A/N: Thanks to everyone for there wonderful reviews!! I enjoy reading them all! Also, I'm going to be moving soon, this coming Sunday, so I won't be able to update as often, but I will always be writing and updating whenever I get a chance to. I'm already as good as done with this story, I have half the of the story I'm writing complete, and I'm in the middle of writing the sequel (yes, sequel) to this story. So, don't worry if I don't update for a while, I'm not abandoning this or any of my other stories.
Enjoy!
Ch. 10:
Bobby Goren's Apartment
Monday, March 19, 2003
Approx. 3:12 PM
Bobby should have known that nothing ever started where he thought it did. Nor did anything end where it should have. Alex had been right and wrong. Yes, his inner torment wasn't revolving entirely around what he'd done to Tim. It had to do with them as well. He hadn't planned on Alex being as permanently intertwined in his life as she had become. It wasn't something he wanted or something he was particularly excited about.
If he was being truly honest with himself, he was afraid. He was afraid of her and what she'd told him. So, he was in fact afraid of being completely and totally in love. It scared him more than anything. People he loved always made him live to regret it. And Alex loved him, but she was leaving what happened next up to him. That gave him the impression that nothing had to come of her feelings; he didn't have to love her back, or make anything out of it. They didn't have to start anything. They could love each other and be completely okay with not doing anything about it.
It was just there. And it was hanging around him like a noose. Love shouldn't feel like that.
That was the whole problem. It wasn't that he didn't want to be with her. He was certain that his actions spoke louder than his heart, and his words. He did love her. The thing was it could cost them everything they've both worked so hard for. She'd been married to a cop before, and for her to allow herself to feel that way about another cop, and her partner none-the-less, that seriously meant something. It meant everything to her. But so did their jobs, so did their partnership. If they got together, everything would change.
He was having trouble losing himself in the anxiousness that pushed at him of the idea of being with her. If he screwed-up and lost her as a partner, as a friend, and as a lover? Girlfriend? None of those set right with him. She was more than all those stupid titles combined. Anyway, if he lost her, in anyway, he'd be lost.
Was she as equally lost without him? Could she continue working with someone else? With Stone? Was that why she was telling him this now, just in case he didn't come back or they couldn't be partners?
Bobby rubbed at his head as he tossed the file down on the counter. With Alex's confession, more questions spurred in his head. More uncertainties, more changes. He still had to find some place to move to or else he was never going to sleep again. It'd been a full day since Alex had been there, since he last heard from her.
It was up to him. He could call her if he wanted to.
He looked around his apartment and felt the urge to burn it all. That was the last straw; he needed to get the hell out of his apartment before he went stir crazy.
Alex would be at work; so she might be at Major Case, or she'd be out around the city somewhere. He still couldn't drive yet, so he headed down the block, toward the subway. It wasn't until he was safely on a train seated beside a mother and her little boy that he let himself relax.
He was being impulsive, and a little paranoid. That was good though, it keep him sharp and alert when he wanted to do nothing but drift to sleep. He was completely aware of his surroundings. Wasn't it Charles Manson who said that total paranoia was just total awareness? He'd have to check one of his books he had at his desk at work to know for sure.
As he nervously glanced around, he spotted a man about fifty feet down from him who was eyeing a woman; well, not the woman but the woman's purse.
Bobby got up and slowly made his way down the moving train. He sat next to the woman who was reading a magazine and not paying attention to anything, and eyed the man intently. The man stared at him; a flash of anger sparked in his eyes before he leaned back and began sulking.
Complete awareness. Maybe he wasn't as gone as he thought he was. At least his instincts still worked right. It wasn't long that he felt the train come to a stop. Making his way through the rushing crowd, he cursed his injured knee and cane. He couldn't move very fast and people were pushing and colliding into him on both sides. It was mayhem around him. The growing amount of people around him was making him feel faint; it was hard to breathe with strangers standing that close to him.
