Lifeblood

by Johanna's Motivational Insults

Johanna Mason always seems to know exactly what I need to hear, and deliver it with such brutal honesty that it can't possibly be ignored. Maybe she has known me better than anyone else all along.

10. Mentor

A/N: Sorry this update took a lot longer than usual, but life happened and I wrote a one shot in that time as well. And despite the fact that I've had snippets of this chapter written since before I published anything, it took a hell of a lot of work to flesh out and get right. It's also obscenely long, way longer than any other chapter, but I didn't want to cut it off any earlier... so, sorry if anyone feels like they are slogging through this. I hope it's worth the wait. ;)

Again, the recurring notes about mixing book and movie canon (apparently I now even do it within scenes) and taking/altering dialogue and/or narration straight from the text.

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"Go on," I goad. Prim blushes a little, shakes her head and eyes her tray. My sly grin only grows and I tease her, "Since when are you shy, little duck?" My sister looks up at me but doesn't reply. "Or should I say, 'little chicken'?" Her eyes narrow irritably and I gobble at her. Maybe I have some mean big sister in me after all, either that or I've just absorbed that quality from Johanna. It wouldn't be the first of hers to rub off on me. In any case, it's for Prim's own good. I've finally pissed her off enough to make her tap the boy ahead of her in line on the shoulder in an effort to prove me wrong.

"Hey, Rory," she ventures. "How's training going? Are you in any Block classes yet?"

The younger Hawthorne turns to Prim and visibly swallows. "No." They stare mutely for a couple seconds before he shrugs, "But that's okay. Gale's been helping me with the tactics and stuff, but I'm probably not ready for the Capitol anyway. The kids around here grew up with this stuff and I just started." Rory suddenly straightens up and pushes out his chest. "You gonna train when you turn fourteen, if we're still here? Or do you think you'll stick with the doctor thing?"

"I couldn't shoot someone if my life depended on it," Prim answers honestly. She then starts relaying some anecdote from her doctor's training to Rory, who listens with interest and laughs a little too much. I grin giddily as I watch the interaction unfold, and look past Rory to Gale and see him looking on in amusement as well. The best part is when Rory sets a cup of water on Prim's tray and brushes her hand on the way by, resulting in them both jerking their hands back and apologizing profusely. The cup didn't spill, but I'm barely able to contain a giggle anyway. I probably shouldn't laugh, because I honestly understand. I'm still on edge over what happened during Reflection and I feel more hyper and jumpy than I have in years now that I'm expecting to see Johanna, at least from afar. I've forced myself not to search for her in the dining hall because I'm afraid of my own reaction.

"Do you want to come eat with us?" Gale casually asks Prim, saving his brother another awkward moment. When he lifts his eyes to me, I realize that question is for all of us.

"Sure!" Prim chirps, and Gale casts me one more glance before leading them over to where Hazelle is sitting with Vic and Posy.

"To be thirteen again," our mother comments dryly from behind me.

I shoot her a smug grin and brag, "I was never like that."

"No," she quietly agrees.

Not missing her sudden absence of levity, I touch her wrist and assure her, "I probably wouldn't have been even if… if it weren't for everything. I wasn't into boys and I didn't realize I could–" I pause and bounce my eyes around our well-populated surroundings. "You know." Mom smiles and winks conspiratorially. She blinks over to the kids again but then her gaze jumps elsewhere. I follow her eyes and flinch when I catch sight of Johanna seated with Finnick and Annie. I've been staring for a moment when I feel Mom's eyes now land on me, and I shift uncomfortably. "I should…"

"Yeah, you should," Mom concurs. She nudges me encouragingly and grins, "Go get your girl." I smile gratefully and break from her side to join the trio. I sense Gale watching me but purposely avoid eye contact. His probable jealousy aside, I feel a little bad for abandoning what is otherwise a big family dinner.

I sidle up to the table and do my best to casually slip in to Jo's left, but my mind and skin start buzzing the second I'm seated. I'm only inches from her, and it feels much closer than usual but yet not close enough. My roommate catches my eye and barely nods in acknowledgement, a gesture I return with far too much enthusiasm. I want to talk but I can't seem to open my mouth, and I don't know what I'd say even if I could. I'm worse than my thirteen year-old sister. How embarrassing.

Finnick notices my tense body language almost immediately and stops his ongoing chatter with Annie to ask, "What's with you?"

I freeze like a deer caught in my crosshairs but thankfully Johanna steps in. "I cross-face cradled her this morning and she's still embarrassed," she explains nonchalantly. If she's referring to my wrestling defeat, that's not wholly untrue.

Finnick looks at me and then back at Jo, a lecherous smile growing on his face. "Hot," he remarks with an eyebrow waggle.

Johanna throws a carrot stick at him. "Shut up, Finnick." She nods behind us at my family table and mercifully changes the subject. "Littledeen finally got the guts to make a move on Rory, huh?"

I pause, my fork halfway to my mouth. "She told you about that?"

"What? You thought you were all we talked about while you were in Two?" Johanna turns her whole body toward me, lays a hand on my wrist and leans in as though she is about to impart some very important wisdom. "I know this war would lead you to believe otherwise, but the whole world doesn't revolve around you, Mockingjay," she condescends. Finnick sniggers and I feel my face heating up. Johanna's expression rides the line between teasing and serious, but it doesn't feel like a joke to me.

"So, what," I challenge her, "you talked about boys?" Even saying this makes my stomach curdle with envy. Johanna likes boys. Boys such as my gorgeous cousin, as she put it.

"She told me she has a thing for short, dark, and handsome, yes," Jo drawls.

"So who did you tell her you have a thing for?" I demand, straining to feign a playful tone. "Tall, dark, and handsome?"

I detect a dusting of pink in Johanna's cheeks as she focuses on her food and shrugs, "I didn't tell her I have a thing for anyone. Not that that stopped her from guessing." She suddenly looks over her shoulder at Prim and Rory and grins widely, making a grand sweeping gesture. "Young love. Isn't it adorable?"

"Sure," I snort, "unless it's Twiggy and Boobs." Johanna responds with immediate laughter, prompting Finnick to follow suit. Even Annie joins in with a muted giggle.

"Twiggy and Boobs?" Finnick guffaws. "Johanna, that's almost as bad as Nuts and Volts."

"I can't take credit for that one," she smirks proudly. "That was all Katniss." Finnick quirks an impressed eyebrow at me as he awaits an explanation.

"They're a couple of kids in our Block squad who are always mooning over each other," I grumble. "It's fucking gross."

Finnick grins broadly and leans in a little closer, resting his forearms on the table. "It must be," he says.

"Downright nauseating," I reiterate. "I'm always halfway expecting them to drop their weapons and start sucking face." This brings on another round of laughter, so I insist, "I'm serious. They're incompetent enough apart, but when they're together they totally lose focus on the missions. It's scary. Boobs is so smitten she'd probably follow her boy into an obvious death trap." I've barely finished this sentence when I realize the comparison I just unwittingly drew. I hazard a glance at Johanna and quickly tack on, "But of course that could only happen if he was to do something really stupid to get himself into trouble, so it wouldn't really be her fault." I flick my eyes back to the couple and flush bright red under their curious, penetrating stares.

Jo sneaks her hand off the edge of the table and onto my knee while the attention is on me. She caresses the outside of it with her thumb reassuringly and nods toward Finnick and Annie. "Imagine if you two were fighting in the Capitol together." My eyes immediately jump to Annie, who flinches but doesn't exit the conversation like I expected. "It would be a disaster. Finn, you'd constantly be messing up because you'd be too worried about protecting Annie, and then in the middle of some big firefight you'd be like…" Johanna swivels on her ass to face me and claps her free hand over her heart theatrically. "'My love, you have my heart, for all eternity,'" she proclaims melodramatically. Though I know she's primarily mocking Finnick, she's also doing that seductive thing with her eyes and I think I just might detect a hint of seriousness in them. I am probably just seeing what I want to see, but before I can study her expression any further, she is batting her eyelashes at Finnick and making my stomach turn. "'And if I die, my last thought will be of your lips.'" She makes a gagging face and says, "More like you'll die because you're too busy thinking about her lips."

Even if she only meant what she said to me as a joke, her words and a sudden possessive urge draw my knee over to lean against hers, causing her fingertips to brush the inside of it. I almost swoon. I start to lean over to rest my head on her shoulder until I remember we're very much in public. My eyes close automatically when Jo fully cups the inside of my knee, and I mentally curse myself for acting like some kind of pathetic lovesick teenage girl. There's a war going on, one that I basically started, and yet this is all I can think about even when I'm training. I need to get it together. We both do, or else we'll befall the fate Johanna just described, the same one we met earlier. I withdraw my leg and sit up a little straighter. Jo barely even blinks over to me before placing her hand back on the table and turning to Finnick.

"But I shouldn't be so hard on you," she smiles sweetly. "That's still not nearly as bad as Bread Boy's cheesy love confession the year before." Though Finnick and Annie immediately look my way to gauge my reaction, Johanna takes her time before smugly making eye contact. I feel obligated to glower at her on Peeta's behalf, but the expression only comes out half-hearted because she's not exactly wrong. And if she's trying to get under my skin, she should know by now that Peeta's not quite the sore spot he used to be.

"True enough," I shrug. The shock on Finnick's face is unsurprising, but even Johanna looks thrown by my candor. "What, Jo?" I demand. "I told you how I feel about that."

"No, you didn't," she informs me quietly. Didn't I? I could have sworn I verbally agreed with her when she said those things about his interview.

