What You Do To Me

by Olivia Janae

The thing was...she HAD said 'I love you' - and Chloe hadn't said it back...so now what the hell were they supposed to do? Things were starting to snowball downhill and...Beca just...she didn't know. How could they stop it? How could they fix it - before it was too late? ...Before they lost so much more than their romance. Sequel to 'I Love You, Awesome Nerd' Updates every Sunday

10. Chapter 10

For the first time in a week things felt normal when Beca woke the next morning. She groaned into her pillow, stretching long and grinning, somehow happy despite the dark cloud that had been hanging over her for the last few days. No, Chloe wasn't in bed next to her which - boo - but she could hear her excited voice in the hallway so she hadn't gone far. As a matter of fact, her shrill voice, that was failing to stay to a whisper, was probably what had woken her and she didn't care in the slightest. She cuddled deeper into the blankets, reviewing the previous day before she fully gave into being awake. Nothing special had happened after their explosive morning but it had been awesome; the kind of day they hadn't been able to have all week. All they had done was chill at home, just being together.

It was almost like -

The door creaked open and Chloe's red curls came around the frame first, peeking in to see if she was awake or asleep. Beca had to stifle a laugh, wondering if this image, the wild hair and the one startlingly blue eye was what Chloe at five years old had looked like. "Did I wake you?" Her voice was muffled, her mouth still hidden out of sight.

Beca shrugged, enjoying the sight of her, "What's up?"

Chloe's single exposed eye blinked and then as though her kettle had finally boiled over she yelped and sprang, launching herself at her.

"AAAH!" Beca cried, catching her and rolling with the momentum of Chloe's body. "FUCKSHIT!" She yipped as she only just managed to keep them from rolling right off of the bed.

"Guesswhatguesswhatguesswhat?"

"Um, you found the hidden package of full-caff coffee that I've been hiding from you?"

Chloe rolled her eyes and gave her arm a little smack, "Nooo!"

"What?"

"I GOT A JOB!" Chloe let out a little squeal, her whole body wiggling as she cheered.

"What? You did?"

"Yup! Just now, oh my god, Bec, oh my god, it's better than I could have hoped for!"

"Well tell me about it then!" Beca laughed as Chloe scrambled over her, her thighs clenching tight around Beca's ribs in her excitement.

Fuck.

She blinked up at the sight of Chloe atop her like this, her hair wild from sleep, her eyes alight, her skin bare; creamy and glowing.

Jesus Christ.

Fuck, she was beautiful. It wasn't fair.

She opened her mouth but then just let it close again, her hands running up and down Chloe's thighs. Focusing...she was focusing...on Chloe's...words.

"So. Oh my god, I'm so excited. It's a subbing position, which," Chloe clicked her tongue, her face scrunching unhappily, "and it's kind of far, but!" She did a happy little squirm and Beca's chest felt tight, like she had just put on a too small sweater fresh from the drier, "it's going to be from January to late February because one of their English teachers had to leave suddenly. So I'm subbing but I'm the permanent sub until he can come back!" Chloe grinned, unconsciously playing the drums on Beca's sternum, "That means no going from school to school every day, that means steady work. Aaaaand, to top it off! When that is over they hired me on, starting next year as their full-time choir teacher!"

"You're kidding!"

"Nope!" Chloe's bubbly was exploding, she could barely sit still. She leaned down and gave her a series of quick kisses, all of which made Beca's chest contract a little harder, before Chloe's nose scrunched, her lips twisting into that strange figure eight as she thought, "It does mean that I'll have to have Willa and then be back at work before she's even six months old. I really don't like that but the schedule -"

"Wait, wait, wait," Beca cried, her hands closing on Chloe's waist, "Who the fuck is Willa?"

"Oh!" Chloe's eyes went wide for a second and then she blushed, her lips twisting all over again, "I named her."

"What? When?"

"Yesterday." Chloe's hand went to her small belly, giving it an affectionate rub. "At breakfast."

So wait, her eyebrows furrowed, when she was sitting across from her agonizing because she thought she had been like mega super fucking - super pissed... she didn't really know anymore because she had seemed pissed and then she had jumped her bones. Anyway, when she had been all worried, Chloe had been sitting there giving Legacy a name?

A name like...Willa?

Really?

Beca frowned. "Willa?"

The grin that came to Chloe's face then was absolutely breathtaking and for the first time, Beca could see the loving mother in it, everything going soft for a moment.

It made her dizzy.

"Yeah. Willa. It's perfect."

"Oh my god, Chlo!" Beca laughed with her whole body, "How 'crunchy granola' can you get?"

Chloe just smiled, taking her hand and pressing it lightly into her belly, "Do you feel that?"

"Nope. Does Nick get veto power?"

"Nope. Do you hate it?"

"Yup. Somehow you found a more hippie version of Willow. I'm impressed." God, it sounded like something that Chloe would name her baby though, didn't it? She couldn't argue with that. It was equal parts classically beautiful, hippie, unique and totally freaking boho.

Chloe's bottom lip jutted out, looking so honestly devastated for a second that Beca leaned up, ready to take it back. "Really? You don't like it?"

Instead of answering Beca just caught that oh so tempting lip.

After a while they had both slipped into some pajamas, still going back and forth about 'Willa' and headed downstairs. They hadn't even finished cooking when the doorbell started to go off. Neither were really all of that surprised when Emily loped in.

"Hey Flashlight, I didn't know you were coming over," Beca grinned, pleased as she cooked their food. "Whatcha got?" She asked, glancing over her shoulder at the spiral notebook in Emily's hands.

"You hungry?" Chloe asked before Emily could continue.

"What? Oh, no. I'm good. Thanks, Chlo. Um, Beca, I just wanted to talk to you about some changes." Emily flopped open the notebook and Beca frowned.

They were supposed to be done with the changes now. She could have sworn that Emily had said she was done. They were supposed to be recording. Like now, right? But instead of pointing that out she shrugged, "Cool." Was it just her or was Emily being a little weird about this? Was she nervous? She didn't get it. She guessed that Emily was allowed to be just as weird about recording and her songs as any of her other clients - who all had a moment of weird somewhere along the way - but Emily was usually too chill for that kind of stuff. Somehow she was like the most chill, least dramatic person that Beca had ever met.

"Are you guys getting close?" Chloe asked with a grin, her hands rubbing absently on her belly.

"Yeah, totally!" Beca grinned and gave Emily a shoulder bump.

Emily didn't return it, instead she frowned, letting out a little groan, "I don't know." Her lips pursed so tight that they disappeared and her head shook.

"What? Dude, stop stressing. We so have this." She watched Emily flush and begin rummaging through the papers as though she had lost something desperately important.

Um.

That was new.

She had only seen Emily behaving like this once before. Just like Chloe, Emily was kind of straightforward in a weird way; if she liked something or disliked it you knew. She didn't hide it. The only time that Emily had seemed, she didn't know, like this was post her first Bellas performance when she had been sure that the Bellas were going to go down in flames and her only chance to really 'be' one was going to be that one terrible performance. She had been terrified that she would be known as that not-really-a-Bella - Bella and that she was never going to be able to live up to her mother's legacy. She had been secretly very upset but was so freaking sweet and frankly awkward that she had just shuffled around for a week, refusing to make eye contact and twitching, rushing out of the room whenever someone tried to talk to her new behavior. They had all been a little concerned until finally, at a party, Emily had gotten a little tipsy and had confessed the whole thing to Stacie - who had laughed and then threatened to 'pop her in the tit' next time because they had all begun to wonder if she was on drugs.

Beca watched her twitch, flipping through the pages so hard that the book accidentally shot to the ground.

She glanced at Chloe and saw that Chloe was looking concerned too.

Okay so not totally in her head. "Dude, are you alright?"

"What?" Emily jumped like she had been goosed. "Yeah, of course. Totally. What? Why?" Emily's huge doe eyes flashed between them.

Beca frowned, exchanging another look with Chloe, "'Cause uh," she frowned, "You know what? Never mind."

The toast popped out of the toaster accenting the strange silence in the room and Beca decided to be the one to grab it, trying not to send Emily appraising looks over her shoulder. "So um," Beca decided perhaps the best thing to do was to distract for the time being. Jitters were just jitters. "What do you think of the name Willa?"

Emily frowned, "Willow? Like...the short little dwarf man from that one movie?" Beca's eyebrows shot up. "Uh, it's one of Benji's favorites. Forget it, never mind, uh, pretend I didn't say anything. Okay, what? What about Willow?"

She knew what she was talking about. Benji had made she and Jesse watch the movie like four times in college but um… "Willa. This one here," Beca pointed an accusing spoon at Chloe, "has decided to name this kid - Willa. As in, I dunno, freaking Willa."

