Hello everyone, sorry it's been a while, I've been ill again. Hopefully this time the doctors will get it right and put me on the right medication. I'm not sure about this one, especially about the ending scene, so I'd love to know what you all think.

Eva

I Love You

"I can't do this anymore." Carolyn heard herself say the words. She had practiced a million variations of them over the past week and she had just decided that the easiest and most practical way was to just say it.

"I'm sorry, what?" Cam shook his head as if he were trying to dislodge some water from his ears. "Where in the hell did that come from?"

Carolyn paced the floor of her living room, unable to sit still. "I can't do this, Cameron. I can't be with you."

Cam sat back, wondering if he were hearing things correctly. "Carolyn, can you please sit down and explain what's going on?" He watched as she reached the end of the sofa and swung around to pace up again. "Carolyn, honey..."

"Don't!" She swung around, dark eyes blazing with a mixture of anger and fear and hurt. "Don't call me that. I can't do this, I can't-"

"Carolyn, listen to me," Cam interrupted, dread beginning to take hold of him. "What's brought this on? You were fine last night."

But she hadn't been, he realised with the sickening clarity that usually came with hindsight. She had curled up beside him in his bed and kissed him with a kind of desperation that he had mistaken for passion and responded to in equal kind.

Afterwards, she had curled into his body and held on, as if burning the imprint of him into herself. When he had woken this morning and reached for her, she was already gone.

"Cam?" Those beautiful dark eyes were fixed on him. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" Cam heard himself ask harshly. "Why now?" Why not before you made me fall in love with you?

"Because it's not fair to you to keep dragging this out," Carolyn answered, turning away from him again. "It's not right."

"If this is about telling the general that we're dating," Cam began, determined to try and get to the bottom of this mess, "then we don't have to tell him right away."

"This is not about my father," Carolyn answered tightly, her back still turned to him.

"Then what is it about?" Cam asked, gently turning her to face him. "Talk to me, baby. Tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it."

Carolyn shook her head, her long dark hair falling into her eyes. "It's me." She whispered the words softly. "I can't be what you need."

Cam gave an incredulous laugh. "What makes you think I want you to be anything other than who you are?"

"I don't want this," Carolyn cried out, her whole body rigid with tension. "I don't want to be abandoned again."

Cam stared at her before realisation dawned. "You think that I'm going to choose my career over you?"

She laughed shortly, a harsh bitter sound before turning away from him and wrapping her arms around herself. "It's happened before."

"So this is about your father." Cam sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Darlin, I can't erase the past for you and make things right between you, no matter how much I'd like to. But you can't let that stop you from being happy. And Carolyn, believe me when I say that I can and will make you happy."

She was wavering, he noted. Somewhere inside her, Carolyn believed him. That little sliver of doubt was enough to work with.

"You don't understand," Carolyn whispered. "I watched my mother wait for him, day after day. Night after night. For weeks and months. When he came home, he was different. He'd seen things that changed him."

"War is a scary thing," Cam murmured softly, his mind flickering back to a war that had almost cost him the use of his legs and his career. "And the things you can't talk about are the ones that end up doing the most damage."

Carolyn nodded. "Exactly. Mom tried. She tried to understand and to be there. But somewhere along the line, she stopped trying."

"And it all fell apart," Cam guessed. His heart ached for the child who hadn't understood and for the woman who still struggled to try to forgive an absent father. "Baby, it won't be like that for us."

"How do you know?" Carolyn demanded hotly. "My father used to promise that it would be different, that he'd be home, that this time he'd stay, but the phone would ring and off he would go again."

"Carolyn, you know about my work," Cam said patiently, itching to wrap his arms around her but knowing that it wasn't the right time. "It's not like I have to lie to you every time I step outside the door."

"It's not that," Carolyn said, sinking down onto her sofa and closing her eyes against the flood of tears that threatened. "We've been together for three months now, and I've gone from being independent to being...weak."

"Weak?" Cam echoed, wondering how being with him equated to weakness.

"Yes," Carolyn snapped out. "Weak. I miss you when you're not there. I wonder if you're safe when you're off-world. I worry until you come home and my first instinct when you walk into my infirmary after a mission is to either kiss you for coming home or kill you for going in the first place."

Cam smiled at her words. "And you think it's not the same for me?"

Carolyn looked up, a little confused. "Is it?"

