I'm back! Y'all thought I'd forgotten, didn't you? In any case, sorry to leave you hanging for like a year. Really sorry. But knowing me, you probably expected this. If you didn't think I'd continue, shame on you. Anyway, it's good to get back to Jared, I've been neglecting him. It may be a good idea to re-read the last few chapters to remind yourselves of the goings on. Hey, I needed to and I wrote them. Also, if you detest bad language, terrible dissapointments and fights, turn back my children!

Raven Roth

The window still down, I heard the sliding door slam weakly, but then the final, ringing bang of the heavy door shut behind it. I started the car, letting Jared sit in the passengers seat like a wilted leaf. The air was buzzing with heat and dissapointment. There was no signs of movement from the little house, and Ben's sister was long gone done the path toward the trees. I considered staying here in case Ben changed his mind, but I knew how little a chance of that there was, and let the handbrake down instead. Putting the car into drive, I reasoned it was better to get 'home' as quickly as possible. He had already been hurt enough for one day.

We'd been driving down the highway for ten minutes before one of us made a move. Jared, his hands steady, reached out to turn the radio on. Besides that we were motionless and silent the entire journey. I drove, focusing all my attention on the dusty road ahead, my shoulders tense, as if it were my first time behind the wheel. Jared stared out the window at the tall stalks of sugar cane that whipped past, then the campgrounds in the smaller town, then the concrete sky scrapers of the city. There was nothing either of us wanted to say to one another. The sun was already sinking into the horizen, and the day that had started out so promising was ending in disapointment so toxic it made me want to vomit all feeling from my body.

Ben had not been something Jared had simply wanted. He was not a precious jewel, or a new contract, or even me. Ben was something that had evaded Jared his entire life, but that today had been close enough for him to see it was real and not fantasy, at least before it disapeared again. I felt his emotions raging around the cab, felt them inside my body growing larger with every second of silence, until it felt like I would burst. Jared's hatred, his anger, his deep depression - it all compounded inside my skull and with nowhere to go, manifested into a painful migrane. It would have been enough to crumble me if I were alone, but I knew now was not the time. I could barely stand to look at him and see the disapointment on his face.

Feeling his pain right now was worse than any pain I had ever felt for myself. I wanted to kiss it away, to fix it for him, but there was no way. Nothing I could do. This was not a matter magic could fix. No, this was a matter of the heart, a matter of family and love, things I didn't understand at all for my lack of practise. Even though I had spent my life making sure I didn't want anything that was not sure to come to pass, Jared had not. He was not used to this kind of failure.

As I pulled into the underground garage and parked, I felt something change within him. The energy that had seeped from him now rushed back into his body in a wave of anger. He snapped upright and wrenched the door open, slamming it before I had the chance to undo my seatbelt. It echoed around the concrete. Jared was dynamite waiting to explode. The was fire in him now, stoked by frustration. It made the air vibrate like taunt cords strung between us.

I was used to the moods of men. I had rolled my eyes at Robin's manic pacing and calmed Cyborg's righteous anger. I had snorted at the petty jealousy that arose in men around Aqualad, and been frustrated at the Monk's attempts to cut me into a shape I wasn't. This, however, was different. This time, in the face of all Jared's terrible anger, I was a little scared.

But what was I to do about it? This hotel, with it's plastic pot plants, grey walls, and pockets of dust in each corner was my sanctuary right now. For the first time I had no room to run to and hide in for an hour. It was too hot to throw the covers over my head. Even now that dusk was falling, the heat in this garage was stiffling. Besides, Jared needed me. How selfish would it be to forget what had just happened, act as if he hadn't been dealt such a harsh blow. How Raven of me to want to avoid the emotions of others because they were difficult and confusing. Even if I was no Starfire, I should be able to comfort him. He was after all, my boyfriend. He had conforted me with jokes and soft caresses when I had paralysing doubts about my desision to leave the Titans. He was ready with sympathy when it came to my mother. Now it was my turn - how often did I really have to deal with a gloomy Jared? This was the first time. It was important in deciding how I would act in future. If I would be a grown up, or if I would tip toe around him until he cheered himself up, or sunk into a depression.

With no other option, I followed him up to our room to find him glaring at the door as if he could flatten it with his fury. When he spoke, in a sharp tone urging me to "hurry up", I realised I had the key in my pocket and with hands that trembled slightly, opened the door for him. The heat was welcomely combated by the fan we'd left on all day. He made for the bedroom but turned on his heel and walked over to the table and sat down. I followed cautiously behind. He got up and walked over to the kitchen, irritably opening the fridge. I took a deep breath of the cool air.