"Oh my god!" Emily cried, dropping her notebook so it fell to the floor all over again, "That's so pretty!"

Chloe beamed like her day had just been made and Beca groaned. She had thought from Emily's original response that she would have a damn ally in this!

"You like it?" Chloe all but bubbled.

"So much! Oh my god, I can totally see a little redheaded girl named Willa! That's so pretty! Oh my god, Chlo, so cute!"

Beca growled, "Traitor, you're supposed to be on my side!" But then she had to laugh as Chloe gave Emily a happy hug and stuck her tongue out at Beca over Emily's shoulder.

"She can't, Bec," Chloe laughed, "It's a good name."

"Oh come on, you are willingly setting that kid up to get beat up all through elementary school."

Chloe let out a dramatic gasp, "I am not!"

"Yuh-huh."

"Oh, you take it back!"

"Nope, can't." She said with a sad shake of her head.

"Take it back!"

"I literally can't! It's the truth and you can't take back the truth."

Chloe gasped again, Beca's favorite twinkle sparking to life in her eyes. The thing was - Chloe didn't seem to totally get it… or she did - but the moment that Chloe climbed up her back, biting her neck in punishment Beca knew she would pretty much do anything but take it back.

"Can't do it! Can't do it, Chlo! Come on, they're going to ask her if her mother braids her armpit hair or if that's her chore every week."

Chloe's fingers jabbed into Beca's side, hitting her ticklish spot.

"Which," she squeaked, "brings up a very good point. I mean, are you going to have her do it or are you just going to keep doing it yourself?"

Chloe let out an indignant shriek and attacked.

They wrestled like that for a while, laughing and teasing and it seemed to help Emily's stress level. Perhaps it was the happy mood in the room, or perhaps it was having everything be so normal again but soon Emily was laughing with them, cheering on Chloe.

That was.

Until Beca learned that those 'changes' Emily wanted to make were actually code for Emily had decided that she wanted to rewrite all of their already completed songs.

She had, somehow in the wrestling, climbed onto Chloe's back but now hearing that, she dropped off staring, "Em...but, what? Are you kidding? They're good! These are totally awesome! Like, I wish I could write that well."

Emily just scuffed her shoe.

No wonder Emily had seemed so nervous that morning.

"So um, yeah, but the thing is, they're not!"

"They are! Dude, we have to start recording soon. Like - by Monday. It has to happen. We're gonna run out of time before Kendra gets here."

"What? By Monday?" Emily yelped like someone had just kicked her and dropped her notebook...again.

"Yeah, dude! I mean, I guess it doesn't have to be exactly that soon but yeah, soonish would be good. And the tracks are really good! They're amazing!"

Emily's mouth was hanging slack as she glanced nervously between Beca and Chloe, "I don't know, Bec, I really, like really, don't think we can. We're not ready! I mean, have you, this all, oh my gosh, it's all so freaking not good."

"But it iiiiiiis!"

Emily just scowled.

So, because in the end this was Emily's album, she and Beca went to work over the next two days, rewriting all of Emily's songs in their spare time. Which Beca wasn't totally psyched about but okay, there were worse things than going back to hanging out over takeout with one of her best friends up in her studio.

At least, normally that was true but this time it was kind of stressful. No matter how hard they worked, no matter how good the songs were - and they really were very good - Emily seemed to hate them. Beca got it, all artists kind of hated their stuff. She had learned a long time ago that you couldn't really argue with them when it came to that; they always had a more critical eye. But Emily - she was off the deep end; finding nitpicking reasons to turn the songs down and go back to the drawing board. There was always an air of palpable tension near her. In Beca's opinion Emily was just a little too worried about this album and the recording process. She talked about it obsessively.

It was frustrating the hell out of Beca...though...honestly, and she did feel bad about this, but she was having a hard time focusing completely on that. On any of it, really. Though she was sitting up in her studio, half of her mind was downstairs.

Chloe just kind of hadn't left.

It was great.

She and Emily would be working at the table, pouring over the lyrics while Chloe would be on the couch behind them, reading a book, or going over her future course materials. They would be downstairs, spread across the couches and Chloe would be across the room, stretched over her yoga mat. Just like before, Beca would wake, they would cook, they would go about their days and see one another at the end. It was so goddamn homey that Beca could barely handle it.

It was good.

It was awesome.

So she was kind of pissed when despite all of that Beca woke before sunrise the morning of the third day, drenched in sweat and, oh, those were tears, weren't they?

Fuck.

Her heart was racing, her mind playing Jeremy's slack face over and over, each one feeling like a punch to the gut.

"Shit." She mumbled into the darkness, her quaking hands coming up to rub her face clean. "Fuck." Why now? She didn't get it. Why now? She had fallen asleep easily. It had been amazing even. She had fallen asleep next to Chloe while she had a whispered phone conversation with Aubrey. She had literally fallen asleep to the sound of her voice! And it had been months now since Jeremy had died. Nothing had freaking changed, not the ways she felt about this situation, not anything. Why were these dreams coming now? "Fuck," she whimpered again, her body shaking as a soundless sob forced a few more tears to spring loose.

"Are you okay?" Chloe's voice was soft, gentle in the silent room but it still made her jump. She glanced over embarrassed when she realized that not only was her bedmate awake but she was up on one elbow, a look of fearful worry on her face. So not only had she woken someone who sleeps like the dead, but apparently she had done it awhile ago.

Awesome.

The dream had ended a little earlier than normal. She had woken with her fingers still pressed against Jeremy's cold skin; she could still feel it on her fingertips. She pulled her fingers under the blankets, shoving them between her thighs so they would warm. Maybe it was Chloe who had pulled her out of it. She didn't know if she should say thank you or not. Beca opened her mouth but she couldn't answer, her throat was thick with tears and frankly she would really rather choke on them than let them out right then.

She just really - really, really didn't want to do that right now.

"Baby?"

Beca took in a shuddering breath, but she wasn't awake enough, she could tell. She was awake enough to know she needed to wake up fully, but not enough to know how to shake off the grip of the dream. She could still feel the panic, she could still feel her outside knowledge that she was turning away from him, that she was letting Jeremy die. "Fuck," she whimpered, pressing her arms against her eyes, trying to hide the fact that she was crying again.

Damn it!

"Beca." Chloe breathed, pulling Beca into her arms, closing her in tightly.

Beca curled up against her, her hand locking into red curls, holding herself in place. She took a deep breath, taking in the scent of the woman that she had known so long, this stupid awesome woman who had somehow wiggled under every shield and wall she created and had become her safety. Immediately she could feel the scent working through her, calming her and warming her dark spots.

"It's Jeremy, isn't it?"

"What?" Beca jumped, her hands convulsing tightly in response. She didn't want to hear his name.

"You were talking in your sleep. You said 'he's dying'." Chloe's voice shook as though seeing Beca's pain was bringing her to tears, "Why didn't you tell me, Bec?"

Beca didn't answer. She had literally nothing at all to say.

"When did they start?"

She didn't answer that either.

When had they started?

Right after you left.

She wondered vaguely if that feeling of loss, the one that had accompanied Chloe's step away from her, away from them, had maybe triggered something in her - because, she would be pathetic like that.

It made sense. It wasn't just Jeremy anymore. Sometimes the dream was far simpler. Sometimes it was just remembering the crying face of her mother the day that her father had walked out on them, sometimes it was remembering that last hug and the sadly resigned look he had given her just before he shut the door and was gone.

Which - was just - freaking great.

"Beca, it wasn't your fault."

"I know. I never said I thought - it's just - you don't have a lot of say in what you dream, Chlo." God, she felt so stupid, even worse now that she was being held by Chloe. She had already cried about this. It needed to be over.

"I know." She felt Chloe push her hair back and kiss her forehead.

The doorbell peeled from downstairs, making Beca jump. A sudden fear pulsed through her, making her hold tighter to Chloe as her brain worked, telling her whoever it was, it couldn't be good. "Uh..."

"That's what woke me up," Chloe muttered against her forehead.

"Someone's here?"

"Yeah."

"What freaking time is it?"

"Late."

Beca frowned, her heart beating hard. She knew it was the dream that was making her feel this way but fuck, her veins were filling with absolute panic. Something was wrong. Clearly. "Shit." Fuck. A million things flashed behind her eyes, everything from realistic to totally stupid as she pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. She half ran down the stairs, terrified and threw open the door. Her already sore heart leapt and she knew she had been right, something had happened, something very bad. Her hand closed on the door handle, truly wondering how much more she could take. For just one fleeting and horrible moment it took over; stress, exhaustion, the last few months of ups and downs and all she wanted to do was lie down, cover herself with a blanket and make it all go away.

There had just been so much, too much; she was so tired.