Taking one shaky step after another, he managed to get up the stairs and out into air and daylight. His breaths came in gasps as he leaned against the side of a building and tried to ease the burning in his lungs. Getting used to the environment. He had to do it. He had to get out among people and light places again. The sense of claustrophobia finally settled and he turned to his left and made his way toward One Police Plaza.
He should have called first. Alex might not even be there; she might be all the way in Queens or the Bronx or on Staten Island. He had no idea because he wasn't with her. Stone was. Jealousy rose in his chest and clenched his hands. He'd never been jealous before in his life, but just the thought of Alex working with another man sent his anger in high gear.
This was going to be another mistake. He could already feel it.
Major Case Squad
Monday, March 19, 2003
Approx. 4:20 PM
"You were out of line."
Stone stopped in front of her and turned around so he could face her. "Out of line? I got the guy to cooperate didn't I?"
Alex stared at the detective and crossed her arms. "You didn't get anything except thrown out of the interview room. You bullied him, threatened him."
"Hey, that's how I do my job. It's not unlike anything your ex-partner hadn't done."
Alex felt the anger boil inside her but she didn't yell; instead, she leveled him with a stare that would send any man running. "Goren has never bullied or threatened a witness. He has ethics, unlike you. And I agree with all his tactics, or at least see how it'd help the case. What you did was completely wrong. Do you have any idea how much damage control I had to do in there to get him to talk to me again?"
"And it worked. Good cop," Stone pointed to her and then pointed to himself. "Bad cop."
Alex rolled her eyes and started away from him. "Tell me something I don't know." She picked up her files off her desk and headed toward a conference room. "I'm working in the conference room, alone. If Deakins asks, tell him as senior partner it's my call not to work with you right now."
Going into the room, she shut the door behind her and drew the blinds shut.
Major Case Squad
Monday, March 19, 2003
Approx. 4:32 PM
Bobby tried to avoid as many people as possible, and as many stares, but it wasn't working. Everyone, even the janitors, was watching him closely as he entered One Police Plaza. He clipped his ID to his shirt and made his way as quickly as he could toward the elevators. Thankfully they were all unoccupied and he had no problem riding it up to the eleventh floor.
It wasn't until the doors opened and he spotted the familiar brick and blue wall that he took a deep breath to try and steady himself. He should have called, but he wasn't thinking too clearly. All he knew was that he needed to not be alone, to not be in his apartment, and to try and make progress; one way or the other.
He figured the first person he would see was Deakins. Taking a hesitant step out of the elevator and onto the floor, he willed down the urge to turn around and leave. The walk down the hall was familiar but not in anyway easy. People he recognized from the department came to a stop when they saw him. He kept his head down, only taking glances at them and trying for a tight smile as they stared and whispered to each other. His hearing was back to normal so he didn't know what they were saying. That was a good thing; he didn't want to know.
The commotion in the bullpen was loud as detectives, colleagues, went about work discussing cases and leads, or take-out menus. As he stepped through the open doors and headed straight for Deakins office, and suddenly hearing everything silent, he felt his body trembling. He was tunneled vision on the door to the Captain's office, he didn't want to see the detectives staring at him. His grip on his cane tightened as he neared the office.
Tapping lightly on the door, he heard Deakins behind it.
"Come in."
Bobby didn't wait a second longer before he opened the door, slipped in, and then shut it just as quickly.
Deakins saw him and he too was silent for a moment before he smiled wide. "Bobby, what're you doing here?"
Bobby sat down heavily in the chair and let out a breath he'd been holding. He glanced out the glass windows and saw that he was still being watched, but not as noticeably. When he turned back to Deakins, he didn't know where to start. "Uh…I wanted to know, my status."
Deakins looked confused for a minute. Then he also looked out into the Major Case bullpen and leaned back in the chair. "Your status is, when you're ready to come back, and you get the okay from the department shrink, your badge will be waiting for you."
"And…my partner?"