"Well I didn't argue with you when you said it, did I?" I bluster, scrambling to recover. I toss a hand in the air flippantly and turn my focus to the newlyweds. "Whatever, I have no problem admitting it, not now." Not now that Peeta is no longer dominating my thoughts. Not now that I care more about protecting Johanna's feelings than his. "In all honesty, I attacked him once we got back to our floor. Sent him to the infirmary for stitches," I disclose. I give that a second to sink in, and this time all three of them look completely floored, leaving me torn between insulted and embarrassed. Either they underestimated me or they thought I was of higher moral character than that. "What? It was fucking embarrassing for me," I spout defensively. "He made me look weak." I remember Haymitch's words that night and concede, "Desirable, but weak."

"He made you a damsel," comes Annie's quiet voice.

"A what?" I blink.

"He made you into a victim who needs saving," she clarifies, louder now. "Made himself some kind of noble hero when you were the real noble hero for saving your sister. He did the same thing in the cave, refusing to let you get the medicine to save him when he would have done it for you." She shrugs and admits, "He probably didn't mean to undermine you, but revealing you as the object of his affections turned you into an object in the eyes of the audience too. They started liking you because Peeta did, and it overshadowed your real strengths."

Annie must be more aware of things than we all give her credit for. She just perfectly described something that always nagged at me under the surface of my relationship with Peeta and is completely absent from Johanna's interactions with me. Johanna saved my life and often makes cracks about how incompetent I supposedly am, but she's never coddled me or made me feel incapable on the basis of being the object of her affections. She's protected me yet always challenged me to be better. She's not afraid to criticize or push me, and I truly appreciate that about her, in the long run if not always in the moment. I let my knee fall against hers again. She doesn't move her hand from the table this time, but lifts her foot and starts running it up and down my calf, effectively paralyzing me.

"Damn, Cresta," Jo enunciates after a few moments of stunned silence around the table. "That was deep. Couldn't have said it better myself." I want to nod in agreement, but I still can't move.

"How is Peeta, anyway?" Finnick suddenly asks. "Have either of you seen him since the other night?" Johanna shakes her head for the both of us, still not letting up with her foot. "I'm worried about him."

Johanna takes this opportunity to drop her hand to my thigh again and give it a platonic pat. "Yeah," she agrees. "We all are."

"I didn't just save his life for the rebellion, you know," he directs toward me more than anyone. "He seemed like a good guy." Finnick seems to regret this statement the instant he sees Johanna's suggestive grin, and for good reason.

"Are you sweet on the Muffin Man, Finnick?" she purrs. "I mean, I did tell him the whole world wants to sleep with him." She jerks her head in my direction and adds, "Except his girlfriend, that is."

"I'm not his girlfriend, Johanna," I snap. "Don't be an asshole."

"That's like telling Gale not to brood," Finnick pipes up, and I enjoy a rare chance to laugh at Johanna's expense. Unfortunately, she knows just how to shut me up. When her hand slides up my inner thigh, a shudder spreads from the point of contact down my every limb and I almost choke. She smirks as she settles her hand just below the crease of my thigh, evidently very pleased with herself, and I try to glare but I seem to have lost control of my face.

"You all right there, Everdeen?" she asks, using a gentle finger to draw teasing circles over my pants.

"Uh–uh huh," I stammer.

"You sure?" she probes verbally, curling her pinky up the crease and making my eyes squeeze shut. This fucking girl will be the death of me, figuratively if not literally. I changed my underwear before dinner but I can already feel the new ones getting wet, and I'm trying very hard but not very successfully to keep myself from visibly shaking.

"Yeah," I say more confidently this time, peering at the girl through half-open eyes. "I'm great."

I'm not exactly lying. I think she can tell. I think I'm okay with that.

***o***

I consciously grab the cuffs of my uniform sleeves to occupy my hands and make sure to keep a bit of distance between Johanna and me while we're walking side-by-side on our way home from dinner. The air between us feels charged like it does during a lightning storm, making my skin prickle and all my hairs stand on end, and if I touch her at all I fear I might not be able to stop. That would be fine, except I'm usually very reserved with public displays of affection. Being forced into those was something I especially resented about my fake relationship with Peeta. I keep pace with Johanna's casual amble, but if it were up to me I'd be running to the compartment, where we can be alone. Then we can at least talk in privacy, if nothing else. But I'm not even sure what I want to say. I'd rather be sure of her feelings before I voice mine. I mean, she's clearly attracted to me on some level, but I don't understand what happened earlier and I don't think I could stand a repeat performance.

We reach our door and I slide it open for Johanna before she can reach out for the handle. "Wow, what a gentleman," she drawls theatrically, and I wordlessly usher her inside, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of a reaction. She starts to head deeper into the compartment as I'm closing the door behind us, but I catch her hand and give it a soft tug. She turns around, though somewhat begrudgingly, and I squint into her impatient eyes for a moment before I can find my words.

"Why did you leave?" I finally manage. "Before dinner, I mean."

"I'm still mad at you," she responds in a tone that suggests this should be obvious.

"But I apologized," I reason. "And you kissed me."

Johanna rolls her eyes and snaps, "I accepted your kiss, brainless, not your half-assed apologies and supposed gratitude."

"Accepted it and then just walked out? Weren't you…" I blush, unable to say it. "You know?"

"Aroused?" She winks, consciously stroking her thumb along my fingers. "Not like you were."

I snatch my hand away, my cheeks now burning even hotter. "You did that on purpose," I surmise indignantly.

"Got your attention, didn't it?" she shrugs. "Besides, you deserved it."

"You always did love the grand, dramatic exit," I grumble. "Look, Johanna, you don't have to go to such lengths to get your points across. It's not like I don't listen to you. I hang on your every word, you know."

"Maybe you listen, but you don't get it. I have to hammer on your thick fucking skull to get anything through it."

"You were wrong, though!" I protest. A murderous darkness starts to come over Johanna's eyes, so I lift a cautioning hand and backpedal, "Sort of. It doesn't matter to the rebellion if I die anymore. The primary goal of the Mockingjay has been achieved, Coin said so herself." I slouch and blink away before dragging my eyes back to Jo and sighing, "I'm expendable."

Johanna swallows and wraps her arms around her stomach, then eyes and toes the ground for a long moment before inhaling deeply and finally breaking her silence. "Not to me," she whispers shakily. "Don't you understand, brainless? I can't lose you." She meets my eyes. "You're not just the Mockingjay to me."

There. She's done it again. Johanna Mason always seems to know exactly what I need to hear, and deliver it with such brutal honesty that it can't possibly be ignored. It was only her words that assured me I'd been right to explain the clock setup of the Quell arena to the group, even though the Gamemakers consequently spinning the island had taken that advantage away for a time. It was only her words, her analysis of Prim's untouchable status, that pierced my panicked stupor and comforted me after the jabberjay attack. Maybe she has known me better than anyone else all along. She's always been the best at getting though to me, in any case. And now she has found a way to stamp out my deepest insecurity.

I blink back my forming tears and painfully swallow the lump in my throat as I drape my arms over Johanna's shoulders and draw her into me. She lets herself fall softly against my chest without resistance, wrapping her arms tightly around my waist and tucking her face into the crook of my neck. I don't hear her small contented sigh so much as feel it blow along my collarbone, but it's one of the most wonderful sounds I've ever heard.

I don't want to move ever again. This is so perfect – she is so perfect – but I doubt I could ever adequately express that feeling in words. Instead I hope I convey it by tightening my arm around her, stroking what little hair she has, nuzzling her crown. I run my thumb along the top edge of the ear before lowering my head to leave a trace of a kiss there. Johanna grunts in response and I move my lips to her temple, lingering this time. I twitch abruptly as a few of her fingers start to draw light patterns on my sides, and reply by kissing her forehead at the hairline and running my left hand down her spine to her mid-back. A soft moan just barely escapes her lips, and suddenly this interaction doesn't feel so perfect after all. I need more from her. More than that, I need to tell her how I feel. This purely physical communication just isn't cutting it anymore.

"Jo." I curl my fingers along her jaw and under her chin, tilting it up slightly so I can see her whole face. She reluctantly opens her eyes, rendering me mute yet again.

"What, brainless?" she breathes. I ghost my thumb across the corner of her mouth and she reflexively licks her lips. I will myself not to give in, to at least try to use my words instead. My mind flashes back to the engulfed hospital in Eight, to the charred man in Two. I can say just the right thing when impassioned – I have to trust that.

"I want you," is what comes out of my mouth. Johanna doesn't try very hard to suppress her smirk. That was definitely not intended to sound purely sexual, so I try again. "I want you in every way." She arches a suggestive eyebrow. Somebody should just cut my tongue out right now. I screw my eyes shut and take a second to collect myself. "All of you," I sigh, opening my eyes. "Please, Johanna, just-"

Her lips crush against mine before I really have a chance to register her suddenly serious expression or the intensity in her eyes. Her kiss is soft but deep, her touch tender. She languidly runs her hands up my sides as we continue our gentle but passionate exchange, eventually bringing them to rest behind my neck. Her breathing quickens slightly, prompting my heart to do the same. I swallow and struggle to hold myself together for at least a moment longer, but that now familiar warmth in my stomach is back and spreading quickly. Johanna pushes up on her toes to close the height gap, arching her back in the process, and my hands instinctively roam there. I trace my fingers down the small of her back, reveling in the gasps it draws from her and the feeling of her muscles tensing under my touch. When I reach the top of her tailbone, I drag my hands back up to the arch and pull her ever closer. I whimper into her mouth as she moans into mine, and a sudden surge of desire overwhelms us both and propels Johanna forward to pin me against the door.

