Chapter 10 Born This Way
"Alright guys, Nationals are only a few weeks away," said Will a couple weeks later as the New Directions sans Noelle and Josh stood in the auditorium. "Your singing is great, but your dancing needs some improvement."
"Sorry we're late Mr. Schue," said Noelle as she and Josh entered the auditorium. "Practice ran longer than Coach Bieste would have liked."
"It's fine, Noelle," said Will. "Find an open spot you two. It's booty camp time!"
Brad the piano player started playing "Loser Like Me" as the group started to rehearse dancing when they all heard a loud "CRACK" and a scream from Rachel.
"Oh my god! Rachel! Baby, you okay?" asked Finn. "I'm so sorry!"
"I'm bleeding," said Rachel as Finn knelt down to her level.
"Way to go Spazz," Noelle said to Finn. "Your dancing did it again."
"We should get you to a doctor," said Will to Rachel.
"What's the verdict?" Noelle asked as Finn entered the Hudson-Hummel home later that evening.
"I broke Rachel's nose," said Finn, hanging his head low.
"Way to go, A-hole," said Puck.
"I didn't think my dancing was THAT dangerous!" said Finn as he sat on the sofa, frustrated.
"Did you forget the time we did that grade school musical and you managed to knock all of the kids to your right off of the bleachers?" asked Noelle. Finn blushed.
"I'd almost forgotten about that, thanks for reminding me," said Finn with a glare.
"Is Rachel going to be okay?" Carole asked as she brought a plate of food in for Finn.
"The doctor said it was a clean break, and he didn't have to set it," said Finn. "However, he suggested Rachel get a nose job and fix her deviated septum. That it was a rite of passage for all Jewish girls."
"Oh please tell me she said no," moaned Quinn.
"She said she would think about it," said Finn, earning another groan from Quinn and one from Noelle.
"I'm going to call her and tell her not to do it," said Noelle, getting up and walking into her room.
"Good luck with that," murmured Finn.
"You're going to have that nose job?" Quinn asked Rachel the next day.
"I'm considering having a minor procedure to have my deviated septum repaired," said Rachel as she stood in front of the glee club.
"So you're getting a nose job," repeated Santana.
"Look, I'm happy with the way I look," said Rachel. "Okay? And I've embraced my nose. But let's say I wanted to have a slightly more demure nose, like Quinn's for example. I would never change my appearance for vanity, but I mean, the doctor said it could possibly improve my talent, which would, help us all for nationals."
"Possibly," stated Will. "What about the risks? Your voice is amazing, as is, Rachel."
"Yeah Rach, this is crazy," said Noelle. "You don't need a nose job. I almost considered it myself once."
"What?" everyone cried.
"When were you going to tell me this?" Finn asked Noelle.
"Remember when I was playing softball in fourth grade, right before I lost the use of my legs?" asked Noelle. "And that softball bounced off the plate and hit me square in the face?"
"Yeah?" asked Finn.
"The ball broke my nose," said Noelle. "I only bled for a minute and Mom looked at it and said it was broken. She said there wasn't anything the doctors would be able to do for it so she bandaged it up and made me ice it for a week. Well, when they x-rayed my head last year when I was in the hospital, the doctor noticed that my nose never properly healed and that I should have a nose job to fix it."
"So Mom's the reason you want a nose job, because she didn't take you to the emergency room?" asked Finn.
"Pretty much," said Noelle. "I've had a broken nose for six years. But then I realized, I don't need a nose job just cause of one broken bone. I like my nose regardless."
"Noelle, as much as I like hearing your sob stories, just shut up please," snarked Santana. "How many of us are there in here that would change something about themselves? I mean, I'm sure that Sam has been at the doctor's office and rifled through pamphlets on mouth reduction. I bet Artie's thought about getting his legs removed since he's not using them anyways, and I'm definitely sure Tina's looked into getting an eye de-slanting."
"That's extraordinarily racist," remarked Tina.
"I'm keeping it real," replied Santana.
"I'm sorry Santana, but I'm a beautiful person," Tina replied back. "I'm in love with myself and would never change a thing."
"Is that why you're wearing blue contacts today?" Mike asked Tina, who just stared at him dumbfounded. "Self hating Asian," Mike added under his breath.
"My dancing kinda bothers me," said Finn. "It almost killed Rachel, but I like the way I look."
"Oh please," snarked Santana, "you have weird, puffy, pyramid nipples."
"Wait a second you guys," said Noelle, standing up. "Wait, this is against everything the Glee Club stands for. The thing everyone would change about themselves is the thing that is most interesting about you. Mr. Schue, I have a brilliant beyond brilliant idea for this week's assignment!"
