This chapter may seem confusing at first: I wax metaphysical. Just bear with me, le tout s'explique. Sort of. Poor Thane - if Garrus hadn't been around my Shep would definitely have fallen for him. For added drama, listen to 'Everywhere I Go' by Lissie while you read, or 'Angel' by Sarah McLachlan for that matter...
The assassin stood motionless in the darkened room, hands clasped in silent prayer. Amonkira be praised. His eyes flew open, his body effortlessly performing the motions of a kata engrained in him since childhood. Palm strike to stun his opponent. Snap. Flurry of knife-edged blows to incapacitate. Snap. Snap. Snap. Quick twist of the neck to finish the kill. May Kalihira embrace you.
He really ought to be asleep, but the dreams that haunted him since drinking Shepard's blood struck terror into his hardened soul. Screaming Reapers descended from the ether, devouring and enslaving all life; entire civilizations decimated in scenes of bloody ruin. This was the Protheans' attempt to forewarn future species, but their efforts to frighten were so effective as to incapacitate lesser minds. Imbibing Shepard's essence had restored his body, but the nightmares were a heavy price to pay. Remembering her soft skin against his lips, the salty taste of her blood, he wasn't sure he could handle such agonizing proximity any longer. A life sentence of torment and need, punctuated by brief moments of chaste intimacy. Worse yet, his breathing had become more laboured over the last few days: the humidity aboard the Normandy meant his lungs were still susceptible to deterioration. He was tired, so very tired. He made up his mind: one final restorative treatment, and he would ask to be abandoned on a desert world, spending his last days in ascetic contemplation, meditating alone among the arid sands as long as his fading body would allow.
All that remained was to inform Shepard of his difficult decision. He worried how she might take his news, knowing she valued his company and his assassin's skill. She might also have advice on how to deal with the Prothean visions: it had been years since her first contact with the ancient beacon. EDI provided Shepard's current location: he would meditate a short while longer to settle his nerves, then set off to find her on the starboard observation deck. Exhaustion overtook him, drifting off to sleep despite his efforts to keep his mind focused and alert.
His warrior-angel stood looking out at the stars, seemingly unaware of Thane's approach. He watched her, puzzled: she wore form-fitting clothing under a jauntily cut jacket, a sartorial choice typical of a female drell. Was she mocking him? Perhaps she'd simply tired of her Cerberus uniform. Although not designed for her species' curvy shape, he couldn't deny that the style suited her well. She turned to face him, a sweet smile creeping across her lips.
"I know why you're here." Thane nodded, and prepared to break the news about his need to part from her company, his plan to gracefully accept his inevitable death. Before he could speak, a glint caught his eye: a flash of silver as she revealed the dagger concealed in her palm. She drew the blade lightly across one side of her neck, releasing a trickle of dark red blood. Thane gasped, making the rare error of letting his guard down as he threw up his hands to tell her to stop. She just stared at him, calm and innocent, pink tongue darting out to lick the blood from her weapon.
"You should hurry. I'll be healed in a moment."
"No. This is not why I've come." His eyes were fixed on the enticing crimson trail.
"You need this."
"Siha, I…" What was she trying to do to him? This wasn't the detached offering of her arm, the contact akin to a chivalrous kiss on the hand. He yearned to pull her in close, breathe in her scent as he embraced her and drank of her essence. It would be wrong: both she and Garrus were his friends. He had strayed once in error, but he would not make the same mistake again. He couldn't betray their trust, nor his honour.
"You're a good man, Sere Krios. Be absolved of your guilt. I assure you, Garrus has no objections." She spoke formally, with an unusual melodic cadence. The effect was hypnotic.
Her words shocked him: his reluctance to depart the Normandy was quickly evaporating. He needed to escape this torment, break free of his dependency on this bewitching woman. But he needed her blood, had to replenish himself before embarking on his final journey. One last kiss, and she would be gone from his life forever. Wrapping his arms around her, he drank greedily as he buried his face above her collarbone. Losing himself in the moment, his grasp became rougher as his teeth tried to extract every drop from the rapidly healing wound. She threw her head back and moaned appreciatively as he intensified his efforts. His need sated, he pushed her away.
Trembling, Thane spoke his peace. "What is the meaning of this? You are a formidable woman, for whom I have tremendous respect, but this is not appropriate behaviour for a committed mate. I've come to inform you that I must take my leave. The sea is calling me; my time has come. Goodbye, Shepard." His wavering tone echoed his anguish: he wasn't sure whether he was more upset with himself or his commander.
She giggled. "Oh, Thane. I'm not really Shepard."
