A/N: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.
Chapter 10 - The funeral
I woke up a few hours later to cold fingers stroking my face and a beautiful, velvety voice calling my name. The most important sound in my world, Edward's voice.
"Angel, it's time to get up. We'll have to go soon and you still have to get ready and eat something before we go." he rubbed my back gently.
I groaned and rolled onto my other side, pressing myself to his stony body tightly. I wrapped my hands around his neck and buried my face into the crook of it sleepily. I didn't want to get up yet.
"It's really time to get up now, love." Edward murmured. I felt his lips brushing my hair softly. "If you don't get up in two minutes Alice will burst through our door into the room to dress you up herself. You don't want it to happen."
I shuddered, then sighed, feeling already exhausted, yet the hardest part of this day was still ahead of me.
"Let's go." I mumbled into his skin, pressing a tiny kiss onto the hollow of his throat and felt him smiling a tiny bit. I unwillingly released him and sat up, pulling him with me by his hand, unable to let him go, craving for his closeness more than ever.
"Okay, Sleepyhead." he caressed my cheek.
"Don't let me go." I breathed, staring into his topaz eyes.
"Never." he shook his head, then gathered me into his arms carefully. "I take you into the bathroom first so you can have your human moment. Then you should get dressed. Alice's already picked out your clothes for the afternoon. She left them on the sofa."
I shot a quick glance at his leather sofa, slightly frightened of what Alice might have chosen for me. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with fancy dresses and high heals. Not today.
"Don't be afraid, I made sure she didn't go overboard." he reassured me.
"Thanks." I mumbled, kissing his cheek softly.
"Your welcome." he flashed me his breathtaking crooked smile and I flushed. He headed to the bathroom in a human pace. My arms and legs wrapped tightly around him. One of his hands rested on my back, the other on my butt, holding me securely to his body like a child.
I felt very tired, despite the fact that I'd managed to get a few hours of sleep on this morning after all. I went through my usual routine, brushing my extremely messy hair and my teeth again slowly. Edward waited for me patiently, leaning casually against the door frame, staring at me intently. His smoldering gaze made me blush.
"What?" I asked when I couldn't take it anymore. He just smiled at me his beautiful crooked smile.
"Nothing, love." he shook his head softly. "I'm just listening to your mind. It's really fascinating. Especially your dreams."
I gasped and looked down embarrassed, my blush deepened. Edward was in front of me in a blink and put his index finger under my chin, lifting my head with gentle force.
"Bella." he said in a soft, loving tone. "You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. As I said before, if I could dream at all, it would be about you."
I smiled. "What was it like? I can't remember dreaming anything."
He chuckled, pulling me into his arms. "It was amazing. I can't describe it." he kissed my forehead lovingly then nuzzled his face into my hair, inhaling my scent. "There are no words for it." he sighed.
I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed his lips softly.
"Come on love." he pulled away and grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers. "Let's get dressed then you should eat something."
I nodded reluctantly, not really feeling hungry, but not in the mood to argue with him.
I changed into the dress with Edward's help. It really wasn't so bad as I'd feared. It was nice and comfortable, yet elegant, ended just below my knees and didn't show too much skin for my liking. Alice had chosen a pair of perfectly matching black ballet flats, much to my relief.
Edward changed in a flash, too. His beauty distracted me for a long moment. I could only stare at him, mouth agape, he was breathtaking in his black tux. He took my hand again and led me silently into the kitchen. His thumb rubbed soothing circles on the back of my hand.
For Edward's sake, I tried to eat something, though I was anything but hungry. I knew he worried about me very much because I hadn't eaten much lately. I could feel the lack of eating and sleep start getting to me. But I was beyond nervous. I simply couldn't swallow one bite. And for the first time Edward didn't push me to do it, for which I was really grateful. Instead, he was just simply there for me, comforting me silently with his very presence, always somehow touching me, rubbing my back, my arm in a soothing way.
The only one, who seemed even more shaken by all of this than me, was Renee. Her behavior was completely odd, even slightly frightening. Her always cheerful mood was nowhere now. One time she paced in the living room back and forth, like a caged animal, her face flushed, her breathing uneven, her eyes filled with tears. Then all of sudden his frantic movements came to a stop, her muscles froze and she only stood there, motionless, staring out the Cullens' gigantic window at the huge forest behind the mansion. Her bloodshot eyes looked at the mossy trees but saw nothing, she was too lost in her own thoughts.
