A/N- Again all I can do is apologise! Very busy with uni work and just general life! I have a bit of spare time now so I'm going to write quite a bit before deadlines sneak up on me!
I had some amazing reviews and I am so grateful for all of them, I'm sure I have replied to them all, but I have a really dodgy email so if I didn't I'm genuinely sorry but I do appreciate every single review!
I'm not sure what people are going to think about this chapter, but I feel like it's important for Kurt to bond with people separate from Blaine, I want to see their relationship develop in a dynamic environment and I want characters that can stand in their own right...soooo that's my reasoning for this chapter lol.
Anyway, I also wanted to say, that I've noticed lately that on like tumblr and things people don't generally rec, fics on fanfiction and i've read loads of amazing stories on here recently. Two of my favourites are, 'the little things' and 'truth love and evolution' ooo and also 'knife going in' and I know those are all pretty big on here and if you're reading this story you probably read them but if not go and read them because they are lovely and beautifully written!
Ok I'm going to stop talking now, please enjoy the chapter, and I apologise for the lateness!
Clearing the air
The tension at breakfast the morning after the break up was simmering under the surface, everyone was pretending not to glance at the two sort of ex boyfriends, eating silently at opposite ends of the table. From where Kurt was sandwiched between Mike and Toby, he couldn't help but observe the group of friends and how they handled this latest crisis.
Mike was shooting Kurt concerned looks over Toby's head every so often, while Phil nervously
eyed Anthony from his place next to the older boy. Kurt couldn't help but want to comfort Phil, the poor boy looked so nervous, but he'd yet to speak to his roommate about where he'd been the last week and a half and he didn't want to overwhelm him.
He couldn't help but hide a small smile as he observed Wes and David attempting to coerce Blaine into giving them the answers to their calculus homework...Kurt knew they'd both completed it the night before, but their attempts at keeping the conversation flowing was sweet.
And it was working; they were all smiling and laughing, doing their best to include the two silent boys at opposite ends of the table. It was only when Mike finally forced a laugh from Toby that Anthony seemed to snap. Slamming his cutlery down on the table he fixed his ex boyfriend with an icy glare.
'Are you seriously going to sit there and fucking ignore me?' Silence fell across the table as Toby paled slightly. Obviously he wasn't ready for the confrontation just yet. Anthony had been in shock the night before, but now the anger had hit and it was obvious to everyone Toby wasn't ready to deal with that yet.
Kurt reached behind Mike to hold Toby's hand as Anthony pushed his chair back violently.
'After everything Toby? This is how you want it to be with us? You know I thought you were too young for this...but you convinced me you weren't...but you are, you're just a kid...you've got no fucking idea how the world works!'
Kurt clutched the hand in his tighter, as Toby fought back the tears. Mike was glaring at Anthony; the sophmore's sticking together in a show of solidarity.
Anthony opened his mouth to speak again, but before he had the chance Blaine had stood and placed a hand on his shoulder.
'No.' He said simply, and Kurt couldn't see his face but he knew he was fixing Anthony with his best, student council president look. They were in the middle of the canteen and as much as Ant was Blaine's friend, Kurt knew the older boy couldn't let him cause a scene.
Anthony opened his mouth to argue once more, but Blaine simply shook his head.
'Now's not the time for this...No, Anthony, let me speak. We are warblers, and not just that we are juniors and people look up to us. I understand you're going through a difficult time right now, but this is not how we deal with it.'
Anthony jerked his head in a nod, obviously trying to hold back his emotions, as Blaine nodded in approval.
'You need to go and calm down Ant.' He said in a softer voice, Kurt watched as Anthony glanced once more down the table at Toby.
Blaine obviously noticed it too, as he spoke once more;
'Do you want me to come with you? We've got a free period; we can go for a drive or something?'
Anthony shook his head slightly, before donning his bag and making his way out of the canteen. Blaine watched after him for a moment, before the moment was broken by Toby scraping back his chair and practically running from the canteen. Through the opposite door to Anthony, so there was no danger of them meeting.
