Disclaimer: If I owned Final Fantasy, Tidus's voice wouldn't sound like Spongebob swallowing a bullfrog. Nor do I own Harry Potter.
This chapter...is weird.
Zidane: O Christmas Tree (December 14th)
Zidane found himself facing a major dilemma. It wasn't their first issue of the day, though...
It had all started when Firion, Tidus, Cecil, and Golbez had dragged in the second largest tree Zidane had ever seen. "For decorating!" Tidus had explained to all those wondering.
Bartz had asked about Exdeath being their tree, but Cloud kindly pointed out that no one wanted a murderous tree that would strangle the children for Christmas. And so their attempt at pimping their Christmas tree began.
You'd think that, with thirteen people, decking out a lone tree would be simple.
It was not.
The Warrior of Light kept on insisting that all the dark colored ornaments be demolished, since they threw off the essence of light. Squall, who had handcrafted about twenty black Chocobo ornaments specifically for the tree, had objected and told the Warrior of Light to go talk to a wall. "No one orders me to throw out Princess Buttercup," he insisted, cradling one of the ornaments to his chest. The verbal abuse continued until the Warrior stomped off in the kitchen's direction to fetch some eggnog and Squall went to take a tinkle. Neither one returned.
Firion got way into the art of fixing up the tree, and he rejected any ideas other than his because they "didn't fit into his dream." Jecht ended up literally kicking him out, and the act of violence in turn resulted in him being kicked out as well.
Luneth spent all his time on the internet looking up Harry Potter pick-up lines instead of contributing. Fortunately for him, Terra didn't get the meaning behind, "I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I'm about to get lucky." He ended up leaving to ask Jecht for assistance.
Cloud, determined to get his revenge on Tidus, had taken a thick strange of tinsel and attempted to strangle the Blitzball star. They, too, were bodily thrown out.
Kuja, upon seeing Cecil in his paladin attire for the first time, directed Cecil to use lighter lipstick so he didn't look so washed out. Strongly offended, Cecil barely managed to keep his temper in check as he told Kuja that, for the last time, he didn't wear makeup. Golbez interjected at this point to ask why Kuja thought Cecil was wearing cosmetics in the first place. According to the paladin, it was because those darn character designers had made him a bishonen, wreaking much havoc on Fanfiction and Deviantart due to the awkward yaoi with him and Kain.
And thus the grand adventure of a lifetime to the Square-Enix headquarters was born! That, however, is a story for another fanfic.
Now the only decorators left were Zidane, Terra, and Bartz. To their dismay, all three were too short to reach the top of the two-story tall tree in order to place the crystal topper (every respectable Final Fantasy character digs crystals).
"Can you fly up there, Terra?" questioned Bartz.
Terra shook her head sadly. "Not without morphing into my Esper form, and we all know how that would turn out..."
Zidane searched the room for something he could use. Spying the couch, he smirked cockily. "I got it!"
Dashing to the other side of the room, Zidane chuckled victoriously. Then he inhaled deeply, pivoted, sprinted toward the tree, and jumped on the couch.
The piece of furniture worked like a trampoline; Zidane soared gracefully through the air like a genome kite or a hairy ballerina, take your pick. His tiny body slammed into the treetop, and he placed the topper.
Unfortunately, his body wasn't that tiny, because the entire tree collapsed under his weight and landed on Bartz and Terra. "My bad..." Zidane's muffled voice was heard through the mound of pine needles and fizzling lights.
Final Fantasy references for the win!