"Fuck, Katniss," she rasps into my neck before dipping down to grab the backs of my thighs and hike them up over her hips. I grunt my approval and instinctively cinch my legs tight around her waist. The older victor hooks her hands under my knees and rolls her hips forward, pressing herself into my crotch. I groan and she pulls back and does it again. And again. This has only been going on for a few moments, punctuated by sporadic kisses that I really have to crane down for now, when a noise from outside breaks our lustful haze and freezes us in place. Mom and Prim's footsteps echo down the grating of the hall of sorts leading to our compartments, their voices unmistakable. Johanna breathes into my heaving chest, her ear pressed to my heart, while I listen with wide eyes. When their chatter finally disappears behind their door I release a deep breath that morphs into a chuckle.

"We gotta be quiet," I whisper, reaching down to lock the door. Johanna silently nods her agreement and releases my thighs to let me slide to the ground. My hands find her hips the instant my feet hit the floor, and I start to walk her backward into the compartment. I catch those soft lips again almost immediately and swipe my tongue along them until she gives me a small opening and I slip it into her mouth to dance with hers. She fists my shirt and drags me toward the sleeping nook as much as I'm pushing her in the same direction. My nerves have almost overtaken me by the time we arrive, and a sudden whimper from the smaller girl sets me off and forces me to break away to laugh aloud.

Johanna squints up at me defensively. "What's so funny?" she demands through swollen lips. I shake my head in an attempt to clear it before regaining eye contact.

"Nothing's funny," I assure her. When her eyes narrow further I choke out another giggle and ramble, "I'm not laughing at you, I swear. It's just… it's good to know it's not just me. With these feelings, I mean." I trace my thumbs over her hipbones and don't try to disguise the depths of lust and adoration I know must be written on my face.

"No, it's not just you," Johanna chuckles with an amused headshake. "I've always wanted you, Everdeen. I was just waiting for you to ask." Well, that's news to me.

"Really?"

Johanna shoots me an incredulous look and articulates, "When we first met, I told you I wanted to rip your dress off. Then I got naked right in front of you and said we should do it again sometime. How much more forward did I have to be, brainless?"

"I took the dress thing as a threat thinly veiled in girl talk," I confess, blushing heavily and dropping my eyes. "I thought you were just trying to unnerve me."

"Oh, I was. Just not for the reason you assumed." Johanna grins and tucks a stray tendril of hair behind my ear. "I should have expected you to misinterpret something so obvious – I always thought you were an idiot." I try to glare at her and she adds, "A brave, passionate, beautiful idiot. You drove me nuts, but I couldn't get my mind off you." She boosts herself up on her toes and whispers against my lips, "Some things never change." She winks teasingly and I roll my eyes.

"The feeling is mutual," I deadpan before closing the gap again. Now that I can initiate kisses without fear, I can't seem to get enough. We waited far too long for this. I guess it's only been about two weeks since the first thought of kissing her crossed my mind, but it feels like months. I release her hips a few moments into this kiss and slip my hands under the hem of her shirt. I slide them up her sides to probe her ribs directly, the heat of her skin burning my venturing fingertips and flowing directly to my groin.

I'm in the act of dragging my hands back down when Johanna lifts her arms above her head. I'm confused for only a split second before I realize what she's prompting me to do and a jolt shoots through my whole body, landing particularly hard between my legs. I've seen Johanna undress innumerable times, but I've never been a participant in the act before. My pounding heart has now taken to palpitating but I gulp down my nerves and take the hem between my fingers. I meet Johanna's deep brown eyes and find them reassuring, so I stare into them until the fabric I'm pulling over her head obstructs my view. Once it's gone, there are much more interesting sights to take in. I dip my head to her neck and kiss my way down it with gentle pecks while I brush my fingers over her newly exposed skin. I stoop to reach her clavicle and, as I run my tongue along the underside of the bone, I decide I need to improve my access to this newfound paradise.

I straighten up, rotate us 90 degrees, and take a few steps until the top of Johanna's butt bumps against the edge of my bed. Still lacking the confidence to touch her where I must to boost her up, I respond to her raised eyebrows by flicking my eyes up in a silent request. She smirks but lets me off the hook and does it herself. My new slight height disadvantage allows me prime access to her collarbone, which my mouth returns to without a thought before she's even settled. Johanna reaches over my shoulders and pushes on my upper back to draw my whole body in closer, then locks her knees around my hips and yanks my chin up so she can meet my lips in a searing kiss. Her tongue plunges into my mouth and battles with mine while she lays a hand on the back of my head, wraps it around my braid and slowly slides it a ways down its length. Eventually she tightens her grip and tugs softly to tip my head back, breaking our kiss and giving her a turn to reach my neck.

I'm so preoccupied with the soft, wet heat of Johanna's lips and tongue on the sensitive skin below my jaw that I barely notice her second hand move to my braid and work with the first to rid it of its elastic and detangle it, but I definitely notice when she rakes her nails along my scalp and threads her fingers into the loosened locks. When she pulls back a moment later, I lower my head to find her eyes burning and blackened with desire. I surge forward to resume kissing but I've barely made contact before she tightens her grip and presses on the top of my head. She guides my mouth back to where it was before, but then unexpectedly keeps pushing downward. Oh. I settle my lips on her pecs and tuck my thumbs under the elastic of her bra, trying to calm my breathing as I slide them around to her back.

My hands find the clasp holding the bottom strap together and struggle to release the hooks. Why is this so much more difficult to do on another girl? I guess I'm used to being able to see what I'm doing, but still, I'd think I'd know how to work one of these things. I manage to free it after a few fumbling attempts and then graze my fingers up to her shoulders to slide the straps down her arms. The bra falls to the floor and I'm hit with a sudden wave of insecurity as I realize I have no idea what to do next. I never got anywhere near this far with Gale or Peeta, so I have no experience of my own to draw from. If I don't even know what I would want in this situation, how should I know what she wants? I flick my eyes up momentarily to seek guidance, but when none is forthcoming I return my mouth to its previous position and reach up to palm her breasts. I squeeze tentatively, and as I trail my lips over to her sternum to plant kisses in her cleavage, I start to feel a tremor under my lips. At first I smile into her flesh, under the assumption that it's a tremble of overwhelming desire, but then I hear a suppressed snigger sneak out of Johanna's nose and I snap my eyes up to find that she is laughing at my incompetence, as usual. I knew she'd do this. I narrow my eyes indignantly.

"Sorry," she giggles, "you're just so adorable."

"Really?" I question her dangerously. "Adorable?"

Johanna's face falls and I can almost see her walls come back up right before my eyes. "Well of course, Twelve," she smirks half-heartedly. "You wouldn't be holding my boobs if I thought you were unattractive."

"That…" I angrily mumble at the floor, "that is not what I meant." I spy her questioning expression and clarify, "I know you love to make fun of me, but now's really not a good time."

"I'm not making fun of you." I glare disbelievingly and she protests, "You're the one who was laughing not even five minutes ago."

"That's different," I mutter. "I was nervous. I am nervous."

Johanna laughs ironically and shakes her head. "Hasn't it occurred to you that maybe I'm nervous too, brainless?" No, it really hasn't.

"You? You're the one who's done this before," I blurt.

"Yeah, but not–" Jo stops short and blinks a few times. "Look, I didn't mean it as an insult, okay?"

"I just…" I deflate with a sigh. "I don't know what I'm doing."

A sly grin comes over Johanna's face. "That's okay. I'll teach you." She winks. "I'll be your new mentor. Way more useful than Haymitch ever was." I can't help but smile at that, and she leans in to kiss my lips again. She's laid a couple of pecks down by the time I respond in kind, and before our tongues get a chance to get involved she's fisting my shirt again, scooting backward and pulling me up to join her. I've barely got my knees under me before she smacks a palm into my chest and shoves me down onto the bed. The jarring impact kicks my brain back into gear. Is this actually happening? Johanna Mason is half-naked and looming over me predatorily, like something out of my best dreams or worst nightmares. With the cocktail of desire and anxiety coursing through my veins, my body can't seem to distinguish which it is. I hope it's neither.

Johanna grabs my wrists and pins them above my head, putting me in the same position as earlier, but this time she does lean down and make contact, sweeping her tongue into my mouth with the same dominance she's exerting over the rest of my body. It's only a few seconds before she moves my hands together above my head and secures them both in one of hers before reaching down to grope my breasts. She takes turns massaging each of them as she continues to kiss me, adding attention to my nipples teasingly slowly. At first it just consists of tracing circles around them with a finger, but it progresses to rubbing directly over the nubs, then to flicking the aroused peaks side to side or up and down once they are erect enough to make this somewhat possible even through my clothes. It becomes too much but yet not enough when she starts pinching them lightly, and my head tilts back and breaks our kiss, groans escaping my throat even though I'm purposely pressing my lips together. Johanna breaks my resolve when she tweaks a nipple, causing my mouth and eyes to fly open.

"Fuck… Johanna…" I breathe.

"We're getting there," she smirks, returning to the flicking. My back arches up automatically to increase the force of her hand, which suddenly moves to grab the front of my bra through my shirt and yank my torso up off the bed. She sinks down onto her heels at the same time, effectively straddling my hips and sitting on my lap, and my nervousness is suddenly drowned out by an overwhelming want that directs my hand down toward where we're connected. Johanna starts to lift my shirt, forcing my arms up before I can reach it, and I expel a needy whimper. I push one of my thighs up to contact the area in lieu of my hand, culling a surprised grunt from the other girl, and once the shirt clears my eyes I'm treated to an expression equal parts impressed and amused. She tosses my shirt to the floor and remarks, "And they say you're all pure and shit."