Deakins smiled. "Oh yeah. Alex is desperately wanting you back, Goren."
That was good. He needed to hear that. To hear that he was still wanted, not only by Alex but by the department. Bobby leaned back in the chair and stared at the ceiling as he closed his eyes. He was feeling more relaxed now that he was hearing all these things from his Captain. Deakins had his respect, his trust, and his loyality. It was reassuring that he also had that from Deakins. "Thank you, sir."
"I want you back to, Bobby. You know that, right?"
Bobby opened his eyes and glanced at him. "Yeah, I do." He shifted up in the seat and looked back out into the bullpen. Alex's desk was empty, but there was a man leaning over it reading through a file. "Is that Stone?"
Deakins looked over at Alex's desk. "Yep. You remember him?"
Bobby nodded. "A little. He transferred in that Thursday, before I was taken. I only met him once. He was cocky."
Deakins huffed out a laugh. "Now, he's more than just cocky. Alex hates him."
Bobby smirked and got up. "You have no idea how I enjoy hearing that."
Deakins watched him as he made his way to the door. "Alex is in the conference room, pulling double duty and trying not to do anything unruly, like chew Stone out over an incident during a interview."
"So," Bobby said as he stared hard over at the man who was still hunched over Alex's desk. "She's working alone in there? How long has she been up?"
"I called them out Sunday evening; like I said, she's pulling a double, maybe even a triple if she stays late."
Bobby looked around the room at all the other detectives. He was sure he could handle them if it meant being able to get to see Alex for a while. "Do you mind if I stay? Maybe I can persuade her to take a break."
Deakins was eyeing him as he thought that over. "If you can't get her to take a break, I don't know who can. Sure, just…Don't try to solve the case or anything."
Bobby smirked as he opened the door. "I'll try not to."
He didn't bother heading to the conference room right then. Instead, he headed toward the break room to get them both a much needed cup of coffee. Even if she had one, she always swore that he made her cup better. As he crossed the room, he finally dared to glance around at the other detectives. They were still watching him, but their looks weren't ones of hostility or confusion, but of acceptance and sympathy.
The acceptance he could take, but he didn't need anyone's sympathy or pity. Once in the break room, he briefly wonder how he was going to carry two cups of coffee when he realized if he opted for the to-go cups, he could put lids on them and carry them on top of each other in one hand. He made Alex's cup first and when he started in on his, he heard someone come in the room.
He glanced over his shoulder and spotted Stone going up to the coke machine. Stone was mumbling to himself about something as he selected a drink. Bobby went back to preparing his cup when he heard Stone behind him.
"So, you're Goren."
Bobby turned his head back and eyed him. "Yeah. We've, uh…met before."
Stone nodded a little. "That was before the whole thing; I just didn't know if you'd remember meeting me or not."
Bobby was taken back by that but didn't give it much thought. He could already see why Alex despised working with him. "My memory's just fine." He felt Stone move up beside him.
"Can I ask you something? You know, man-to-man?"
Bobby had a feeling he wasn't going to like this one bit. He sat his cup down and turned his attention to Stone. "Sure; go ahead."
Stone leveled him with a look as he asked, "Is Alex always like that?"
Bobby blinked back at the use of his partner's first name, and the way the question was asked. "Excuse me?" His hands started to pulse at his side, and Stone had no idea how close he was becoming to have one of them collide with his face.
"Alex? Is she always, you know…trying to bust your balls and act like, well, a bitch."
Bobby didn't think; he just reacted. He grabbed Stone by his suit jacket and slammed him against the coke machine. "What'd you just call my partner?"
Stone was shocked; staring wide-eyed at him. "Let go of me! I didn't mean anything by it."
Bobby gripped Stone jacket tighter as he pushed him harder into the machine, causing Stone's feet to come off the floor. As Stone began kicking at him, and trying to squirm out of his grip, Bobby felt two people, one on each side of him, pulling him off the frightened, arrogant detective. He caught sight of Richie on one side of him as he heard Matthews on the other side.
