Chapter 10: Castle Hilton
"Mr. Biggles, why have you done this to me?" wailed Paris Hilton. "How could you walk around without your bear suit on?"
"Well gee, Miss Hilton, after you left, there didn't seem to be much point. All the other kids were making fun of me-"
"Why do people only think about themselves? Why don't they ever think about me?"
Butters quailed, holding his stuffed lion tighter. "I'll do anything you say, Miss Hilton."
"You will? Splendid! I have another bear suit downstairs! I'll go get it. You can put it on. Then you'll wear the suit, I'll slit Kenny's throat, take the ruby slippers, wear them to Friday night's party, and everything will be wonderful!"
"Jtsnw hhs omo sg ijoew jnpss fzrp!"
"Oh, who cares what you think? I'll go get the bear suit!" She hurried off.
Kenny tried the door, but Paris Hilton had locked it behind her. He began running around to the various windows of the tower room, desperately looking for a way out, but the two boys were just up too high. The outside walls of the tower were sheer and unclimbable. "Shbs oedpl bu bun eed hd hdb hbuhes!"
Butters came over to one of the windows and looked down to the moat far below. "Wow, that's a long way down," he said. Then he looked at his stuffed lion. "I'm sorry to have to do this to you, little buddy, but you're our only hope. You have to run and get help." He kissed the toy lion on the forehead and then tossed it gently out the window.
The lion fell down, down, down, down, down and at last plopped into the castle moat. For a second, it disappeared beneath the water, then reappeared, floated for awhile on the surface, and then sank into the watery darkness forever.
Butters cursed, "Oh hamburgers!"
Downstairs, Paris Hilton was rummaging through one of her many closets. As she looked for the bear costume, she sang to herself:
Oh won't you be,
My lovin' teddy bear?
I'll put a chain around your neck
And lead you everywhere.
Oh won't you be,
My teddy bear?
I don't wanna have no big ape
'Cause they always play too rough.
I don't wanna have no cheetah
'Cause a cheater's cheatin'
Is somethin' I've enough!
So won't you be, my teddy bear?
I'll put a chain around your neck
And lead you everywhere.
Oh won't you be,
My teddy bear?
She squealed with delight when she found the bear costume. Then she went racing off to the kitchen to grab a gigantic butcher knife. When Paris Hilton got back to the main flagstone courtyard of the pink and turquoise castle, some of her servants were in the process of marching Kenny and Butters down the ornate spiral staircase.
"Oh good!" she exclaimed. "I have an extra bear costume of Mr. Biddles and a knife for that boy there!"
"Fijs mon sfrdl ndbdb vshh vz!"
A servant stuck his head into the courtyard. "Excuse me, Miss Hilton. There's a pair of door-to-door diamond salesmen who wish to speak with you."
Paris Hilton stopped dead and turned on a . . . Wait a minute. She would never turn on a dime. Paris Hilton turned on a twenty-dollar gold piece. "Diamonds?" she drooled.
"I'll show them in." A few moments later, Kyle and Cartman were ushered into the courtyard.