Noelle stood up from her chair and walked over to the dry erase board. She wrote on the board in all capital letters, "ACCEPTANCE". She turned around to the group and grinned.
"Everyone in here is going to sing songs about accepting yourselves," said Noelle. "The good and the bad. And at the end of the week, for our group number, drumroll please big brother."
Finn did a quick drumroll.
"Lady Gaga's Born This Way!" said Noelle. Will nodded in agreement as everyone's mouth dropped. "And we can all make shirts with a word or phrase that best describes something that you like or want to change but can't, or SHOULDN'T." Noelle emphasized the last word in Rachel's direction. "What do you think, Mr. Schue?"
"I like this idea," said Will. "I can get a t-shirt press from Emma's brother. He runs the t-shirt printing shop in town."
"He's back!" said Noelle excitedly the next day as she met the others in the courtyard.
"Who's back?" asked Quinn.
"I don't know what happened but my parents confronted Figgins and the school board and got Karofsky expelled for all of the bullying he did to Kurt and the rest of us," rambled Noelle, "and well, just see for yourself!"
Noelle pointed to the top of the steps and everyone gasped as Kurt stood at the top.
"Kurt Hummel's back at McKinley!" Kurt cried excitedly and everyone cheered as Kurt bounded down the steps towards his friends.
"And that's not all!" said Noelle. "Blaine transferred with him!" Everyone gasped as Blaine followed Kurt down the steps.
"Excellent!" said Sam, clapping Blaine on the back. "Welcome brotha!"
"Thanks for the welcome, you guys," said Blaine.
"And to make it even better," said Kurt, "we're going to help you guys out with your assignment this week!"
"Kurt and I have a great way to kick off "Acceptance" week," said Blaine.
"Would that have anything to do with why the jazz band is out here?" asked Artie.
"Exactly," grinned Blaine. He nodded to the jazz band and they started to play.
Blaine:
It's not unusual to be loved by anyone,
It's not unusual to have fun with anyone
But when I see you hangin' about with anyone
It's not unusual, to see me cry
Oh, I wanna die
It's not unusual to go out at any time
But when I see you out and about it's such a crime
If you should ever want to be loved by anyone,
Noelle got up and joined Blaine and her brother, dancing and singing along.
Blaine (Kurt and Noelle):
It's not unusual, (It happens every day, No matter what you say)
You'll find it happens all the time
(Love will never do, What you want it to)
Why can't this crazy love be- (Miiiiiiine!)
Blaine:
It's not unusual to be mad with anyone
It's not unusual to be sad with anyone
But if I ever find that you've changed at anytime
It's not unusual
To find out I'm in love with you
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Whoa-oh-oh!
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh oh
As the song ended, everyone cheered and clapped as Blaine, Kurt and Noelle took a bow and Noelle hugged her brother.
"Okay Kurt, why did you drag me to the mall?" asked Rachel that afternoon.
"It's for your own good," said Kurt. "Noelle and Mercedes told me about your planned nose job. No way in hell will we let you get it done. Do you want to disappoint her?"
"Who?" asked Rachel.
"Barbra," said Kurt.
"Of course not, Kurt," replied Rachel. "She's my idol.
"Okay, if you get a nose job, you will be spitting on her legacy. Barbra refused to believe beauty could only be defined by the blonde, chiseled faces of Hitchcock beauties. So she redefined what beauty was, and became the biggest female star in the world."
"But what if I can't be like her?" asked Rachel. "Isn't she one in a billion?"
"So are you, Rachel," replied Kurt. "And if you let one misguided societal pressure make you change the way you look, then you just won't be letting Barbra down, you'll be letting down all the little girls who are going to look at your beautiful face one day and see themselves. Just listen and watch, okay? If my words don't inspire you, then perhaps a song will." Rachel started to speak as Kurt snapped his fingers at Puck down on the first level. He stood next to a giant stereo.
"Go," said Kurt. The music to Duck Soup's "Barbra Streisand" began to play and as Kurt started to lipsync and dance, Rachel laughed as other dancers popped up to dance a flash mob.
"What are you doing?" laughed Rachel as Kurt led her down the escalator. The rest of the glee club had joined in as they reached the bottom of the stairs and soon a full on flash mob had started as people joined in. When the song ended, the occupants of the mall all clapped and cheered at Rachel.
"Thanks again for my Barbra-vention you guys," said Rachel as the Glee club gathered in the choir room the next day. "After careful consideration, I decided to not get a nose job."
"Oh thank god," said Mercedes.
"Good, because we like your nose!" said Noelle. "It wouldn't be you without it."