There was silence for a minute as everyone tried to process what had just happened, until Wes threw a piece of toast at David, who threw a sausage at him in return, which prompted Blaine to take his cue to scold them both for setting a bad example to the freshman.
Kurt felt his heart constrict at the sight of them, these were his friends, they were making the best of an awkward situation and it was lovely to see. He was distracted from his thoughts by Mike nudging his shoulder gently.
'Has he said anything?' He whispered softly, and Kurt knew he was talking about Toby.
Taking a sip of his coffee Kurt shrugged;
'Not really, I asked if he was ok and he said he wasn't ready to talk about it yet...I didn't want to push it, we have to live together...' He explained, glancing at Mike apologetically, he was well aware the other boy wanted information on his best friend. He was worried about him, they all were.
Mike shrugged off the apology, smiling slightly at Kurt before taking a bite of toast;
'No, I understand, sometimes he's really enthusiastic about things and won't shut up about them...but if it's something really emotional he just won't talk about it...' He trailed off, they both already knew this, Kurt was still relatively new to the school and even he was well aware by now of Toby's inability to talk about anything serious.
Deciding to change the subject slightly Kurt addressed the other boy once more;
'How's Anthony?'
'He's bad...he doesn't talk about it either...just gets really moody and_'
Mike broke off as a look of sheer panic crossed his face, Kurt turned his head to where Mike was staring with wide eyes at a tall, muscular guy with a shaved head making his way into the canteen;
'Oh my god...it's Ralph...oh Christ...fuck, fuck, fuck...Kurt do I have anything on my face? Or in my hair? Do I look ok, because he's definitely heading over here...oh fuck my life...and fuck Blaine for having so many fucking friends!'
Kurt stared bewildered at the frantic Mike for a second, watching wide eyed as he attempted to look at his reflection in a fork;
'Mike you look fine...what is_'
He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence before he was interrupted by what could only be described as bellow from the stranger as he made his way towards their table.
'Anderson you miniature rock star! I see you still haven't shaved that afro of yours!'
Kurt bristled with indignation as this...this...baboon clearly insulted Blaine...now Kurt didn't have much experience with jocks at Dalton. And zero tolerance policy or not he was familiar enough with how being in a glee club affected your popularity...only...the glee club at Dalton was cool...Kurt had hardly heard anything about the sports teams (probably because he lived and socialised with warblers...). And Blaine wasn't shrinking back in terror or blushing in embarrassment, in fact he was laughing and standing up to clasp the taller boy in what could only be described as a manly hug?
'Taylor you hairless wonder! I see you still haven't grown any body hair!'
Both were laughing good naturedly as the boy Kurt now recognised as ...Taylor sat in Anthony's empty seat;
'Blaine I've told you many times, you can't be a swimming champion without making some sacrifices...now if you would just tame that wild beast you call hair, we would welcome you on the swim team. '
Kurt would forever deny the way his fists clenched as Taylor ruffled Blaine's hair...or attempted to through all the gel...and he was positive that snarling sound did not come from him!
Only throughout all this denial he was willing to admit he felt a slight sense of relief as Wes looked up from his eggs and scowled at the newcomer;
'Ralph you bald twit, stop poaching our soloist! Blaine you don't want to join the swim team, we love your curls...David dreams about them every night, he's said many a time your curls make the world a better place...'
Oh so Ralph was his name...Ralph Taylor...well Kurt firmly believed that, that was a stupid poncey name...and what self respecting male shaved their own body hair? That Kurt had hardly any was simply an extremely fortunate genetic quirk.
He watched, his eyes narrowed as David sighed dramatically...oh so they were joking...obviously they did like this Ralph;
'It's alright Wes...let him leave us...we have Kurt now...Kurt doesn't take around five hours taming his hair every day, when it comes to sectionals, Kurt's luscious locks will be our saving grace!'
He felt his face burning as David winked at him, before turning to the conversation Blaine and Ralph were now immersed in.
Kurt turned to Mike who was staring longingly at the swimmer and whispered furiously;
'Who is that?'
