Chapter 10-We Need To Go Home!

"Ed, sweety," Winry called out. "What're you doing?"

"I'm writing a gigantic S.O.S sign with this stake," Ed growled. "What else?"

Looking around the beach, you could see Al frying leftover eggs on his hot metal, Envy trying to turn into a fish to escape their hell, Winry nagging her boyfriend, Riza firing at the life-guards that were hitting on Roy, Armstrong losing his patience with the eggs, Hughes bragging about his family's beach vacation, Scar bragging about how Ishabla created the sand and salt water, Lust slicing Gluttony open to see what his metabolism hasn't digested, Chaos's dead body roasting in the sun, and the author typing this fic for the people's entertainment.

"Why can't I turn into a fish?" Envy questioned himself. "Why has father created me with such a crappy ability!"

"Cuz your father s-diddly-ucks," a basketball with straw hair commented.

"Shut the hell up, Spalding!" Envy screamed, throwing the ball into the ocean.

"I'll be back!" it screamed. "I always come back!"

Just then, a shark jumped out of the water munched on the ball.

"What a way to lose your balls…" Envy said.

"C'mon Phoenix!" Ed yelled at the author. "It's only been ten chapters and we're facing hell! Please let us go!"

"Shut your trap or I'll turn you gay in a click of a thousand buttons," Phoenix snarled, typing away.

"Please do!" Envy implored. "I'm thirsty, if you know what I mean!"

(Envy turns to you and winks with a thumbs up)

"Hey look," Winry screamed, "a boat!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and spotted a cruise ship. Every began to scream out to the ship, but they didn't signal back.

Armstrong picked up a pebble and threw it out far enough to reach. A new light of hope shined within their hearts. All until they heard a weird shattering noise.

"Blimey! Someone broke the window and hit the captain." A man yelled.

"And the co-captain!" another yelled.

"And everyone else that knew how the steer the boat! It was like a pinball effect!"

"Hey! Why're we yellin'?"

"ICE CUBE!" another man screamed.

Ed and the gang watched as the ship hit the little ice cube. It suddenly stopped, slowly sinking to the bottom. When it was out of sight, a mine was set off, causing hell to break loose in the water.

Out of nowhere, a black guy flopped onto the beach. He got up to reveal himself as someone out of their timeline.

"Dave Chapelle?" Phoenix questioned.

"Damn…I guess I hafta explain the time machine and my underwater dome I hid in, lying about going to Africa, huh?"

"Yes," Phoenix replied.

"Well…" Dave said, lowering his head. Suddenly, he pulled out a bat and hit Phoenix upside the head. "I'M RICH, BITCH!"

Dave got away, doing his annoying laughter. Phoenix recovered and mumbled, "I feel sooo useless right about now."

"Cuz you are, you jackass!" Ed screamed.

"You know," the author sighed, getting a rope and some stakes, "I was gonna help you guys, but since you wanna make such comebacks, I might as well not."

"Thanks a lot, Ed!" Envy growled.

"Shut it, queer…"

"You shut it, you crack-baby-breeding hole-puncher!"

"EXCUSE ME?"

"Hey, cool it!" Phoenix yelled. "Now as I was saying, instead, I'm making you guys a raft. Have fun trying to push your way back home. Oh, and as a consolation, Ed can swim you guys back."

Phoenix place a hang noose around Ed's neck as the guys began to climb onto raft, making fun of Ed.

"If his arms are long enough to paddle you guys back…"

"What?" Ed asked, teeth growing sharp.

"You heard me, shorty! From now to night, you guys'll still be at shore!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT…THAT…Dammit I ran out of puns. Well, you get the gist of it right?"

"Yeah."

"Good, now COME HERE, YOU ASSHOLE!"

Phoenix jumped into the water and began to swim as fast as he could. Ed didn't dare hesitate to pull his buddies in the water to swim after Phoenix.

"I know my hair is gonna be messed up and I'm gonna be ashy be the time I'm done," the author panted.