"Drop him, Goren."
"Yeah, let the punk go, Bobby."
Bobby did as he was told, he let go and watched as Stone dropped to the floor and stumbled to the side.
Stone straightened his jacket as he stared at him. "What's the matter with you? I didn't do anything."
Bobby pushed the two other detectives off him as his eyes bore into Stone's. "He degraded my partner right in front of me; called Eames a bitch. He's lucky I didn't beat his head in!"
Stone stepped back and flinched as he had three sets of eyes staring at him. "Well, she's been acting like one."
Bobby tried to rush him again but Matthews had him around the chest and pulled him back.
"Easy, Goren. Let him talk. The last thing you need right now is to be reprimanded by the Captain over fighting in the squad."
Bobby looked at Matthews. He knew he was right, but that didn't make him feel less like slamming Stone's head into the wall.
"You cool, now?"
Bobby relaxed in the man's grip. "Yeah, I'm cool."
Matthews let him go and eyed Stone. "You better get the hell out of here."
Stone didn't wait around as he immediately left the room.
Bobby watched him go and sighed heavily as he looked at the two detectives. "I…"
Richie shook his head. "No need to apologize, Goren. Stone had it coming."
"Yeah," Matthews agreed. "About a month ago, the asshole ignored Eames telling him to never put coffee on her desk in the morning, because you always did that. And she walked right up to him and poured it on his head."
Bobby stood still as he tried his process that. Alex? His partner poured coffee over someone's head? "He must have really ticked her off," he finally said with a grin. He knew Alex was tough, but she really showed some guts by doing that, and in the office in front of everyone. He went over to the counter and put his cup on top of the other and grabbed his cane.
"I can help with that," Richie offered.
Bobby shook his head, "Thanks, Rich, but I've got it."
He headed toward the conference room with his head held a little higher as he looked over his shoulder and Richie and Matthews who were going back to their desks. The rest of the people in the room were blissfully displaying ignorance to the situation, and Deakins office door was still closed. Stone was nowhere in sight. Bobby placed his cane on the doorknob as he turned it.
Alex was sitting with her back to him at the table. "If that's you Stone, I'm busy."
Bobby chuckled as he sat a cup down beside her. "Are you too busy for me?" he asked shut the door behind him.
Alex watched him sit down beside her, stunned. "What're you doing here?"
Bobby took a sip of the coffee and gestured around the table. "I heard you had a photo gallery."
Alex smiled sarcastically at him. "Oh, I've got tons of photos for your viewing pleasure." She took the cup and took a long drink off it. "How do you do that? I swear it tastes one-hundred percent better than how I make it."
Bobby smirked as he took a file from the stack beside her and flipped it open. "I promised Deakins that I'd get you to take a break, but…" he leaned back in the chair and began studying the file. "If you need help?"
Alex yanked the file out his hand. "You can look at photos, Goren, but not the actual files."
Bobby rolled his eyes as he glanced around the table. "This is chaos. Got any tape?"
A half-hour later, Bobby had the photos taped up all over the room; they were easier to look at that way. "You see it?" he asked Alex as he stepped back from a picture he was looking at.
"You mean the glare on her glasses?"
The photos they were looking at were still shots from the video footage the killer recorded. The killer had then sent the video of him killing the victim, Georgina Banks, to the police department and a couple of media outlets.
Bobby nodded. "We need to get that down to forensics, maybe they can blow it up. That glare, it's from the camera. A small hand held digital video camera. You never hold a camera like that in front of your face., you hold it down. So, the killer's face might be reflected in her lens." He didn't need to see the actual footage to understand what happened to the victim, and how. The still pictures were telling, and each frame highlighted a frozen detail of how she was murdered. "I uh, think we're dealing with a serial, Eames." Bobby glanced back at her as he gestured to the photos. "He wants attention, he seeks it. And now that he has it, he won't stop. He's the star on every news channel and computer blog."
