A/N: One use of a possibly upsetting phrase.

Unsurprisingly, Giles had left Buffy to herself for the remainder of the day. While she understood why he was mad at her for going off and dealing with Spike alone, she sure as hell wasn't going to apologize for it. It was her body, her baby, and her life. Spike was her... okay, so she still didn't know what Spike was exactly, other than a huge pain in her ass, but it didn't matter. She had every right to do what she wanted without having to explain herself. Willow clearly didn't support her anymore and Ana wasn't the greatest person to go to for emotional support. Against her better instincts, Buffy found herself wanting Spike's company. His soft words, his much needed promises of commitment. She put it all down to hormones but that didn't stop the fact that she wanted what she wanted. Dawn had become a little sick of the drama and was staying at Janice's this weekend and Anya had dragged Xander off on some sort of pre-wedding vacation/retreat so she wasn't in danger of stumbling across anyone who'd question why she was visiting Spike and get suspicious. Maybe she would take this opportunity.

As irritated as Giles was with her, she should've known that he wasn't prepared to let her wonder off again.

"Buffy, where are you going?" he called from the front room as she was about to leave.

She squeezed the door knob in her grasp. "Out."

"To see Spike?"

She paused. "Like its any of your business."

"I don't think it's a good idea getting Spike involved in this any more than he already is. Especially with what you're going to do after the child is born."

"Duly noted." She was halfway out the door when her watcher delivered his lowest blow yet. "I'll tell him that you're giving the child up."

"And why would you do that?"

Giles looked slightly sheepish. "The council have mutually agreed that it's best for you to halt all contact with him now that he's aware of your situation."

Buffy looked repulsed. Today had given her a lot of thinking time. "This isn't a 'situation' to him. This is his child that he's made clear he wants everything to do with. He won't give up trying and if you tell him exactly why Ana's involved, he'll stop at nothing to keep you from me. You know that."

Giles knew she was right. He'd just hoped that she wouldn't be able to call his bluff.

With no other cards to play, Giles reluctantly allowed Buffy to leave, without saying another word.

Spike was just emerging from a much needed period of sleep when he heard the familiar creek of his crypt's front door. Still half asleep, he pulled on his jeans and t-shirt and raced up the ladder, preparing to defend himself from whatever was lurking about his place. For the second time that week, Spike was surprised to find Buffy standing in his doorway.

"Everything okay? Didn't expect to see you back here so soon."

"Fine. I just..."

Spike silently urged her on with his eyes, suddenly very interested in what she had to say.

"I could just use some company."

The vampire outstretched his arm in the direction of the couch he'd obtained recently. "Sure. Make yourself at home."

She smiled gratefully and made her way down the steps. Considering he'd picked the couch up from god knows where, it was amazingly comfortable. She'd often thought so when they ended up not being able to make it to the bedroom. Those times had tested its comfort to the max.

Spike sat down on the arm chair opposite her. He seemed to study her for a few seconds.

"What's watcher boy gone and said now?"

As much as she wanted to be completely open and honest with the whole situation, Buffy knew that in this instance, it wouldn't do her any favours. She could safely hint at a couple of details though.

"He doesn't want me to see you. Let alone have you anywhere near the baby."

Spike took a breath to push down the anger that was re-emerging.

"Why are you here then? What Giles says goes, right?"

The slayer was infuriated that he'd said that. Did he genuinely think it?

"No! I let him bring the council into this and that's it. Everything else is my call."

The vampire lowered his eyes to her belly. "And what is your choice?"

"I don't know yet. I guess I came here to find out."

Spike moved around uncomfortably.

"I know now you want this...but can I trust you? I don't even know if you'll still want this when shit gets real!"

The vampire looked as if he'd been slapped in the face. "I get why you don't trust me with your friends. I get why you don't trust me with you. But this is different. This is an innocent, defenceless kid. My kid."

"Like all those thousands of children you slaughtered were."

He swallowed hard. "I've changed. Can't you see?" He jumped out of his seat and knelt down in front of her. "This is a baby we've made together, Buffy. How can you not trust me with him? I've never had the chance to be a dad and may not ever again. I wouldn't do ANYTHING to threaten this." He placed a hand on her still only slightly swollen belly, taking her by surprise. As awkward as she felt on the surface, she couldn't deny that her heart warmed, instantly at the intimate act.