Mike tore his eyes away from the older boy reluctantly, turning to face Kurt slightly;
'Ralph Taylor...he's on the swim team...' He replied dreamily, his eyes glancing briefly at the boy in question.
Kurt couldn't help the small grin that formed on his face, so Mike had a thing for the swimmer? Kurt knew what an unrequited crush looked like; he had been through it enough times to be able to spot the signs. And Mike wasn't very subtle...but still he'd play along, he'd ask the right questions, if Kurt was honest with himself he was already feeling a fierce protectiveness towards Mike, he didn't want the boy to get hurt the way Kurt had been.
'And you like him?' He questioned, allowing a spot of sarcasm to drip into his voice...yeah he was willing to play along and let Mike tell him how he felt...but he wasn't going to act dumb.
Mike turned to face him in horror, groaning as he plated his burning face in his hand.
'Oh god, am I that obvious?' He groaned between his fingers.
Kurt patted his back in sympathy;
'A little bit...'
Mike lifted his head, and Kurt couldn't help but smile affectionately at the blush staining the other boys cheeks;
'I don't think he even knows I exist...I can't even speak to him! Blaine introduced us once and I nearly had a heart attack! Usually I don't know when to shut up, but around him I can't even speak!'
Ok so Kurt could kill two birds with one stone here...Mike liked Ralph...Kurt didn't particularly want Ralph around Blaine, ok that sounded strange...it's not like Kurt didn't like the guy, he didn't even know him and Blaine could be friends with whoever he wanted. ..
He was being irrational, he knew it...and yet he couldn't help but feel slightly relieved that Mike liked Ralph...he knew Blaine well enough that there was no way the older boy would ever want to hurt Mike. And making a move on Ralph...well that would hurt Mike.
But Kurt couldn't help but feel conflicted, he didn't want to actively encourage Mike, unrequited crushes...well they were fun for a while, but then they hurt...but for now it didn't seem to be doing Mike any harm so Kurt was willing to offer what little advice he could.
'Why don't you erm...I don't know...ask Blaine for his number or something?' He offered hesitantly, he didn't really know how dating a guy went...if this was Mercedes he would have given her all sorts of advice. Took her shopping, offered her a makeover...but guy on guy? This was something he was supposed to know about but he knew very little.
It didn't seem to matter though because Mike was shaking his head, stabbing at his breakfast with his fork;
'I don't even know if he's gay, Blaine doesn't know either...they aren't very close...Blaine used to be on the swim team when he first moved here apparently...and their parents are close as well...but other than that they don't really socialise...if he is gay he's definitely not out and that is something I just don't want to deal with...'
Kurt couldn't help the relief he felt hearing that Blaine and Ralph didn't actually know each other that well...the hug, the teasing...it was just friendly banter, left over from their time together on the swim team. That and Blaine was incredibly popular and well respected at Dalton.
Taking a sip of his coffee Kurt surveyed the newcomer, he watched as he talked animatedly to Blaine, Wes and David, his eyes sparkling in amusement as he laughed at something Wes had said. He seemed like a nice guy, now Kurt could watch him objectively he just seemed like a normal, friendly guy. But he couldn't tell if he was gay...and usually Kurt could always tell. His gaydar was definitely off.
Turning back to Mike he shrugged apologetically;
'He could be bi?' He suggested, watching as Mike glanced quickly at the swimmer before shrugging.
'He could...but it's just as likely that he's straight...wait...Kurt...you could find out!' He turned to Kurt, his eyes sparkling, it was almost like a light bulb had turned on.
Kurt couldn't help but feel slightly nervous...the last time somebody had looked that suspicious he'd ended up with his drink spiked, confined to his room for two weeks...
'What? Why me?' He asked hesitantly, eyeing Mike as the other boy took a sip of his drink.
'Because Blaine wont...he's all Mr. Sensitive can't force someone to come out before they're ready...Wes and David would just embarrass me...Toby doesn't really like people who aren't on the warblers...and you're friendly! Everyone loves you! '
Kurt rolled his eyes;
'Why can't you make friends with him? Find out for yourself?' He suggested mildly, popping a grape in his mouth as Mike shook his head frantically.