Emily stood there, her face drenched, tears falling in fast waves, so fast that Beca had never seen them that way, not from Emily who was usually so upbeat and positive. Even when they had gone out drinking together, Emily had never been one of those to get drunk and become a sloppy, tear-stained mess.

"Crap, Em, what happened?"

The girl hiccuped, her shoulders bobbing up and down as she sobbed. "I'm sorry," she wailed, "I'm sorry, I know it's late and I know Chloe is here, I'm sorry!" She sniffed, turning purple as she tried to hold back any more tears.

"Dude, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Benji and I had a fight. Can I - can I stay here for a few days?"

"Errr-" Beca's eyebrows pulled together. It was only the surprise that made her hesitate. Benji and Emily didn't fight. Ever. They were kind of freaks that way. They never fought. "Of course. Uh, come in, do you uh, do you want to talk about it?"

"Emily?"

Beca was relieved to see Chloe coming down the stairs, she was better at this than Beca was.

"Oh my god, Emily, sweetie, what's wrong?"

"Benji and I - I think - he - I had to - I think we - we're fighting."

"Oooh, sweetie." Chloe swept past her, giving her arm a small squeeze as she went and then wrapped Emily in a tight hug. Emily cried harder and, feeling kind of like a shit friend, Beca rubbed her back.

"Come on. Let's get you settled." Chloe insisted, her eyes concerned, following each change in Emily's face. Beca took one of the bags that Emily had over her shoulder and followed them as they started up the stairs toward the spare rooms.

She had no freaking idea what could have possibly happened between them. They were both so weird but they were like, pretty much perfect for one another.

"Why don't you put on something comfy and then come and talk to us?" Chloe asked, stroking Emily's arm.

Emily sniffed, rubbing her red nose with her forearm and nodded.

Chloe gave her a soft smile and reached for Beca's hand, holding it tightly and pulling her downstairs. "What about you? Are you okay?" Chloe stopped them before they sat, looking over every inch of Beca's face. "I'm worried about you."

"I'm alright." Beca shrugged, hoping it was convincing and hoping that she didn't notice that her fingers were still shaking even though they were enclosed in Chloe's hand.

Chloe's lips pursed and she eyed her skeptically but, after giving her a this-will-be-brought-up-again-soon look, she asked, "What do you think happened with them?"

"I have literally no idea. It's weird. Benji is so laid back, I don't know if I've ever seen him get pissed about anything. I kind of just assumed they never fought, I assumed that they just like bartered about doing whatever the other one wanted until they came to some type of middle ground. Well no," Beca ran her hand through her hair and flopped down onto the couch, "there was that one time that Benji caught Jesse playing with one of his doll - action -figure - things. He got pretty mad then, but otherwise..."

Emily came downstairs a few minutes later, her eyes downcast as she cuddled between them like a lost kitten.

"Do you want to tell us what happened, sweetie?"

Emily just shook her head, resting it on Chloe's shoulder, her feet burying under Beca's thigh.

"Do you want to just sit for a while?" Chloe asked, brushing her fingertips across Emily's forehead in her most soothing way.

Emily nodded.

"Okay, we can do that."

Beca's hand fell to Emily's shin, her heart hurting for her. It had to be serious, whatever it was. What the hell could have happened to make Benji kick her out? Or had Emily left on her own? Either way, they had been together forever now. It had to be bad.

Emily didn't want to talk. She just wanted to sit between them in silence. They agreed.

She wasn't sure how long it had been when she felt the leg under her hand go slack, relaxing as Emily's hitching breath evened out into long, deep snores.

Chloe turned and gave Beca a small smile, her arm protectively around Emily's shoulder.

Beca smiled back, that warmth that came with Chloe filling her as her eyes began to close too. She struggled against the pull, trying to stay awake, knowing they all should head upstairs to their beds but eventually she lost the fight.

They woke the next morning a bit late and all extremely sore. Emily had slumped down into Chloe's lap, her feet sprawled and pinning Beca down; but though she was sore she smiled, this was kind of a good way to wake up, right? She searched for a word to describe what she was feeling but she couldn't track one down. It reminded her of being a kid and going to visit her grandma for the holidays. She had always been forced to take the sofa bed with all of her cousins. It had pissed her off every single time because her cousins were all huge lumberjack boys who farted constantly but in the morning they all would hang out there in their pajamas, eating breakfast and watching cartoons. And that part had always kinda been fun.

She had no idea what time it was as she reached for her phone, doing her best not to disturb the other two women. What should they do for Emily? She had no idea. Was it better to just let her hang out until she was ready to talk it out with Benji? Should they encourage her to go home? She had no idea and all thoughts of that were pushed to the back of her mind when she saw that she had a text from P.J.

"Hey tiger, the last of the equipment was delivered. (Sunglasses emoji) Let's go over there together this afternoon and look it over. I think it can be open within a week if you don't care about decoration. Bring that girl of yours too. (Celebration hands emoji)"

Beca let out a scoff. P.J.'s texts had been looking increasingly like Hunny's used to the more he worked with EZTeez.

Across the couch Chloe's head rose, her fingers rubbing her eyes before she gave a little wave.

Beca waved back and handed her the phone to read the text.

Chloe's eyes bugged from their sockets, her head jerking back toward the kitchen.

"How is that already possible?" Chloe hissed when they had both, with great effort, wriggled their way out from under Emily so they could sprint to the kitchen and talk.

"I dunno, I wasn't really paying attention, I guess. I've been working kinda - hard, I um, I guess." With a single-minded focus was more accurate. "It was just, um, easier than I thought it would be. I dunno, we should go but is it wrong to leave Emily?" Beca filled the kettle with water to make coffee, chewing on her lip as she thought, "would that be like a total dick move or…"

"I think it depends on what happened."

"Right. Yeah, of course." She gave a half guilty shrug. Right. She knew that.

"I don't know." Chloe sighed, running her hands through her hair before they fell onto her hips. "Maybe not. Whatever it is, she'll only be here for a while. She and Benji are perfect together. And I'm sure she would understand us going. She might even want an afternoon alone."

"Ugh," Beca groaned quietly, "They are kind of perfect together. I literally don't know any other couples that are that freakin' perfect." Something about the way Chloe was looking at her made her blush and laugh out, "Okay, weirdo."

Chloe just grinned.

It was hard to say who was really more excited as they pulled up to the front of the building. Chloe was chewing her lip with a punishing fury, her eyes dancing and Beca felt like she had been given a sugar and red bull cocktail that could put any teenager on their ass. She was excited but she was so much more excited to show it to Chloe, which made her lame; but they had already established as of late that she was freaking lame. She scrambled out of the car as soon as she had put it into park, chewing her cheek so she didn't let out happy little pigeon noises. She hadn't actually seen the storefront since it had been changed, Beca hadn't realized it was already happening! She could have sworn that the makers of her sign had said they were behind on the delivery but no, there it was! Holy shit, there it was! That shit said 'Grasshopper Recordings', holy crap. Right there! In front of her! She could see it!

The outside of the building had been cleaned and painted, and the sign which had used to hang crooked and faded was now centered, fresh and new. Okay, so she knew it was also lame to call it 'Grasshopper Recordings' but she loved it, especially the pretty yet slightly masculine script, followed by the hand sketched shape of a grasshopper. It looked nothing like her tattoo but it was totally awesome.

She hadn't realized she was standing and staring up at the logo until she felt Chloe's hand slip into hers. "I'm so proud of you."

Beca beamed.

"Come on." And it was Chloe who pulled Beca inside.

"So?" Chloe sighed, "Do I get the tour?"

She tried to hold in her excitement when Chloe grinned her special Beca grin and took her hand. "Uh, yeah totally. Do you want the five cent tour or-"

"No!" Chloe glared as though Beca had just kicked a puppy and then squeezed her hand, "I want the special-V.I.P.-I-know-the-sexy-producer tour."

It took Beca a second to recover. "Okay well. This uh, well, this is the lobby." She waved her hand around the large empty room they had just stepped into, "Obviously. Right. Duh. Yeah. So, it's kinda bare right now, I know. They just laid the carpet and painted the whole place so, err, yeah. Plus, that wasn't so important, you know?"

"Right, you can always decorate once you're open."

"Yeah, totally." She felt kind of silly showing Chloe around like this, but at the same time she kind of really, really wanted to. "Uh, over there," She pulled Chloe by the hand across the lobby and to the far left end. She opened the first door to a simple bathroom, "Whatever. Bathroom. Much like all the other bathrooms ever." Chloe chuckled, "And this," she opened the second door and let Chloe go in before her, "I'm gonna turn this into a breakroom kitchen thing."

"So like, a few comfy chairs, fridge, microwave and coffee maker kind of thing?"