I always knew that my father had never stopped loving my mother. It was quite obvious. That was why he'd never changed anything around the house after she'd left him, taking me with her. That was why he'd never repainted the cabinets in the kitchen, that Renee had painted bright yellow eighteen years ago, in an attempt to bring some sunshine into the house. That was why he'd kept their wedding photo and all the others of her and us as a family around the house. That was why he'd never even tried to be happy with anybody else. For him it'd always been only her and because of it he'd tried to keep as many part of her as he'd managed.
But I thought that after all these years Renee didn't have any romantic feelings for him anymore. It was her, after all, who had left him. I thought that their love had died years ago. But now as I looked at her, I realized I'd been so wrong all along. Maybe she couldn't live here, in the small town of Forks, under the thick, dark clouds, which always blocked the sun, with Charlie. Maybe they were just opposites with complete different view of life and different kinds of dreams and expectations from life, but deep down she still loved him just as much as he'd loved her, and his sudden, tragic death broke her. My mother and father had never stopped love each other, although they couldn't have been together. They just hadn't been able to make it work. Maybe they'd both been just too young, they'd met too early. They'd just not been ready.
I tried to imagine what it'd been for them to love each other but not be able to really be together. I didn't have to try so hard, I knew exactly that feeling. When Edward had left me it'd been exactly like that... to love him but not to be able to be with him. Our story could have ended that way, too. And I knew that I would have been just like Charlie. I'd have never found anybody else.
Edward's cold hands pulled me back to reality from my thoughts. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, burying his face into my hair.
"I'm so sorry, Bella." he whispered into my ear in a broken tone. "I hurt you so much. I'll never be able to make it up to you, but I swear that I'll do anything to become worthy of your love and trust and forgiveness."
I leaned back from him so I could look into his beautiful eyes. They burnt with deep sorrow and regret, it made my heart ache. An angel like him shouldn't be unhappy. I cradled his perfect face in my small hands lovingly.
"Edward, please don't." I pressed my forehead against his, my eyes never left his. "I understand why you made the decision to leave me. If I were the vampire and you were the human, probably I'd have done the same thing for your safety. I never blamed you for that decision and never will. It did cause a lot of pain for both of us, but it brought so much good as well. Your leaving strengthen our love and deepened our bond. It made both of us stronger and more worthy of the other. I don't say that I forgive you for what you did, because there's nothing to forgive. I'm sorry you have to hear some of my memories of that time. I forgot you can hear me now. I didn't want to hurt you. I love you, Edward. I love you so much." I kissed his cool lips, hugging him tightly to me.
"I love you too, my Bella." he breathed against my lips.
We stood there for what felt like hours in each other's arms, completely unaware of our surroundings.
"It's time to go, love." Edward said eventually, pressing one last kiss onto my forehead, before releasing me from his embrace. "Jasper and Alice are waiting for us in the Volvo. The others have already gone along with your mother."
He gently took my hand, intertwining our fingers. For a brief moment I was distracted by how perfectly my small, delicate hand fit into his large, strong one. He smiled softly.
"Edward?" I asked hesitantly.
"Yes, love?" he brushed a loosened strand of my hair out of my face gently.
"Promise me you won't leave me alone in the next few hours even for a second. Please?" I asked him in a weak, shaky voice.
"I promise you, Bella. I'm not going to leave your side. I'll be there for you, my love. Always." he promised.
I nodded.
"Okay. I think we should go now." I murmured, clenching his hand tighter in mine.
"Let's go." he nodded and led me out the front door toward his car, which parked right in front of the house. Edward opened the passenger door for me and helped me in carefully. I looked at Jasper and Alice, both so breathtakingly beautiful and elegant in their dress and suit. They smiled at me encouragingly and I felt a wave of calm spread through me. I mumbled a quiet 'thanks' to Jasper, while Edward slid gracefully into the driver's seat and started the engine. My heart began to race frantically as he pulled out of the Cullens' driveway and he took my hand gently in his then lifted it up to his mouth to kiss it lovingly. His piercing gaze locked with mine for a long moment before he turned back to the road.
The funeral was beautiful, but also one of the hardest thing I'd ever done. Nearly the whole town was there, of course. Everybody knew and loved Charlie, Chief of the police. He'd been a honorable man.