"Unfortunately I can't participate in the group number this week," said Rachel. "My doctor said I can't do any strenuous activity until my nose heals. I'll still make a shirt though. And Finn, next time, watch out for the schnoz." Finn drummed a comedy rimshot and everyone laughed.
"With that said, Quinn and I have prepared a slow ballad to perform for the assignment this week," continued Rachel.
"I wanted to tell you guys something before someone found out," said Quinn. "As most of you know, I came to McKinley in ninth grade from a different school. Well, the reason for that was because I was not who you think I am."
"Oh god, you're not like in witness protection or anything, are you?" asked Puck.
"No babe," laughed Quinn. "I was a fat kid before I came to McKinley."
"Are you serious? Quinn Fabray was a fat kid?" replied Santana. "Are we on Candid camera?"
"I'm serious," said Quinn. "And Quinn is my middle name. My real first name was Lucy. I had a name change, and got liposuction and rhinoplasty done. All the kids called me "Lucy Caboosey".
"God Quinn, I'm sorry," said Harmony. "That's just cruel."
"Agreed," said Artie. "We're all sorry that happened to you."
"Any other secrets I should know about babe?" asked Puck. "Beth's not going to grow an extra arm is she?" Everyone laughed as Quinn punched Puck in the arm.
"No, she's not," said Quinn. "But seeing how she's taking after me in looks, I'm worried she's going to end up the same way."
"Oh she'll be fine," said Will. "Everyone is different."
"I think you should be more worried that she's picking up Puck's eating habits," teased Kurt, as he pointed to Beth sitting on Noelle's lap. Beth had just polished off her animal crackers and turned the bag over.
"All gone," said Beth. "More." The glee club laughed.
"I don't think so young lady," teased Noelle as she handed Beth to Puck and Quinn sat next to Rachel on the stools facing the Glee Club.
"Anyways, we wanted to sing this little mashup to express how we always felt growing up," said Rachel.
"Especially me," added Quinn. She nodded to Brad who started to play the piano.
Quinn:
I wish I could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you?
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today, hey
Rachel:
My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'
Quinn and Rachel:
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
Quinn:
You can fix your nose if he says so (Rachel: Ahh ahh)
Quinn and Rachel:
You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make
But if, you can't look inside you
Quinn:
Find out who am I to (Rachel: Ahh ahh)
Quinn and Rachel:
Be in a position to make me feel so
Rachel:
Damn unpretty
Quinn:
I feel pretty
Rachel:
Oh, so pretty
Quinn (with Rachel):
I feel (pretty and witty and bright)
Rachel:
Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm bein' stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Quinn and Rachel:
Just a little bit skinny
Quinn:
Why do I look to all these things
Quinn and Rachel:
To keep you happy
Rachel:
Maybe get rid of you
And then I'll get back to me, Heeey
Quinn:
My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through
It's because of you
Rachel:
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
Keep on trippin'
Quinn and Rachel:
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
Quinn:
You can fix your nose if he says so (Rachel: Ahh ahh)
Quinn and Rachel:
You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make
But if, you can't look inside you
Quinn:
Find out who am I to (Rachel: Ahh ahh)
Quinn and Rachel:
Be in a position to make me feel so
Rachel:
Damn unpretty
Quinn:
I feel pretty
Rachel:
Oh, so pretty
Quinn (with Rachel):
I feel (pretty and witty and bright) and I pity
Rachel:
Any girl who isn't me tonight
Quinn:
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Rachel: Tonight)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Rachel: Tonight)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh (Rachel: Tonight)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Rachel:
I feel pretty (Quinn: You can buy your hair if it won't grow)
Oh, so pretty (Quinn: You can fix your nose if he says so)
I feel pretty and witty and bright (Quinn: You can buy all the make up that M.A.C. can make, but if)
Quinn and Rachel:
You can't look inside you
Quinn:
Find out who am I to (Rachel: Ahh ahh)
Quinn and Rachel:
Be in a position to make me feel so
Rachel:
Damn unpretty
Quinn:
I feel pretty
Quinn and Rachel:
But unpretty...
As the song ended, the glee club applauded and everyone came over and hugged Rachel and Quinn.
Friday came and the entire glee club stood in the auditorium with Will, ready for the big reveal of everyone's shirts.
"Okay guys, since this was Noelle's idea, I think she should reveal her shirt first," said Will. Noelle laughed.
"No, you first, Mr. Schue," said Noelle. Will nodded and laughed. Emma stood next to him and they looked at each other.
"You ready?" Will asked Emma. She nodded and the two removed their sweaters to reveal their shirts. Emma's said "OCD" and Will's said "BUTT CHIN". Everyone laughed at Will's shirt.
