: CHAPTER 09: GOTTA KEEP IT TOGETHER, EVEN WHEN YOU FALL APART PT 2:
Her head ached and her mouth felt dry. She could taste the dried blood on her lip and she felt the coldness of the pavement beneath her as she lie there. The last thing she really remembered was taking the EPT after storming off from Dean and then heading back to the hotel, after she'd told Vickie she was sick.
She'd really just needed time to think, but her head was pounding with a slow dull ache, and she had to wonder just how many hours she'd been gone.. And had Dean even bothered to look for her? At all?
Probably not, she had to bet, given that she'd pretty much exploded on him backstage and told him she couldn't take any of his shit anymore, knowing she didn't mean it.
She groaned and grabbed around, finally finding something solid to stand on, just as dim headlights filled the garage. Before she could really move towards them, CM Punk and Paul Heyman were out of the car, asking where she'd been, telling her that Dean didn't say anything when he'd left, but he'd left after dismantling the room Shield used, and almost beating the shit out of a security guard and some other people who got in his way.
"He was coming to look for you." Paul Heyman said as he fixed his eyes on the girl with slight concern. Punk nodded and held up a finger as he dialed Dean's number and then said "We found her, man.. We were coming to look for your crazy ass and make sure you weren't in jail or murdering someone, but we found her in the garage."
Dean had just gotten done beating on hotel doors, shoving his cell phone into people's faces and asking if they'd seen Livvie when his cell phone rang and he heard Punk on the other end. All he heard were the words "We found her, man." He didn't need to hear the rest, instead, he quickly said "Keep her fucking there. Do not let her fucking leave."
Punk fixed his eyes uneasily on Olivia, he knew how the two of them fought and he also knew a little bit about the current situation she was in, given that Heyman, his manager, was also managing Shield currently, in their own endeavors, so Dean had had to tell Heyman what was going on, why he needed a room at a different hotel than the rest of the group.
He had to wonder if he were doing the right thing, given what he knew about their relationship, as he agreed to keep her there for Dean. He thought about it a moment, not wanting to put her in worse situation than she'd already been in, judging by the bruises and scratches on her face and arms, her hands and the way her clothes were dirty and ripped.
"Okay, man." he said as he turned to Olivia and held his hand over the phone asking, "You sure you want to wait here on him? Say the word, Livvie and Paul will hide you somewhere safe."
"No, I'll wait. I'm just.. I'm shocked he was actually out looking for me, in all honesty. I mean, you saw the fight backstage that we had."
"That's exactly why I don't like doing this. But if you're sure that's what you want.."
"Punk.. I can handle Dean. I get him." Olivia said calmly, as she added almost quietly, "Besides.. I need to.. I have to talk to him.. Think you and Paul could leave your phones on, just in case it doesn't go over well?"
Punk nodded, but raised his brow, a little curious at what she was planning on talking to Ambrose now. It had to be huge, if Olivia was a little freaked out at the possibility of talking to him about it.
Dean's car pulled into a parking spot, and he slid out, and jogged over, looking at her, grimacing as he grumbled and swore, then said stiffly, "Did I not tell ya to not fuckin leave here alone? Huh? Do ya just wanna get yourself killed, Livvie? Ya know how serious this shit is. Yet ya refuse to listen to me, ya keep stormin the fuck off when we fight."
Punk and Paul Heyman left and Dean picked Olivia up and carried her to the car. "Let's go."
"Dean.. I.. I need the hospital.. I have to make sure I'm okay."
"I knew that, Livvie, I was takin ya there anyway." Dean muttered as he leaned over and placed his hand on the back of her neck firmly, and pulled her into a kiss, before saying quietly, "We'll talk about the damn fight later." as he pulled out of the parking garage, allowing himself to calm down now, allowing his anger to bury itself back down.
The drive to the hospital, they were both quiet, but he noticed that she curled against him over the console, and she was shaking a little bit as if scared.
Mentally, he decided then that if he ever caught this bastard of an ex husband of hers, he was going to enjoy snapping him in half. After all, the man had been stupid enough to lay hands on her, to touch something that belonged to him now.
He might not treat her the best, but he'd be damned if this bastard was going to do this to her, and walk away on his own legs. No, when Dean got finished with the man, he'd have to be wheeled out on a stretcher.. If they could find all the parts he managed to rip loose beforehand.