"There's nothing in here." he said bitingly. I didn't think he was really talking about food. This whole place was devoid of anything comforting, familiar or useful in this situation. I thought of Ben sitting miles away in his own kitchen and wondered if the visit had put him in a similar mood. I wondered if that girl, Tui, was unsuccesfuly trying to help him. If she was failing bitterly, like I was.

"I'm sorry." I replied, soft, so he knew what I meant. That I wished Ben had jumped up and embraced him. That I wished he would burst through the door right now.

He paced over to the wall and hit his head against it, cooling his forehead on the plaster. I didn't know what to say, how to move, the right way to act. I placed a hand on his arm, felt his tensed bicep. "He must have been in shock, he probably didn't know how to feel."

Jared shrugged me off and stepped back, giving me a look that made me feel like an insect.

"And how the hell do you think I feel Raven?"

He was upset. If today hadn't probably been one of the worst in his life I wouldn't have taken his tone. If he had been anyone else in the world I wouldn't have taken it. But he was Jared, my Jared, so for once I tried to ignore pride and put someone elses fragility first.

"I know how you feel. I feel it too. That was horrible." I replied, as evenly as possible. "But it's not the end. You can try again tomorrow."

"Please tell me you're joking, because you can't be this stupid." He groaned, raising his voice. I couldn't see any trace of the Jared who'd woken me up by planting kisses along my collarbone, and taken me to a diner for an english breakfast where he'd remembered my favourite brand of herbal tea. Inadvertantly, my eyes narrowed. "He's my goddam brother, yet he didn't even recognise me. He doesn't want to fucking see me again, it's over! This was all for nothing!"

I didn't like being yelled at. Even less being called stupid for trying to help. That would teach me - compassion got you nowhere. Things would be different if he were yelling at the wall, or at empty space. The Jared I knew never yelled at me, therefore this wasn't the Jared I loved. Treating him like he was would get me nowhere.

"If you say so." I said quietly. He gave me that look again. I sat down. "If you're going to give up after dragging me all the way over to fucking Australia, I guess that's got nothing to do with me."

"I'm not giving up and you didn't have to come if you didn't want to Raven. You don't have to follow me around like a puppy!" He growled. He was legitamitly angry with me, something I'd never had the chance to see before. The demon in me liked it. She wanted to play, thought it was cute. I pushed her back with little effort. This was no game.

"Oh? Like when exactly?" I spat back. Despite the age gap, he'd never treated me like a kid. I was the mature one. He did not get to talk down to me.

"Like today! You didn't think I might want to see him alone?"

"Do not blame this on me." I hissed. My head felt like it was being cleaved into with an axe. His anger was hurting all the more because now it was directed at me, all of it, great big stores he had built up and kept in a resevoir for Ben's adoptive parents. I really wanted to hold him, and be held in return, so we could bear this pain together, but that couldn't happen. He only wanted Ben, not me.

"Then stop trying to fix this like it's your precious city. This isn't a Titan problem, girl wonder."

Implying I was Robin's lap dog was new. If he had before said being a Titan was not a profession but who I was, in a negative light, it had only been teasing. Now it was a fault within me. Something that pissed him off.

"I'm trying to help because I'm your girlfriend."

God, that word sounded silly. It was not a word for someone who felt every stab of doubt and terror he felt. For someone who shared not only his bed, but his emotions, triumphs and failures too. I meant to say it nicely but it came out cold.

"You're meant to be my girlfriend, but right now Raven, you're a fucking bitch!" He shouted, smacking the wall with an open palm out of frustration.

I sat quietly. He had called me many names that upset me. Angel, Doll, Sunshine, 'cute' things like that. Never Bitch. I didn't think I'd ever hear that name from him. The thing that really bothered me, was the sudden violence I felt flare up inside him. I knew Jared was capable of violence, but never did I think he would feel the urge to exert it on me. There I was, proved wrong once more.

I suddenly felt very alone in a world I wasn't sure of. I could take a physical attack from almost anyone. An emotional attack to, though from anyone but him.

Jared Wilson

Jesus Christ, she was infuriating! She just stood there, watching me with those hurt doe eyes. There was no way a girl like her could understand what I was going through, no way in hell. Even though she spoke like a woman and lived like a woman and sometimes moved like a woman, her experiance with emotions made her a girl to me right now. In fact, when it came to feeling, Raven was two years old. How could I explain everything I felt to her? How could I make Raven understand that my blood had been replaced with ice, my bones with sadness? Every step seemed heavy and pointless, every breath bringing me closer to giving up. I hadn't had the chance to even speak with him alone yet, and I already felt like I had lost Ben.

The worst part was, there was no one to blame. No one had done something wrong in order to make Ben reject me, yet the only driving force inside me was the desire for revenge, to make someone pay. Without the need to blame something for today, I was nothing. I would collapse on the floor and not get up for days. I would simply wallow in my depression. Without revenge I was a man of action with nothing to do.

