Okay, confession time. I've been avoiding Jake like the plague since the "What the hell is imprinting" conversation. I know its a completely cliche thing for teenage girl such as myself to do, but what can I say? I've got it bad for Jacob Black. Now, before I start getting into the awesomeness that is my life story, I just want to list some things that have been depressing me lately.
First, I can't for the life of me stop breaking my most important rule. I've watched my mother pine after unavailable men at least half a dozen times, but my stupid emotions keep making me want Jacob Black. Its almost like I want to get hurt. And speaking of my mother, she started dating some big shot surgeon in Seattle. I thought her time for romance was up. She's already been through three husbands. If she keeps going at this rate, she's going to become one of those moms that have to beat the teenage boys off her with a stick. I'm the teenager, shouldn't I be the one getting dates? But then again, my awkwardness kind of killed my love life before it even had a chance to live.
Next thing: prom. It's still winter and the girls in my class are already going crazy about the idea of prom. Now I've never actually danced with anyone before, so I can't tell you if I suck or not, but I doubt it would be pretty. I think the thing that depresses me more is that I don't even have the option of going. I'm not delusional enough to think that I'm even going to get asked, but I secretly want to go. I know a lot of people just go with their friends, but some of the guys in my group will be out on patrol that night and the ones who aren't either won't go or will have dates. I know Jared and Kim are going together, mostly because I can count on one hand how many times I had seen one without the other.
And the last thing. Jacob is spending all his time with Bella Cullen. I hadn't asked about any of this directly, since it would only make me feel like crap, but now that I knew the werewolf secret, everyone spoke more freely around me. It was actually a really nice feeling if I thought about it. Anyway, I'd heard through Embry that everyday during the lunch period, Jake was leaving campus and making the drive out to Forks to visit Bella Cullen. I don't know what the hell he is doing over there all the time, but thinking about it makes me wonder if people who cut themselves are onto something when it comes to emotional pain. I'd also caught tidbits about a lot of vampires being in the area, causing a lot of really young reservation kids to shift into wolves. I don't know what that had to do with Jake spending time with Bella, but Embry had given the other wolves at the table a meaningful look. I don't even know what Bella Cullen is like. For all I know she is the most giving, honest, funny, and all around good person in the entire world. But then again Jake could just like her if she's supermodel pretty. Is it so wrong to want to know what your competition is like?
And that thought brings me to today. I just had to know what was so freaking special about Bella Cullen. I needed know if all hope was lost with Jake and I'll admit that in the process I did do something a little crazy. Now before I say what exactly I did, I just want to point out that I do not condone this kind of behavior from myself under normal conditions. So, this afternoon while Grandma Betty was out shopping and my mom was on a date with her surgeon, I went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife from one of the drawers. It was so sharp, I'd be willing to bet I could shave with it. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and made one somewhat deep cut on a section of forehead that was always covered with my hair. I wanted to pump Dr. Cullen for information, not permanently mutilate myself. It hurt way more than I thought it would and it would most definitely need stitches. I also learned that head wounds don't just bleed like a normal cut or scrape, they freaking gush blood. I thought it would get into my eyes a couple of times. That was about when I realized I should have thought my plan through a little bit more thoroughly. I don't have a car, and with the amount of blood that has been coming out of my head, I didn't think I would be able to take a cab or a bus down to Forks. There was no one around to drive me either. I really hope I don't pass out or anything. My grandma spends an insane amount of time at the store and if I waited for her to come back, I would probably already be on the verge of death by the time she got home. I didn't know where my mom was going for her date, but I would be willing to bet that it was far enough away that she wouldn't be any help. So, there I stood, in the kitchen with a knife in my hand and blood covering parts of my face. I didn't have any way to get to the emergency room for some stitches, so instead I just imagined how stupid the headline for the news story for my death would be.
Accidental Suicide Result of Teen Stupidity and Jacob Black's Infatuation with Bella Cullen.
It was a little bit long, but I think that it describes the situation pretty well. A couple of minutes later I started to feel lightheaded, but I think it was mostly psychological as opposed to me actually losing enough blood to pass out. I grabbed a dish towel and tried to stop the bleeding even though I knew it probably wouldn't help much, but I thought my grandma would be a little less angry with me if I didn't get blood all over her floors. After I got the towel, I was hit by a stroke of genius. My grandma had emergency phone numbers on the fridge! I looked through the short list of names until I got to the local doctor's. He was the one everybody went to after Dr. Cullen started working at the hospital and would probably be able to help me. I dialed the numbers. He answered on the third ring.
"Hi, I'm Katie Abner and I'm in need of medical attention." I told him.
"Would you like to set up an appointment at my office?" He asked.
"I would, but if I did I would have no way to get there and this entire situation would become even stupider. Let me explain, I was being beyond idiotic and one thing led to another and now I am bleeding quite profusely from my head. Can you help me?" If I weren't still freaking out, I would have been impressed with how calm I sounded, even if I was babbling. He seemed unsure that I wasn't lying to him, but after a little more coaxing he decided to make a house call for me. I made myself comfortable by the door while I waited, trying to pretend that I wasn't bleeding.
New rule: Avoid Handling Sharp or Pointy Objects.
The doctor came pretty quickly. By the look on his face when he saw me, he was definitely not expecting me to be bleeding this much. It didn't take long for him to stitch me up, and I was surprised it didn't hurt. I paid him cash too before he left, that way he would be less likely to mention this incident to Grandma Betty or my mom. When the doctor was gone, I checked out my stitches in the bathroom mirror. If my hair didn't cover it, I bet the scar would make me look really bad ass and dangerous. I won't lie, I made a few faces at myself in the mirror, mostly trying to see if I could make myself look intimidating. I can't, just so you know. My faces mostly made me look like I was about to have some kind of stroke.
A couple of days passed after the incident and I decided it would be a much smarter idea to just ask Jacob about Bella. And that's exactly what I would have done if I were actually able to find him. I guess when I was spending all my time avoiding him, he had taken the opportunity to avoid me as well. Even with Jake avoiding me, I didn't do anything even remotely crazy. I just waited for him to show up, but after two days my patience was entirely gone. I was angry and just a little bit hurt that he hadn't talked to me in so long, so I talked to the one person in the group who couldn't keep his mouth shut if he tried. Embry.
"Embry, do you know where Jake is?" I asked nicely.
"Nope." He said a little too quickly.
"Yes you do. Why are you lying to me?" I asked, trying to sound as nice as I did the first time.
"Because nothing good can come from me telling you." He almost looked afraid now.
"Please tell me." I used my sweetest voice.
"Fine, but you aren't going to like it." Why do I get the feeling that this is going to be a very unpleasant conversation?