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Forever (Chapter 10)

The anger and fear that had possessed him just moments earlier was nothing compared to the pure terror that nearly paralyzed him now. His legs felt weak and unsteady, threatening to give out on him at any moment as he raced towards Kahlan's office, Dennee following closely behind him. The adrenaline surging through his system was the only thing keeping him upright just then.

He had to get to her, to keep her from doing what he was so terrified that she would attempt to do. He should have known from that look he'd seen in her eyes last night that something more was going on with her. He should have done something, anything. He had just gotten her back, saved her from that lunatic Bender; he couldn't lose her now…

Brey…what if this was all connected to Brey somehow, more than just the night terrors that had been haunting her since the day he had rescued her in the Keep. Could what was happening to Kahlan now be related to the Ta'all Ruk'tan somehow or linked to confessing Brey?

His mind consumed with thoughts and fears, Richard only heard half of what Dennee had told him as they raced down corridor after corridor, trying to get to Kahlan in time. Her voice had been muffled by the pounding of his blood in his ears, drowning out the sound of her voice.

His mind had only registered bits and pieces, too overwhelmed with heartbreaking thoughts and scenarios. This couldn't be happening. He felt as though he was part of some horrifying nightmare that he could not wake up from, that refused to ever end. He had to get to her, to stop her from this madness.

Dennee said that the seamstress had arrived to fit Kahlan for her gown and had been showing her different types of material for Richard's wedding clothes when Kahlan had suddenly gone into a blinding rage, pulling her dagger and screaming at everyone to leave her alone.

She had then gone on a tirade about how everyone was against her, that everyone thought that she was unfit to hold the title of Mother Confessor, too unstable to marry the Seeker. She had screamed at them that Richard couldn't truly love her, not like this, that he never would marry her when everyone kept telling him that she was crazy.

How could Kahlan possibly think such things? He loved her more than life itself. There was never anything that she could do that would cause him to stop loving her, that would cause him to leave her.

Dennee said that she and Aggie had tried to talk some sense into Kahlan as the seamstress fled the room. The more they tried to talk her out of her bizarre notions, the more enraged and violent she had become. That was when Dennee had left to find him while Aggie stayed with Kahlan in the Mother Confessor's office to make sure she didn't leave.

Approaching Kahlan's office now, Richard felt waves of nausea wash over him, fearful of what he would find. What would he do if Kahlan had already harmed herself or taken her own life? Would they be able to find Cara in time to give her the breath of life?

Shoving aside the gruesome thoughts, Richard placed a trembling hand on the door and slowly pushed it open. Turning to Dennee, he softly but firmly instructed her, "Go find Zedd and Cara. Now."

Staring into the Seeker's eyes, Dennee knew better than to question him at that moment. The look she saw in his eyes made the fine hairs on the back of her neck stand up, her flesh tingle. The only response she could give him was a softly murmured, "Okay."

Peering into the dark room, Richard spotted Aggie just inside the entrance, her back against the wall. She quickly ran to Richard, taking his hands in hers. "Richard! Thank the spirits! Something's wrong with Kahlan. She's gone mad!"

"Aggie, wait out here. I'm going to talk to her. Whatever you do, do not open this door," he firmly instructed her. He didn't want Kahlan escaping no matter what and he was the only one who could not be confessed by her if she went into ConDar.

"Alright, Richard," she hoarsely whispered without question, tears shining in her eyes.

Slipping into the room, Richard quietly closed the door behind him, locking it. Gazing about her office, he was shocked to find it in shambles, much like the Crypt of Secrets had been after he'd torn through it. There was no sign of Kahlan amongst all the debris, but he knew she had to be in here somewhere.

Sweat trickled down his back, his thoughts spiraling out of control with an outcome he refused to accept. He refused to allow her to die. It was something that would not happen as long as he lived and breathed. Stopping to listen, the only sound he heard was his own breathing and his heart thundering in his chest. He was sure Kahlan could probably hear it too.

Stepping over knocked over chairs and papers that were scattered all over the floor, Richard warily made his way around the large room, his eyes taking in everything. He wanted to call out her name, to run to her and know that he wasn't too late, but he knew that could only make things worse at this point. Kahlan's state of mind wouldn't be able to handle that. It could push her to her final breaking point if she hadn't reached it already.

Climbing over a fallen bookshelf, Richard felt a sense of relief as his eyes finally settled on the one he had been searching for. Kahlan was sitting on the floor, tucked into the far corner of the room, her knees drawn protectively up against her chest. Her white Confessor's dress was spotted in blood, her hair hung haphazardly about her face as sweat glistened on her brow.

Her eyes were wild and glazed with terror as she stared at the dagger she held in her shaking hands. She held the handle of her dagger lightly in one hand, her fingers gliding smoothly back and forth over the sharp blade, completely mesmerized by it. It was as if she'd never seen it before. She was absolutely fascinated by its silvery brilliance, the deadly sharpness of the tip, the coolness of the steel.