"I like your chin, Mr. Schue," said Mercedes with a laugh.
"Alright, alright," said Will. "Where is Rachel?"
"Right here," said Rachel, walking in with Finn. "I said I wasn't able to dance but I still made that shirt." She opened up her jacket to reveal "NOSE" and everyone laughed. "You think that's funny, look at Finn's." Finn grinned and opened his shirt to reveal "CAN'T DANCE" and the group roared with laughter.
"Everyone else, reveal yours during the number," said Will. "Hit it!"
Kurt, Mercedes, and Noelle took to the stage the others waiting in the wings.
Kurt:
Spoken:It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M (M-M-M-M)
Just put your paws up, 'Cause you were born this way baby
Mercedes and Noelle opened up his overcoat to reveal "LIKES BOYS" on his shirt as the music started and the three began to dance.
Noelle:
My mamma told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir
Mercedes:
"There's nothing wrong with lovin' who you are,"
She said, "Cause he made you perfect, babe"
So, hold your head up, girl
Mercedes with Noelle:
And you'll go far
Listen to me when I say
Noelle removed her hoodie to reveal the phrase, "FREAK OF HUMAN NATURE", in response to her miraculous recovery and super speed. Mercedes revealed her shirt which read, "NO WEAVE". The rest of the New Directions started coming on stage. Finn's shirt was already revealed, and Harmony's read, "Zit Queen" due to her acne issue.
Mercedes with New Directions:
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track
Baby, I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself, and you're set
I'm on the right track
Baby, I was born this way (New Directions: Born this way)
Noelle with New Directions:
Ooo, there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way (Mercedes with New Directions: Born this way)
Ooo, there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Right track, baby
I was born this way
Kurt:
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Noelle:
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Mercedes:
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Kurt:
Don't be! (Don't be, don't be, don't be)
Noelle:
Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
Noelle with New Directions:
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth
Mercedes with New Directions:
A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M
Mercedes with Noelle:
I love my life I love this record and mi amore vole fe yah
The rest of the New Directions revealed their shirts and they read as stated:
Artie - "Four Eyes"
Brittany - "I'm With Stoopid" with an upward Arrow
Mike - "Can't Sing"
Puck - "I'm With Stupid with a Downward Arrow
Quinn - "Lucy Caboosey"
Sam - "Trouty Mouth"
Tina - "Brown Eyes"
Blaine- "Brillo Pad"
Josh- "Dumbo Ears"
Mercedes with New Directions:
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track
Baby, I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself, and you're set
I'm on the right track
Baby, I was born this way (New Directions: Born this way)
Noelle with New Directions:
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way (Mercedes with New Directions: Born this way)
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Right track, baby
I was born this way
Noelle:
Way-ay-ay
Kurt:
Don't be, don't be, don't be
Noelle:
Way-ay-ay
Santana shocked the group though when she revealed her shirt to say "Lesbian". As Kurt looked to her for confirmation, she nodded her head and he hugged her and then started to sing to Santana.
Kurt:
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen,
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
Kurt with New Directions Girls:
You're Lebanese, you're orient
Kurt:
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice, and love yourself today
'Cause, baby, you were born this way
Mercedes with Noelle and New Directions:
No matter gay, straight, or bi
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to be brave
New Directions:
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
Mercedes with New Directions:
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
New Directions:
Don't hide yourself in regret
Mercedes and New Directions:
Just love yourself, and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way (New Directions: born this way)
Rachel, Will and Emma came up to join the group for the big finish, Rachel standing next to Finn, wrapping her arms around him.
Noelle with New Directions (Mercedes):
Ooo there ain't no other way (Ooo there ain't no)
Baby, I was born this way (Baby, I was)
Baby, I was born this way (Baby, I was born this way)
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way (Baby, I was)
Right track
Baby, I was born this way
I was born this way, hey! (hey!)
Mercedes with Tina and New Directions:
I was born this way, hey! (hey!)
Noelle with New Directions:
I'm on the right track, baby
Mercedes with Noelle and New Directions:
I was born this way, hey!
Noelle and New Directions:
I was born this way, hey!
Mercedes with Noelle and New Directions:
I was born this way, hey! (Mercedes: hey!)
I was born this way, hey!
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!
As the number ended, everyone clapped and cheered and did a group hug before looking at Santana for confirmation of her outing.
"You guys are the first people I've told, except Brittney," said Santana. "I haven't told any of my family yet, and I don't plan to right away. But Brittney and I are dating."
"Yes we are," said Brittney, taking Santana's hand.
"Wait, so are you gay too then, Britt?" asked Kurt.
"I'm Bi," said Brittney.
"We're very happy for you guys," said Will. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with us."