'Because I can't speak to him! And I've already been introduced to him once and completely made a fool of myself! I can't just re-introduce myself...or suddenly start talking to him! He'll think I'm weird! Or even worse than that he won't even remember that he got introduced to me in the first place and it would just be completely awkward and embarrassing_'
Kurt cut him off, struggling to keep from laughing at the other boy;
'Ok...Ok...I'll do it!'
He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the way Mike's eyes lit up...ok so the other boy had it bad. Leaning forward on the table slightly to get Blaine's attention, Kurt pasted a smile on his face and addressed the older boy, knowing that Ralph would have no choice but to look at him;
'Blaine, can I borrow your phone for a minute? I left mine in my room and I need to text Mercedes back.'
Patting his blazer slightly to make sure his phone was hidden from sight, Kurt smiled as, as predicted Ralph turned towards Kurt and smiled.
Kurt returned the smile...boys...they were so predictable sometimes.
'Oh hi, I'm Kurt...I don't think we've met, I just transferred here.'
Kurt smiled in thanks at Blaine who handed him his cell phone, the older boy was giving him an odd look...as if trying to figure out what he was up to. Kurt simply nodded in thanks before focusing back on Ralph.
The swimmer was eyeing his bowl of grapes with a small smile on his face;
'Ralph, nice to see a warbler not eating Dalton's entire supply of fried food...hey you ever thought of joining the swim team?'
Kurt opened his mouth to reply when he was cut off by David, his voice dripping with disbelief;
'Jesus Christ what are you, official recruiter for Dalton's swim team?' He questioned, patting Wes on the back who had just choked on his orange juice.
'Stop trying to steal all the warblers!' The other boy managed to hack out in between coughs.
Blaine on the other hand simply smirked, taking a sip of coffee before addressing Kurt;
'You don't want to join the swim team Kurt...lots of waxing, half naked boys...hell on earth...' He trailed off catching Kurt's eye and winking.
'Are you trying to dissuade me? Because you're not doing a very good job!' He quipped, enjoying the look he elicited from Blaine.
Ralph let out a bark of laughter, before clapping Blaine on the back and nodding towards Kurt;
'I like him! And if half naked boys get you on the team then...' He pushed his chair back and started to lift his shirt teasingly, before Blaine snapped his head round.
Kurt couldn't see the look he was giving Ralph, but he could guess it was one of his best disapproving stares.
'Don't even think about it. I'm trying to eat here.' The older boy said sternly and Kurt couldn't help but laugh as Ralph winked flirtily at Blaine...it was obvious now they were nothing more than friends.
'Don't pretend you didn't perv on me when we were on the team...I saw you drooling over my abs...Hey there's no shame in it, I drool every time I look in the mirror!' He quipped; his eyes alight in mirth as Blaine rolled his eyes.
'No wonder you're such a good swimmer...that big head of yours must keep you afloat.'
Ralph gasped dramatically before placing a hand on his chest;
'You wound me Blaine...don't embarrass me in front of Kurt here.' He said, with a wink in Kurt's direction.
Kurt simply fixed him with a haughty gaze...one of his best if he did say so himself.
'Hey you should only be embarrassed if you're lying about those abs...' Kurt couldn't be sure, but he was almost positive Blaine choked slightly on his toast as he said that.
Ralph however, simply let out a bark of laughter;
'You're definitely my favourite warbler...Anderson you're demoted.' Blaine simply rolled his eyes.
'I'm sure I'll get over it...' He deadpanned as Wes and David laughed at the affronted expression on Ralph's face.
'Well maybe I won't invite you to the party this weekend...' It was said teasingly, Ralph grinning at them all, but he was met with silence.
Kurt felt his face burning slightly, this was because of him and Toby...they were all being invited to a party and everyone felt incredibly awkward. Ralph had obviously noticed it to, as he was looking around the group in confusion.