She kept staring at me. I knew it wasn't her fault that this had happened. I knew it, in my heart and in my head. But that didn't stop this sudden rush of hate rising dangerously close to the surface when I looked at her impassive face. When I looked at her it felt like we were on opposite ends of a wildly unbalanced scale. She was feeling nothing, and I was feeling everything in the world. It seemed like righting the scale, to blame her. She was a empty vessel for me to pour everything into.

For a second I felt pity for her, and that felt good because that was a feeling not aimed internally. Raven, the vessel, the empty shell to be used by everyone around her. By her father, as a portal, something to rest his demented dreams on. By Robin, as the ideal team member, something to mould into obediant, joy-killing perfection. By me, as the dutiful girlfriend who would drop everything and go to Australia if I said, only to be the object of my misplaced hate. Then the pity was gone, replaced by fear. What if I did something to her?

I had always possessed this mean streak, my first foster parents called it. If someone wronged me, I would get payback, sometimes losing my mind for a second and lashing out a little too hard before I knew what I was doing. Sometimes when I was really mad my vision tinted red and I heard the sound of the roaring ocean in my eardrums, or maybe just my blood pumping hard. What if I hit her?

The thought sent a numbing chill rumbling through me. It made me feel like I had just witnessed something disgusting - perhaps a premonition of a possible future.

"I'm going out." I muttured, grabbing my wallet off the table between us. Her eyes became even wider. More hatred seeped out into my blood - she was supposed to narrow them in suspicion, not treat me this way.

"Where?"

I could tell she wanted to come, and edged towards the door. The girl was crowding me, making it hard to breath. I thought of Ben, of his ratty girlfriend and of his rusty ute playing R n' B loud. I thought of that screen door slamming shut behind us, the moment the talismen of hope I had been wearing shattered. I felt dizzy.

"Out."

"When will you be back?"

"Dunno."

"What are you going to do?" She shot off the rapid-fire questions, each one a blow that made me feel less like a man and more like her sticky-fingered toddler, or an animal she was poking with a stick. My sight was going a little fuzzy around the corners and heat was travelling up my neck to my face. It was much too hot and jesus I needed to get away from Raven so bad it was almost like she had become the source of it.

"I don't know!" I snapped. Everything beautiful about her had become annoying and twisted. Why was she so different? Why had I picked a girl so many miles away from my usual type? Why couldn't she be a skinny blond with blue eyes? Maybe then she wouldn't look like she was embarrassed about my show of emotion in the car. Like she thought I was weak. Her dark lips were the lips of a demon, far from the pink of an uncomplicated girl. Her pale skin was wrong wrong wrong for Australia, the land I needed to assimilate to in order to become Ben's real brother, the one he deserved.

Finally her eyes narrowed and with releif, before she could say a word, I pressed a finger to my belt buckle and teleported into an alleyway outside the motel. Instantly, I was like a prisoner pardoned. I headed off in the direction of noise, alcohol, and hopefull oblivion. In order to get my head straight, I needed to demolish every thought in it so I could start fresh. I needed to drink till I forgot why my insides were decaying, why I had dragged Raven here only to hurt her. I needed to become, at least for a night, the Jared who had no cares nor responsibilities once more.

Slade Wilson

"Number 27, Kalburrow Road, indoor camera and microphone, activate." I said lazily, leaning back in my chair. My hands were cradelling a cup of Wintergreen's excellent coffee. The computer screen was currently showing the exterior of the little clapboard house, a dust cloud from a late model Silvia slowly dispearsing. The screen went blank for a second and then lit up with a view of the kitchen inside the Thomas residence. Seated at the table were two messy youths, one the spitting image of my late brother, and my difficult nephew, the other a maori girl cracking ice between her teeth. Though my posture was relaxed, I was intensly focused on the scene playing out in front of me. The initial interaction between Jared and Ben had not gone well, now was time for the fall out.

I was unsure if I felt disapointed they didn't hit it off. I knew that in order to get Jared on side, I needed Ben as a draw card. In order for Ben to have some influence, I needed them to be long-lost brothers united. An embrace would have been ideal. However something about the situation didn't feel final. Perhaps the look of complete confusion on Benjamin's face.

"He had to be lying... didn't he?" Ben asked, looking up at the girl. Her calculating face crumpled into one of sympathy.

"I'm not sure... He did look like you." she said, her tone soft. I frowned. From what I had seen of this girl, Tui Henderson, in my survalence, she had two personalities. One was snarky, prone to outbursts and biting comments. The other was easy going, compassionate and charming. She was built the same way Raven was - apparently the Wilson boys shared a resembulance in not only their appearance, but that of their taste in women - only younger and a bit on the skinny side. Pretty in the way caucasions wern't. An island princess sort of way. That is, she would be if she felt the need to wash her hair or dress like a girl.