"Yeah. Where someone else is going to make the coffee. Not the producer. Aka, me." Okay, was she smiling like an idiot? Yeah, totally smiling like an idiot. Stop it. "So yeah, and there," she pulled them back out and pointed to the large half moon desk cross the room and just to the right of the front door. "That's where I'm going to put Josie. And then through here," she led her to the single door that was behind the desk and to the right, "Is the studio."

"So what are you thinking?" Chloe asked and Beca eyed her, wondering if Chloe was just humoring her. She kind of didn't think so, honest interest was written all over her face.

"Um. Something like I have at home, I guess. A few couches and a table, comfortable but professional. And then that," She pointed to the far wall where there was plastic sheeting covering her equipment, "is the best freaking part. And uh, obviously through there," she pointed to the window and glass door just beside the equipment, "is the isolation booth."

Chloe gave her a smirk and Beca felt her ears go warm, knowing Chloe was thinking of their last time in an isolation booth together, when the background track for 'Jungle Gym' had been created. "Oh my god, shut up." Beca laughed, despite the fact that Chloe said nothing and Chloe's smile just grew.

The place was small, yeah, it was nothing like Residual Heat in Georgia but it was perfect as far as she was concerned.

"Bex?" They both jumped when someone called her from the lobby.

"In here!"

'Heeeey, you two!" P.J. grinned, "You already take a look around?"

"Yup!" Chloe beamed.

"Did you take a look at this?" He grinned as he pulled off the plastic sheeting.

"Holy shit." She froze, blinking at the elaborate setup, "Dude, I thought I was gonna-"

"Neh," P.J. grinned, "I called tech to set it up, no point in wasting your time."

Beca just blinked.

Would it be totally losery if she cried right now?

She stepped forward and let her hand ghost over the machinery.

"Can you tell me what everything is?" Chloe's gorgeous voice came from nearby and Beca looked up, grinning. She hadn't noticed but Chloe's hand had moved, clutching her one in her two. She loved the way that she was looking at her now.

"Well," and in a soft voice she walked her through each thing, explaining the intricacies, why she chose it over others and only blushed a little when she got to the small a cappella only equipment. Chloe just smiled, watching her face in a way that made Beca's heart feel like it was going to explode. She never seemed annoyed, or tired or bored, she only listened with undivided attention, nodding as Beca went through it, giving her hand a little encouraging squeeze whenever Beca realized she was talking too much and stopped.

"You got me thinking of updating my studio too, Bex," P.J. admitted when she was done.

Beca laughed, "But really though, you should." She took a second to glance around in wonder, "Holy shit."

"It's so cool, Bec. Just think about all of the amazing things that are going to happen here. Also, since you have the a capella equipment we should totally have the Bellas in to record something."

Beca's cheeks flushed as she thought, rather happily, of what that would look like, of the things each of the Bellas would say. She grinned and then flushed brighter when she saw Chloe watching her with a knowing eye. Beca grinned.

Chloe laughed, leaning forward to kiss her, "You're amazing."

Oh my god, her freaking chest was going to explode right now. Holy shit. Too much. What the hell was happening? She didn't get this lucky!

They didn't stay long. As much as Beca wanted to stay and just freaking hang out in the space, there wasn't actually much to do there. They spent a moment discussing possible decorations and then, slightly worried about Emily, they headed off.

"Let's stop at the store on the way home."

"Hmm?" Beca had been chewing her thumbnail as she drove, not really biting it, she didn't do that anymore but she had been thinking hard about the setup and the equipment and her thumb had just kind of found its way there.

"You have like no food. Let's stop. We can cook together."

Right now Chloe could have literally told her to do anything and Beca would have said 'yes ma'am, how high'. Okay, maybe that was true most of the time but the way that Chloe had been looking at her for the last little while, it was fucking enchanting...and maybe a little confusing.

How could she look at her like this and yet have them be in such a strange limbo like place? Yeah, it wasn't really about that, she got that, but the hell?

Unless…

Was she just totally making up that look in her head?

She considered that seriously as she parked, not really paying much attention to the woman beside her. Could she be? Oh god, she totally could be, she could -

Beca yelped as before she could get out of the car Chloe grabbed her by the neck, pulling her into a long, deep kiss that made her brain go all fuzzy.

She let out a small dumb laugh, "What was that for?"

"You're just, you're so amazing, Bec."

She didn't know what to say so she just laughed again, making Chloe smile.

"Are you complaining about the kissing?"

"Oh yeah," Beca scoffed and said in her best dry monotone, "I hate it. It's terrible. Stop."

Chloe gave her that sparkling grin and kissed her again, so strong and fierce that Beca's hands began to itch, thinking that there was a good chance that Chloe was going to climb over the center divider and into her lap. Her breath rocked from her hard as she imagined Chloe perched over her. She had no complaints.

Also, she realized, if they were cooking dinner that night…did that mean that Chloe was going to stay again?

She was considering pulling her over when Chloe finally sat back, her playful eyes dark in a way that Beca knew.

"Come on, Captain," she grinned and started out of the car.

Beca's belly gave a long pull and she cried after her, "Is it weird that I just found that totally hot? Chloe? I know you can hear me! Hey!"

Chloe turned, already halfway to the door and gave her a lascivious wink.

Beca groaned.

She loved it when Chloe was in this mood. It had to be the freaking studio, that or P.J. had dropped something in their drinks. She kept teasing, poking her sides, biting her shoulder as they went through the aisles and of course Beca scowled, but inside she was eating it up.

She loved having the attention of this woman. It could be sold as the next euphoria drug.

"Oh my god, Chlo, stop it!" Beca cried in a whisper as Chloe skipped slightly down the produce aisle, singing a pop song in a low key. "Everyone is looking at us!"

"Come on, Bec, you know the words."

"No,Idon't!" Beca hissed, considering throwing a cucumber at her as her cheeks reddened. Oh my god, this was so embarrassing.

Chloe carefully gathered a few bell peppers, her hair bouncing as she rocked a little, shooting Beca amused glances.

Beca pointedly pretended to ignore her, 'pretended' being the operative word as she couldn't seem to keep her eyes from her for more than a few seconds. Which meant that so far she had tried to drop a head of lettuce into the plastic bag and had missed, dropping it to the floor, had walked into her own cart and had tripped on nothing at all; all because she couldn't keep her eyes on her actual task. Still, Chloe was having none of that right now, even pretending to ignore her was unacceptable.

"I'm walkin' on sunshine, WHOA OOOH!" She sang plopping a bag of carrots into the cart and grabbing Beca's arm, trying to spin her.

"Uh, I don't know you." Beca jumped away.

"I'm walking on sunshine, WHOAAAA OOOOOOH!"

"Ohmygod,stopit!"

"AND DON'T IT FEEL GOOD!"

"Dude,ohmygod!" Beca hissed, rolling her eyes as Chloe finally won, pulling her from the cart and dancing her in a circle. She was totally humiliated and wanted to crawl into a hole but she also kind of loved it and couldn't stop laughing.

"Hey!" Chloe sang, giving her a hip bump, her head and shoulders bopping in place as she took the cart from her and steered it further down the aisle. "Alright!"

Beca tried to hide behind a display of squash but Chloe grabbed her and pulled her along. She tried to casually walk away as though she wasn't with the crazy - and kind of cute - lady but Chloe tossed her a bag of spinach and she couldn't just let it hit the floor.

Chloe was grinning at her too adorably. She felt her cheeks twitch and, though she was staring up at the ceiling, she felt her grin crack.

"Yes!" Chloe laughed, and not seeming to care that they were in the middle of a store, planted a giant kiss on her lips.

Beca blushed, and just because she wanted to see what Chloe would do she sang back, in a much lower voice than Chloe's, "And don't it feel good!"

Chloe's smile could have lit Times Square.

She let out a little yelp as Chloe kissed her again, returning it despite the eyes that she could feel. Chloe turned, humming again but Beca caught her, pulling her back in for another kiss before she let her go, Chloe's cheeks a little pink as she watched her hum, rubbing her tiny baby bump and heading over to the fruit.

Fuck, she loved her a little too much.

Damn it.

She shoved at the thought, not willing to deal with it right now.

"Oh uh, should I call the nice men with the white jacket?" Beca asked when she was near her again, glancing at her out of the corner of her eye.

Chloe just grinned, "That's not it."

"Oh no?"

"Nope. I just like you is all." Chloe grinned, giving her another small peck.

Beca's heart both rose and crashed all at once, "Well that's good, I guess."

"Miss Beale?"

They both jumped, caught in their silly playful mood; Beca's mind irrationally yelling oh god, they're kicking us out! I'm about to be kicked out of a grocery store! Chloe got us kicked out!