"Think junior likes that too," Spike commented.

"Huh? Likes what?"

"The sprog. Think he liked me touching him."

Buffy suddenly felt very guilty. "H-how can you tell?"

"Vampire senses, love. Could feel him squirming around. Think I woke him though. Sorry, mate."

"Spike, it can't hear you, it's nothing more than a tiny, undeveloped squid thing right now."

"Alright, slayer, no need to act all defensive like," he snapped in annoyance. "Just try'na bond with him before you change your mind about wanting to be here, again." He suddenly wondered if he'd gone too far. That was the last thing on Buffy's mind, however. She had an idea why the baby reacted to the slightest touch or pressure. It was because she'd refused to touch him all these weeks. He was feeling unloved and making the most of any attention he could get. She looked very pale all of a sudden.

"You okay, pet?"

The words 'I'm fine' began to form on her lips but they never quite made it out. "I don't know if I can do this."

Spike wanted more than anything to wipe away the tears now dripping down her cheeks. "What do you mean?"

She'd opened up a whole new can of worms and knew it. "This. Being a mom, acting like I can juggle everything in my life as well as this baby. Everything was a mess even before and now I'm bringing a baby into my fucked up world?" It was nothing Buffy hadn't told herself before but talking about it with Spike was a different matter.

"Hey," he whispered as her head fell into her hands. "Where's this coming from? This morning you were all about wanting to do this yourself."

"I told you I didn't want you involved. I never said anything about wanting to do this."

Spike's face fell. "You're not gonna..."

"I wanted to. When I first found out, I wanted to."

"But you didn't," Spike confirmed, a sigh of relief shortly following. "That's gotta mean something."

The slayer peeked above her hands and really wished she hadn't said anything.

"I know how scary this is. Believe me, I'm feeling it too, but this'll change our lives."

"I'm the slayer. Change is what screwed up my life in the first place."

"You're not seeing that this is gonna give you the normal life you've always wanted. Slaying has to come second now and no one can argue otherwise."

Spike wasn't getting it.

"I want a chance to have a life, to catch up on what I've missed out on. A baby isn't going to let me do that. I'll be tied down for the next eighteen years. Probably even longer. I want to live, Spike."

"Who's saying you can't have a life with a kid in it? You got the scoobies, Dawn...you've got me. Tons of people around willing to help you out. 'Course you can have a life."

"It's not the same." The slayer tilted her face back down into her hands, prompting Spike to get up off his knees and take a seat on the other end of the couch.

"You wanna let the scoobies know you're alright? Bet they're worried if they know you're with me."

Buffy started to panic. Did Spike want her out? Had she said something to push him too far?

"No. I'm not going back. I came here to get away from them and I thought you'd understand that."

Spike opened his mouth to protest but Buffy didn't give him a chance as she stood up and continued to yell.

"So if you want me to go, I'll leave but I'm not going home because all I'm gonna get is shit about not making the choices that everybody else wants and -"

Spike joined Buffy on her feet and grasped her shaking shoulders. "You don't have to go anywhere or do anything you don't want to, love. The last thing I want you to do is go. I just don't fancy Rupert turnin' up here with a stake. I sort'a believed him when he said he'd dust me, earlier."

She didn't seem to be listening but he carried on regardless.

"Anyway, you can stay here for as long or as little as you want. No pressure to do anything. Sounds like no one else seems to get that."

He sat Buffy back down and pulled a blanket out from underneath a cushion before handing it to her. "Can appreciate it's a little cold in here even if I don't feel it myself. I'll be back in a bit."

Spike had her full attention now.

"Where are you going?"

"Thought I might pay the scoobies a visit, settle this once and for all."

"No, you don't have to. It's only gonna make things worse."

"Hey, I'll play nice if they do the same."

"Really, Spike, please don-"

"The last thing you need right now is anymore stress. I'm gonna sort this."