'What? Why do you look like I just asked you to go to a funeral? Mark from the swim teams having a party, his house is like a mansion, not as big as yours Anderson...but pretty big. Everyone is invited...apart from the chess club...Marks got beef with the captain...so spread the word yeah? And bring girlfriends, boyfriends...dogs, cats, whatever does it for you!' The last line was said from a distance, as Ralph went to join the next table, presumably to invite them to the party.
They were all silent when he left; Mike was shooting Kurt apologetic looks, as Wes and David avoided eye contact completely.
Kurt rolled his eyes as he finished his grapes;
'This really doesn't have to be this awkward...I know I can't go...I'm under room arrest in case you don't remember.'
And still silence as Blaine eyed him suspiciously, obviously expecting him to argue a bit more...ok so Blaine had a point for thinking that, he was one for being over dramatic...
'I'm not going to sneak out to this party...credit me with a bit of sense!' He ranted, eyeing Blaine sternly, but everyone still looked incredibly awkward and Kurt sighed.
'And I'm not going to be annoyed if you want to go either...in fact...maybe you should go...yes...it would be a great idea...get Anthony out of his room...and erm...' He nudged Mike to let him know he was doing this for him...it would be a great idea for the other boy to go to a party with Ralph. 'Mike can go as well, you all need to just let loose a little bit...'
Blaine shook his head slightly;
'We're not going to go to the party without you Kurt...' He said softly, eyeing Kurt carefully obviously trying to figure out why he didn't seem upset about this.
Kurt fixed him with his best haughty stare;
'Don't be so noble! Look you didn't sneak out to a party and get you're drink spiked...there's no reason you should all be getting punished as well!'
Blaine was still eyeing him carefully and Kurt resisted the urge to throw a fork at his head. Blaine was only saved from brain damage as Wes piped up softly;
'I don't even like the swim team! They make my muscles look small...'
David rolled his eyes at his friend;
'Wes, everyone makes your muscles look small.' He quipped.
Kurt was beginning to get frustrated, they were trying to be good friends, he knew they were. But it was getting annoying! He wasn't that delicate, he didn't need them to miss out just because he had to. And after everything, if Kurt was honest, another party right now was the last thing he wanted.
'I'm not going to start crying if you go to a party without me! I can handle one night without you all!' He almost shouted in frustration, nudging Mike under the table and eyeing him sternly.
The other boy shot him a concerned look, before blushing and nodding slightly;
'Maybe we should go...it would be good for Anthony...' Mike said softly, blushing even more as David shot him a knowing look.
'And good for you to be at a party with Ralph?' The older boy questioned a smirk firmly in place as Mike glared at him.
Kurt watched for Blaine's reaction...he knew they were ex's and he felt no jealousy towards Mike but he couldn't help but feel a little bit curious as to how Blaine would react to Mike's crush.
He needn't have worried; Blaine simply rolled his eyes as he addressed Mike.
'Mike, really? You're still crushing on Taylor?' He questioned slightly as Mike shot Kurt an irritated look as if to say, 'look what you have caused.'
Kurt simply smiled, watching as Mike continued to get teased by the other boys;
'I don't know how we should feel about this Michael...he's too old for you!' Wes piped up, frowning slightly as he wagged his finger in mock disapproval.
David quickly joined in, crossing his arms sternly;
'Yeah not to mention the whole question of his sexual preference...you don't want to go there Mike!'
Kurt openly laughed as Mike threw his hands up in frustration;
'This is not about Ralph! Seriously, I just think it would be fun to get out of here for a few hours.'
Kurt watched as their faces changed, he shot them all a stern look, rolling his eyes as Blaine eyed him carefully once more.
David however, seemed to get the point and nodded slightly;
'Alright, yeah...maybe we should go, Kurt if you're sure?' He questioned one more time and Kurt refrained from banging his head on the table.
Instead he plastered a smile on his face and addressed them all;
'Oh please...I have Toby, go to the party and have fun!'
It was until he was walking to class, with Blaine tagging along at the side of him, that he realised he may have convinced the others he was fine with them going to the party.