"Mrs. Clark!" Chloe cried coming to a stop so abruptly that Beca bounced off the cart; Chloe's face going a slight shade of pale as her fingers interlocked in front of her, hands wringing.

Beca frowned, glancing between them as she rubbed the spot that the cart had hit. Who the hell could make Chloe go from playful to tense in .02 seconds? No one but Marcy and her parents, at least in Beca's experience.

"Oh please, I already told you, call me Claudia!" The woman smiled, pushing her cart until it was alongside theirs.

"Claudia! Hi, how are you? Chloe, please." The two women shook hands.

"Just fine, do you live around here? My goodness my, that's going to be quite a trek for you every day!"

Chloe let out an awkward laugh, "Yeah, it will be but that's alright. Um," she turned to Beca, her eyes blown just a little too large, just a little too wild, "This is Claudia, she's principal for the school I just - for - um, for -at Walton." She gave a breathy laugh.

"Oh!" Beca said, understanding. She glanced between them, trying to clear the confusion off of her face, "Hi. Nice to meet you." She held out her hand and Claudia shook it.

"That little display was so cute. I see we hired the right person to teach our children how to love music. Anyone who is willing to sing like nobody's watching in the middle of a grocery store will be perfect for us! I'm sorry, I'm being so rude! Is this your girlfriend? How long have you two been together?" Claudia beamed at Chloe as they spoke.

The woman hadn't missed a beat, she didn't seem weirded out or uncomfortable or anything. Actually what she said had been kind of amazing and yet Chloe was growing increasingly pale. Beca could see that Chloe was flustered so she instead looked for something to say that would save them all from the silence that was quickly lengthening. She opened her mouth, the 'no, just friends' on her lips but Chloe beat her to it.

"Yes!" Chloe let out a high tinkle of laughter, "This is Beca, my girlfriend."

"Awwe," Claudia smiled, "How long have you guys been together now? I would wager it's been a long time, right?"

Waaaaaaait. Beca unfroze enough to wonder why the fuck this random woman would think that but again Chloe spoke.

"It's uh, fairly new but we've um, we've been friends for a long time." Chloe glanced at her.

The room was spinning.

Why was the room spinning like this? She felt like she was on a boat, the floor swaying lightly under her feet. The hell? Who turned off gravity? She blinked a few times, knowing she probably had a very stupid look on her face and not really sure if she had any control over the proper muscles that would change it.

Had Chloe just said that?

Had something changed?

Something had changed, hadn't it!

Is that what this giggly-weird-effervescent mood was about?

She looked to Chloe, who was grinning politely at Claudia.

No, she could feel the tension radiating from the redhead.

Still there was a stupid part of her that wondered… They had been so passionate recently, kissing and hugging and the sex had been kind of different. Chloe had absolutely lost it when Sophie had put her phone number into Beca's phone. She had gotten all…possessive. Maybe this was how she was telling her. She could see Chloe doing that. Don't bother to explain, don't do or say anything, just decide and then move on. Maybe it was one of those situations where if she just pretended like it was totally normal then there would be no pressure and they could let it be true.

She realized her mouth was hanging open and she snapped it shut with an audible snap, nearly taking off the tip of her tongue.

"We're so excited to have Chloe joining us at Walton this year," Claudia said in a conspiratorial voice to Beca and Beca forced a grin to her lips.

Okay, get your shit together, Mitchell. "Yeah, she's a great teacher! You guys made a good choice!"

"We're lucky that someone didn't snatch her away first. And that voice!" Claudia gave Chloe a kind pat on the shoulder and a wink for Beca, "Our children are going to be very happy. Which makes us very happy."

Chloe let out a titter, "Thank you, Claudia, I'm very excited as well!"

Beca tried to catch up. Claudia was talking to her like anyone would talk to a significant other. It was so normal, so totally normal, or at least it would be if Chloe wasn't making this awkward. It was so clear that Chloe was freaking the fuck out and she was getting paler and paler by the minute. God, she had the worst fucking poker face! She watched Chloe's face drop in color a little more. It was kind of starting to worry her a little bit, actually.

"Are you alright?" Claudia finally asked, her look genuinely concerned.

"What?" Chloe jumped, "Oh yeah," she clicked on her megawatt smile.

"Baby kicking, Chlo?" Beca offered, trying hard to stop the weirdness. Why was Chloe being so weird? This was not that big of a deal!

Still, she began popping her knuckles, worrying that perhaps she was going to crack under the pressure of Chloe trying not to crack.

Chloe gave another laugh, her hand going to her stomach, "Yeah, I'm not quite used to that yet."

"I haven't been lucky enough to have a baby but my sister used to jump whenever my nephew turned over," Claudia said conversationally, "You must be excited about the baby, Beca!" This time it was Beca who let out an awkward laugh, Chloe's wild eyes somehow hurting every time they bounced but did not land on her. "I can't remember, do you know the sex yet?"

The fuck was happening right now? Claudia was just being nice, trying to include Beca in the conversation, but she was beginning to wish this chat was over. "Um, a girl." She managed to get out of her overly dry throat.

"Oh that's lovely!"

"Mmm."

"Well, it seems our timing was perfect."

"Yeah, it was!" Beca nodded, feeling the skin around her lips stretching uncomfortably.

"Well anyway, I'll let you two get back to your shopping. Chloe, I look forward to seeing you after Christmas break. Beca, it was very nice to meet you. We're having a staff Christmas party in a few weeks, you both should join us."

"Um, yeah, absolutely! Email me the information, please."

"Okay, I can do that, ladies. Have a good day!"

"You too," Beca grinned, giving her another handshake.

They both watched Claudia go, feet glued to the floor until she rounded the corner and disappeared.

Beca didn't want to turn, she realized with a shock. She didn't want to turn around and face whatever was about to happen with Chloe because she knew, yeah, she knew it was going to be bad.

...Maybe...maybe she even kind of deserved for it to be bad.

She sent Chloe a side glance and saw Chloe looking at her again, her face as white as paper.

Beca cleared her throat and turned, starting slowly the opposite direction that Claudia had gone.

She didn't know where she was going but she needed to move.

And each step she took in silence felt like a mallet to the heart.

That hadn't been real, come on, she had known it as soon as she heard it. She had known it and yet she was fucking stupid enough to have that one moment, that one stupid moment where she had honestly thought that maybe - fuck, what the hell was wrong with her? Why wasn't she just talking to her? Why was she just waiting, not giving any hints or clues to what she really wanted? Why was she doing this?

Then again. This is Chloe. She was supposed to already know what was happening in Beca's head, right? That was kind of how they worked.

The hurt washed through her like a hurricane, drenching her insides. It was so weird. Chloe – yeah she had hurt over Chloe before but had she ever hurt because of Chloe? Like this, this kind of dark, black ache? That was the kind of thing that Chloe usually tried to avoid like the plague. Chloe was the type of person who hurt just because you were hurting. So even though, yeah, Beca was hurting – it wasn't like that was on purpose, right? Except, she felt a match lite low in her belly and she ignited, except this was so totally stupid. That had been totally stupid. And this was kind of Chloe's fault! Why wasn't she just bridging the gap?

She was - angry. She was suddenly so angry.

She hadn't meant to speak and yet she heard herself ask in a small voice, so soft she wasn't sure Chloe would hear it, "Girlfriends? Is that what we are?" She let out a little bitter laugh, "Aren't we a little old for that? We're not in high school." She felt Chloe flinch more than she saw her. "Should I give you my class ring, Chlo?"

"I didn't know what else to say." Chloe's voice was almost a whine, "I don't know her like at all, we've only met for a few minutes during the interview. I didn't want her to think, I mean, what would I say to her?"

Beca shrugged, "You could say the truth. 'No, this is my best friend who I fuck on occasion.'" The words had just come out without her permission at all. Shit.

"To my future boss, Beca?"

"I don't know!"

"Bec!" Chloe whimpered, and Beca felt terrible. Why did she always have to spread her hurt around when she was feeling it? That hadn't even been fair!

"Sorry! I just - people ask me about the baby like I'm the freaking father and I'm not - I'm not even your girlfriend so it gets - I dunno, it gets awkward. It's weird. Like, what am I supposed to do with that?"

Chloe stopped walking, her doe eyes suddenly wide, "Is this what has been up with you?"

"What?"

"I don't know, Beca!" Chloe's hands were beginning to wring again, this time tighter, more constricted as her tension grew, "I keep, I keep thinking that things are okay because you promised me that if they weren't, you would tell me. You promised me, Beca! So I keep thinking I'm wrong because I trust you - so I have to be, you would tell me. And then I get this feeling. And then things seem fine and I think I'm crazy. Are they not okay? Because if they're not okay then can you just tell me instead of letting me feel crazy? Can you please just talk to me? Tell me what's happening in your head!"