Her forehead was wrinkled in concentration as if attempting to come to a very important decision. He was terrified at what conclusion she was coming to. He swallowed back the tears that had suddenly risen to the surface upon seeing her like this. He couldn't let his own emotions get in the way of saving his Kahlan.

Cautiously drawing near her, Richard noticed deep cuts on her forearms, her fingers bloody. He frantically searched for any life-threatening wounds on her, fearful that she had already harmed herself. Seeing none, he finally released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

The sight of her so shattered before him was like a knife piercing to his very core, wrenching and twisting this way and that, attempting to tear his insides apart. This woman sitting so broken in the corner holding a dagger resembled his lover, but she was not his Kahlan. He just prayed that she was still in there somewhere beneath all the madness that had seized her mind, that he would be able to reach her somehow, be able to help her put the fractured pieces of her mind back together again.

Richard warily crept closer to her, trying to maintain some distance so as not to frighten her into doing anything rash, but yet close enough so that he could get her to focus on him. If he could just get through to her, he would hopefully be able to get the dagger out of her hands before she did anything more to harm herself.

Staring at her tormented face, things had never seemed more surreal in his entire life. This was not how the days leading up to their wedding were supposed to have gone. They were meant to be enjoying this special time in their lives. The world was safe once more. There was no rift to the Underworld, no Keeper trying to take over the world of the living. He could be with the woman he loved, making her his forever, creating a family with her. Brey was finally dead, never to haunt them ever again. And yet, Richard knew that whatever was destroying his beloved was linked back to the Bender somehow.

His tongue felt thick, his throat dry as he slowly got down on his knees several feet in front of his Confessor. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Richard attempted to calm his racing heart. One wrong word or move and she could end her life before he even reached her. Despite his best efforts, he could not stop the tears that suddenly filled his eyes.

Kahlan didn't even seem to notice him as she continued to stare intently at her dagger, taking in the sleek curve of the blade, turning it this way and that as she observed how the sunlight filtering through the windows played off of it. She was breathing heavily, her blue eyes volatile and yet dead, her cheeks flushed. Gone was the bright sparkle that lit up her very essence, the love and compassion that had always permeated her entire countenance. She appeared as nothing more than an empty shell of the woman he loved with his whole being.

"Kahlan," he softly choked out, his voice cracking with the emotion he was so desperately trying to restrain. His voice thundered in his ears, but in reality had been little more than a whisper.

Kahlan never flinched, not responding at all to the intrusion into the tormented world that was now her capture. She was a prisoner in a world that had been created so unintentionally, so innocently that no one would have guessed the horrific ramifications of such an incident.

Clearing his throat, Richard raked his fingers back through his hair before trying again. "Kahlan," he called a little louder, his eyes locked solely on his beloved.

Slowly, Kahlan raised her head, her eyes finally leaving the weapon in her hand. She stared at Richard with a gaze that made his skin crawl. Even though she looked identical to the woman he loved, it was as if he was peering directly into the soul of a complete stranger. She had Kahlan's hair, the blueness of her eyes, her perfect face, even her freckles. However, she was missing the mind and the soul of his lover. Gone also was the love for him that always shined in her eyes.

Staring intently at him, Kahlan slowly dragged her tongue across her bottom lip, her gaze narrowing in forced concentration on the intruder crouching down before her. There was something about him that looked familiar. He was someone that she cared for very much, but her mind would not allow her heart to acknowledge the love that permeated every part of her being.

Wrapping her slender fingers around the hilt of her dagger, Kahlan gripped the weapon tightly in her hand, her eyes never leaving the Seeker's. Wielding the blade before him, she cocked her head to the side.

"Have you come to tell me I'm crazy too?"

Richard was taken aback by her words. Despite her appearance, her voice was smooth and yet filled with so much venom. She seemed to recognize him and yet he was a stranger to her. "No one thinks that you're crazy, Kahlan," he cautiously replied, doing his best to choose his words wisely, to keep the panic out of his voice. He didn't want to be forced into wrestling that dagger away from her.

Tilting her head back, a deep throaty laugh unexpectedly escaped her lips, startling Richard. Rage instantly erupted in her eyes, replacing the deadness that had just filled them. "Don't lie to me!" she suddenly screamed at him. "Do you know who I am? I am the Mother Confessor! I know when people tell lies!"

"I'm telling you the truth. You know me, Kahlan. I have never lied to you," he firmly stated, his eyes momentarily being drawn to the dagger she kept close to her.

"You are lying now. I've seen how everyone looks at me with pity in their eyes, whispering about me behind my back when they think I don't know what they're doing. Everyone thinks that I am incapable of being the Mother Confessor, that I've lost my mind. Well, I'm not. It is all of you who are crazy," she finished with a sneer.

"Kahlan, no one is talking about you behind your back. We all love and care about you…we're worried about you. Something is happening to you, something that is affecting your mind…" he gently told her as he began to creep a little closer to her. He was frantic to get that dagger out of her hands before she hurt herself. He couldn't bear to watch her plunge that knife into her body, taking the life he so dearly loved.

