Welcome to today's episode of the Laff-A-Lympics. We'll start our day in fabulous Frankfurt before we finish around the world in the picturesque Philippines.

With the standings very tight, all three of our teams—the Yogi Yahooeys, the Scooby Doobies, and the Really Rottens—will undoubtedly battle hard to win today's Laff-A-Lympics Gold Medal.

And now, let's join our commentators, Snagglepuss and Mildew Wolf.

"Thanks, and welcome, even, to today's events. We're here on the banks of the banks of Main River for our main event: the frankfurter eating contest," Snagglepuss said.

"Don't forget the beer," Mildew interjected.

"Make that root beer, Mildew. We have to be responsible, you know, we have a full slate of events."

"Of course, Snag. After all, it would be irresponsible of us to ask our competitors to eat 50 frankfurters and then drink as much beer as possible if it wasn't root beer."

"Indeed, you're right. Right indeed. Let's meet our brave contestants. For the Yogis, it's the team captain—Yogi himself."

"That's right, Snagglepuss. I have a nose for picnic baskets, so that makes me the food expert," Yogi replied.

"I can't argue with that logic. For the Scoobies, we have Shaggy."

"Where's those frankfurters? Let me at em!" Shaggy exclaimed.

"Easy there, Shaggy. Save the energy for the contest. Finally, for the Rottens, we have Sooey Pig?"

Sooey grunted and oinked excitedly.

"I know, Sooey, but it's not my fault he doesn't understand pigs eat anything you feed them. So ignore him and win that contest for us," Daisy Mayhem told Sooey.

The scoring for this contest will be standard, with 25 points going for first place; 15 points for second; and ten for third. Cheating will be penalized, and teams failing to complete the event will not place. Unfortunately, this means that losing your lunch means you lose your points as well.

At the sound of a loud tuba, Mildew said, "Either someone's stomach is already queasy or that's the starting signal. So, eat up, drink up, and earn some points for your teams."

Watch our contestants as they wolf down their wieners.

"Hey, I'm a wolf and I don't wolf them down! I eat them," Hokey Wolf interjected.

Uh, right. Anyways, it appears that Yogi has the early lead.

"Just like I was snacking on a picnic basket from the park," Yogi said before he scarfed down another frankfurter.

Alongside Yogi, both Shaggy and Sooey did their best to eat their hot dogs as quickly as they could without having to stop to belch, or worse—throw up.

And look at this turn of events, Sooey is the first to finish his fifty frankfurters. The big question is how much root beer can he down before time runs out.

As a local volunteer filled a large glass full of root beer for Sooey, the latter oinked impatiently.

"You know you have to wait for them to serve you, Sooey!" Daisy shouted back. "You can't just drink it straight out of the barrel like some sort of pig!"

Sooey grunted back angrily.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot you are a pig. My mistake."

As Sooey starts to drink his root beer, Yogi appears to be the next to finish his frankfurters. Can he drink more than Sooey?

"I'll drink more bear than the average bear," Yogi insisted.

Just as Yogi received his first glass full of root bear, Shaggy ate his 50th and final frankfurter.

And now it's down to who can drink the most root beer before time runs out. The glasses are refilling quickly—so quickly it's hard to know who is in the lead.

At the combined sound of an accordion and a tuba, everybody stopped.

"We'll now check the root beer containers to see who drank the most," Snagglepuss said.

"Uh oh!" Shaggy exclaimed before he quickly ran off-camera and threw up.

"That's too bad, Shaggy. That's an automatic disqualification—and no points, even. Mildew, who drank the most between Yogi and Sooey."

"As you can see from checking the levels inside the containers, Yogi drank more than Sooey—though not by much. The Yogis win the event," Mildew replied.

Fortunately for Yogi, the applause from his teammates drowned out his burp from the root beer's carbonation.

With the win, the Yogis get 25 points. The Rottens earn 15 points for second, and the Scoobies get no points for failing to successfully finish the event.

"Sorry, I let you down, guys," Shaggy said, hanging his head in disappointment.

"It's OK, Shaggy," Blue Falcon replied. "Your valiant effort has given the rest of us food for thought."