Parking, he helped her out and then asked quietly, "You want me to wait or..."
"If you want to leave, go ahead." Olivia said quietly, as she looked up at him. His eyes had this strange look to them, like he was freaked out right now, but he wasn't going to admit that he was freaked out. Or that he was still slightly angry from earlier.
Either way, she wasn't sure what she'd tell him, after she made sure she was okay, and either confirmed or denied that she was pregnant.
If she were, that changed everything.. and it might not be for the better.
"I'm not leavin ya.. I meant, do ya want me to go in with ya, or .."
"I think I'll be okay." Olivia muttered as they walked into the building and he got someone to take her back, by making a scene, of course.
The second the door shut ,and it was just herself and the doctor in the room, she said in a rush, " I took an EPT before anything happened to me.. I wanted to know if I am pregnant, and if the baby's okay?'
The doctor nodded and hooked her to the machinery. She gasped as she heard a small but even heartbeat a few minutes later.. the doctor, smiling said in concern, "If you don't mind me asking.. The man who's waiting outside.. did he do this to you?"
"No."
"Your baby is fine. Now I need to look at you, ma'am.. " the doctor said as she unhooked all the devices monitoring the baby, and started to look over her injuries. After she finished, she turned to Olivia and then said calmly, "You seem to be fine. You might have some bruises and cuts, a minor concussion. Do you mind if I ask what did happen to you?"
" I got into a fight with my ex husband. It's hard to explain really, the entire situation is fucked up." Olivia muttered, still in shock, still processing what she knew now.
One, she was pregnant. It was definitely Dean's baby, no doubt about that, because she hadn't been with anyone else but him since leaving her ex husband a few years ago.
Two, she had no idea what the state of their relationship was currently.. She had walked away from him and told him she couldn't take anymore, just minutes before she was attacked by her ex husband. What were they to one another now? Did he ever even really want her?
And finally, the third and biggest of the things running through her mind right now.. What the hell was she going to do about telling him about the baby, about her being pregnant. He never even hinted at settling or slowing down for that matter, nor did he ever give any indication as to what he really felt about her, at least not verbally.
All she had to go on were his actions, and lately, she couldn't tell by those, one way or the other.
Out in the waiting room, Dean sat having his own mental battle. What the fuck was taking them so long? He stood and paced and was about to go down to the parking lot for a smoke when Roman and Seth filed in quietly, solemnly, sitting down, handing him a coffee.
"Figured you could use it." Seth said quietly as Roman nodded and then asked, "Are we doing something to this motherfucker?"
"If I ever get my god damn hands on him.. He's dead." Dean muttered and then said quietly, "She should be out here by now, what the fuck is taking so god damn long?"
"Relax, Ambrose.. She'll be fine. She's a fighter."
"Yeah, I know that, but that man, I mean.. What if he? You know.. It's so fuckin sick what I keep thinkin might have happened to her while I was off having a fuckin tantrum about her having the nerve to walk away from me that.. Fuck it.. I hate this emotional bullshit. I'm not a pussy, I'm ice cold.. The fuck is any of this even getting to me for?"
He sat down, his head resting on his hands, his elbows resting on his knees, his feet tapping a steady and impatient rhythym against the cold and tacky linoleum floor. Right as he was about to throw the damn cup of coffee in disgust, she walked out, slowly, cautiously, almost as if she were scared to death.
Standing up, he walked over, brow raised..
"So, umm... everything okay? I'm gonna kill that motherfucker, Livvie."
Olivia looked at him and then nodded, biting her lip. She'd been fully intending on telling him she was pregnant, just getting it out there, out of the way, but she just wasn't sure how it'd go. And Seth and Roman were there. "I'm fine, Dean.. I just.. I need to sleep or something.."
Dean got the sneaking suspicion she wasn't telling him something, but for the moment, he let it go. It kept nagging at him and as the four of them walked down to the parking lot, he wondered why she was acting so distant. Then he got angry with himself internally for even giving a shit about it.
They'd been pushed to the breaking point and beyond, and given the way he often treated her, deep down, he wouldn't blame her if she meant every word she said before all this happened.
The drive back to the hotel was quiet, she stared out the window mostly, her mind racing, nervous.