I grin mischievously and banter, "I guess I just didn't have the right people trying to corrupt me." I keep my arms up so Johanna can relieve me of my bra, but instead she leans forward to force me back down, grinning sadistically and giving me those lusty eyes. She never loses that eye contact even as she shuffles backward on her knees to lavish kisses on my abdomen. I huff in frustration. She's teasing me on purpose. Again. I think she plans to follow through this time, though. I might die if she doesn't. I can barely breathe as it is.

I'm glad my arousal can be used as an excuse for the excessive tension in my abs while Johanna keeps this up. She still doesn't know I'm ticklish, and I want to keep it that way. Nonetheless, the arousal takes on more and more responsibility for it as she starts kissing diagonally downward from my naval toward my left hip, and I have to put all my effort into not squirming under her touch. Her right hand has meanwhile joined her mouth, and her thumb now trails along the flesh just inside my hipbone and drags the waistbands of my pants and underwear down, her tongue following just behind it and leaving a wet streak in its wake. I finally lose control of my torso and arch up off the bed as I mewl and feel a rush further dousing my already soaked underwear. I think I feel a hand touching my back for a split second, but when I fall flat on the mattress again there's nothing under it.

Johanna lays a few quick kisses much farther apart than before on her way back up, and once she makes it to my ribs she lifts her head and reaches for my shoulders. She curls her fingers under my bra straps and draws them down my arms, but to my surprise the garment comes completely off instead of holding to my torso by its back strap. My eyes catch the unfastened clasps as Johanna drops it off the bed, and I stare at her in wonderment. "How did you do that?"

Johanna barely mumbles an "I'll show you later" in her rush to get her mouth down to my finally naked breasts. She wastes no time wrapping her lips around a nipple and suckling, emitting a muffled moan that draws one out of me. Actually, I'd probably still be making noise even if she wasn't. I had no idea how good this would feel. My volume increases when she starts rubbing it with her tongue while still keeping her mouth clamped shut, so she releases it with a pop and grins. "Shhh," she reminds me with a cheeky wink and a finger at her lips. I roll my eyes. Jo quickly returns her tongue to work, gently circling and probing the bud before grazing her teeth over it, causing me to arch my back again and hiss. She smirks and takes to flicking it with her tongue, which incidentally feels at least a hundred times better than it did with her finger over two layers of clothing. After maybe a minute of this she sucks me twice more, harder this time and perhaps purposely testing my threshold for silence, before kissing over to the other breast and repeating the same kind of treatment, her hand coming up and replacing her mouth on my other side.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. Every ministration on my hardened nubs shoots pleasure straight to the throbbing one between my legs, but not the kind of pleasure I ultimately need. The ache in my nipples is unbearable in the best way possible, but the one in my crotch is torture. No, not torture, I can't use that word after everything. But it's something in that realm. I start writhing and flexing involuntarily under Johanna's touch and whisper her name pleadingly along with a few curse words, but this has no effect on her actions. It's like she needs me to be bursting with need and every possible emotion before she'll give me what I want most.

I dig a heel into the back of her thigh but it slips off and I grunt in frustration. I'm not only aching for her touch in that one obvious area. Propped up on her forearms and knees, she's too far away. As much as I love – more than love – what she's doing, I want to feel all of her with all of me. No, I need to. I kick Johanna's legs out and grab just above her elbows, pulling them toward my head so she is flattened on top of me and I'm bearing her full weight. Finally. Her head fell just above my shoulder, so while I run my fingers ardently down her back I kiss her ear and across her cheek in an effort to make her lift her head. She does, pulling herself up the bed to finally rejoin our lips and consequently pressing our breasts together. I moan into the kiss, so lost in the unexpected eroticism of it that my legs mindlessly wrap around Jo's waist and my hips grind up into her. In turn, she dips a thigh down and nudges it into my groin, making my head and eyes roll back in pleasure.

"I seem to remember you like this," she teases, and as I rejoin reality and catch on to what she means, I instantly feel myself turning beet red.

"Oh my god." I cover my face with my hands. "I thought you were asleep."

"I was," she laughs. "Imagine my surprise."

"I'm sorry," I mumble into my palms, peeking out through a crack in my fingers.

"I didn't mind. Feel free to wake me up that way anytime." Sensing my confusion, she explains, "I didn't react because I still wanted you to ask. Just because you're hard for me doesn't mean you're ready."

I squint at her. "Just because I'm what?"

Johanna stares at me like I have two heads for a second, but then simply laughs, "You're adorable. Never mind." It takes me a few seconds to figure out what she meant, but even once I get it, I'm more indignant than embarrassed. I decide to show her just how adorable I'm not. I push up on her hipbones to give myself a little space to work with, then make quick work of her button and zipper and unceremoniously rip her pants off. Or down her legs, I guess, as far as I can reach. Johanna's eyebrows shoot to her hairline, but in surprise and arousal rather than amusement. That's better. I lift one of my feet to grasp the material between my toes and drag it farther down her legs, and she rapidly joins in the effort, kicking the offending garment free and off the bed. She suddenly pulls away and rolls back onto her butt, and I am perplexed until I realize she is peeling her socks off. Mine quickly follow, and before I know it she is on her knees above me, her hands at my waistband. I'm not sure which is making me more nervous, the sight of her all but naked with her hands on me or the feeling of her fingers manipulating the zipper and touching me so close to where I need her, but I'm losing control of my breathing and I feel like I'm having a heart attack again. I gulp when I feel her fingers caressing just above the border of the material, but urge her on by lifting my hips. Being less timid than I, Johanna grabs my underwear as well as my pants, pulling the remainder of my clothing off in one fell swoop.

I'd think Johanna were appraising a work of art or a fine meal laid out before her, the way she runs her eyes over my body once the last of my garments have fallen to the floor. Perhaps she thinks of me as both. The attention is intimidating, but it's the anticipation that causes me to tremble under her gaze. Jo breaks out of her trance and narrows her eyes slightly. "Are you okay?" she asks. I nod mutely. The concern doesn't entirely leave her face but she leans down nonetheless and returns her attention to my breasts. Most of it, anyway. Her right hand has landed just above one of my knees and is slowly stroking its way up the skin of my inner thigh. I try to wait patiently and enjoy the wonderful sensations brought on by her hands and mouth, and I honestly am enjoying them immensely, but I feel like one of those pedestal mines, poised to explode upon the slightest contact. When she makes it to the damp skin mere inches from the crease of my thigh, the anticipation and desire finally overtake me and I go from shivering to all out quaking beneath the smaller girl. She releases my nipple from her lips, much to my chagrin, and lays her hands flat on my chest and hip to push herself up a little and give me another analytical scan. "We don't have to do this," she assures me, and though the raging lust in her eyes says otherwise, I know she means it. The thing is, she's completely misinterpreted my bodily reactions.

"I'm not afraid," I declare plainly. My need is just so great that my body can't contain it anymore. Jo still appears unconvinced, so I grab her neck to pull her down for a kiss. "I'm ready," I whisper into her lips. That's all the encouragement she needs. Johanna finally trails her hand down from my hip and between my legs, and we both gasp at the long-awaited contact. I buck my hips and have to bite my lip in a struggle to silence the animalistic sound erupting from my throat when Johanna slides her fingers up and grazes my clit. She increases the pressure and rubs the pulsing bundle of nerves in a steady rhythm while I dig the nails of one hand into the flesh over her scapula and grab a fistful of sheets with the other. I'm familiar with the physical pleasure of fingers between my legs from the odd time I've found my body needing release, but I've never felt it paired with the visceral arousal I experience from kissing and touching Peeta or Johanna… mostly Johanna. The combination of both feelings is otherworldly.

It takes a lot to tear my focus from the ecstasy between my legs, but Jo's ragged breaths in my ear and the accompanying hot rushes of air over the skin of my neck reawaken a certain carnal impulse I felt a few minutes ago, and my right hand releases the sheets in its grasp and worms its way into her underwear. My eyes roll back into my head at the feeling of my fingers dipping into her slick heat, but a quiet moan of approval from above me pops them back open in time to see Johanna raising her head to eyeball me curiously. She wriggles her knees farther out from my hips to grant me easier access and I immediately mirror her hand movements. This being the one thing I at least sort of know how to do, I have the confidence to go hard from the start. Johanna already looks pleasantly surprised, but when I change it up and start moving my two fingers in a circular pattern, she quirks a mystified eyebrow.

"I thought you said you didn't know what you were doing," she remarks, shuddering as I stretch my fingers forward to tease the soft, sensitive skin of her folds.

"With breasts," I clarify. "I'm not in the habit of touching those."

A smirk threatens to split Jo's face wide open. "So then what are you in the habit of touching?"

I can't help the deep blush in my cheeks as I blink away and mumble, "'Habit' is a massive exaggeration."

"Shit, that's hot as fuck," says Johanna. "You're a lot dirtier than I thought, Everdeen."

I pull my fingers back toward me, grinning smugly when her jaw locks in an open position and her eyes squeeze shut in response. "Oh, you have no idea," I husk, struggling to focus through my own pleasure. "Would you like to know what I was doing on this very bed not even an hour ago?" It takes Johanna a mere few seconds of thought to realize that I'm referring to right after she left. I can recognize the exact instant she gets it because her eyes abruptly widen in shock and lust and her fingers speed up. "Until my mom walked in," I add sourly.

Jo's hand now all but stills as she ducks her head and releases a breathy laugh. I can't help but join in, though I am conscious not to stop like she did. "I've been there," she sympathizes. "Fucking awkward."

"Yeah," I chuckle, "I don't think she saw what I was up to, but I didn't get to finish either."