"Please, don't mention food."

###

"We're here in the Frankfurt City Forest for our next event," Snagglepuss said.

"That's right," Mildew added. "In a throwback to medieval times, we're having an archery contest where three brave contestants have one shot to try to get as close as possible to the bulls eye."

Once again, our teams will be playing for 25 points. In the event of a tie, duplicate points will be awarded.

"I couldn't have said that any better—even if I tried, even," Snagglepuss replied. "Now, let's meet our aspiring archers. For the Yogis, we have Augie Doggie."

The rest of the Yogis cheered their young contestant.

"For the Scoobies, we have Scooby Dum."

Hearing his name, Scooby Dum sang the first four notes of Beethoven's Fifth.

"And for the Rottens,we have Mr. Creepley. I never knew you had an affinity for archery."

"Are you kidding, my great great great grandfather Creepy Creepley was one of the best archers second only to Robin Hood," Mr. Creepley replied.

First up will be Augie Doggie.

Augie stood at the designated mark and carefully sized up his target. He shot his arrow and he watched as it landed in the lower right quadrant of the inner blue ring.

Augie's shot is good for six points. Next up is Scooby Dum.

Scooby Dum struggled with the arrow as he tried to properly align it. As he struggled more, the arrow fired prematurely.

"Uh oh," Scooby Dum said.

The rest of the Scoobies gasped, expecting a poor shot. However, the arrow unexpectedly hit the upper quadrant of the outer blue ring.

Scooby Dum's premature shot somehow succeeds for a five-point score. Finally, we have Mr. Creepley for the Rottens. Can he win with a precise shot?

Mr. Creepley calmly stood and executed what looked like a perfect shot. However, he didn't understand why all his teammates booed him.

"What's your problem?" he asked them.

"Creepley, you kook, check where your arrow landed. And I thought you had family skill!" Daisy Mayhem yelled back.

Mr. Creepley looked to see that his shot missed the target and the arrow embedded itself in the stand supporting it.

"Oh well, maybe they switched monsters in the maternity belfry and adopted me," he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

The Rottens showered more boos on their teammate.

"I think the results speak for themselves, Snag, but how about we get a recap before we wrap up and switch destinations?" Mildew asked.

"Yes, Indeed. Indeed, we shall" Snagglepuss answered. "Let's get that update."

The Yogis get 25 more points to move up to 50. The Scoobies get 15, which also doubles as their current score. The Rottens get ten points for effort—if not achievement—to move up to 25.

"Razzin frazzin creepy arrow blazzing," Mumbly muttered.

"And with that, we'll see you in a moment when the finish our competition in the Polynesian Paradise known as the Philippines," Snagglepuss told the audience.

###

Welcome back for the second half of our All-Star Laff-A-Lympics. From a magnificent jeepney race in Manila to an interesting obstacle race in Iloilo,you can bet we'll have an exciting end to today's events.

Let's recap the scores heading into the next event. The Yogi Yahooeys have the lead with 50 points. The Really Rottens have 25 points, and the Scooby Doobies round out the scoring with 15 points.

Now, let's rejoin our announcers. Take it away, Mildew and Snagglepuss.

"Thanks," Mildew said. "Are you heard, we have quite the race in store for you sports fans. Our Jeepney race has to be one of the more unique events we've ever attempted on television."

"It's definitely in a class of its own," Snagglepuss added. "A race around downtown Manila in jeepneys is definitely quite the challenge. Let's meet our contestants."

"Here, I'm with Tinker and a retrofitted Speed Buggy for this race. It must feel good to be in your element, huh?"

"Well golly, Mildew, Speedy and I have been anxious to be in an event together again, and we couldn't pass up the chance," Tinker replied.

"Yeah," Speed Buggy sputtered.

"Don't worry, Speedy, those changes are only temporary. If we win, I promise you'll get all the new 10W30 you want after the race."

"OK, while those two talk shop, let's look over here. We have Mr. Jinx driving for the Yogis, and he's elected to have Pixie and Dixie serve as his optional co-pilots," Mildew stated.