I stood with my family. Edward wrapped his arms tightly around me, holding me close to him as we listened to the ceremony. I rested my head against his chest as I cried silently, the tears flowed down my cheeks slowly. Renee stood on my other side, holding my free hand silently. She stared at the closed coffin, but I doubted she really saw anything, her eyes were just so empty, filled with nothing but tears and sorrow as quiet sobs shook her whole body.
At my request Carlisle gave a small but beautiful speech about Charlie. I'd asked him a few days ago, not feeling the strength to do it myself, and Renee had agreed with my choice. His words were simple, yet so perfectly fitting to Charlie. He would have liked, I thought.
After the funeral many people came to us to say some words. It was very hard and tiring to listen to them and I clung tighter and tighter to Edward, trying to escape from their painful words and pitiful expressions. I felt very tired, it was a long day and I felt that it would never end.
I stood there surrounded by some of my classmates, my arms wrapped tightly around Edward's waist. It was a good thing that he was a vampire so he didn't need to breath and I couldn't break his ribs by squeezing him to tightly. His long, stony arms were around my petit form, holding me for dear life, rubbing my arm softly, trying to soothe my pain with his very presence.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. If you need anything, just call me. Anytime." Angela said.
She was always so sweet, a very pure and kind nature, with nothing but selfless and kind thoughts. That was why Edward liked her so much, too. She was my best human friend, well..., the only human I could call my real friend. As she looked at me, there was no pity or jealousy on her face or in her eyes, only deep worry and sorrow. She hugged me gently, but a little awkwardly because I refused to let go Edward even for a second.
"Thank you, Angela. It means a lot to me." I whispered. My voice was hoarse and weak from all the crying.
After she left Mike and Jessica came up to us. Suddenly a very low, repressed growl rumbled through Edward's chest. He stepped a tiny step forward, positioning himself between them and me protectively. I wondered what he saw in their mind to react like this. I knew Jessica didn't like me. This was not a new thing to me. From the first day of my zombie state, while I'd tried to cope with Edward's absence, she was nothing but unfriendly, scornful and malevolent toward me, showing her true nature finally. That was why Edward had never liked her. Her dislike toward me had just increased when the Cullens had returned. She'd become more jealous than before when she'd found out that Edward and I had got together again and were more in love with each other than ever. She'd always wanted Edward for herself but she'd never had a chance, which she simply couldn't accept.
As they stepped closer to us, Jessica's eyes flashed toward Edward. They filled with jealousy even now, as she took in the way he held me. I couldn't understand her, how could she think about things like this on my father's funeral, standing beside his grave? She was such a selfish creature.
"Bella, I'm sorry what happened to your father." she said finally with faked sympathy, her eyes followed Edward's every movement as he rubbed my upper arm lovingly.
I only nodded to her and turned toward Mike. His eyes held the same emotions as Jessica's... jealousy, envy, hatred, desire... though he, too, tried to shield it very hard. I shuddered.
"I'm so sorry, too, Bella. It's so horrible. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. If you need anything just call me. And I really mean anything. Okay?" he said, his eyes pierced into mine, making me feel completely uncomfortable. He put his hand on my lower arm, his fingers stroked my bare skin, and I flinched away from his touch instinctively. He wasn't my boyfriend or fiancé or husband, he wasn't even a good friend. Edward was the only one who had the right to touch me this way, the only one whose touch I wanted. Edward growled again, though not loud enough for him to hear, and wrapped his hand around my arm, on the exact same place where Mike had just touched me a few moments ago, then pulled it around his waist. Mike narrowed his eyes. I looked up at Edward, trying to ignore the blond boy in front me as much as possible. His eyes were hard and cold as he stared down at Mike, but as our gaze locked, they softened instantly and he leaned to press gentle, lingering kiss on my forehead. I heard Mike huff angrily, though it was very quiet, I was sure he didn't mean me to hear it.
"Thank you, Mike." I turned back toward him. "But I'm not alone. I have my whole family and Edward." I gestured toward the Cullens, then rested my hand on Edward's chest.
Suddenly Mike's eyes widened as he stared at my hand, mouth agape. For a brief moment his behavior confused me, but then I understood. He was staring at my left hand. And there, on my third finger, was Elizabeth Masen's engagement ring. My engagement ring.
"Bella? You're getting married to Cullen? But why?"
Mike's sudden outburst startled me. He didn't even try to hide his anger this time. I could only stare at him in disbelief. How could he be such a jerk? And why did he hate Edward so much? He always said his name like a curse or plague. Why couldn't he just get over the fact I'd chosen Edward and would always choose him.
