Chapter 10: A Sigh of…
"Oh."
The words feel flat on her tongue. The feeling of disappointment is foreign to her. Never before had she experienced such a depth of failure. Sure, she had her hiccups in high school; she didn't acquire the nickname "Annie Adderall" because it sounded catchy and fun. She knew the sting of imperfection, but why was she bitten by the failure bee; Now? She was a college student, living with her much older boyfriend whom, less than a year ago had a commitment phobia, and she had no means to support herself fiscally. What right did she and Jeff have bringing a child into a world where Chang would be his pseudo brother? Except, they weren't.
Is this deep seated fear an emotional prelude for future child bearing where she might find it difficult conceiving and she would already have the mental capacity to handle it. Then again, her and Jeff were 99% careful, expect for this one time, which will have no lasting effects because she wasn't pregnant. The probability was never in their favor anyway. And, at this point in their relationship were they really ready to bring a baby into their lives? Would Jeff one day grow tiresome of family life with a wife and child waiting for him at home; most likely hindering his late nights out? On the other hand, he hasn't been out with his old friends in quite some time. Is he harboring feelings of resentment towards her for being his old ball and chain? If that's his thinking why can't he just come out and say it, why does he have to give her those loving looks; is it just to appease her and buy some time until something better comes along? Perhaps a leggy blond he bumps into at the grocery store, of a fiery redhead he meets at a bar; the one she push him to go to because she'll feel guilty for turning him into a homebody.
"Annie, they're coming over here, how should we handle this? Annie? Annie?"
"Why don't you tell them what a gigantic jerk you are!" Annie pushes past him, not bothering to see the stunned look upon Jeffery Winger's face. She stomps down the hall and leaves the campus. A walk might calm her down. When she realizes her outburst had no stable foundation and was done in a moment of fierce confusion and conflicting emotions, she'll go home. Hopefully Jeff will be understanding, and if he isn't…
A stunned Jeff had little time to recover from the metaphorical slap in the face he just received from Annie. The wise men were approaching the battle field, armed with missals ready to fire at the mouth. Shirley has her mean mom face on and Britta sports a look that's half evil eye and half disgust. Pierce is giving him two thumbs up and Abed and Troy are… well, Abed and Troy. The Mexican Standoff begins.
"How could you!"
"You disgust me."
"Haha! Miss Knockers is knocked up."
"This reminds me of a movie."
"Witch one?"
"Knocked up."
"Oh yeah." Jeff leaves Troy and Abed to discuss the possible parallels between Seth Rogan's character and him. He ignores Pierce's dirty man comment about Annie and her knockers- sorry, ample chest area. He heads straight into the oncoming holy wrath of Shirley.
"How could you defile such a sweet, innocent… girl Jeffrey? HOW COULD YOU?" Her mean mom voice is scarier than the face.
"Annie isn't a little girl Shirley. And what two adult do in a private relationship is their business. Especially when they have a group full of friends with self righteous, do no wrong mentalities. I love Annie and everything I've done concerning her has been out of character for me and I like it."
"You have been more tolerable as of late."
"Thank you, Abed."
"No prob."
"Still, a man and a woman should love each other and commit to one another in the sanctity of marriage before repopulating God's earth."
"Well, here's the funny thing, there will be no "repopulating." And like a bunch of ravenous vultures, you've ruined another pivotal moment in my and Annie's relationship. Thank you. Thank you so, very much."
"Jeff, let me just say this-" With her finger poised in the air ready to impart the wrath of its owner…
"Can it Brita. I don't want to hear your feministic view on how Annie should be an independent, she warrior and shouldn't cave into the idealistic barefoot and pregnant mentality."
Jeff walks away before another tongue lashing ensues. He knows Annie didn't drive home, because the keys to his car are still in his pocket. She must have walked. He turns over the engine and backs out of the spot, heading home to see if there's still a 'Jeff and Annie.'
The apartment is dark, but there's still a chance she's hiding in the bedroom' maybe she's in the bathroom. Jeff check's both rooms, twice, just in case he's missed her. She's not here and surprisingly, neither is Chang. His breaths are rushed because he's frantic and pacing; trying to come up with places she'd be. Library, parks, diners, ice cream parlors… anything! The only thing he knows for certain, Annie isn't home. He's still trying to rack his brain for something he had done that would cause Annie to loose her temper with him and call him a jerk. Per Annie's standards, jerk is a valid curse word.
When he's sure he's left rivets in the floor boards from his persistent pacing, he finds solitude on the couch. He jumps seconds later when he must have sat on poor Oscar's tail and he gave a mighty yelp. "Sorry buddy. I didn't even know you were there." Jeff picks up the cat and sits down with him in his lap. "You've rarely left the bedroom since Chang moved in. I don't blame you." Both Jeff and Oscar exchange pleasantries with good ol' belly rubs and kneading. Jeff waits for the key turning in the lock, but it never comes. Instead, his eyes struggle to stay open, fighting against the mighty fatigue that has set in. Once he surrenders, sleep takes him captive.