Seeing him moving closer to her, Kahlan immediately brought her dagger up to her own throat. "Stop or I swear I will…"

"Kahlan, stop!" Richard cried, his heart skipping a beat as he watched the point of her dagger gradually cut into her throat, blood beginning to trickle down her neck. Raising his hands defensively before him, he quickly scooted back a couple of feet. "Okay…okay, Kahlan…don't do it. I'm begging you, please…don't do this."

Kahlan watched as a tear suddenly escaped from his eye and slipped slowly down his cheek, his hands trembling before him as he stared at her. He looked so terrified, so devastated. She warily pulled the dagger away from her throat as she watched him, still keeping the dagger close to her.

"Why do you care so much about what happens to me? You think I'm insane just like everyone else," she bitterly told him, tears beginning to pool in her own eyes, washing away the rage that had just occupied them. "Why would you want to marry a woman who has lost her mind?"

The agonizing pain that filled her face as well as her voice nearly shattered his heart completely. "Because I love you, Kahlan…and I don't believe that whatever is happening to you is really you. I think that some sort of magic is playing with your mind. This is not what you really want. You don't want to kill yourself."

"But I can't make the voices stop," she whispered so distraughtly, tears beginning to leak from the corners of her eyes as rage swiftly shifted into horror. "They wake me in my sleep, haunt me in my dreams. I hear Brey's voice…I see his face, I feel his hands on me…and I can't make it stop. I've tried fighting it, really I have, but it doesn't stop…it never ends. I just want it to stop…please, dear spirits…make it stop…please, I'm begging you…make it stop…" she wailed between gasps of air, abruptly bringing her dagger to her throat once more, squeezing her eyes shut against the never-ending anguish that tormented her mind.

"KAHLAN!" Richard screamed in horror as he started to lunge towards her before he caught himself. He immediately drew back as she stopped and stared at him.

He hadn't meant to yell so loudly at her, but the sheer panic that gripped him, the terror of seeing that knife held at her throat by her very own hand was causing the tempest inside of him to spiral out of his control.

Kahlan was startled by the panic in his voice. He seemed to be genuinely worried about her. She stared intently into those arresting dark brown eyes. They seemed to pierce her to her very core, knew her heart and soul inside and out. They held something else…something more, but she couldn't be sure.

"Kahlan, why don't you put down the dagger and let me help you," Richard gently suggested as he saw a conflict of emotions flash across her pale face. He could see that he was starting to break through; he was finally beginning to reach her.

"You can make the voices stop? Keep the nightmares from returning?"

Richard saw a flicker of hope in her eyes, her exhaustion from battling the evils of her mind rising to the surface. "Kahlan, I promise you on my very life that I'll do everything in my power to help you through this. Please, just give me a chance. I love you…"

Waiting with bated breath for her to finish their declaration of love to one another, Richard prayed that it would be the key to finally unlock the magical grip that insanity had on her mind. He would not give up on her now matter what.

Kahlan stared at him, her breathing growing erratic again. Tears that had been trailing down her face began to cease. She cautiously began lowering the weapon in her hand, his words triggering something deep inside her…something very warm and comforting, so familiar and special to her. No, special and so very precious to them.

"Forever," she whispered so softly he wasn't even sure that he had heard it. "Richard?"

Relief began seeping into his heart. Kahlan had finally recognized him, her mind at last acknowledging what her heart had been trying to tell her.

"Yes, Kahlan…it's me…I'm right here. I will never leave you. I love…" he began as he crawled towards her.

"Lord Rahl!"

A commotion suddenly erupted on the other side of the door to the Mother Confessor's office. Cara was banging on the door. At the sound of the intrusion, Kahlan quickly jumped to her feet, tightly clutching the dagger in her hand. Her eyes instantly filled with panic.

Richard jumped to his feet as well, fear gripping him again as he watched his lover being dragged back behind the thick mire of madness that held her captive. Rage filled her face, her jaw clenched tight as she glared at him.

"You tricked me!" she screamed at him. "You betrayed me! You told me that you loved me, but it was all a lie to gain my trust so they can take me away!"

"No, Kahlan! It's not a lie. I do love you. I won't let them take you anywhere," he told her, desperate for her to believe him again.

"Lord Rahl!"

Another bang on the door drew Kahlan's attention away from him long enough to give him the opportunity he needed. Lunging for her, Richard seized hold of her arm that clutched the knife, his other arm wrapping around her waist, turning her and pinning her back against his chest.

Enraged, Kahlan immediately began fighting him, her fear giving her a sudden strength that she didn't possess. Twisting her arm out of his hold, she wrenched free from him. Spinning back around, she brought the hilt of her dagger up, connecting it with Richard's temple, catching him completely off guard.

The unexpected blow to the head sent the Seeker staggering backwards and landing hard on the floor. Kahlan immediately raced for a side door, fleeing from the room with her dagger still clutched tightly in her hand.

"KAHLAN!" Richard screamed as he pressed the heel of his hand against the wound on his head, the world around him suddenly turning hazy…