"Are you pregnant?" he continued, not even noticing that now everybody was glaring at him reprovingly because of the scene he was making. "Did he knocked you up? You don't have to marry him only because of it. You have other options. Bella, he left you. They all left you." he gestured toward the Cullens angrily. "How can you still want him? How can you call them your family? He caused you so much pain. How do you know he won't do it again? How do you know they won't leave you again?"
He grabbed my arm again, more forcefully than before and shook me as if trying to shake some sense into me. I flinched back against Edward again, trying to pull my arm free from Mike's firm grip. From the corner of my eyes I saw my family stepping closer toward us, watching the scene worriedly, but Edward was in front of me in a blink of an eye and grabbed Mike's hand, easily forcing him to let me go. His expression were hard, colored with anger. For once he looked like a vampire. It was really scary, the hair stood up even on my back.
"Don't touch her! Ever!" his voice was cold as ice and sharp as razors. It rang low and dangerously and I watched as Mike's eyes widen in fear. Edward leaned closer to him, his eyes darker than the blackest night, and continued. "And once for all try to grasp with that sick, shallow mind of yours that she's mine, she always has and always will. And she does not want you.
"This is one of the hardest days of her life - you have no idea just how much - and instead of supporting her, you only hurt her further because you can't get over your stupid jealousy and envy. Just try to accept the fact finally, that she loves me and I love her and that's not going to change, ever. This is the reason why we're getting married in a few weeks, not out of pity because she's pregnant.
"You can be a real man and be the friend, she miraculously still thinks you are to her, or you can leave. It's your choice. But I won't let you cause her any more pain. Do you understand me, Newton?"
Mike remained silent, the fear seemed to paralyse him. His body was visibly shaking as he finally gave a tiny nod to Edward. Jessica whimpered quietly, clinging to his free arm tightly. Both of them looked almost as pale as a vampire. Then Edward released Mike's arm and he took off immediately as fast as humanly possible with Jessica following him closely.
I sighed in relief as Edward wrapped his arms around me and caressed my back lovingly. Above his shoulder I saw some people staring at us and into the way Mike had run away, but I couldn't care less. All I wanted was this horrible day to finally end.
"I'm so sorry, love." Edward whispered into my ear. I pressed a soft kiss on his neck.
"Can we just go home now?" I mumbled tiredly.
"Of course we can, love." he nodded and began to walk toward the parking lot, gently leading me. From the corner of my eyes I saw the Cullens and my mother still talking to some people. Alice looked at me and gave me a small, sad smile.
When we reached the Volvo, Edward reached to open the door for me as he always did, but suddenly froze. I clenched his hand tighter in mine automatically, slightly frightened, but before I could ask him what was wrong, I heard a familiar voice call my name from behind us. I turned around slowly and saw Billy Black wheeling toward us in his old wheelchair. He seemed so broken and somehow lost, it made my heart ache. I wasn't the only one who lost Charlie.
"Bella? Can we talk for a minute?" he asked as he reached us.
I noticed that he avoided to even look at Edward, like he wasn't even there, standing closely beside me. Anger rushed through my veins, washing away all my kind feelings for him, empathy, understanding, regard and even a tiny bit of love, he was my father's best friend, and my former best friend's father, after all. Yet, I could not understand his behavior. He and his tribe knew and understood the Cullens much more now than ever before. They knew so much about their history and their inner motivations to choose this way of life, to want to be as good as possible for them. So why did he have to act like this, treating Edward like he was a plague or even worse? It made me completely sick inside. Why couldn't he and everybody else see that the Cullens were good? They had feelings, they could be happy or sad like anybody else, they had dreams and desires and they could love. They loved more passionately like any humans. They loved irrevocably and unconditionally. They weren't soulless monsters!
Edward hugged me close to him. His cold lips brushed my hair then my forehead ever so softly. I felt him smile a tiny smile. I thought he liked my train of thoughts.
"Yes." I answered Billy, leaning against Edward, trying to stay calm.