"I didn't think he looked that much like me." Ben replied dully. I narrowed my eyes. The couple that raised him - I had their file splayed out on my right - had done of terrible job of getting Ben to think on his feet, but at least they had kept him in shape with farm work. That was one thing, the rest I would have to teach him myself when the time came.

They stayed silent for a while, staring at the formica table. Wintergreen appeared behind me.

"Any developments?"

"Ben is slow to grasp obvious concepts. He must have got that from his mother." I muttered. Wintergreen laughed. The door to the home was flung open, after some fumbling with the sliding door behind it and the Matilda girl stepped in, dishevled and looking around for Jared.

"Thank god he's gone." she breathed. "We have to tell mum and dad."

She had an irritating voice. In my experiance there were two types of Australian accents a women could pocess. The soft, exotic one, and the loud exagerated one that grated my nerves like cheese. This teenage nit squarly hit the latter.

"No." Ben said forcefully. For the first time I recognised the Wilson in him. Commanding, in control. My worries were eased some. Both of the boys had it in them. They were both brimming with potential. All I had to do was make sure they fall together, and then get rid of those holding them back. Namely Raven, though that would come later. His girlfriend smiled, and it was such a cunning smile I couldn't help but notice.

"You're kidding! We have to tell them! What if he comes back?" Matilda yelled, looking wild.

"Don't be a bitch. Keep your mouth shut." Ben warned, though there was no real malice behind it. Matilda stared back at him.

"He doesn't have quite the same drive as young Jared." Wintergreen noted. I nodded soundlessly. We had watched Jared in action. Up close and with survalence once I figured out who he was. He could joke and toy with people, but he had the Wilson mean streak. He could threaten and mean it, just like his father. I was yet to see that in Ben.

"I'm going to my room." he sighed, getting up. When he cleared the door, Matilda made to follow him, but the other girl stood in her path. Her face changed, from empathetic to shrewd.

"Move bitch!" Matilda whined, trying to pass. I could see no love was lost between these two girls. Ben's girlfriend threw her hands out and shoved her backwards, forcefully. Though she was skinny, there was some power in her. Matilda stumbled and blinked, confused.

"Listen good, you annoying little cunt." Her voice was a hiss. Wintergreen leant forward to watch. "Your brother said to keep your mouth shut. Since what happened today was none of your fucking business, I think that's resonable, ae?"

Matilda said nothing.

"I said, ae!" she snarled. Matilda nodded quickly. Ben's girlfriend stepped aside, her face changing back to normal with an almost liquid fluidity. Matilda hurried off down the hall, her expression frightened.

I let out a low whistle. That girl had been unmistakably vicious. She was unsettling, in a way that lit a spark of promise in my mind.

"Wintergreen," I said as we watched her sit back at the table to stare out the screen door, cracking ice again. "How far did you get with the extra information I asked for on the Henderson girl?"

I had only asked for it last night, but Wintergreen kept on top of things like no other man.

"I have contacted one of my old army friends. Brian Smit, he now works with the Auckland police force. He is going to call tonight."

"Excellent. I want to see what those gang connections add up to. While you're at it, look deep into her family. Who raised her? I want health and school records. I want to know what brought her to Australia."

I had a feeling about this one. I needed a contact within Ben's immediate circle, and attempting to get Matilda's mother back into the picture was risky and time consumming. If this girl had a secret, a problem she needed getting rid of, or, best case scenario, a thirst for money, she would be of immense help.

"I will get right on it. She seems promising."

I held up my hand as Wintergreen was about to leave.

"What do you think we ought to do about the Titans?"

They had been spotted leaving Jared's neighbourhood yesterday. Really, even in civilian clothing they stuck out of crowds. Robin's eyes had contained the manic glint I knew so well. He had obviously found some new information. I couldn't have him finding my favourite love birds too quickly.

"A distraction of sorts?" He suggested. I nodded.

"A dozen Sladebots and a hostage should do the trick."

"Seems wise sir." He replied. I took a sip of the coffee, now lukeward, and ordered the camera off.

My language is really filthy. I disgust myself.

I hope there are still people out there reading this. If so, review. Another half a chapter is all written up, begging sweetly to be posted for you all. Theres so much you have to know. Will Jared snap out of his angry little depression? Will Raven forgive him? Is Tui going insane? What is Slade up to? Will the distraction keep the Titans from locating Raven? Will Cyborg and Jinx overcome morals and get together? Is Terra going to remain a bitch? WHO IS THE HOSTAGE?

All this and more, next time...