My lover grins mischievously and moves her fingers to circle my entrance. "I can help you with that," she winks. I grab her by the back of the head – how I wish she had enough hair to pull – and push her ear to my lips.

"I'm counting on it," I growl, and suddenly both of Johanna's hands are moving at a frenzied pace and she's kissing up my neck and licking behind my ear. I in turn speed up until her suppressed moans echo mine, producing the sexiest chorus I've ever heard. I can feel the movements of her arm through my grip on her shoulder blade, and though it's upping my arousal, I still feel stuck on the plateau, as it were. Maybe it's just nerves, or performance anxiety, I don't know. Whatever my problem is, Johanna certainly doesn't have it. She's panting and groaning into my neck again and starting to quiver under my hands.

"Katniss," she gasps just preceding a noise somewhere between a moan and a whine, and a sudden surge of aggression rumbles through me. In a split second I have flipped us and am staring down into Johanna's wildly aroused eyes. Knowing I caused that raises a swell of pride in me and I can't help the grin that plows its way onto my face. "What?" she demands.

"You're just so adorable," I mock her before I have time to think about my words or their consequences, though Johanna's narrowing eyes quickly bring that to light.

"Fuck you," she hisses. I suppose this should intimidate me, but my smile only grows and I lean down to kiss her on the lips.

"Actually," I murmur as I kiss my way over to her ear, "I'd rather fuck you." The small noise from the back of her throat and the tipping of her head tell me she's enjoying this despite herself. I attack her exposed neck with my lips, and almost my teeth too until I remember that I don't want to leave marks on the girl where the whole district can see them. It's none of their business who I'm fucking, despite the fact that the entire country seems to think they are entitled to that information. In lieu of biting, I lick a long streak back up her neck before lifting my head to make eye contact again. Johanna's face is slack with arousal but she manages to glare indignantly at my smug expression. Good. It's about time the tables were turned.

"Just so you know," I whisper, "I'm a fast learner." With that, I swiftly descend to her breasts and give them another squeeze, a more confident one this time. I swipe my thumbs across her nipples and she bucks her hips under me, jamming her lips together to hold in her vocal response. I grin and resume the action repeatedly, mesmerized by the contortions of her face and the whimpers she's having a hard time suppressing. The feeling of the nubs hardening under my touch spurs me on and stokes the flames in my belly and between my legs. I eventually manage to break out of the daydream of sorts and pinch the erect nipples between my thumbs and the sides of my index fingers and pull upward. I can't even describe the satisfaction I feel from seeing Johanna's hand fly up to muffle the noise that wants to break out of her mouth. I release my grip and wait for her to catch my eye. She does, impatiently, and I throw her a saucy wink before I lower my mouth to one of the peaks and close my lips around it with teasingly light pressure.

"For fuck's sake, Katniss," she grumbles when I begin suckling softly. I still haven't lost eye contact and now arch an eyebrow at her but don't change what I'm doing. She moves a hand to tangle in my hair, but I nab her wrist and pin it to the bed.

"So you can give it but you can't take it, huh?" I smirk before returning my mouth to its previous job, but I mercifully increase the vigor of my movements and thereby the volume of her whimpers. I don't wait too long before massaging the nub with my tongue while still sucking, much like she did to me before, and she suddenly slaps both hands over her face and whines into her palms. Her legs curl around my butt and her knees dig into my waist, prompting a sudden burst of arousal within me, but I try to keep it under control as I graze my tongue across her cleavage on my way to her other nipple. I barely have time to swirl my tongue around it before she moans and weaves her fingers into the hair at the base of my scalp, and I lose my resolve the second she closes her fist, pulling my hair in the process. Who am I kidding? I'm enjoying holding her pleasure hostage, but I loved the feeling of her and I want to be touching her again probably even more than she wants it.

I tear my face from her breast to sit up on my knees and curl my fingers under the edge of her underwear. We lock eyes again, and I can only hope that the savage passion in her face is reflected in mine. I can't let her doubt for one second how desperately I want her. That, along with the lust that has all but taken over me, compels me to violently pull the undershorts off without any further ado. She pulls her knees up to her chest so I can slide them off completely without having to move too much and, after a brief snag on her ankles, I manage to rip them off and emphatically spike them onto the floor. I turn back to Johanna, brimming over with desire and fully intending to pounce immediately, but the vision I'm presented with gives me pause. I gape at the beautiful creature spread before me and unconsciously breathe her name. I've seen Johanna stark naked numerous times, but never like this, never lying there waiting for my touch, wanting it. Wanting me.

"It's well-established that you like staring at me naked, Everdeen," the other girl smirks, "but are you gonna do it all day?" Even now, I can't help but blush a little. Granted, she was looking at me the exact same way mere minutes ago, but she'd never seen me nude before, so she had an excuse. I still haven't made a move, so Jo rolls her eyes and spreads her knees apart. Now that's something I haven't seen before. On her, that is. I've never cared for the view of other people's parts, and even now I feel kind of awkward looking at hers, but I'm not grossed out either. I look up and see she is still wearing that infuriating, challenging smirk, so I push my shyness aside and reach out to run a curious finger up her slit. Her whole body twitches when I reach her crimson nub, so I slide back down to further wet my finger and then return to give it more attention. This is a different experience altogether when I can see what I'm doing. The sight of her abundant arousal is causing even more to seep out of me and I can feel the flush in myself where I can see it on her. It's weird to see what's going on between my own legs mirrored back at me, but it's not bad. Ultimately, though, I crave the wholly unobstructed skin contact that is now finally possible, so I move forward to align our bodies again.

A few kisses later, I reposition my mouth and free hand over Johanna's breasts and put them back to work – much to her delight, as indicated by the hitches in her breath and the arching of her back. Without the sight available, I now get lost in the wet clicking sound my fingers are making, the sensations of her flesh in my mouth and her heart echoing through her chest. That is, until she sneaks a hand up between my legs and brings a chunk of my attention back there. Not a lot, though, because I'm thoroughly enjoying what I'm doing to her and the reactions I'm getting. That being said, I feel like I might actually be able to come this time. Now that I'm on top, I guess that might be the issue. I'm not sure I want to know what that says about me.

"Inside," gasps Johanna, causing me to catch her eye. Since I don't want to stop what I'm doing with my mouth, I raise a questioning eyebrow. The woman laughs and combs the fingers of her free hand through my hair affectionately. "I want you inside me, brainless," she articulates. Oh. I guess I should have thought of that. If Jo's been with guys, she would be used to that sort of thing. I, on the other hand, have never put anything up there, but it must feel good if she wants it. I'd just always assumed that that part was something women would put up with for the sake of their husbands and for making babies. We didn't have the most comprehensive sexual education in school back in Twelve, and when I was going through puberty my mother was about as useful as Buttercup, so.

I blink back up to Johanna to see she is waiting impatiently, so I swallow my nerves and move my hand down. I pause again. How many fingers am I supposed to use? I mean, I've seen men naked, but supposedly they get bigger when they're aroused. Three seems reasonable, but I decide two is safer to start, and then I plunge in before I can delay myself any further. Johanna lets out a noise that sounds rather pained, and I am about to pull out in a panic when I feel her clench her walls around my fingers and push her hips down to drive me deeper. I blink up to her face again to find it approving, so I release the breath I was holding and pull back. I think you're supposed to only pull partway out, so I stop halfway before pushing back in, watching Johanna's reactions the whole time. I can't really read her expression, but she nods when she sees me watching her.

I'm just starting to think I have this figured out when she gives me another strange order. "Curl your fingers." I do as I'm told and close my fingertips tight against my palm. Jo grunts and bucks her hips briefly during the movement, but then shakes her head and says, "No no. I mean, yeah, like that, but…" She trails off, trying to focus. "It's a repetitive thing. Like if you're saying, 'Come here.'" She demonstrates the familiar gesture for good measure and notes, "You'll feel a sort of rough patch." I slowly unfurl my fingers and experimentally apply a bit of pressure to her front wall. I know when I've found the spot, both from the tactile sensation she promised and from her own reaction of squeezing my fingers again and lifting her hips slightly. "That's it." I start the motion she described before and her eyes grow in surprise before scrunching up with the rest of her face. "Fuck, Everdeen," she pants, "you are a fast learner."

I push myself up by my forearm to grin over her face. "Maybe not so brainless after all, huh?"

"I wouldn't go that far," she smirks in return.

I pull my fingers all the way out and harden my gaze, though I almost smile when Johanna whimpers in protest despite herself. "Shut up," I command. "I may not know what I'm doing, but at least I'm doing it well."

"Are you?" she winks. I thrust into her again particularly hard and her eyes pop wide open. "Fuck!"

"Shhh," I warn her, mimicking her condescending expression from earlier, before settling back down and resuming the movements of both hands and my mouth, trying to optimally combine the finger curling with the overall pumping motion of my arm. Jo pushes her hips down to meet my hand again in a rocking motion, and once we catch a rhythm she reaches up once more and tries weakly to alleviate the ache between my legs. Unfortunately, her efforts die down as I push her closer to the edge, as evidenced by the increasing tremor in her hips. I suppose it's a compliment that she can't concentrate enough to reciprocate, and I care more about getting her off anyway, but I'm still a bit disappointed.

"Use your thumb," Johanna suddenly forces out through ragged breaths. I obey and flick it over her nipple, but then she breathlessly chuckles, "The other one, brainless." The other one? What am I supposed to do with that thumb? There's nothing there to… oh. I think I get it. I dip my thumb down to slicken it and then apply it to her clit, resulting in a sharp jerk of her hips and an even sharper cry of ecstasy. It wasn't all that loud, but still I raise my eyes to give the girl a warning look. Hypocritically, I'm starting to have a hard time holding in my own moans and grunts. Johanna may not be touching me at the moment, but I'm manipulating all of her most sensitive parts at once and have her writhing under me, urging me on, and it's turning me on more than I knew was possible. She solves her half of the problem by pulling the pillow out from under her head and stuffing it into her face. Even through it, I can hear her moans turning into screams and it gives me an extra shot of energy to speed up to a blistering pace.