Because he genuinely was! But Blaine was a whole other matter...the older boy was ridiculously concerned about him and although usually Kurt basked in his attention, just this once he wanted Blaine to go and have fun without thinking about him.
Missing one party really wasn't a big deal...and it would give him the chance to talk to Toby, without the risk of being interrupted.
'Kurt are you sure about this party thing, because I really don't mind staying here with you, Taylor won't mind and we can just watch movies and_'
Kurt cut him off before he could finish, stopping outside the history classroom, but not going in just yet;
'Blaine, I am perfectly capable of lasting one night without you. Go to the party and have fun. You do remember how to do that don't you?' He questioned with a teasing smile, but it wasn't returned as Blaine fixed him with his classic, I'm concerned about you, look.
'I just think after everything_' He began, but Kurt held up a hand;
'You're a teenage boy Blaine. You need to start acting like one.' He said with flare as he flounced into his history class. He may have sounded a little bit harsh, but Blaine deserved to have some fun and Kurt was determined that for once the older boy could just forget about being responsible!
ALL IT TAKES – ALL IT TAKES – ALL IT TAKES
Kurt lay on his bed during his free period, he knew he had to spend all night in this room, but he was on the phone to Mercedes and he didn't really want to have this conversation in a crowded common room. Hamish had just found him after class to remind him that he was due to perform to the warblers, he'd explained he had the weekend to practice, but at Monday's rehearsal he would be expected to perform.
'...and with everything that's been going on I completely forgot about having to sing to the warblers!'
Kurt finished frantically, he'd just explained to Mercedes everything that had been going on lately, and while she'd tutted her disapproval and voiced her concern over the party, she'd been what he'd needed...an impartial voice. She was his other half, Blaine was his best friend, in that they understood each other perfectly...but Kurt liked to think that there was a place in his life for two best friends...his diva and his guardian angel.
And right now his diva was the one he wanted to complain and rant to about the solo in front of the warblers, that he'd completely forgotten about, and that he only had the weekend to rehearse for.
'Why are you even worried about it?' She questioned, her disbelief apparent in her voice, and Kurt didn't know whether to roll his eyes or grin happily, that she couldn't understand why he would need to be nervous.
'Because I have to impress them...especially after I've caused this much trouble...I don't want them to think I'm just not worth it...' He was interrupted by Mercedes before he could voice his fears completely.
'I swear if you keep saying stupid things like that I'm going to march down there and_'
He hastily backtracked, grinning slightly at the familiar tone of the conversation, she knew him so well, they knew each other so well. She knew not to let him go down the road of self pity.
'Alright, alright...I wont...but Merce seriously...I don't even know what to sing, I've got hardly any time to prepare. I don't even think they have any idea what my voice is like!' He ranted, rolling onto his stomach, the phone still clutched to his ear.
'Baby your voice is fierce! You don't need to worry about that!'
Kurt sighed, realising that a month ago, a solo wouldn't have bothered him in the slightest. But then again, a month ago he had bigger things to worry about.
'But it's so different to what they're used to...they are an all boys accapella group Merce...I don't know whether I should just use my lower range...try to blend in slightly...' He trailed off hesitantly, before Mercedes voice cut through the phone like a knife.
'Right. Enough. Stop right there...I can't listen to this any longer...you deserve what is about to happen...keep your phone on you.' She said mysteriously.
'Mercedes what_' Kurt questioned, completely confused as the call ended abruptly.
He deserved what was about to happen? What did that mean? Just as he was about to ring her back, he jumped as defying gravity began blaring from his phone.
Oh god...that could only mean one thing. Taking a breath he pressed the answer key hesitantly.
'Hello?' He questioned, hoping fruitlessly that he was wrong...that it wasn't going to be who he thought it was.
He wasn't wrong.
'Kurt...it's Rachel, I hear you are in need of my expertise...now, considering our previous success at singing together I feel I am the perfect candidate to help you choose a song that is best suited to your voice.'