Should she stay, tell him, or should she run and hope to hell he forgot about her, just so she didn't have to wonder if he were going to walk away when she told him what she knew to be true now...
Dean parked and then without looking at her he said quietly, "The fuck is it?"
"Don't make me answer that, Dean."
He growled to himself and got out of the car, went around and helped her out. Tonight had scared him, even though he'd die before telling anyone that. Once they were in the room they'd been sharing, he closed the door firmly, locked it and turned around, to find her pacing, as if she wanted to say something, but she just wasn't sure how to do it, or if she even wanted to.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's just get some sleep.."
"Don't give me that shit, Livvie. I'm not fucking stupid." Dean commanded as he stood in front of her, made her look up at him.
"Okay, fine. You asked for it, just remember that when you hear what I have to say." Olivia said back angrily as she looked at him, her hand on her hip, her other hand in her hair as if she were still not sure whether to say what she wanted to say or not.
"Say it already, god damn. You're done. You told me that earlier."
"No, Dean this is.. It's something else.." Olivia said as she finally took a deep breath and said quietly, "I'm pregnant."
For a few minutes too long, he stood there quietly, letting the weight and shock of her words hit him. He couldn't get his head around it, he didn't know how the hell he was supposed to respond, especially given all they'd put one another through, the way they started out together.
He wanted to be happy, but those demons just kept crawling back in.. Taunting him that he'd never be good enough, that he'd never make a good father, that he was too fucked up, that he wasn't capable of love.
Hell, he really wasn't sure if he even loved her..
"That's all I needed to know. Somehow, I figured you wouldn't be happy about this. Guessing we're done now?" Olivia muttered as she moved or tried to move around him in the room.
"I need to fuckin think." Dean grumbled as he turned and walked over to the bed, sat down, staring at the floor. When he looked up, she was putting her clothes into her own suitcase.
"Where the fuck are ya going?" Dean asked, panicked, not knowing what to do or say, or stop her from doing this, now of all times.. The words kept repeating themselves in his head over and over.
" Dean.. If you have to think then we have bigger problems than my ex husband coming after me, or this whole bizarre relationship we're in, if you even call it that.. So, I'm making it easier on you. Look, I love you.. But I'm not going to sit here and wait on you to trust me enough, to love me enough to stop fucking us up. So, when you make up your god damn mind? Find me, we'll talk.. Until then, just don't bother. I'm sick of this rollercoaster, and I can't just think about me anymore, I can't just lie here at night and worry about you and what you're going to deliberately put in our path to fuck this up. I love you.. Just like this. I don't even expect you to say it or return it .. I can't stop loving you.. but I can't live like this." Olivia said as she grabbed her bags, started towards the door..
He should have stopped her, but for some reason, he was still too shocked to even really move from the spot he stood in. As the door closed behind her, he stood there, his hand in his hair, then sank down on the bed, sitting down again.
He kept hearing what she told him, all of it, over and over.
"And as usual.. I fucked it all up." he muttered bitterly, as he uncapped a bottle of Jack Daniels and drank half of it down, before he started trashing the hotel room.
Which is what he was still doing when Roman and Seth walked in, got him under control.
"Where's Liv?" Roman asked, concerned for her, wondering what Dean had done this time to make her leave.
"She's gone, man.. She's really fuckin gone." Dean said calmly, quietly, in a shocked voice.
"What the fuck did you do?" Seth asked, a little angry, he considered Olivia a friend, he was protective of her as an older brother would be..
"She told me she's pregnant, and then she told me that she couldn't deal with me deliberately fucking things up.. that she loved me for me, but she couldn't live with the constant worrying over what I was going to do to push her away or test her next. If she really fucking loved me.. she'd fucking be here."
The two men looked from Dean to each other, then back again. Roman chuckled and then said "It's kinda funny.. Mr. Love 'em and leave 'em.. finally does the unthinkable, meets someone he really honestly loves and he can't resist fucking it up.. let me guess.. when she told you you just stood here like an idiot, right?"
"Roman you motherfucker, this is not fucking funny. She's out there, somewhere with my kid.. And you're gonna sit here and laugh and shit.. But yeah.. I did just stand there. I don't know how to take that shit, man!"
"And that.. is where you fucked up, Ambrose." Seth said calmly as he looked at him, then smacked him in the back of the head with an open hand.