Annie walked until her legs felt like jelly; all wobbly and numb. She wondered around aimlessly until she realized, she was hiding. She didn't need any air, or time to gather her thoughts. She needed to go home.
Once the elevator doors clang open, Annie starts a quick stride down the hall to the apartment. She drops her keys because her shaky fingers can't get a grip. But while crouched on the floor she takes a few deep breaths, straightens up, and unlocks the door. The small lamp on the end table is on, but Jeff and Oscar are stretched out on the couch, Jeff's legs propped up by the coffee table. There's just enough space for her to squeeze in and snuggle against Jeff's side. Oscar's loud purring fills the quiet space. They stay that way until morning.
Chang's obnoxious morning routine wakes them from their deep slumber. Well, actually he just wakes Jeff, but Annie stirs and then settles again. His fingers rake through her tussled strands and he shifts her so that he can head into the kitchen and attempt to make a decent pot of coffee.
Chang comes to lean against the doorway, in his tighty whities and nothing more. "Well, good morning Jeffery."
"Bite me Chang."
"Ooh, someone's a big 'ol cranky pants this a.m."
"Chang, not today, please. I'm not in the mood." Chang softens his eyebrows.
"Oh, sorry Jeffery. Want to talk about it?" his deflated shoulder and look of concern is genuine, as genuine as Chang can get.
"Not really, especially not while you're standing in my kitchen in your unmentionables."
"Well, if you, you know change your mind or anything, I'll be in the tub taking a long soak all by myself… in the nude."
"Yup, got it." Chang turns to head into the bathroom and Jeff lets his head fall onto one of the cabinets. He takes a long breath and starts rummaging around for the coffee filters.
The dark, smoky aroma of ground coffee beans saunters over to Annie and gently coaxes her awake. She gives herself a long, catlike stretch and looks around; the heavy fog of sleep slowly lifting away. "Jeff?"
"Right here." In each hand, a steaming mug of coffee interrupts the awkward morning after. Annie grips the handle of her hot pink zebra mug and sips the warm liquid. She savors the warmth radiating into her stomach. Her eyes close for a second and when she opens them Jeff is smiling at her.
"You ok?"
"Yeah, all things considering."
"I probably did something to deserve it."
"No. I just got it into my head that you would leave me."
"Where am I going?"
"To a bar. Meet someone who's more attractive then I am, taller… older."
"So the word you're looking for here is either… neurotic, inferior, or self conscious." Annie gives him the biggest set of Disney eyes he's ever seen,
"All of the above?"
"Annie, I'm not going anywhere. Let your imagination play all the tricks on you it wants. I'll still be here. I know it's been said I'm heartless, callous and mean spirited-"
"Cocky, self-centered, self contained, superior-"
"Yeah, yeah all that bad stuff. But I have a soft spot for you Annie. No matter what."
"I don't want you to wake up one day feeling tied down and suffocated by the life you have. You never go out with any of your old friends and I don't want to be an obligation for you."
"I don't go out because my old friends are my old partners who aren't very nice to be around. I have all I need right here. But, I guess it wouldn't hurt for the two of us to leave this apartment and hang out with our friends, outside of study group."
"I think they'd like that. And as for this whole baby thing, clearly I'm not ready for it."
"Clearly, no body is ready for a Jeff/Annie Jr."
"But that's not a bad thing right now. We have Oscar."
"And we have Chang." Jeff unenthusiastically points out.
"Yeah, and we have Chang." The words come out flat, but it has to be said that Chang is becoming part of their little family…inside their very tiny apartment.
All was right in the world of Jeff and Annie, except a dark cloud loomed outside their door. Five evil dwarfs; Sleazy, Bitchy, Holy, Dumb-Dumb and… Abed. They're all crammed in the hallway, elbowing one another to be the first to knock on the door. Their loud argument is unknowingly signally their presence. Jeff has the urge to just open the door and let them all fall inside, but he thinks better of it. His new "mature," adult pants are a little snug, but surprisingly breathable. Fortunately for him, Annie's testing out her feistier side and does just that; she stomps over to the door and yanks the door open. Britta topples over first, and Troy and Abed follow. Shirley and Pierce are unaffected by the tumble, but they wear matching stunned expressions. "Oh, my." Shirley looks at Annie's snarl and grabs onto Pierce's arm. "Do you think we came at a bad time?"
"Nah, they're both dressed, we weren't interrupting anything important." He then steps over the pile of groaning bodies and sets himself on the couch, shoving Oscar to the floor. Jeff scowls at him,
"Was that necessary Pierce?"
"What? I don't mind having a puss-" Jeff abruptly cuts him off, the women's horrified faces go unnoticed by the older man.
"You finish that disgusting sentence and I will cut your tongue out with a spork."
"In my lap."
"PIERCE!"
"Alright, alright Jeff. Since when did you become such a puss- well, you know." Shirley comes to pat Pierce on the knee.
