Chapter 10

CPOV

Bright sunlight in the room wakes me up. Shit. I slept really well. I rub my eyes and see the reason for it. So it really happened. I lost control and here we are. Now I'm even more conflicted. Last night was good… great in fact. But I'm her boss. How could I have let this happen?

How do we go back? Do I want to go back? Ana wakes up. The sunshine is bathing her and giving her an angelic glow. Seeing her likes this makes that much harder. If I was normal this wouldn't be an issue. But how do I tell her how fucked up I am? That she is the first woman I have ever slept next to my previous relationships started with a contract? That I have a playroom in my apartment where I would spank and whip the women for my sick sexual gratification?

She's pure and trusting and deserves more than what I can give her.

I get in the shower trying to buy myself some time. By the time I get out Ana has gone to her room. I pack up my things and call Taylor to pick up my luggage. A half hour later we're in the car heading to the airport to get home. There's an uncomfortable silence between us.

"Ana, about last night. I'm sorry." I don't know what to say. I'm not even sorry. Last night was the best night of my life. I felt alive.

"Don't worry about it. We both had too much wine and let it get the best of us. What happens in New York stays in New York." She smiles at me and there's a bit of me crushed that she seems unaffected by last night. I have this overwhelming and unfamiliar feeling of emotions again and I want to hold her and never let her go. I've never felt like this before and it's confusing.

We both sleep on the plane back and as I'm dropping her off at GEH, I say, "Ana, thank you for your help. Why don't you take the rest of the week of to relax?" Her eyes dart to me.

"Oh, yeah, sure… thanks. See you on Monday." She gets out of the car. And Taylor closes the door.

"To Escala, Sir?"

"No. Take me to Flynn's office and then you can take the rest of the week off. I'll walk home from there."

He looks at me hesitantly in the rear view mirror. "Sir, it's no problem to wait and take you home."

"I'll be fine Taylor." Maybe. By the way, I just fucked up a young woman's life by being a horny bastard.

"Christian. What brings you in today?"

"Flynn, I won't beat around the bush. I fucked everything up and had sex with her." His eyes widen at my statement.

"You had sex with Ana?"

"Yes, last night."

"Ah, I see. I assume it was consensual."

"Of course! I'm not that big of a monster."

"So tell me about it."

I look at him confusedly. "You want me to tell you how the sex was with Ana?"

Flynn laughs, "No. Tell me about what led up to that."

"Oh, right. My assistant Andrea is out on her honeymoon. I had an urgent meeting in New York. I can't trust the new assistant so I asked Ana to come with me as my assistant."

"Go on." Flynn says to let me know he's still listening.

"We had a glass of wine to celebrate the successful meeting. And well, one glass turned into a couple of bottles and that turned into us in my hotel room."

"And what did you think of it?"

"Honestly, it was amazing. It was the best night I've I ever had. And then I had the best night of sleep ever. She even touched me and I didn't care." Just thinking about her quickens the pace of my heart and makes me smile.

"So now what?"

"We decided that it was a one-time thing that won't happen again so we can maintain our professional relationship."

"Is that really what you want?"

"I don't know. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about her. I can't explain it. But I also know she's too good for me."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I'm a depraved human being and I don't deserve someone like her."

"I don't know, Christian. I feel as if you're worthy of love. And if Ana wants to give her love to you, why are you not deserving?"

"I never said anything about love, doc."

"Christian you didn't have to. Take a couple of days and think about what you want. Don't bring your self-loathing into the equation. If you need to, for this exercise pretend as if you are worthy of love. Just take your time to think. OK?"

"Yeah, sure." I walk home from Flynn's office. All of these thoughts are circulating throughout my brain. Can I do this? Can I let go of who I was and be normal? Do I want to for Ana? I can't stand the thought of her with anyone else and last night was immeasurable.

APOV

"Kate, I'm home!" Kate comes out of her bedroom wearing yoga pants and a WSU t-shirt. I place my bag down on the floor and put my keys and purse on the table.