I can't keep up the thumb movement when I'm fucking her so aggressively, so I slide my left hand down the tense plane of her stomach to take over that part. I dig my forehead into her pecs to support my weight and give up on nipple stimulation altogether in favor of getting enough air. Johanna tears one hand from its place on the pillow to grab my hair and pull it again, culling another aroused groan from me that I realize too late is no longer dampened by my mouth contents. I do my best to hold in any more vocalizations as Jo clamps her thighs around my pelvis and her hips start to shake more violently. Only seconds later, they shoot up off the mattress and her walls contract hard around my fingers. I think that means she's coming, especially in combination with the delightful moan I can hear from under the pillow, but I'm not sure so I keep going until I feel her legs shaking around me. That's a sign I know from my few more successful attempts at self-pleasure.

I halt my ministrations and try to catch my breath, listening to Johanna as she continues to groan and mumble into the pillow. I'm not sure, but I think I hear my first name in there a few times. I can hear her a bit better now because she's taken her remaining hand off the pillow. I follow the path of her arm and am surprised to see she's rubbing her clit herself, albeit softly. And here I thought my job was finished. I sheepishly reach back down and touch her hand, and she doesn't resist when I lift it and take over. In fact, she cups the back of my hand and strokes her thumb over it encouragingly. I definitely hear her say my name this time and I smile in satisfaction and affection. And pride, admittedly. A few moments later, she grips my hand tighter and pulls it up her body and under the pillow to rest on her cheek. She's just laid a kiss on my palm when I pluck the pillow off her beautiful face and get a load of her post-orgasmic haze, all glazed eyes and parted lips. I start leaving a trail of delicate pecks along her jaw, but she pulls my face back to where it was so she can look me in the eye. I rest my forehead on hers and just enjoy sharing breaths with her as she recovers.

My lover's eyes slowly regain their focus, her mouth turning up into a shy smile. I lift myself up off her chest and brace my weight on my elbows, beam down at her and playfully inquire, "So how'd I do, mentor?"

She clears her throat and chuckles, "Training score of twelve, Twelve." The lingering rasp in her voice makes me shudder and I feel a swell of arousal more than the pride I expected. Johanna seems to sense this and cranes up to connect our lips. "You did great," she husks into my mouth. Several kisses later, she adds, "But that should be expected. You learned from the best." She's flipped us before I even have a chance to think about fighting back, not that I would anyway. My eyes pop in lust as she sits up to straddle my lower stomach, pressing her wet warmth down onto my skin. She pins my arms by my sides and grins evilly. "Now where was I, you little shit? Before I was so rudely interrupted."

I don't bother answering that rhetorical question and just close my eyes as Johanna shuffles down the bed a little and grazes her fingers over the skin of my inner thigh. I try to relax and simply enjoy the feeling, but she is progressing upward painfully slowly, and in my opinion we are far past the point of teasing. I crack open one eye and inform her, "That's not where you were."

"No?" Johanna smiles sweetly. "Are you sure about that?" She trails her hand further down my thigh and I grunt in frustration. Her grin only widens and my eyes clench shut as tight as my jaw.

"Jo," I breathe, fighting to keep my voice steady. She still doesn't respond, so I try again. "Johanna, please." I realize this may have been a mistake when I open my eyes and spot her sadistic smirk.

"Thought it would take more than that to make you beg, Everdeen." Despite her smug expression, she sounds almost disappointed. When I fail to produce a witty comeback fast enough, she continues, "You didn't seem so desperate when you decided to take over."

"I never asked you to stop," I point out. "It's not my fault you can't multitask."

Johanna balks and gives me such a hard glare my insides turn to jelly, but in a good way. "Fuck you, I can multitask."

"Oh yeah?" I challenge her. Parts of me want to beg again or even force her hand onto me, but the strongest part loves struggling for power with this wild creature. "Prove it." I reach up to finger her folds again as I say this, but her hips jerk back almost immediately.

"Actually, I need a little break," she mumbles sheepishly, "but thanks." I cock a sassy eyebrow and she insists, "I can! I'll show you later."

"If you say so, baby," I grin patronizingly.

Johanna's eyes darken dangerously and she pins my shoulders to the bed. "Oh, you little fucker," she growls as she lowers her face down to my ear, making my nipples go taut and my skin pull into goose bumps instantly. "You're really asking for it."

"Exactly," I remind her. Those dark pools momentarily burn at the challenge, but then surprisingly relent. The girl refuses to tear her eyes away as she descends my body to smooth her hands over my hipbones. I release a shuddering sigh when her lips follow them, almost too softly. I thought she was about to devour me whole, but maybe she's trying to go easy on me because I'm new at this. I'm torn between disappointment and relief. I think I'd likely enjoy things rougher, but doing this at all is nerve-wracking enough so I'm okay with waiting to find out another time, assuming there is another time. But because that's about all I'm okay with waiting for, I wrangle one of Johanna's hands over and downward. Her eyes swing back up to my face, bright and teasing, but she swipes her thumb up the runway to my clit all the same. Apparently I'm very sensitive right now because I twitch mightily when she gets there. Johanna's eyebrows flick up, but she doesn't comment, just softens her touch slightly when she starts up a circular motion, her mouth slowly navigating my thigh crease on its way to join her hand. She presses harder before long, but now I'm used to it again and it doesn't hurt. It's perfect. It's like she knows my body better than I do and has been working it for years. In a more generic sense, I guess that's true.

Johanna detaches her lips from my skin just after they finally make it to my pubic bone, and before I have time to ask her what the hell she thinks she's doing, she slides her knees out from under her so she's prone on the bed and ducks her face between my legs. Her tongue darts out to explore my intimate area, and when it probes my already pulsing clit I feel the nub and surrounding muscles spasm as I suck in a noisy gasp. I tangle my hand in the bed sheets again and struggle to keep my tenuous grip on reality while Johanna swirls and flicks her tongue over the swollen and burning bundle of nerves. It isn't as strong as her fingers but it's warm and dexterous, and the sensation of her breath on me is a huge turn-on. This feels more intimate somehow, and though it's different it's still highly enjoyable.

It seems Johanna has finally had enough teasing, either that or she's reacting to my heavy breathing and how I'm suddenly embracing her with my legs, because she escalates her tempo almost immediately. I'm feeling the tension just starting to boil in my stomach again when she surprises me by sliding her tongue down my slit to tease my entrance, pushing lightly and circling. My mouth hangs open in a mix of confusion and arousal at this brand new sensation, but I get no chance to get my bearings because she suddenly jumps back up to my clit and sucks it into her mouth. My left hand flies to my lips to suppress the cry I feel trying to climb out of my throat as my hips grind into her mouth without any conscious control on my part. Okay, maybe I like this way better after all – that's something she definitely can't do with her hand. Sucking felt good enough elsewhere, but this is a feeling I don't think I could describe in words even when at my most articulate. Which I'm definitely not right now.

As if she can hear my thoughts, Jo runs her hands up my torso, pinches the sensitive buds and rolls them between her fingers. I arch up off the bed, almost drowning in the pleasure now attacking me from all sides. I think I'm losing my mind, and that's perfectly welcome considering all that's been plaguing it since last summer. Johanna starts interspersing the sucks with flutters of her tongue, and I now have to claw at my cheeks in a fight to keep my hand clamped firmly over my mouth because if I don't, my next family meal is going to be unspeakably awkward. I've never been the type to make noise, but maybe it's different with another person. Or maybe it's just different with her.

The feeling of my partner's tongue dipping down to trace the rim of my opening again calls my attention back to a sort of dull, hollow ache inside of me. I barely felt it when she briefly tongued my entrance earlier, but it grows much stronger now as she draws the movement out. When she eventually moves her mouth back up a couple of inches and replaces it with a finger, it occurs to me what she's working up to, or at least considering. I feel my walls seize up inside me at the thought and a nervous twisting join the arousal in my gut. Not because I don't trust Johanna, but because I got the impression from the little I learned in school that it can be quite painful the first time. When the other woman slows her finger and catches my eye, I surprise myself.

"Go ahead," I tell her. I think the most immediate reason I say this is because I know that's how to alleviate the craving calling out inside of me, but I know my bigger, underlying motive is my desire to feel like I'm hers in every way possible and, indeed, to give myself to her. "Go on. I know you want to."

Johanna releases my nub from her lips and tilts her head slightly as she cautiously asks me, "But do you want me to?"

"Yes," I reply as firmly as possible, but I can't disguise the tinge of hesitance in my tone. Jo blinks doubtfully and doesn't move. I drop my stoic mask with a gulp and inquire apprehensively, "Is it gonna hurt?" I start to shake almost imperceptibly, but it's not her fingers that scare me, not really. Allowing her to see my vulnerability is much more frightening than letting her see me naked or even letting her penetrate me physically.

"With how wet you are? Probably not." Johanna crawls up the mattress and cups one of my cheeks, her gaze tender and serious. "If it does, you can tell me to stop, okay?" she assures me. I nod mutely, and the ferocious victor lowers her face to kiss me with a gentleness I'd never expect from her. I take my time escalating it, but when she lets me past her lips I immediately taste the tang on her tongue that I'm certain wasn't there before. That's interesting. "Are you sure?" Johanna asks, pulling away slightly. I nod again but she just lifts an eyebrow.