"This may be a jeepney thingy, but meese power has to be just as good as jeep power," Mr. Jinx told Mildew.

"I'll take your word for it. Finally, for those rascally Rottens, we have the primary partners in crime—Dread Baron and Mumbly."

"If my brother* can have fun with those way-out races, why can't we follow in their footsteps... or would that be tire tracks?" Dread Baron asked rhetorically.

Mumbly snickered at Mildew.

Snagglepuss spoke into a loudspeaker, saying, "You each have the course map. The first time to finish the race—without cheating—gets the 25 points for first place."

At the sound of a trumpet, all three teams sped away form the combination starting and finishing line.

Our drivers have crossed the Pasig River and they're making the turn onto Recto Avenue. It's the Yogis with the early lead, followed by the Scoobies and the Rottens.

"Alright you meeses, step on it!" Mr. Jinks called out.

"What do we step on, Pixie?" Dixie asked.

"I don't know, Dixie," Pixie replied.

Behind them Tinker tried to encourage his driving partner.

"C'mon, Speedy. You can do this," he said.

Look out! The Yogis missed the turn onto Juna Street in Binondo. That's going to set them back. Now, speed Buggy and Tinker holds the lead over the Rottens.

"Alright, Mumbly, activate the super-secret speed sensors," Dread Baron said.

Mumbly snickered as a pressed a button. The Rottens' jeepney sped past Speed Buggy and Tinker.

What a race! As our drivers make one last turn through the Intramuros and race towards the finish line, the Rottens have the lead with the Scoobies barely leading over the Scoobies.

"Alright you two, if we can get more speed, I might have some cheese for you," Mr. jinks said.

"Cheese! Where?" Pixie and Dixie asked in unison.

"Get us more power, and it's yours."

"You got it!"

The Yogis pull ahead of the Rottens,but what's that cloud of smoke? Surely it's not smog.

"Of course not, Speedy just got the lead out and shifted into overdrive," Tinker replied.

Look at this, the Scoobies have passed both their opponents and crossed the finish line ahead of them. What a comeback! And, the Yogis will finish ahead of the Rottens.

"Drat, foiled by a speed sensor!" Dread Baron groaned.

Mumbly snickered until Dread Baron flicked his nose.

As the fans cheered the race and Scoobies cheered their win, Tinker said, "Good job, Speedy. I told you we could do it."

After sputtering, Speed Buggy replied, "Yeah... now, where oil?"

"The was quite the exhilarating—and exhaustive—finish. Let's get the new standings, shall we?" Snagglepuss said.

Sure thing, Snagglepuss. The Scoobies pick up 25 important points to move up to 40. The Yogis managed to get 15; they stay in the lead 65. The Rottens finish last with their 10 points bumping them up to 35.

###

"We're here at the Iloilo Sports Complex for our final event, an obstacle course like you've never seen before," Mildew told everyone.

"That's right," Snagglepuss said, "We have an obstacle course set up on the track oval where runners won't have to jump the high hurdles, but instead jump over natives using tinikling sticks."

The camera cut away to the local citizens demonstrating how they beat their bamboo sticks on the ground and against the other sticks.

"The first person who can finish the race with their ankles intact will win. And to make this race more meaningful, we've doubled the points."

All 45 competitors cheered loudly.

"I hate when he has me do this part," Mildew lamented. "I can't believe it, but Yakky Doodle is going to run this race for the Yogis. Yakky, aren't you worried they might mistake you for dinner and smash you between those poles?"

Yakky simply shrugged his shoulders in response.

"If you won't worry, I won't. Goodness knows there's enough to worry about here. Over here, we have Brenda Chance. Brenda, do you think you can do well?"

"To be honest, Mildew, I'm very excited about this race. I really think I have a chance," she told him.

"And that's why jokes should be told by professionals. And finally, for the Rottens... oh no, please don't tell me it's you..."

"If I did, it would be a lie," the Great Fondoo replied.

"Why me?"

The first contestant to complete the course will receive 50 points and all the necessary first aid to be able to walk out of the stadium. So, runners takes your marks.

At the sound of a whistle, all three racers left the starting blocks to begin the race.