Her voice was crisp and clear down the other end of the phone, and Kurt felt his stomach clench tightly, he did miss her...she was annoying as hell and sometimes they clashed horribly. But he missed her...sometimes it had seemed like she was the only one who truly understood what he was going through at Mckinley, she had that way of knowing exactly what you were thinking and feeling, but managing to act as though she didn't.
Kurt knew half of the time her arrogance was a cover up for her insecurities, the same as his was...only he'd had friends...when glee had first started and for a while into it, Rachel must have been extremely lonely.
But there was no denying she was extremely irritating, and she was still speaking, rattling on at the other end of the phone, not caring that Kurt had yet to reply.
'Now, we should think about what message you are trying to convey...and will there be a piano a compliment ? Because I'm sure we could spare Brad for a few hours...' She trailed off slightly, obviously lost in her thoughts of how they could get Brad to Dalton; Kurt took this as his chance to interject;
'Rachel I really don't think_' He began...but oh no...Her thought process must have ended because she was speaking again.
'Song choice is going to be extremely important...Mercedes mentioned you were considering singing in your lower range, as a fellow soprano I can understand the need to stretch your vocal chords...but believe me Kurt any all boys choir would kill for the chance to reach those notes, you need to show them the full extent of your vocal ability.'
Kurt took a breath to correct her...to explain that the warblers needed him to blend...that surely she could understand that an accapella choir worked differently. But she did have a point.
'As much as I do not want to help benefit the competition in anyway...it's you Kurt...and I want you to be happy...' She said softly, her voice filled with warmth that the ambitious girl didn't show often. He smiled slightly, he knew she cared, he cared about her too, but they were both so similar, both so defensive...
'Rachel I am_' He began, but she had obviously had enough of the sentimental talk as she cleared her throat slightly and carried on her monologue.
'So song choice...I doubt you have as many ballads in your repertoire as me...but I suppose we will have to work with what we've got. We can't all be accomplished at such a young age...'
Kurt was going to kill Mercedes.
ALL IT TAKES – ALL IT TAKES – ALL IT TAKES
It was Friday night and Kurt and Toby were, as predicted...in their room. The others had gone to the party, Blaine finally being convinced when Kurt informed him if he stayed he would not be welcome in their room anyway...
But they were bored...Toby was constantly refreshing facebook and twitter every two minutes, trying to find out what was happening at the party. Kurt wasn't as desperate...alright so he was a bit concerned, it wasn't like he was checking his phone every two minutes...maybe more like every five.
'I know he's going to be at that party flirting with every guy he sees...' Toby moaned from his side of the room, the following click indicating he had just...one again...refreshed his twitter feed.
'He's won't be.' Kurt said patiently, shoving his phone under the pillow and picking up his history text...he was not going to obsess anymore...he wasn't!
Toby slammed on the refresh button once more;
'He will, he'll be doing it to spite me, trust me within the next half an hour there will be some photo on facebook.' He said, his voice taking on a sulky edge, and Kurt put down his textbook to look at the other boy.
'Toby...at the risk of sounding harsh...if you care so much why did you break up with him?' He questioned softly, Toby was sitting cross legged on Phil's bed, his laptop balanced on his knees, eyes frantically glued to the screen...this was not the picture of someone who was over their boyfriend.
'Well we're on a break...and I know that means we can get with other people...but still...it doesn't mean I want him too!' He ranted, tapping the refresh key once more.
Kurt couldn't help but role his eyes;
'You don't even know if he is!' He pointed out, Toby simply shrugged angrily.
'He so is.' Came the short reply, before the blonde boy slammed his laptop closed and flopped down onto the bed.
They lay in silence for a few minutes, the only sound being the occasional rustling of paper as Kurt turned a page in his textbook. Only he wasn't really reading it...he couldn't help but share Toby's concern. He knew the party was nothing like the one they'd gone to...or nobody would have been allowed to attend...but still...it was a high school party. Which meant drinking...and dancing...and touching...
Blaine wasn't even his boyfriend...or ex...or anything more than his friend...but they kept sharing these moments. Little moments of clarity, where they both understood without words how they were feeling, but it was too difficult to acknowledge out loud.