Cam nodded earnestly. "I miss you when I don't see you. When I'm off-world I wonder if you miss me." He grinned widely. "And I think about kissin' you quite a bit."

Carolyn shook her head. "Don't try to use that southern charm on me, Mitchell. It won't work." She curled her hands into fists to keep from reaching out to him. "I won't be dependant on anybody, Cameron. I can't be. That's why you have to go."

"Carolyn-"

"Please," she whispered. "I just need some time. Please."

Cam sat still for a moment, then got up from the sofa. "I'll go if you want me to. But Carolyn? I'm not that easy to get rid of."

Carolyn kept her back to him until she heard the front door shut, feeling her throat ache with unshed tears. When she heard the engine start and the sound fade away, she slumped forward and gave in to her misery, sobbing as if her heart would break.

Cam gave her two days. He figured that was enough time for her to realise that even after a short time, what they were building was worth holding on to.

He missed her. That was the pure truth. He missed the way she smelled like vanilla and clean, fresh soap. He missed the way she frowned at him when he tried to distract her from whatever she was doing.

He missed the feel of her, curled next to him when they spend a rare night off together.

Carolyn avoided him in the halls, the mess, and her infirmary, leaving his pre and post mission physicals to another doctor and always finding some excuse to avoid being alone with him.

At the end of the second day, Cam was past miserable and heading rapidly towards a mixture of anger at how easily she had given up and fear that perhaps this was something they couldn't overcome.

He knew his teammates suspected something. Even Vala was more tactful than usual and that in itself was some sort of minor miracle. Sam and Daniel did their best to keep his mind occupied, while Teal'c worked out with him in the gym to burn off some of the restless energy that had taken hold of him.

Nothing seemed to work, though. He still had this uneasy feeling, right in the pit of his stomach, that wouldn't go away.

Dammit, he was not going to be brushed aside like this. He would go and see her and try to talk some sense into her.

Feeling somewhat less miserable at the thought, Cam slammed his locker door shut and headed towards the infirmary.

Carolyn was working on some research into what was potentially an airborne mutation of the common flu virus that was causing some problems for one of their trading planets. She rubbed at her temples, trying to ease the vague headache that had been nagging her all day.

"Headache?"

The sound of Cam's voice made her jump.

"Sorry," he said, not sounding at all contrite. "We need to talk."

Carolyn nodded. "Yes, we do. But not here." She saved her work and shut down her laptop. "Are you done for the day?"

"Yep," Cam answered shortly. "You?"

"About three hours ago," Carolyn answered wryly. She didn't mention that she didn't want to go home to bed because she could smell his cologne on her sheets and it hurt her to the core.

"Working too hard as usual," Cam said, trying for a teasing tone and failing.

"It helps," she responded quietly.

Cam looked at her, struck by the dullness of her eyes. "Does it? Because from where I'm standing, it sure as hell doesn't look like it."

"This isn't the place to discuss it," Carolyn said evenly, ignoring the curious eyes of three marines that passed by. "Too many people."

"Right," Cam said bitterly. "And we wouldn't want people to know that the general's daughter is dating a mere pilot." He stabbed furiously at the call button for the elevator.

"Cameron, I didn't mean-"

"Not here, remember?" Cam folded his arms and waited for her to go ahead of him. They rode in silence to the top level and got out at the parking lot.

Carolyn hurried to keep up to his longer strides as she followed him to his car. Hers was in the garage and she had hitched a ride with one of her nurses that morning. When she told him this, he gave her a curt nod.

"I'll take you home."

The silence hung between them all the way through the short drive to Carolyn's house. Cam didn't say a word and Carolyn didn't know what to say to him. Silence was just easier.

Inside her house, she automatically hung her coat up in the hall and watched him go into her small living room and take a seat on the sofa. Needing a moment to steady herself, she went into the kitchen and set the kettle to boil for coffee.

The rain had begun to fall outside in steady sheets that dripped off her back window and made her feel even more melancholy than she had before.

She missed him. That was the crux of it. She missed the slow, easy smile that spread across his face when he saw her in the halls or the infirmary. She missed the way he would squeeze her hand an gently kiss her cheek when nobody was watching.

"You can't avoid me forever."

At the sound of Cam's voice, Carolyn swung around. He leaned against the door frame, hands in his pockets in a deceptively casual pose.

"Would you like some coffee?" Carolyn asked. She winced inwardly when his jaw clenched and he shook his head. "Something to eat?"