Dean glared, growled and rubbed the back of his head before popping Seth with an open hand in the forehead. "The fuck was that for, Rollins?"
"That was because you're an idiot. She's fucking scared to death right now.. When you said nothing, you only made her that much more afraid."
" The fuck was I supposed to say? I don't even know if I want this, or how I feel about it."
Roman groaned and shaking his head said calmly, "Well you better fucking figure it out, Dean, because in a few months? Like it or not, the kid will be here.. You can't just tell a kid not to be born. Things don't work that way."
"Fuck you." Dean muttered as he said calmly, "I need a fucking drink." and staggered towards the door. He stopped about halfway across the room because he noticed she'd left the shirt she usually wore to sleep of his, folded neatly on the chair pulled partly away from the table.
He picked it up, held it to his nose.. Then he put it down again, waving his hand at it in disgust with himself.
He'd really, really fucked it up this time. Now, he needed to figure out whether it could be fixed, or if she were better off if he just walked away.
Olivia got her keycard at the front desk and found her new room. It was two doors down from AJ, who she'd gotten to know a bit, while doing her makeup since she'd been working with the company.
In need of someone to talk to, anyone, she set off down the hallway, and ten minutes later, it was all pouring out, as she cried without stopping. When she finished, AJ held out a tissue and then said calmly, " He's as scared as you are, Olivia."
"He's not. I honestly don't think anything scares him, ever. He's mad as hell that this happened, probably, but he's not scared."
Punk stepped into the room and clearing his throat said, "If you don't mind, April?"
AJ nodded and let him talk. She had to admit that her boyfriend was really, really good at keeping himself together, staying calm and giving decent advice when asked.
" He does. The thing about him is that he does not operate like normal people, Liv.. So normal rules don't apply. When he reacted the way he probably did, or didn't react at all.. He was probably trying to figure out what he felt, what he wanted."
Olivia listened, and then wiping her eye said quietly, " I'm scared too, but I keep going back to him.. i mean we never do anything but fight, and he just won't trust me when I tell him that I love him, no matter what, no matter how scary he gets. I can handle him, I can handle whatever happens."
"Maybe if you two aren't around each other for a while," Punk began, rubbing his chin as he tried to think of a solution that'd actually help, before continuing, " Then maybe if he has time to think, to have to sort out how it feels with you not there, then maybe it'll work itself out."
"So you're saying I did the right thing when I got away from him for tonight?"
Punk nodded and then said "You both need time to think.. this whole thing was really, really fast, and the added stress of your ex husband threatening you constantly, didn't help matters much. Want me to see if Heyman can talk to Vince about getting you some off time?"
Olivia nodded numbly. Right now, she felt like this was the worst thing she was doing. She missed his arms around her, she missed the way he made her laugh at the oddest things, she missed lying in bed next to him at night, and she missed not being afraid.. she missed him. She had this feeling that she'd never make it through being away from him, but parts of her were curious as to whether it would even register to him that she was gone..
And this is what made her tell Punk to talk to Heyman about getting some downtime. He set off to do that, and AJ hugged her and then said " Nothing worth it is ever easy, Liv.. Just think about that whenever you think about going back before he comes to you."
"But he's not going to come to me, I know what will happen.. As soon as he realizes he's free, he'll be done."
AJ shook her head and then said "You didn't see how freaked out he got at the arena when he realized you were gone and you weren't at the hotel. He came back, and let's just say that at least 8 security guards got themselves a new asshole ripped. Not to mention his tearing up the backstage area, interrupting Ryback's match and accusing Ryback of all people of hiding you.."
Olivia raised a brow, but said nothing for a few moments..
"If I don't do this now, he'll keep treating me the way he wants to." she reminded herself as she set off for her own hotel room, falling onto the bed. She dug through her suitcase, hoping she'd grabbed the t shirt of his she always slept in, because his cologne lingered on it, but it wasn't there.
It was going to be a long seperation, she could tell already, because she hadn't even been away from him for two hours and she was already wishing she hadn't done this.
And somehow, she had the feeling that tomorrow wasn't going to be any better.
Now, not only was her ex husband after her, but she didn't know what would happen with her and Dean next... her thoughts were anything but comforting, and her mind kept telling her she was doing the right thing, but her heart kept insisting that this was completely wrong.
Completely and totally wrong.