"What?"
"Phoenix Shepard died over two years ago. A synthetic-organic life form based on her template was recently constructed by Cerberus. That organism bonded with the turian vigilante known as Garrus Vakarian. She calls herself Phoenix Shepard as well."
"Then who are you? I don't understand. Shepard is Whole: her body and soul are united as one."
"Soul? Really? Before she died, Shepard made an imprint of herself, uploading her consciousness into her cybernetic implants. Is that data her soul? You drank from her replica, ingesting her blood and the nanotechnology it contains. You acquired the legacy left behind by the last of the Protheans, and the human engrafted with their memories." She laughed again, girlish and light. "You invited me in."
"You mean…"
"The circuitry growing inside your body is embedded with Shepard's spirit, her encoded self. To use your terminology, Shepard's soul exists within you. I am within you."
Crushed by the weight of her revelation, Thane sank to his knees. His angel moved to sit behind him, cradling him in her arms as the Normandy dissolved away into darkness. He wept, confused and overwhelmed, knowing for the first time in ten years that he was no longer alone.
"Siha."
"Yes."
"I've been having horrible nightmares..."
Swimming among the Prothean ruins, Thane relished the sensation of gliding through the ocean, inexplicably able to breathe underwater. He darted this way and that, circling the glowing female in a hanar courtship ritual, her skin radiant with bioluminescent signals that urged him to chase her further. Laughing, they continued their intricate ballet until at last she allowed him to catch her. They floated weightless in the water, her hair fanning out in a fiery corona. In the dim haze of Kahje's filtered sunlight, her body took on a fetching blue-green hue. Webbed fingers entwined in her silky curls, he pulled her in to kiss her deeply.
"If you were a hanar, you'd have to tell me your soul name."
"I don't have a soul name. I don't have any name, really."
"Angel of Beautiful Chaos. I'll call you Angel. Siha." Her name was as lovely in Standard as it was in the drell tongue, he thought.
"Thane… it doesn't bother you that none of this is real? That I exist only in your mind?"
"Eidetic memory imparts the ability to revisit one's life in vivid detail. A drell's mind's eye is developed far beyond that of a human. You are as real to me as my own body, as much a part of me as my heartbeat."
She wrapped her legs around his waist, the colours dancing over her deepening to violet and burgundy. His hands explored her body, smooth skin gliding over hers, appreciating their similarities and aroused by their differences. He opened his inner eyelids, showing her his dazzling irises, her own pupils dilating in delighted surprise. He held her gaze as he entered her, making slow sweet love as warm ocean currents flowed around them, caressing their bodies in the eternal embrace of the sea.
Thane lay on the shore, enjoying the comforting presence of his lover against him, her fingers tracing delicate patterns on his chest. Her heart beats softly against me, each pulse a whisper of her love. Her gaze radiates serenity, her deep blue eyes as enigmatic as the ocean. I pull her atop me, body quivering as she laughs joyfully, breathing rapidly as my tongue darts out to taste the salt on her skin...
She forced herself to pull away from the succulent touch of his soft lips. "Thane. What you said earlier, about wanting to spend your last days alone in the desert. Do you still feel that way?"
"I am uncertain. The Prothean visions haunt me still: I fear I may not have the strength to bear them much longer."
"Let me be your strength. She needs you, you know. Shepard needs your skill, your friendship, your support. Now you understand the burden she carries."
"Yes, Siha. As long as you are with me, I will do as you ask."
She kissed him, her touch growing increasingly faint. "Go to her, replenish yourself from her body. Our bond is not yet complete: your cybernetics are in their infancy. Help me become a part of you forever, my love."
Shepard sat in the med bay as she allowed the assassin to feast on her blood. He was as gentle and tender as ever, but something in his demeanor had changed. She hated to admit it, but there had always been a seductive edge to his touch, a charge of sexual energy as his lips met her bared flesh. Today, he drank from her with pious grace, eyes closed as though enraptured. He licked the last drops from her wrist, exuding tranquility.
"Thank you, Shepard. I cannot tell you how much your gift means to me. I want you to know that I will fight alongside you, for as long as you need me."
"Are you sure? You've seemed troubled lately. Garrus started having nightmares after I healed him: I thought they might be affecting you too."
"They are nothing I can't bear. I am at peace, Shepard."
"So I see. You're not calling me siha anymore?"
Thane smiled. The woman before him was no less a deadly valkyrie, a fierce warrior, but she was not his Siha. Her heart belonged to another, her soul forever altered by her bond with the turian. He thanked her again, and returned to his quarters to be alone with his angel.