And there it was.

Yeah, she had promised and then kind of not done that but...
Beca chewed her lip, she had been working so hard since Henderson to hide these thoughts, to hide her distress and the dreams and her insecurity. But she was thinking of Nick's voice at least once a day, his insistence that unless they had something 'real ' then Beca didn't get a say in their lives, that Beca had always been a problem, that she was nothing.

How could she talk to her about that? How could she tell her what she needed?

She knew that Chloe had no idea how much his voice had carried, she knew that Chloe didn't know she had heard, and yeah, she could tell her, but she wasn't going to because she knew Chloe would be upset - but Nick - yeah, he had kind of been right. She blew out a deep breath, her hands running through her hair as she gathered herself to lie yet again, "Yeah, things are fine; nothing's been up with me. It's just weird. I have nowhere to stand."

"Beca!" Chloe's voice came out strong, and in it Beca could hear the use of her full name despite the fact that Chloe had only said her first. Chloe's hand grabbed hers, "Of course you do!" She cooed, a bit softer, "You're Beca. You have a permanent place - with both of us. Right here. Always. No matter what, you're Beca and I'm Chloe and that's just how that works."

Beca just nodded, turning to continue down the produce aisle.

'****'

Chloe watched her go, confused and panicked. She could feel the panic in her chest, fluttering uncomfortably.

Was Beca lying?

She couldn't - was she - why was she lying?

She had been sensing little flickers, little moments where something was clearly not right, almost like holes and thin spots in Beca's inner walls - but - oh god, was she crazy? Or was Beca lying to her?

She didn't know. How could she not know?

She always knew when Beca was lying to her.

If she was lying then she had never done it as well as she had been doing lately.

And that scared her.

Because the better that Beca lied, the closer she was to running, and the bigger whatever secret she was hiding actually was.

People did assume that this baby was Beca's - constantly. She supposed they must look like a couple.

Chloe didn't know what to do.

Beca had to understand why she had said that to Claudia, right? She didn't know her, she was her new boss, she couldn't look as - complicated as she really was - as her life was right now. And Beca had said she understood why Chloe couldn't...not right now...

Was she lying?

How many things was she lying about?

How did she know what to believe?

She cleared her throat, feeling that panic rising.

Oh god.

She watched Beca stop at the corner, waiting for her without looking in her direction, her thumbs in her back pockets, staring a little too hard at the tank of fresh lobster.

Beca had said everything was fine but Chloe could see in her face that it wasn't.

She wasn't crazy.

She softly rubbed her throat, feeling a moment of phantom pain there.

Damn it.

She didn't know what to do.

Every instinct of hers was shouting at her to run for her, to grab her, to hold her, to kiss her.

She started to take a step forward, to start for Beca but then she stopped again as a memory flashed through her mind, turning her stomach to oil.

She couldn't remember exactly when it had happened, there hadn't been anything special about that day other than this, and at the time this was even becoming quite frequent. She remembered sitting on the living room couch with a book at some point within the first year of her marriage. She had heard Nick coming through the door and had smiled, mostly pleased to see him. She had happily called out a greeting, waiting for him to come to her, to kiss her, to anything. Instead he had given her a small smile and then headed straight into the kitchen to make himself a drink, loosening his tie as he went. They hadn't been fighting that morning, or even the night before. As a matter of fact, there was nothing wrong with them. No one was upset.

It was just – how things were.

She would never forget it, never forget the moment of distance, how suddenly alone she had felt. It had been like watching fruit go bad on the vine and being able to do nothing about it.

At the time she had just opened her book again, staring blankly down at its pages to hide.

She hadn't even been all of that surprised by it.

She had felt so alone.

She blinked away the memory, her stomach feeling strangely ill.

She wasn't sure why the memory had popped into her mind so suddenly but she wished it hadn't. It didn't help how she was feeling just then at all, not as she stared at Beca's blank face.

She saw Beca look up, expectantly, waiting for her so she took a step forward, pushing a smile onto her lips with all of her might.

She tried hard to get things back to normal while they finished shopping, making a few jokes, trying to smooth over whatever hurt she had created with the moment of awkwardness with her boss. She teased Beca, she made fun of herself and though they were laughing by the time they got to the checkout line, Chloe could feel it, that thing she hadn't been sure of before, that fissure. It was there. She hadn't been crazy all along.

Knowing that didn't make her feel better.

"Do you think I should talk to him?" Chloe asked as she clicked her seatbelt into place.

"Hmm?"

"Benji. Do you think I should talk to him? See if I can help?"

Beca frowned, "I don't think so. I think it's kind of between them, you know?"

Chloe chewed her lip, "Well, sometimes it helps to have an outside party mediate, right? I just think something is going on there, don't you?"

"You mean more than a simple fight?"

Chloe nodded, wondering if now was a good time to tell her about the scent she kept picking up from Emily. The thing was, she still wasn't sure of that either. She also kept thinking that she smelled oranges in her living room every day, but that couldn't be right either. She hadn't even had any in the house. Her nose was just going a little haywire right now.

Things were already so uncomfortable.

God, she ran her hands over her temples, massaging softly, she hadn't been sure of so much lately.

Tentatively, worried that Beca was still too upset with her, she reached across the car and let her fingers trace lightly over the back of Beca's hand. She saw it twitch and waited.

After a second it turned over and relieved Chloe took it, bringing it to her lips and holding it there.

---

The evening was fine, it was normal and yet Chloe was miserable behind her smile.

She could swear, sitting between Beca and Emily, she would swear that she smelled alcohol but - damn it, she wasn't sure and getting closer to Emily didn't verify if it was real. And Beca, she laughed at her jokes, she smiled and even teased back and yet - that thing was there under the surface, that thing somewhere below them.

They weren't okay after meeting Claudia, not yet.

She went home that night because she felt like she needed to. No, she went home that night because this smiling though she was upset thing felt a little too familiar, a little too…

She didn't really feel better when she opened the door to a quiet and empty apartment.

Things were so confusing and for whatever reason, she had Nick on her mind and she didn't really like that. She wanted thoughts of him to go away, she wanted thoughts of that - to stop.

She kept thinking of that day, of how Nick had grown desolate, removed from her, how they had started eating dinner in silence, how they had started watching TV together at night instead of talking, sharing their days.

She changed into her favorite pair of pajamas and though it was kind of early, she slid into bed, pulling the blankets tight around her and dialed her best friend...well...her other best friend.

"Hey, Brey."

"Hey, Chlo - Chloe? What's wrong?"

Chloe sighed, both loving and hating how much Aubrey always was able to read from her voice, not that the obvious shake to it didn't give away plenty. "Nothing," she tried and knew immediately that she had failed, "I don't think. I don't know." She missed Brey. She always missed Brey but right now she missed her so much that she felt like her heart would explode. "Nothing, I just, I miss you so much, Brey."

She could almost hear Aubrey's jaw tighten, clenching so all of the muscles in her face stood out, "Is it Beca or is it the baby?"

She cuddled in deeper, putting the phone on speaker and placing in on the pillow next to her so it would sound like Aubrey was there, beside her, "Beca."

Aubrey made a noise in her throat, "What did the munchkin do now?"

"Nothing?" But it came out more of a question than she had meant it to be. "I don't know, I just, I don't know." She spent a while explaining about the thing she had been feeling, about not understanding and not being sure it was even real. "I feel paranoid, Brey and I can't tell if I am or not."

"So, wait a minute," Aubrey interrupted her, "you told me you're sleeping together. Did I misunderstand?"

"No. Why?"

"But you're not together? Not that I'm encouraging that. Please don't think I'm encouraging that."

"I don't think we can be, Brey. It isn't fair to Beca. I am literally about to have a baby."

"So?"

"So! So, that would so not be fair to Beca! Do you have any idea how hard a baby actually is? It would be so much for her, Brey. It would totally change her lifestyle and she's so young. It would completely change everything for her and she shouldn't have to feel like she has to do that. She shouldn't be trapped by us."

"She told you that it was too much?" Aubrey snarled. "That little-"

"No, no, Brey, don't get mad, please. She hasn't said anything at all, well, um, she kinda did tell me that she loves me but she can't," She cried, "I can't do all of this to her!"

"Shouldn't that kind of be Beca's choice, Chloe?"

Chloe hung up a few minutes later feeling absolutely no better.

Her general sense of unease only grew the next morning when, as she was stretching herself into her favorite pose, she heard a knock at the door and opened it to find Nick grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh my god, what are you doing here?" She didn't know why, but the sight of him – the tension in her body – it all suddenly felt so much worse. She saw him, smelled his aftershave and her stomach cramped, squeezing until she felt as though she would be sick.