"Bella, I can't tell you how sorry I am about what happened with Charlie." he began and I nodded silently. "He was my best friend for as long as I can remember and a very good man." I nodded to him again, not trusting in my voice. "But Bella, what happened to him, was not Jake's fault. It was nothing more but a terrible accident. You have to see this. You have to understand that. He's nothing but a very confused teenage boy, who's still trying to cope with his heritage – a very hard thing to do -, and happened to fall in love with a girl, who was already bewitched by a soulless creature, by his natural enemy." his expression hardened and his voice slightly raised. "If you'd stayed away from the Cullens as I asked you when you moved to Forks, this whole mess wouldn't have happened. You must not let them judge Jacob. Those filthy bloodsuckers have no right to judge anybody. My son is your best friend. He made a mistake, but he's still your friend. He loves you. You have to understand him."
I was frozen for a brief moment, trying take in what he just said. I couldn't believe my own ears. How could he defend his son so blindly, blaming anybody else but him? How could he ask me to forgive him only because once we'd been friends. I'd never forget what Jacob had done for me, I'd never forget that he'd been my own personal sun when my world had turned into darkness and I'd got lost in my misery, but I also couldn't forget that he hadn't respect my feelings, my decisions, and tried to destroy the love of my life, managing to kill my innocent father in the process.
Then I was incredibly angry, the intensity of this feeling almost knocked me off of my feet. I'd never felt such strongly before. Edward tightened his arms around me, holding me tightly, yet carefully not to hurt me accidentally. I heard him growling menacingly, his chest trembled softly against my back.
"What? How could you?" I exploded. "You say Charlie was your best friend, yet you ask me to be merciful with his murderer? I can understand that Jacob is your son and as his father it's your duty to defend him. But how can you betray everything and everybody else in the process, especially your old, dead friend? You try to lay the blame on me and on the Cullens for his death. On anybody else but your son. You and your stupid tribe hate the Cullens and always hated them, although they've never really done anything to earn this. They've never broken any rule, they've never hurt a single person, though if they'd wanted, they could have killed every Quileute men, women and children one by one on the day they moved back here a few years ago. Your tribe were unprotected, without any wolves then, until later. But they didn't do it.
"They didn't choose to be a vampire. They didn't choose this way of life, but they try to make the best of it. They shut their eyes to the fact that your son practically broke the treaty when he talked about some of your tribal legends and told me what the Cullens really were. They did it again when your son broke it again and attacked a Cullen. Would your tribe have been that forgiving to them, if they'd been the one who broke it? I don't think so. The pack would have shown up at their door instantly, ready to rip their throats out."
He opened his mouth to interrupt me, but I didn't let him.
"You say I have to understand Jacob because he is my best friend. Well, I don't see why should I do that. Sure he was my best friend once, but not anymore. A friend should be understanding and accept my choice, even if he thinks that I choose wrong. He couldn't do that. He didn't understand me, although I asked him so many times to do, or at least try to do it, but he stubbornly refused. All he wanted to do was kill the most important person of my life, because he thought that Edward was not good for me. He had no idea how much he hurt me with this. Did he try to understand my feelings? Did he listen to my pleas? Were he merciful to me? No! He was just so stubborn and selfish. He didn't care anybody but himself. He thought of this situation as a game and he tried to do anything to win it. But my life is not a game and I'm not some kind of trophy.
"And now tell me, why should I be understand and forgive him? He killed my father. It doesn't really matter that it was just an accident, it doesn't change the fact that Charlie, your best friend, is dead. He tried to kill Edward and if Edward hadn't pulled me out of his way just in time, he would have probably killed me too. So don't ask me to care for him and forgive him."
I was beyond furious. I wanted to slap him so badly, but Edward's hold was unbreakable around me. Maybe it was a good thing, I knew I would regret it later. Instead I got in the car as quickly as I could without hurting myself and slammed the door behind me rather loudly, not wanting to hear anything else that he might try to say. Edward was in driver's seat a little while later and started the car. He didn't say anything, only stroked the back of my hand silently, drawing soothing circles on it with his cold fingers, letting me calm down. I wanted to be alone with him, far away from all this mess. Far away from any treaty and werewolves and all the jealousy and hatred. I wanted some peace around me finally. I didn't want to worry about anything.
"We'll go away tomorrow, love." Edward looked down at me lovingly. "And we'll leave all of them behind us for a while. You're going to love Chicago and my old house. And I'm not going to leave your side. We'll be together." his beautiful crooked smile made my heart pound erratically.
"Forever?" I asked, blushing softly.
"Forever." he nodded.
"I love you, Edward. With all my heart." I breathed, intertwining our fingers.
"I love you too, my Bella." he lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles gently.
Yes, we would go away tomorrow and left Forks behind us for a while. It'll be just the two of us and it was enough for me. Forever.