Buffy knew she wasn't going to win this one and watched him head out into the indirect sunlight, leaving her to stew in all that had happened in the last few minutes. In a way, she didn't regret being so open with Spike. He now had a realistic picture of how she was feeling and was the only one who really understood and sympathised. She was living in a dream, however, if she thought that he'd still be as supportive if he knew the full story. Deciding to make the most of the peace and quiet she had, Buffy dragged one of the pillows from the other side of the couch and set it down against the arm, to support her head. She pulled the blanket up over her and snuggled down into a comfortable position. The cotton gave off an aroma of smoke with a hint of spilt liquor, giving the illusion of Spike laying next to her. She'd forgotten how good he smelt. Buffy suddenly opened her eyes. That was strange. She'd never had a conscious thought of Spike's fragrance before. She didn't even remotely remember ever thinking that he had a nice smell. The slayer had underestimated the weirdness that pregnancy brought with it. This sudden interest in Spike's scent couldn't have been down to anything else, could it?

Spike carefully kept to the shade as he made his way up to Revello Drive. He was convinced that Giles would still be there waiting for Buffy and from what the mother of his child was saying, it sounded like her watcher wasn't the only one ganging up on her. After today, never again would he allow them to cause her as much distress as she presented earlier. It angered the deepest parts of him to see her like that and to know that it was the people who she considered family that were at fault. Especially now that she was pregnant and needed their support more than ever.

In no time at all, the vampire was banging the front door with his fist. It took longer than expected for someone to answer, but eventually the door opened. It was Willow. She looked surprised to see him. Probably because Buffy wasn't by his side.

"Spike? What are you doing here? Is Buffy okay?"

He nodded, showing little sympathy for her concerns. "She's restin' up at my place. You must'a really pissed her off if she came to me to get away from you lot."

The wicca didn't seem to be following him. "Has she said something?"

"I guess you could say that. I think me, you and Giles need to talk."

Speaking of the devil, the man appeared behind Willow out of nowhere. "I feel we said everything we needed to at Ana's, don't you think?"

Spike glared at him. "That's until I found out that you haven't exactly been supportive of Buffy recently. Did you know she was thinkin' of flushing the sprog?" He felt sick just thinking about it, but this wasn't the time for sugar coating things.

Willow looked to the floor but Giles kept confident eye contact with the vampire. "She has expressed her concerns about becoming a mother, yes."

"And I bet you didn't even attempt to try to get on her level and be supportive. Just told her what she could and couldn't do."

Willow looked hurt. "Is that what Buffy told you? Of course we tried but she's being...difficult."

"Difficult, how?"

Even Giles was looking a little lost for words now.

"What are you two goin' on about?"

"It doesn't matter," Willow insisted. "She just doesn't seem to want to listen to us when all we want to do is help her and the baby."

"If she's freaking out about coming back here then you're obviously not doin' something right."

The witch suddenly looked horrified. "She freaked out? W-we never wanted that."

"Not saying you did, but truth is she doesn't want to come back and as much as I think the crypt isn't the best place for her or the kid in the long term, I'm not forcing her to do anything she doesn't want to. What she does is up to her now."

Both Giles and Willow knew that if Spike was aware of Buffy's plans, he wouldn't be saying that. However, they both remained silent.

"If and when she does decide to come back here, I'm not gonna be happy if I here you're trying to dominate her every move again." The vampire was pretty sure his message had been understood, loud and clear and so started to strut back down the garden path.

As much as he hated to admit it, Giles secretly admired Spike's respect for his slayer's independence and feelings.

"Since when were you absolutely fine with Buffy making her own decisions, regardless of the consequences?"

Spike turned on the spot to look back at him.

"Since she became a mother. I know she's looking at her life from a whole different perspective now. I trust her like this."

Giles almost felt bad that Spike had gravely misplaced his faith in the slayer...

It didn't occur to Spike that Buffy might be asleep when he returned but despite his noisy entrance, the slayer continued to snooze softly. As she was sleeping in the main room of the crypt, there wasn't a lot he could that wouldn't disturb her. The TV would definitely wake her and he was even worried that pouring a drink would too. Eventually, the vampire took a seat on the armchair opposite her and found himself watching her sleep. She looked so beautiful when she was peaceful. Something about the fact that he knew she was carrying his currently dozing child made the scene even more perfect. He observed the rising and falling of her chest, the cute twitch of her nose when she was dreaming, the occasional shift of her body when she got uncomfortable. Before his slayer, he never thought someone could be so wonderful. She did it without even trying. In her sleep, in her fighting, in her loving. Even in her crying and her jealousy. Some part of whatever she did won him over every time. He hated her for it but it he always ended up forgiving Buffy not wanting him didn't matter anymore. This past day had made him realise that there were more important things at stake. NOTHING was going to happen to his family...