Chapter 10 aka the Wrath of the Oprah Fangirls aka the TTSSHUJDHTLSLERMBAJJAV chapter
Last night, our parents almost executed us because we "killed" Oprah. It wasn't our fault she had a bad heart and us jumping on the couch made it worse to the point were it stopped beating. Sheesh, it was an honest mistake.
But I was dreading going to school this the morning. In the past few years, our school has been overpopulated with Oprah Fangirls-to the extreme. They only read Oprah Book Club books wore Oprah's own line of cosmetics, and go on annual trips to see The Color Purple. It was like Valerie's and Jessie's and Jackie's and my obsession X 408407, only with Oprah. Today, the Oprah fans will either be in mourning, or decide to kill us, whichever one makes them happier.
Jackie picked me up around seven and we drove to the school. In Valerie's red truck was Jessie and Valerie following us. We were just getting into the parking lot when we saw them. All wearing black, all giving us the stink eye.
"Oh Ireland!" Jackie screamed. "Ari what are we going to do?"
I sighed, "Let's just see what they want." We got out of the car and joined Jessie and Valerie. Slower than ever, we walked to the group of the Fangirls.
"Um, Hi." Jessie stuttered.
"Hi." The leader of the Fangirls said, crossing her arms. "By any chance, do you guys know what you gay book did to Oprah?"
"Yeah, we know, Oprah died. So?" Jackie said.
"SO! You killed OPRAH WINFREY!"
"Um, sorry." I never thought I was ever going to be responsible for saying sorry about Oprah's death, but I guess anything was possible.
"Well sorry isn't going to help, you killed our Idol!
"Yeah sorry isn't going to make a difference." Valerie said, siding with the Oprah fans.
"VALERIE, GET OVER HERE!" I yelled, pulling her back. "Look, it wasn't our fault, we can't do anything else."
"Well how would you like it if I killed that Edward dude in your book?"
Oh, now I was mad.
Jessie seemed just as mad as I was, too. "First, Mrs. I am obsessed with a dead person, his name is EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN, not that Edward dude."
I felt like interrupting, so I did. "And secondly, you can't kill him, he's immortal. And if somehow you did kill him, I would provoke the Volturi and they will kill you as a favor to their dear friend, Carlisle! Muah ha ha!" I put my hands in the air and laughed like a hyena.
"Yea, okay….GIRLS GET THEM."
"Holy St. Patrick…run like Edward's life depended on it!" Jackie screamed as we all ran towards Valerie's/Bella's truck. Once we were in, Valerie stepped on the gas, and none of us cared that she had no license at the moment. The speedometer ran over 80 mph, and I had the feeling of Déjà vu.
"Valerie where arrrgh we going!?" Jackie screamed over the loud engine.
Valerie screamed back her reply. "Where do we always go in times of trouble, my Irish Pirate friend?"
Jessie's hand shot up. "To a sex clinic!"
"No."
I answered this time, "To our club house!"
Jessie gave me a surprised look. "Ah yes our club house. The TTSSHUJDHTLSLERMBAJJAV!
"You are right Ari! The Twilight Super Secret Headquarters underneath Jackie's dog house that looks seemingly like Edward's room made by Ari Jackie Jessie and Valerie! Woooooooooo!"
We all got out of the car and snuck around to Jackie's backyard, into her dog house where there was a set of stairs going down. We walked up to a door with a deadbolt lock. Valerie opened up the door to reveal a room that looked exactly like Edwards! We walked in and all moved to a place in the room. I put on a CD on the big stereo, Jackie and Valerie went to a big leather couch, and Jessie went to her safe place, a bed (where else would she go?).
"So, what are we going to do to get away from these Rabid Fangirls?"
Jessie screamed. "I know! We could all change our names- I will be Mrs. Kitty Prowess, Ari will be Lady Pompom, Val will be Madame Bonbon, and Jackie will be Pirate Queen. Then we will all enroll in a themed prostitution shop for twilight… pleasing crazed fans with our sexual ability!"
"Umm, how bout no you whore? I think we should go somewhere where no one can find us." Valerie said.
"How about we take a road trip?" Jackie suggested.
"As long as Valerie doesn't steal a car." I shot a warning glance Valerie's way.
"Damn it, what fun is that?"
"But where would we go?" I asked.
"The Moulin Rouge!" Jessie screamed.
"Ireland!" Jackie bellowed.
"How about somewhere in the continental United States!?" I said sarcastically.
"How about we go to Forks?" Valerie suggested. I was surprised, that was the most logical thing out of her mouth….ever.
"Valerie, I can't believe I am using this all in the same sentence, but you are right, Forks is a great idea. None of those Fangirls would think we would go all the way cross country to the rainiest town in the US."
LET THE ROAD TRIP COMMENCE!