And there goes our runners. It's a dead heat for now, but I have a feeling that will change as they reach the first obstacle.

The Great Fondoo deftly hopped through the tiniklers and continued on his way. Yakky, despite quacking loudly when a stick clipped his ankle did his best to chase after Fondoo. Brenda stopped to time the sticks' rhythm and made it through unscathed. However, her caution left her frantic to catch up to her opponents.

So far, our runners are doing well, but that will be put to the test at the halfway point where we have two sets of tiniklers for them to tiptoe through.

This time, Fondoo wasn't as lucky as a mistimed jump left him hobbling on a sore ankle. As he tried to recover and continue, both Yakky and Brenda made it though without incident.

"No worries, I shall use my magic to keep me on track," Fondoo said. "Abracadabra, Abracazap, fix my ankle with a healing wrap."

After a puff of smoke, Fondoo noticed a bandage wrapped around his ankle. He scowled, however, to hear the sounds of music including scratching sounds.

"At least my magic is improving," he said as he started running again.

Our racers are reaching the third major point. There's two sets of tiniklers together and a third one a short distance away. Our runners are definitely going to be tested here.

Fondoo, despite his bandaged ankle, somehow managed to reach the point first.

"And to do a hop, skip, and a jump, that would leave my rabbit jealous," he said as he deftly navigated the tinikling by hopping on his uninjured foot.

Brenda was next to make it through her obstacles.

"Now, I have a chance!" she exclaimed.

Yakky followed close behind, despite a couple of close calls, he managed to clear his obstacles.

"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, they didn't get me," he said.

And our runners are making their way down the home stretch. With one last set of tiniklers set up before the finish line, it won't be just another foot race. And, here we go. Are my eyes deceiving me? Sure enough, it's the Great Fondoo winning for the Really Rottens—and he didn't even cheat. Behind him, it's Yakky Doodle for the Yogis who wins by a beak over Brenda and the Scoobies.

Upon hearing the announcement of Fondoo's win, the Magic Rabbit popped out of Fondoo's top hat and gave a congratulatory, "Brack!"

"Hold it!" Mildew called out. "This was a one-person race. Because the Rottens had two racers instead of one, their point total is cut in half."

The rest of the Rottens booed to learn their 50-point win would be cut in half.

"Brack!" the Magic Rabbit replied in disgust.

"I told you to let me win by myself, and I would have done it too!" Fondoo scolded his colleague.

And with the results final, let's review the final totals. After their penalty, the Rottens earn 25 points for the win and move up to 60. The Yogis get 30 points for second to finish with 95. The Scoobies get 20 for their third place finish, bringing them up to 60. That means today's champions are the Yogi Yahooeys while the Scoobie Doobies and Really Rottens tie for second.

At the podium, Huckleberry Hound wore the Gold Medal for the Yogis. Sharing the second podium, Captain Caveman and Orful Octopus sported their teams' respective silver medals.

"Well, Snag, that was some finish. I already have goosebumps thinking about what's going to happen next time," Mildew said.

"No worries, my friend. I can promise you our next set of events will take place someplace warm. Not only that, but the Yogis and the Scoobies have clinched the top two spots for our upcoming playoff round," Snagglepuss told him.

"Just don't tell you-know-who. They won't be too pleased."

"I have a better idea. Let's just so good-bye until next time. So long, even."

Mock Social Media Update

Official LAL Bogus Chirper Feed—Yogis win today's #Laff-A-Lympics to vie for one of the top spots. Tune in to our next competition.

Yogi Yahooeys MyBook Account—We were better than the average team and got a big win today. Can we get the top playoff seed? It won't be a picnic!

Really Rottens Stumbler Account—If we can't finish in first place, there's no reason for us to play nice. It's time to do what we do best!

Updated Team Standings

Yogi Yahooeys, 5, 3, 2, 835
Scooby Doobies, 5, 3, 2, 760
Really Rottens, 2, 5, 3, 570

Chapter Endnotes:

* Originally, I incorrectly believed Dread Baron and Dick Dastardly were cousins. The correct relationship is brothers. Thanks to Luiz4200 for pointing this out.