"Yes," I answer. "I'm sure." She smiles and rejoins our lips. This kiss goes on for a while, but I don't mind because I'm finding that I really like the taste of myself on her tongue, weird as it is. She finally breaks away to kiss a path down my torso, and I can't help but tense up a little in anticipation.

Jo blinks up from her position over my naval and holds my gaze steadily. "Relax," she whispers before continuing her journey downward. It's predictably counterproductive. Johanna really should know me well enough by now to understand that that order is only going to heighten my anxiety. She puts her tongue back to work, and after several minutes of this and nothing else I'm starting to wonder if she changed her mind. Despite my nerves, it's sort of a disappointment. She might be taking this going easy on me thing a bit too far. I'm just processing this thought when I feel something slip into me and my eyes widen reflexively. She's right, that didn't hurt, though it's a slightly uncomfortable stretch. "Shit, you're fucking tight, Everdeen," she remarks. "That's only one finger."

I can't stop myself from laughing at the awkwardness of it all and the pure absurdity of this comment. "Well what did you expect, Mason?" I chuckle, self-consciously wiping the sweat from my forehead. She doesn't reply, but I feel her lips turn up against my skin. Her finger presses against the aching spot inside of me and I grunt reflexively, which she must take as a good sign because she starts pumping her hand slowly. This is all right. It doesn't feel as good as her fingers on my clit, but the eroticism of feeling her inside me is powerful in its own way. Jo pulls out almost completely and I brace myself, expecting a second finger, but either I was wrong or she thinks better of it because she resumes her previous actions. She keeps this up for a while, but finally pulls out again and moves both her hands to my breasts, simultaneously speeding up her tongue. I smile to myself. She's figured out what works for me and wants to send me over the edge. Finally.

Johanna wastes no time taking my clit between her lips and sucking again, her thumbs rubbing over my painfully erect nipples. My hips thrust into her again and I palm her skull with my left hand as she sucks yet harder, and I find myself wishing once more that she had enough hair to tangle my fingers in and get a solid grip. It's not fair at all. I get a solid grip after all anyway, because my right hand finally releases its hold on the sheets and joins my left when Jo starts working the nub over with her tongue even as it's trapped in the suction of her lips. A stronger version of what I'm used to feeling starts building deep in the pit of my stomach, albeit much slower than I'd like, and I'm kind of afraid I'll lose it – that happens to me sometimes on my own. But then my partner's continued efforts force her to gasp for breath, and a surge of pleasure hits my groin. I take my cue from this and focus on her heavy breathing and occasional surfacing for more air as she soldiers on. My own sounds of pleasure eventually start up again and my nails dig into her scalp, forcing a pained groan out of her that fans the flames between my legs. My hips tremble, only helping Jo's cause, and very quickly I feel myself ramping up to take flight.

I look down at the girl working so diligently and see her eyes squeezed shut in concentration. Not that I want to snap her out of whatever groove she's in, I need something else from her. "Jo," I barely choke out. I swallow and manage to say, "Johanna, I'm gonna…"

"Mm, I know," she murmurs. That alone is almost enough to finish me off. Trying to communicate what I want, I grab a tuff of her sprouting hair and tug a little to direct her eyes up. Once they catch mine, I hold them meaningfully and hope she understands without me having to say it. Telling her I want to look into her eyes as she makes me come just sounds so cheesy. Thankfully, she seems to get it, because she doesn't break our shared gaze as she speeds her tongue up. It's actually me who breaks it when she rolls my nipples between her fingers again and my head digs into the pillow, my eyes rolling back along with it. Johanna pauses for a second and then I feel her mouth leave its position, quickly replaced by one of her hands. She leaves a trail of kisses from my collarbone to my jaw, prompting me to tip my head forward and catch her eyes again. They twinkle as she pecks me on the lips a few times, a gesture I'm a bit too far-gone to reciprocate at the moment. She doesn't seem to mind.

Johanna's breathing quickens along with her hand and it suddenly occurs to me that her body is within my reach again, so I eagerly lift a hand to repay her efforts. She doesn't pull away, so she must feel up to it again now. I'm glad, because the sight of her eyes screwing shut and the sound of the quiet moan she lets loose just inches from my ear spike my arousal in a way nothing she can do to me can. My hips start to shake again and her eyes open just a slit, staring for a brief moment before she pecks my lips once more and drops her head beside mine.

"Fuck, Katniss," she breathes directly into my ear, only increasing the tension in my belly. She's close enough that it doesn't matter now that she's suppressing most of her noises; I can hear all of them anyway, and they cull more from me in reaction. Her fingers speed up and I can feel my pleasure starting to spread through my body and hear my moans growing louder despite my efforts to hold them in. I'm losing control.

"I'm close," I warn Johanna, who groans her approval into my ear. "I'm really fucking close." She groans louder this time but forces her head up to meet my eyes. Hers are unrelenting and brimming with intensity and purpose, and I dig the nails of my left hand into her shoulder blade again at the sight and struggle to suppress the noise trying to fight its way out of me. My working hand finally gives out as Jo presses on, and she's suddenly lifting her left hand to my mouth. I think she's going to smother my screams herself until I realize she's offering up the flesh on the pinky side of her palm. I bite down on it greedily and release my sounds of ecstasy into the makeshift gag.

Johanna grunts painfully but perseveres with her fingers, and suddenly I'm tumbling headlong into mind-numbing pleasure and screaming into her palm. Spasms rumble through me in waves and afflict everything from my jaw to my toes along the way, and as they ebb out I'm slowly released into a state of dazed tranquility. I can barely think, let alone worry – my whole world just feels calm like the placid surface of the lake back home. It contrasts starkly with the heavenly euphoria still pulsing out from my groin. Jo's fingers are still working there, but softly and much slower. As I regain control enough to direct my gaze back to her, I see her studying my expression meticulously. She must be encouraged by what she sees there when she adds a smidgen of pressure that sears through the calm to rekindle the fire, because she suddenly amplifies both pressure and speed dramatically, leaving me little time to prepare before a second orgasm explodes in her hand. I use the resulting jolt of flexion in my abs to snap my torso up off the bed and sink my teeth into the meat of her shoulder to muffle my cry of shock and pleasure.

I'm in such a stupor, I barely notice Johanna lowering me onto my back a moment later, but I do register her laugh. It's not a mocking one, though; it sounds oddly good-natured by her standards. I manage to sort of focus my eyes on the girl, which only increases her volume, and before I know it I'm joining in. I don't know why I'm laughing, just that I haven't felt lighter in ages and there's no reason not to. I raise a trembling hand to trace her lips, lost in one of her rare genuine smiles. My thumb slips a little just after it rounds the corner of her mouth, sending me into a fresh round of giggles.

"I think you have something on your face," I inform her, not even bothering to try to keep a straight face.

Jo's eyes narrow playfully. "And whose fault is that?"

I want to continue the banter but can't think of a comeback, so instead I slide my elbows under me and prop myself up to kiss her. We've barely made contact before I swipe my tongue along her lip to slurp up the sheen under it, then nip it and pull back. "Better," I declare. Johanna's eyes are suddenly huge with surprise and arousal, so I knock an arm out from underneath her and flip her onto her back. I roll my tongue in my mouth, savoring the flavor of myself and the memory of how it came to be on her lips, which now just makes me want to return the favor and get a taste of her.

Still not in a mood for teasing, I don't bother kissing down Johanna's body. I shuffle down the mattress a bit, ease her legs further apart and lie down between them. Once I've got a grip on her hipbones, I finally take the time to look up again, finding her jaw slack and eyes still wide open. "Unfinished business," I explain.

She licks and bites her lower lip. "You don't have to finish me off," she replies hesitantly. Her acting skills aren't top notch at the moment.

"I want to," I rebut straight away. "Besides, I'm a kinesthetic learner." Her eyes narrow at the unfamiliar word and I roll my eyes. "I learn things by doing. Mentor." I dip my tongue into her without further argument and immediately decide that this is my new favorite taste. Forget cheese buns and lamb stew. I do a quick mental inventory of Jo's repertoire as I stroke my tongue up her runway, and settle on fluttering as my first offensive. I'm probably overthinking this.

She's already wound up and it takes me very little time and effort to get her writhing and grabbing my hair and babbling nonsensical phrases. I grin, partly because I'm enjoying making her feel good but also because I love making this indomitable woman fall to pieces. I slide two fingers into her as I wrap my lips around her nub and apply as much suction as I can manage considering I'm also trying to breathe. How Johanna did this for so long without passing out for lack of oxygen is beyond me. Her heels dig into my back and egg me on, spurring my tongue into action to the soundtrack of her pleasure. She's muffling it with a wavering hand and I suppose I should be worried that someone will hear us, but I kind of want to hear her scream. I push that desire aside for the sake of long-term consequences and stretch my free hand up to cover her mouth for her. Her quaking thighs try to tighten around my head while her pelvis starts thrusting up into me, and from there it takes only moments of flicking and sucking to make her crush my fingers and soak my chin. I remove my hand from her mouth and settle for listening to her somewhat quieter sounds of recovery. Having learned my lesson earlier, I bring her down slowly this time with languid, swirling licks.

When she finally quiets down and sort of pats my head as a signal she's had enough, I wipe my mouth on her inner thigh and crawl up her body. I take in her hooded eyes and open mouth and smirk proudly, circling a finger around one of her pebbled nipples. There's something so satisfying about satisfying her.

Jo shakes herself out of her haze and laughs in disbelief. "Shit, Everdeen. You sure you're a virgin?"