He just gave her a shrug and pulled her in for a hug, "How are my girls?"

"Good!" She tried to smile and instead frowned. Was she? She didn't really feel…good. She felt - scared? And somehow the sight of Nick only made that worse. But she clicked on a smile anyway and insisted that she and the baby were doing well.

"Good."

"So how long are you here?"

He shrugged, "I uuuh - How's Beca?"

"She's -" her voice hitched, "She's good. The studio should be opening up any day now. We went to see it and it looks great. It's totally awesome."

He was watching her though, in that way that he had, the way that proved that at one time he was a best friend as well. "What's wrong?"

"With what?"

"Chloe."

"I'm good, Nick, really!" She gave him her best bubbly smile but he just continued to stare.

"So I named her," Chloe said because she really wanted him to stop looking at her like that. It had just popped out and she winced, wishing she hadn't done that thing she sometimes did.

"You what?"

Chloe grinned, biting the tip of her tongue playfully, "I named her. It's perfect."

"Without me?"

She didn't say anything.

"Wow, you're really into doing a lot of things without me these days."

Chloe rolled her eyes, pushing into the tease, forcing herself and as she did her old life washed over her, making her shake. "Do you want to hear it or not?"

He gave a dry laugh, his hands going out in surrender, "Sure. Let's hear the name that you decided to give our daughter."

She ignored that, "Willa. I haven't decided on a middle name but I'm thinking about my mom's name."

"Willa?" He asked, stony-faced and monotone.

"You don't like it?" She had hoped - disappointment rushed at her.

"Well, I guess I like it better than 'Tree Bark' or 'Rainbow'."

She rolled her eyes, trying to work up a laugh as they sat on the couch. It was so similar to what Beca had said. Her heart gave a clench and she realized that suddenly she missed her - a lot. Was it possible to miss someone you had only seen the previous night? Why did it feel like she hadn't seen her in weeks? "Well I considered 'Moon Unit' but it was taken."

"Can I change your mind? What about Violet?"

Chloe shook her head, "This feels right."

"No, no, this isn't something that you can be like, 'if it feels right then it is right' about! It's not fate!" He stared at Chloe for a long minute and then burst out, "Damn it, I'm not going to like either of these girls names, am I?"

"Jenny sticking with Aerith?"

"No, thank god! We're going with Cass, err, Cassidy…which is still from a video game…but it's better."

"What game?"

"Fall Out."

She just shook her head.

"Anyway, I'll take Cass over Willa any day. Shit. My mom is going to flip that no one is using a family name."

Chloe chuckled but her chuckle died quickly, "Does that mean they know about both babies now, Nick?"

His face fell, looking suddenly green as he scratched at his growing beard, "Yeah, I told them the night before last."

"And?" She reached forward, taking his hand because it seemed like he could use it.

"About as good as I expected."

"What did Marcy say?"

"A bunch of stuff I don't need to repeat."

Chloe looked away, "That good, huh?"

"She has a way with words, my mother."

"I'm sorry it was hard, Nick but things will be better now that they know the truth."

"Oh yeah. You call your mom yet, Chlo?"

She swallowed, chewing at her lip, "They're just so far away and-"

"Uh huh."

"Do you think it would be better to tell them face to face? I mean, I haven't gone to visit them in almost a year. Maybe-"

Nick laughed, "So who would you bring with you? Me or Beca? And follow up question, could I bring Jenny?"

She frowned, her hand pulling away, "No need to be so callous, Nick."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He reached forward and took her hand again, "I just meant, it's kind of ironic, you were so mad at me for not telling mine but you haven't told yours."

"It's different."

"Yeah." He sighed, "Maybe it is."

They both fell silent, each swimming through their own individual unhappiness', the room growing thick and dark with them.

"You know what my dad said to me?" Nick finally spoke, pulling her away from that couch - the thought of that lonely couch in Henderson all of those years ago - and Beca's blank, desolate face.

Chloe could feel his hurt, so she scooted in; her hand on his knee doing her best to give him comfort. She could tell that while he was trying to downplay it, he was truly very upset.

This was probably why he had come, she realized, he probably just needed a day away. She could give him that.

"He said 'look, Nickie-boy,'" his face grew sad as his voice dropped into the low timbre that sounded so much like Trent's, "'you can sleep with a twenty-two year old, have all the fun you want, we have all done it but you can't marry one. That just isn't how life works, son. Not in this family. Your mother will kill you and then me because I let you.'"

She ached for just a moment for the man she had once loved. Trent was a sweetheart, but she could hear every word perfectly, as though he had just said it to her. It also made her ache for the patriarch of the Cavanaugh family. What young lost love was in his past?

She blinked and realized that perhaps she was feeling something else, something she hadn't expected to feel. "You guys are getting married?"

He sniffed, rubbing gruffly at his nose, "I think so. I mean, it makes sense. I want to." He sniffed again, "Are you okay with that?"

She opened her mouth and was surprised when - she started to cry. "No, I'm not crying for the reason you think!" Her hand closed tighter on his knee. Right? She didn't, she didn't want Nick back, god no, she just - jealous, she was jealous. Of what? Not of Nick – or Jenny – so - "Endings are always sad, that's all."

"Right. Yeah, of course. I know. Chloe, are you sure you're okay?"

"What? Yeah, totes. Of course. I just - I think I'm a little stressed out right now, that's all. I don't know."

"Well, what's going on?"

She opened her mouth, ready to confess but instead she told him all about the new job, "I'm just worried about going back to work so soon after Willa gets here. I guess I'll have to hire a nanny."

"God damn it, Chloe!"

She let out a yelp, "What?"

"If you would just come home then this wouldn't be a problem!"

She studied his suddenly angry face. Oh my god, she was such an idiot. She hadn't even thought about that. She had just said something to say something, she hadn't even thought of the mess she was stepping in. "Oh god, I'm sorry, Nick, I shouldn't have said that. That was stupid of me."

But Nick was already taking a deep breath, "No, I'm sorry. Jenn convinced me to let it go and I am. For now. I was - I know I was being a dick and I'm sorry, I really am," He took another gulp of air and squared his shoulders, a sign that Chloe knew well, a sign that meant that he was the furthest thing ever from letting it go.

She cringed, tasting the air. She hated this feeling, she had lived in it for so long. She hated this electric, anything could happen, a fight could break out at any moment feeling. It was horrible.

"Look, don't start work yet. That seems like the most logical idea. Put it off for another year. I can float you. It's more important for our baby to know you and not a nanny, right? As far as I'm concerned you deserve the money. We'll talk to the lawyer and up the amount of alimony. Easy as pie."

It took her a second to scoop her jaw off the floor, feeling a surprising fiery anger in her chest, "That has to be - the absolute most demeaning thing you have ever said to me, Nicholas Cavanaugh!"

His eyes popped wide, "What? Why? Because I want to help? Look, you're taking it the wrong way, Chlo, I promise. I just want to help. You shouldn't be stressed right now, so let me help. I want to help you, that's all, scouts honor."

She knew he meant it, she knew he was just trying to be a good guy but she was tired of this idea that she couldn't do anything for herself. She was tired of him insisting on doing everything his way. She was tired of - him. She cared about him, so much and in so many ways but she was tired of him. This was how she had lost herself. It was this right here! The power of the realization knocked her backward, this was how she had become that strange woman who didn't dance, didn't sing; it was this attitude. She opened her mouth and found that once again she was dropping the topic, "Something's up with Beca."

"Oh? Uh, okay?"

She blinked a few times, unsure how the hell that had just popped out of her mouth. She wished it hadn't. She explained just as she had to Brey, moving over Beca's words quickly, trying to move fast so they didn't sting. She didn't want to tell it again but she knew she had no choice now. She took a deep breath and skipped through it, trying not to let any of it in.

"Well," Nick took a deep breath and enclosed her hand in his, "should I be honest or should I say what you want to hear?"

She honestly considered it for a moment, "Honesty, please."

"I kind of see her point. I mean, she is kind of screwed, isn't she?"

So, yes, she had said she wanted him to be honest but what the hell was wrong with him today? Why was he being so callous? What was wrong with him constantly as of late? This was not her friend, this was not her soon to be ex-husband. Nick could be an asshole but never to this level! "Well," she stood, flattening her shirt and walked to the kitchen for a glass of water, not really having anything else to say.

"Oh come on, Chloe, please don't give me that. You said you wanted me to be honest!"

"I did." She scowled, trying to bite back tears.

"You don't think that maybe you're being a little fucked?"

"Come on Nick," she gasped, "You're just trying to be hurtful now."

"Am I?"

And they were off, Chloe insisting he was just trying to hurt her and Nick insisting that if she hadn't wanted to hear the truth then she shouldn't have asked.