"How did it go?"

"Um, OK, I guess."

"You guess? Ana, I know you too well. What happened?"

I plop down on the sofa and cover my face with my hands. "Oh, Kate. I slept with him." Kate can't disguise her shock as her voice raises a few octaves.

"Hold on. I'm getting us some wine." She comes back with a cheap bottle of Moscato and two glasses. "Now out with it."

I sigh deeply. "We went to have a celebratory glass of wine and we ended up drinking too much, one thing lead to another. And you know…"

"Oh my god, Ana! So, how was it?" Leave it to Kate to get down to the dirt.

"Good. Really good. Definitely better than Brent Duncan."

Kate rolls her eyes at me, "Honey, that's easy to do. Brent Duncan set the bar pretty low." We both start laughing at her assessment. The story of losing my virginity to him still gives her the giggles. Ugh, it was so awkward. It was so short I wasn't even sure it counted. But, wow, Christian was amazing.

Kate speaks again snapping me out of my thoughts. "So now what?"

"So nothing. We decided it was a one-time thing, a mistake since he's my boss."

Kate quirks up her lips, her telltale that she's thinking about something. "Do you like him?"

"Do I like him? Kate do you have eyes? He's like a Greek god who's smart and funny and enigmatic and who has soft lips and hard muscles…"

"How big was it?"

I look at her in shock. "Kate! You're horrible!" But I can't hide my blush. Kate laughs at my reaction making her snort into her wine glass.

"I'll take that to mean he was larger than Brent."

"He was way, way larger than Brent." My last comment sending us into fits of giggles again. "He gave me the rest of the week off. What do you want to do with our long weekend?"

"I know. Let's go to Woodinville and go wine tasting and go to the spa. We can pamper ourselves."

"I like the way you think, Kavanagh."

It's Monday morning and I'm at my desk trying to get it organized from last week.

Barney comes up to me. "Hey, Ana. Did you have a good weekend?" Just as I'm about to answer Christian walks in, nods to us politely and asks Casey for a cup of coffee. So, I guess we're going with the plan.

"Oh, yeah I did. My best friend and I went to Woodinville to spa and wine tasting. What about you, Barney?"

"I pretty much worked all weekend but I did finish the latest Game of Thrones book."

"Well sounds like a productive weekend." I tease Barney. I thought I was a wallflower but Barney makes me look like Paris Hilton.

The day flies by - busy with meetings and catching up from when I was out. At 5:30, Christian, Barney, and I are working on a project. Barney looks at his watch. "Mr. Grey, I'm sorry but I have plans, I have to leave."

Shit. That will leave Christian and I alone. Christian looks at his watch too. "Of course Barney, have a good evening and I'll see you tomorrow." Barney leaves so I move my chair a little closer to Christian to close the gap.

"Ana?"

"Yes, Christian?"

"About what happened last week…"

"Christian, don't worry about it. Like you said it was a drunken mistake." I say to him keeping my eyes on the screen so he can't tell I'm lying.

His voice is just above a whisper, "But it wasn't a mistake."

I turn my head towards him unable to believe what I just heard. "What did you say?"

"Ana, I don't want to pretend that it didn't happen. I can't stop thinking about it and how it felt… right. Ever since we first met in London you've enchanted me. I never felt this way about anyone before and I can't continue to act like I don't."

I look at him studying his eyes to tell if he's telling the truth. I'm incapable of responding.

"Anastasia, breathe." He tips my chin up and his lips meet mine. I've never had a kiss like this. His kiss this time, is soft, tender, and full of devotion.

"Christian, what about work?"

"I don't care. They don't have to know."

"You want to sneak around like teenagers?"

"That's one way of putting it. I want nothing more than to tell everyone about you but I don't want it to hurt your career. It won't do anything to me but people can be vicious and I don't want you to get hurt." I look into his eyes and I can tell he's sincere.

"I can keep a secret if you can." He gives me an enormous smile and kisses me again.