"I didn't come here to eat," Cam answered shortly. He scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. "Damn it, Carolyn, I'm sorry. It's just been..."

"I know," she answered quietly. To her horror, tears welled in her eyes and she blinked at them furiously. "I'm sorry, Cam. I never meant to-"

"I know." It was Cam's turn to interrupt her. "I know you didn't mean it, but you can't just cut me out of your life and expect me to lie down and accept it."

"Why won't you?" Carolyn asked softly. "It might be easier for you in the long run."

Cam laughed softly. "Darlin, being with you is a constant challenge. You're prickly, stubborn and you are far too independant for your own good." He reached out and clasped her hands in his. "But no matter how crazy you make me, being without you is a million times worse."

Carolyn snorted through her tears. "You sound like a character in a soap opera."

"I kind of feel like one," Cam admitted with a shrug. "I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster for the past two days."

"Me too," Carolyn whispered, looking down at her hands, which were still engulfed in Cam's. "I hate this."

"Arguing?" Cam asked. "Because knowing us, we'll argue a hell of a lot. But you have to tell me when something's wrong. I don't read minds, Carolyn. I can't see into your head."

"I'm scared," she whispered, not looking up at him.

"What are you scared of?"

"I'm scared of being like my mother and being in love with someone who can't or won't love me back." Carolyn blurted out the words and waited for his anger.

"You think I can't or won't love you?" Cam was amazed. "That's why you pushed me away? Because you think that I don't love you?"

Carolyn nodded miserably. "I'm stubborn. I'll push you to talk about things you won't want to. I'll nag you to death or else-"

"You do all those things already," Cam pointed out. "And I still love you."

Carolyn looked up at him, scarcely daring to believe the words. "What did you say?"

"I love you," Cam repeated emphatically. "Did you really think that I wouldn't?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because my own father didn't love me enough to give up his job and stick around," Carolyn answered bitterly. "Why would you love me when my own Dad doesn't?"

"That's not true," Cam countered. He wiped a tear from her face with his thumb. "Your dad loves you. He's trying, Carolyn."

"Too late," she said shortly. "Too little, too late."

"Honey, you have to forgive him sometime," Cam sighed. "Until you do, you'll never be happy."

"I thought I could be," Carolyn mused. "But I managed to screw that up too."

"You didn't screw anything up," Cam told her. "I'm still here."

"Are you?" Carolyn asked tentatively. "Even though I've been an idiot?"

"I told you, I don't give up easily." Cam felt the weight he had been carrying around for the past two days lift from him. "Not when it's something this important."

Carolyn took a deep breath and faced him squarely. "We need to tell my father about us."

Cam gaped at her in disbelief. "What?"

"Because we need to prove that we can work together and be in a relationship," Carolyn answered. "I can do my job even if I'm head over heels in love with his golden boy."

Cam felt a smile spread across his face. "You love me."

Carolyn bit her lip and nodded. "I do."

Exhaling a sigh of relief, Cam yanked her across into his lap and clamped his mouth to hers possessively. "Thank God," he muttered, kissing her cheeks and her nose before his lips began a path down the side of her neck. "I was afraid I'd have to lock you up until you admitted it."

Carolyn gasped as his lips found a spot just under her ear. "That wouldn't have worked."

Cam ran his hands along her stomach, just underneath the dark green sweater and she shuddered. "Okay, maybe it would have worked."

Cam's hands tightened on her hips and it as his turn to shudder as her fingers burrowed under the gray tee shirt he wore to dance lightly across his abs. "We're talking too much."

"Agreed," she murmured, her breathing quickening as she pulled his tee shirt over his head and he reached out to yank hers off.

Bare skin met bare skin and the sensation made Carolyn moan with a mixture of longing and relief. "No more talking," she ordered.

"Yes, ma'am." Cam pulled her tighter against him and kissed her hard enough to make her forget everything except the feel of his hands on her skin and his lips on hers.

Later, when their clothing was scattered around the living room and they lay in a tangle of arms and legs on the sofa, Carolyn smiled sleepily against Cam's chest. "I love you, too," she whispered.

Cam ran his hand down her bare back and pulled the blanket closer around them. "Took you long enough."

Carolyn swatted at him playfully and he captured her hand in his, pulling him towards her for a searing kiss. "Love you too."

Love it? Hate it? Please let me know.