"Did you read that file I gave you?"
Bobby stopped his rambled explanation and looked at her over his shoulder. "Yeah. Oh," he turned and leaned over the table, "speaking of that. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, a check-up for my knee, and I was going to also have a talk with Roberts. I'm…going to need a ride."
Alex finished off the cup of coffee and turned in the chair and got up. "What time?"
"Uh, nine is the appointment, so I probably won't get out until three."
Alex nodded as she opened the door. "I'll let Deakins know that I'm playing your chauffer tomorrow."
Bobby watched as she left and returned his focus onto the photos as he sat down at the table. He was glad he'd come back to the office. He was starting to feel like himself again; working out a problem logically and not letting his emotions run wild. That was what he needed, some stability. Something to show him that he was doing okay, not just hearing it or trying to convince himself of it.
He needed proof. And here was proof. His mind was still intact, though slightly jumbled and confused, but that didn't stop who he was. A slow, easy smile spread over his face as he leaned back in the chair.
He was back, if only mentally. Emotionally was something else entirely. Bobby heard the door open and he watched as Alex re-entered with Deakins and Stone behind her. He inwardly cringed at the presence of Stone in the room, but he was Alex's partner for now.
Deakins shut the door and looked over the room before addressing him. "So, tell us more about this serial we might be dealing with."
Bobby Goren's Apartment
Monday, March 19, 2003
Approx. 7:17 PM
Bobby glanced at Alex who was smiled at him smugly. Yes, sir, he was back in the game.
Bobby sat in the passenger seat of Alex's car and glared up at his apartment building. It had been a very productive day. After two hours of being given the o.k. by Deakins to review the files, he had made them a pretty solid profile of their suspect, and hopefully they would know what he looked like by tomorrow afternoon.
Staring up at his apartment, he didn't want to go in. He knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep, and if he did it'd be on his couch. Bobby looked over at Alex. "Thanks, for today."
"I didn't do anything. If you hadn't shown up…Why did you go there?"
Bobby looked away, back out onto the sidewalk. "I don't know. I just, had to. I'm glad I did. I feel…better. More like my old self."
Alex smiled warmly at him. "That's good. Let's hope Dr. Roberts feels the same way."
Bobby really hoped that too. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Bright and early. Have coffee ready for me, or else you're walking."
Bobby got out of the car and smiled over at her as he leaned into the window. "I still don't have an answer yet." He didn't have to explain for her to know what he was referring to.
"Do I look like a person who rushes things?"
Bobby felt like laughing at that, so he did. "I don't know, Eames. After I found out you showered Stone with coffee, anything's possible."
"Hey," Alex was really giggling now. "He had it coming."
Bobby liked the way she laughed, freely and open. The way her eyes lit up and twinkled when she did. He was going to have it bad now that he knew she how she felt about him. "I'm not complaining. All right, drive safe. And I'll have plenty of coffee for you tomorrow."
"I'll hold you to it." And with a beautiful smile and slight hand wave, Alex drove off.
Yep, bad, bad, bad. Bobby headed into the apartment building had headed up to his floor. The elevator was slow and it gave him time to remember that smile on Alex's face as she drove off. The doors opened and he leaped off, his knee was really starting to hurt him. He'd been up on it too long. As he looked up, toward his door, he saw a man in front of it. The man was knocking on his door.
Bobby eased up to him and the man turned and eyed him.
"Are you Robert Goren?" the man asked as he approached him.
Bobby slowly nodded. "Who are you?"
The man held out an envelope.
Bobby eyed it closely as he took it. "What's--"
"Mr. Goren," the man interrupted him. "You've been served."
Bobby felt the floor drop from under him. He tore the envelope open as he watched the man go to the elevator and leave. Pulling the paper out, he read it over. The headline caused his body to sway as he leaned up against his door. 'The Family of Timothy Landy vs. Robert Goren'.
He was being sued.
TBC...