"I don't get it! Why are you being such a dick? Why are we fighting? If you just came down here to treat me like crap then I would rather you left."

"Fine! Then I'll go! But take a minute and be honest with yourself, Chloe, are you mad at me or are you mad because you know what I said was true? Like, if it were -" He groaned. He had stood during their fight and now he flopped back into the couch, "Fuck. Damn it." He pressed his fists into his temples. "Look, I'm sorry. I've had kind of a hot head over the last couple of weeks. Chlo, I'm so sorry. God. I just really wish that you were home and not here for a relationship that, I guess I don't get. You're not with Beca - but you're here. I just-" He shook his head.

"I can't be with Beca, Nick. That's the problem. I can't."

"Explain it to me, I don't get it. I really want to get it."

She took a second, her lips twisting as she tried to figure out how to explain it, "Her studio isn't even opened yet. She has so much going on."

He let out a boom of a laugh, "Yeah, I guess an unexpected kid that she never signed up for would be hard."

She nodded, her lip trembling, "Yeah, exactly." Studying her hands, she noticed that they were shaking ever so slightly, "Plus, what if this is too hard for her? What if it's too much? What if she gets puked on by this baby and I never see her again?" Her mind showed her that image again, that blank smile of Nick's and her fingertips went cold.

He stared at her for a long time, his eyes hard as if debating what he wanted to say before suddenly he barked out a laugh again, "Yeah, I'm not touching this. Here. The reason why I came. I was going to take you out to dinner tonight and give it to you then, but I kind of think with how you're feeling it would be better for me to just rip off the Band-Aid."

Chloe's mouth had dropped open, staring at the folded papers. She felt like she had just been slapped. "Oh god, are these-"

"Yeah, they're the divorce papers."

She looked up at him, her eyes watering again. Was this really how he was going to do it? "Asshole." She said in a shaky voice, "Asshole!" She shoved him, "You couldn't have warned me first?"

"Sorry, Chlo, I didn't mean it like that." He said softly, draping an arm over her shoulders. "Just trying to be a straight shooter, here."

She hiccupped and a few tears fell. "So you came to have me sign these? That's why you're here."

"Yeah, I guess so. It's not the last step but, you know."

She nodded, her tears beginning to fall thickly now.

Divorce.

It was such an ugly word.

It was such a terrifying word.

How could this be part of her life?

"Do you want me to talk you through it?" Nick asked, softly cupping her cheek. She could feel his apology, she could feel his desperate hurt and it made her feel better, feel like she knew the person who was there with her now.

She nodded and they sat that way together going over each thing in detail, Chloe's head resting on his shoulder, his arm around her waist.

And it was horrible.

They cried as they went through each point. Their marriage had been a joke, they both knew that, and they both knew this was the right thing but that didn't stop the pain.

"You're welcome to get another lawyer to look it over before you sign it." He finally finished.

Chloe let out a deep breath. She was getting tired. She felt like she was on a rollercoaster that she didn't know she had been in line for. "That's okay." Nick was a lawyer and despite the fact that he was kind of being a jerk today, she knew that he had her best interests at heart. Plus, where would she go? Their divorce had thus far been painless, well as painless as a divorce could be. She hadn't bothered getting a different lawyer because so far they had been able to agree on it all.

She sniffed and then let out a small sob. Her marriage to Nick; with one simple signing of her name, it would be over. She would be, thanks to the extra papers at the bottom, Chloe Beale again, no longer Chloe Cavanaugh. Which was amazing but she really had thought that she loved him once. "Do I sign it Beale or Cavanaugh?"

He laughed a little, gruffly wiping under his eyes "I think you sign it Cavanaugh."

"Okay."

She watched her hand, feeling it like an alien presence as she signed, in her typical looping calligraphy, "Chloe R. Cavanaugh." She did it and she felt him close her in a hug.

"I love you, Chlo."

She let out a laugh, somehow feeling worse.

How was it that love could turn out this way? "I know that it's for the better, but I'm still surprised about how much it hurts."

"Yeah, I know, I don't really like it either. But at least something beautiful came from our marriage. That little girl is going to be great."

"And Jenny. You wouldn't have moved to Henderson if we haven't gotten married. You two wouldn't have met."

"You're right. And Beca. I know that getting married meant you lost her but - whatever weird thing you guys have - you wouldn't have it if this hadn't all happened."

Chloe felt herself smile, "You're right. And Beca." That did make her feel better.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. It's just - sad."

"I know. The funny thing is, Chlo, I'm not sure I'm ready to let you go."

Chloe frowned, not completely sure how she was supposed to take that.

"No, I mean," he said when he saw her face and then he gave a long, gruff sigh, "fuck." He ran his hands over his face, and pulled her in close, "Look, I'm ugh, jesus, I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Nick, what - um, what is it exactly that you're apologizing for?"

"I've been the world's biggest dick, haven't I? To you, to Beca."

She didn't say anything.

"I'm really sorry, Chloe, I just think...I don't know, is it possible to be completely ready for the changes coming and to know this divorce is a good thing but to also completely not want to give you up?"

"I think so."

He hugged her tighter, sighing, "I think I've been a little jealous." Chloe laughed, understanding entirely. "I promise I'll be better, okay? No more asshole-Nick."

They sat for a minute before Nick gave her a smile, "Things really are on their way to better for us."

She took a deep breath, "You're right."

"So can I feel her?"

She nodded and, mind preoccupied, she stretched out on the couch.

He was right.

Would she and Beca ever have gotten to the point that they had without her messy marriage?

She liked to think that they would.

Either way, she had something to be grateful for.

"So I've been looking up preschools," Nick said toying with her belly, "and I found this one and it seems really great."

"What?" She frowned, jerked from her thoughts. She hadn't thought much about preschools yet but if she did then she would have assumed that she would send her to a Montessori school. After all, that was her goal, to eventually get on staff with a local Montessori. If she were really lucky she would get on at one that taught preschool through sixth grade and she could have Willa there with her. That was the plan - that was her plan.

"Yeah, it's supposed to be really prestigious. It's amazing. They do everything, Chlo."

"Nick-" but she let her sentence drop, not really wanting to go down that road, her nerves were already a little raw and it felt like nails on a chalkboard. It was suffocating.

"Plus, it leads right into this awesome private school-"

"Nick-"

"It's kind of expensive, about 12k a year but - what? It's a great school. We want her to have the best education and -"

Perhaps it was the agitation of the day but she suddenly couldn't stand his hands on her. She pushed him off with a grunt and sat up, "We, Nick?"

"What?"

"We? Nick, there is no 'we'. There is team you and Jenny and there is team me! Why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep putting me in these positions where I have to say these things?"

"What?"

"What city is it in? Huh, Nick? I'm doing this alone, Nick, there's no way around that. Don't you understand, I don't -" she stopped, panicked. I don't want you...that was what she had almost said. Oh god, and it was the truth. She didn't want him. She didn't want him making decisions for her, she didn't want him planning things, she didn't want his say or opinion, she didn't want him. "Thank you for your opinion, you will know this baby but I'm doing this alone. I already have a plan! A plan that will work in my life."

He stared at her for a long while, his face going purple, and then he was roaring, "Why do you keep saying shit like that, Chloe? I'm so sick of hearing that from you! What the hell? You're not alone in this you're not -" She geared up, ready to take him on if she needed to but it turned out that she didn't. His mouth popped open, like he had suddenly choked on his words. "You know what? I promised Jenny. So I'm going to go. I'm so tired of that. I need a minute, I'm going to fucking go. I need to fucking go!"

"Nick, you have to understand-"

"Well, I don't! Do my parental rights mean nothing to you?"

"Nick, it's like you want Jenny and me to be sister-wives and I don't want that."

"Sister-wives? What the fuck, Chloe?"

"Nick, you're acting like a teenager. Don't stomp out right now, let's talk!"

He glared, "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Okay? I'll just - I promise. I'm sorry. I just - I'm mad and I don't want to yell at you so I'll talk to you tomorrow."

And then the living room was empty.

She let out a scream of anger and then burst into tears. Damn it.

She was pissing everyone off lately, wasn't she?

Fuck.

She sat with a cry on the couch, her eyes blurring.

She was still sitting there a few hours later, her tear ducts empty, when her phone began to ring. She dived for it, hoping, praying that it would be Beca - that everything would be fine, that she would be calling to check up.

"Oh great." She moaned.

It was her mother. Clearly her karma was not clean today. She didn't know what she had done but it must have been bad.

She stared at the screen remembering what Nick had said. God damn it, why did she have to call just then? Any other time she could have ignored it, but now, it felt too much like fate making a point.

Well. This day was already pretty bad. She might as well.

She pressed the little green icon, "Hi, Mom."