"I'm praying for you Pierce."
"Thanks Shirley, but I'll be just fine without your bible huggin', Jesus praising, hallelujah, Amen, practices."
"Ok dear." Shirley sweetens her sugary smile and takes a sit far away from Pierce.
Britta is still muffled underneath the squirming bodies of Troy and Abed. "Hey, whoever's hand that is, get it off my ass!"
"Sorry, Britta, I just can't get up. Please, someone, anyone help us. Please. It's cold and growing so dark and lonely. Abed…buddy, you there?"
"Yourmphhanmphismph-"
"What?" Troy shifts slightly.
"I said, your hand squashing my face."
"Sorry man." The three manage to untangle themselves from one another, making sure certain unmentionables aren't touched or grazed inappropriately.
Jeff waits with arms crossed as they pull themselves together; right there clothes and smooth the blonde hair back into place (Britta). "Are we done now kids?"
"Yes." All three look down ashamed and embarrassed.
"It's just that-" Troy starts to explain their child-like antics. Jeff gives them his sternest look.
"I don't want to hear it. I just hope you learned a very valuable lesson from all this."
"Yes." Again all three respond.
"Good, now go sit down."
"Ok."
When everyone is seated, Annie excuses herself into the kitchen to get everyone something to eat. Jeff takes on the group, like the alpha male he is.
"Now, some of you have heard some talk about a baby. About an Annie/Jeff Jr. However, there will be no such event happening in the near future." Chests puff out with breath, ready to interject on their owner's behalf. "Before you all interrupt, yes there was a possibility, but it's of no concern to any of you. Britta put your hand down this isn't a class discussion. Annie and I have come to the conclusion that we've been wrong in keeping our relationship a secret. We've been hiding things from you that we shouldn't have and for that we apologize."
"Jeff?"
"Yes Abed."
"May we have a moment to think about what you've said? I think we'd like to converse and see where we stand with all of this."
"Go right ahead." Jeff waits with his hand in his pockets as Shirley, Britta, Troy, Abed and Piece whisper back and forth, pausing for a few seconds here and there, and coming back to the furious whispering
"What are they doing?" Annie comes to stand beside Jeff, a tray of snacks set out on the coffee table.
"Deliberating."
"Oh, dear. I've turned them into monsters."
"Yup, you've been a perfect model for perfectionism, always discussing and over thinking options and answers and strategies and-"
"I get it; I've passed on my neurosis to the children."
"Can I get that in writing?" Annie then flips him the finger.
"That works too." They hear a throat being cleared and turn their attention, as seriously as they can muster, and wait for the verdict. Abed stands to address the defendants.
"Annie, Jeff. The group unanimously accepts your apology and we hereby grant acceptance of your relationship, provided it does not hinder the growth and strength of this study group. If all parameters are met and agreed upon, you stay in the group."
"If?" Jeff puts his arm around Annie's waist to keep her from choking Abed.
"Those are the parameters to be met. Do you hereby swear and agree? A verbal recognition will suffice."
"Yes." Jeff looks at Annie, his eyes wide and the two have a muffled argument. "Just say it." "No." "Annie!" "Jeff!" "Just agree to it so we can move on." "Fine."
"Fine, yes, we agree." Annie makes her distaste unknown while keeping her arms crossed and a pout adorns her face.
"Good. Is there anything else that needs to be aired out?" Eyes search out one another, heads shake in indifference. Annie and Jeff both shrug their shoulders and the air settles. The study group is reaffirmed and-
"Annie, Jeff, can one of you come and rub lotion on my butt. I have this nasty rash, like a diaper rash, but I don't recall wearing one, oh wait, didn't I wear one last week when I was sick and couldn't stop coughing and wetting myself? Jeff, Aaannie, where are you?" The whiny voice echoes into the living room. Shirley points in the direction of the horrid sound. "What's that?"
"What?" "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Jeff, Annie. Who is that that?"
"Who's who? Honestly Shirley, are you taking a few hits from Pierce's hidden flask?" Annie makes a tipping motion with her hands symbolizing drinking.
"Excuse me!" Shirley's scary mom voice permeates. "I do not drink the poison of the devil."
Chang walks out in footie pajamas, the trap door compartment open, and a jar of Destine in his hand. "Annie, please. Oh, hi guys. Whatcha doin' here. Ooh, sleep over? Please, oh please. I'll never ask for anything ever again. Please?"
"Chang, go in the bedroom, I'll be there in a minute."
"Do I hafta?"
"Yes. Annie asked you nicely."
"Fine." Chang sulks all the way into the bedroom.
Jeff addresses the group.
"Oh, THAT! Well, that's you know, just Chang, taking a bath, in my bathtub and asking my girlfriend to rub lotion on his rashy ass." He laughs with a kind of sarcasm only Jeff can generate. "Was that what you were all wondering about?" Their shocked faces just nod back at him.
"Yeah, that's a whole 'nother story." Annie excuses herself from the group again and tends to Chang.