answer her screams at home. I won't ever make that mistake again.