I grin ear-to-ear at the implied compliment and make a slight correction. "Was."

We don't stop after that. I never want to stop, but I know practicality will eventually win out. I try not to think about that as I, some time and several orgasms later, am on my knees straddling Jo's thigh and rubbing her clit furiously. She's reciprocating just as passionately from beneath me, kissing me desperately as we drive each other closer to the edge. The kissing becomes more difficult as her breath starts catching, but that only spurs my hand on more. A barely-stifled moan comes out in response and she too somehow manages to increase her speed even further, the combination of which makes my mind fog, my legs tremble, and my whole crotch throb.

I won't last much longer, but from the contortions of Johanna's face and her quickly escalating sounds of pleasure, I know she won't either. I bury my face in her neck and force myself to keep going despite the burning cramps in my hand and arm. The pain is somehow arousing in and of itself, but it's almost reaching the point of crippling now. Johanna squirms underneath me, pushing her hips up into my hand and digging the fingers of her free hand into my back. I begin to rock my hips on her hand in response, but once started the action becomes automatic as some kind of animal impulse takes over. I start gasping out ragged moans as I approach my climax, but despite how turned on I am, my hand begins to falter a little. Johanna must notice even more than I do, because she slaps my ass and starts berating me.

"Come on, push through it!" she hisses. "Don't you dare stop. Don't be a fucking pussy!" Her words and the tone behind them give me an extra surge of both energy and arousal, and Johanna's breathing becomes quicker and louder along with mine. She grabs my hair and holds my ear to her mouth so I don't miss any of it. "That's right," she gasps, "keep going, we're almost there." I can only moan in response. I don't know how she can manage to talk right now when I couldn't possibly form words, let alone a sentence, but it's hot as hell. Her hips suddenly jerk against my hand and I immediately duck my head to catch her moan in my mouth. The sound and feel of her coming pushes me over right behind her and I echo the sound back into her throat. I collapse half on her and half on the bed seconds later, extremities twitching like I'm being swallowed by poison fog.

We lie there in contented silence for a minute or two, our only movements soft caresses of fingers over sweaty skin. Now that we're both recovering together, there's no frustration on the part of the giver and no desire on the part of the receiver to reciprocate out of… what? Revenge? Gratitude? Arousal? It's some mix of all three. Johanna regains her ability to speak first and lets out a throaty chortle. "I told you I could multitask," she brags. My brain is still buzzing and mostly non functional, but I manage a laugh. My partner scoops an arm under my ribcage and pulls me closer. "Come here," she mumbles. I shift my weight obediently, throwing an arm and a leg over her and resting my head on her chest. I still don't speak, though I think I probably could now. I'm satisfied just listening to her pounding heart as it slows not an inch beneath my ear. I draw absentminded patterns over Johanna's ribs while she pulls the top sheet and blankets up and tucks them around my shoulders. I don't remember how or when we got under them.

When my mind starts returning to me, I lift my head to peek at the digital clock on the dresser. I groan. It's a lot later than I thought, well into bathing time. We've literally been going at it for hours.

"What?"

"I really need a shower before lights out," I say, extricating myself from the pile of flesh and bedding and dropping to my feet.

"Oh, really? Why's that?" I turn around to see Johanna sitting up and smirking, eyebrow cocked. She very brazenly takes in an eyeful of my naked body and teases, "Someone give you a good workout?"

"Mm. The best." I lean forward and capture her lips with my own. She grants my tongue access to her mouth and I lead us in a languid kiss, slowly running my fingers from her cheekbone down to her clavicle. I bring my hand to rest above her breasts and start to push away, but then suddenly get an idea. I may have a mostly well-deserved reputation of being a prude, but it's not like I never listened to anything anybody ever said about this sort of thing. "Do you want to come with?"

Johanna's eyes light up and she starts to shift her weight to hop off the bed, but then they seem to cloud over and her jaw slackens. She blinks and lowers herself back down, suddenly very interested in my blankets. "Actually, I'm good. But thanks." A shudder runs through her, and I stand there blankly for a few seconds, baffled by her sudden transformation. What is she so afraid of? The answer hits me like a ton of bricks. Or, more fittingly, like a coil of wire to the head. She's afraid. She's actually afraid. The why is still a mystery, but the what is painfully obvious. I really am brainless.

"But you ran in the rain." The words escape my mouth before I have a chance to phrase them any better.

She turns her face back to me and shame is written all over it. Her breathing has sped up and become a bit labored, too. She shakes her head. "After the lightning strike, I'm not sure that I could. Besides, that was different. I had to force myself to do that if I wanted to get to the Capitol and kill that mother fucker." She runs her eyes over me again, longingly this time. "Trust me, I'd love to. And maybe I could make myself. But it's not something I would enjoy, and that's kind of the point."

When she directs her gaze back to my eyes, I see the tears threatening to spill out. One does when she swallows hard and blinks. I instinctively lean forward and catch it with my thumb, cupping her face. I kiss her because that's what I do – I kiss away pain when I am at a loss for how else to help. She responds with a close-mouthed peck and pulls back. "It's okay. You go." I open my mouth to argue, but there's nothing I can really say. "Katniss, please. Don't let me drag you down." She fights to put a smirk back on her face. "Just because I smell like a teenage boy doesn't mean you have to. In fact, I'd rather you don't." I can clearly see her trembling lip, but I can also see the pleading in her eyes to just let it go. I nod and kiss her chastely once more. "Just let me use the bathroom first," she quickly adds. "I have to… clean up a little." I smirk at the way she phrased that. It's not like she needs to speak in euphemisms – the evidence of the mess between her legs is all over my hand. I can still taste it.

Lights out is pretty soon and I consider jumping in the shower while she's doing her wipe down routine, but I don't want to risk spooking her, so I stay put and occupy myself by weighing the pros and cons of asking what happened to her that made her afraid of something so innocuous as water. I'd assume they probably all but drowned her, but I can't be sure because, if Peeta is any indication, the perversion and cruelty of their captors knows no bounds. I think knowing the specifics might make it easier for me to help her, and that was indeed reason enough for me to inquire about the possibility of seizures after her flashback, but asking about something that's brought on emotional rather than physical trauma seems much more risky and insensitive. I ultimately decide to just let Johanna explain when she's ready.

When she comes out of the bathroom several minutes later, I draw her into my arms and kiss her softly but passionately, slowly working my way into her mouth with my tongue. I run my hands up and down the strong muscles of her back, trying to will some of that same strength into her mind. I hate seeing her so vulnerable, even though the fact that she is willing to let me witness it is a compliment and a privilege. I pull back slowly and rest my forehead against hers. Her eyes meet mine and I promise, "I'll be back soon."

"Take your time," she smiles suggestively. I roll my eyes. Even if I thought it were possible for me to come any more at the moment, I'd be wasting my time given my greatest desire is just to be back in her arms as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I encounter another delay in the form of my tears once I'm under the hot spray and the crushing thoughts start piling on. How could I have been so stupid? No one refuses to use showers just because they're not used to them, but somehow I let myself believe that bullshit story. I should have known something was wrong when she froze on the way outside when we had that storm, when was crying in the rain, when she jumped out of that puddle like it was acid.

…The puddle I put her in.

I rush to finish this shower that's turning out to be anything but relaxing, and when I emerge I find Johanna in her own bed. I start to wonder if she's actually mad at me, but she promptly explains, "I don't want to sleep in that bed, it's all gross and sweaty now." She pulls back the covers for me to slide in with her. I open my drawer to procure my sleeping clothes and she arches an eyebrow. "Shy all of a sudden?"

"I get cold," I retort half-heartedly as I pull the top over my head. "Not everybody likes to take all their clothes off at every possible opportunity, you know." I step into the pants and try to glare playfully, but I can't even produce fake hostility toward her right now.

Johanna swallows and drops her eyes. "Don't look at me like that," she says.

"Like what?" I reply, far more peppy than necessary.

"This is why I didn't tell you," she grumbles. "I don't need you babying me." A muscle twitches in her jaw and she spits out, "And it's really fucking embarrassing." I was not expecting that.

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Johanna," I hazard, taking a cautious step forward, but she shakes her head.

"They broke me," she mumbles deploringly.

"They broke me too," I parry immediately. "And Peeta and Annie. They broke all of us." My mouth curls into a mischievous smirk. "You're nothing special, trust me." Johanna smiles weakly at my joke but still won't look me in the eye. I want to reach out for her, but I have a feeling she'd eschew all comforting gestures at the moment. Instead, I take the heat off her. "I'm the one who should be embarrassed," I offer.

Jo's brow crinkles and she props herself up on her elbow. "Why?" she asks, studying my face.

"Because I should have known. And because I-" My voice catches. "I held you down. In that puddle."

Anguish flashes through those gleaming brown eyes, but it's gone just as quickly as it came and she waves me off. "It's okay. You didn't know. And I went to lengths to hide it from you, so don't beat yourself up over it."

"It's not okay," I say to the ground, fighting to keep my voice steady.

"It's over, and we can't change it now," Johanna reminds me. She ducks her head, trying to force me back into eye contact. "So we might as well get on with things. Remember?" I do remember. That's the one piece of advice she's taken from her head doctor appointments. Other than not censoring her thoughts, which was never a problem for her anyway. I nod in reply and step closer to press a kiss to her lips. I really should work on my verbal communication. In the meantime, she's not complaining.

---

A/N: Sorry, but it will probably be another long wait for an update because I've been spending almost all of my free time writing and I need a break, plus I am dying to update Loyalty. I hope this tides everyone over until then.

Big shout out as usual to my wonderful beta D7P for pushing me past even my usual perfectionism and not being afraid to piss me off in doing so.