It was too loaded...there was too much at stake. But that didn't mean Kurt wanted Blaine to be kissing other people...or well doing anything else with other people.
So yeah...he shared Toby's concern.
Sighing lightly he put down his book and turned on his side to face Toby, the other boy did the same, his eyes questioning as they faced each other from opposite sides of the room.
'So these parties...do people...do they...is it very...erm...rude?' Kurt asked hesitantly, cringing at his choice of words...that was so not what he meant to say.
'Rude? Oh Kurt!' Toby laughed, changing it to a cough quickly as Kurt fixed him with his best glare. Toby seemed to think about his answer for a second before he replied.
'Well there's going to be drinking...though the swim team is strictly no drugs. So there's bound to be some action going on! Which is why I know Anthony is going to use this breakup as an excuse to play around!' He finished with a rant, but Kurt didn't say anything about Anthony...because he was feeling the same way.
'Do you think Blaine will erm...well do anything?' He asked carefully, trying not to show how he really felt...but he could feel his ears burning and knew he was making it completely obvious.
Toby simply eyed him curiously;
'Would you be upset if he did?' He questioned;
'No...yes...maybe...can I choose not to answer that?' Kurt said, grabbing a stray cushion to put over his face...that he knew was bright pink by now.
Toby simply rolled onto his back, fiddling with a highlighter that had been left on the bed;
'Don't you think you should answer it? I mean...you don't have to tell me, but you should at least try and acknowledge your feelings to yourself...' He pointed out wisely as Kurt lowered the cushion.
'It's all very complicated.' He sighed dramatically.
Toby simply shrugged as he tossed a highlighter in the air and caught it...again and again.
'Not really.' He said simply, tossing the highlighter into the air once more;
'He's your friend...your best friend...he's attractive, you're attractive, you're entirely co-dependent on one another...all you have to decide if you're attracted to each other...because friends that are attracted to each other, are sooo not friends.'
Kurt was silent for a minute...trying to process what Toby had just said, but he couldn't acknowledge that just yet.
'Yeah they can be...I think you're attractive but we're just friends.' He pointed out, but Toby just laughed before turning on his side once more;
'Thank you...but that's completely different! I can acknowledge that you are very attractive...in a completely adorable way, without being attracted to you.' He pointed out calmly, as if he was completely unaware of Kurt's mini freak out on the other side of the room...which he totally wasn't.
Kurt sat up, legs dangling off the side of the bed, as he talked more to himself than to Toby.
'But it's more than that...what if I'm just attracted to him because he's nice to me? I know I love him to bits as my best friend...but what if everything else...this sort of longing for something more...what if that is just because I've never had that before?' He mused, not noticing that Toby had sat up as well, leaning against the wall cross legged and eyeing him curiously.
'You've never had what before?' He asked.
Kurt gestured with his hands;
'Well...anything...any of this...a friend who's gay, an actual boy that will hold my hand, or hug me...or well any of it.' He said lightly, he didn't think it was that big of a deal...he assumed Toby already knew.
But judging from the other boy's incredulous look he obviously didn't;
'Did you go to school in a cave or something?' He questioned, his face showing his complete bewilderment.
Kurt laughed bitterly;
'No...Just Lima isn't exactly full of gay pride...' He said slowly, as Toby's face suddenly changed from confusion to dawning comprehension. His eyes full of sympathy as he realised why Kurt didn't have any of those experiences.
'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.' He said softly, his eyes screaming the apology more than his words ever needed to.
Kurt simply smiled and shook his head.
'No it's ok; I just assumed everybody already knew.' He said, smiling at the blonde boy, transmitting without words, that it was alright...he wasn't offended.
Toby smiled back;
'We don't have to talk about this right now...but Kurt does that mean, that you've never had a boyfriend?' He questioned softly and Kurt was taken aback for a second. He hadn't really thought that Toby would think to ask that.
'Yeah...I guess that's exactly what it means.' He answered softly, his eyes finding his knees extremely interesting.
He didn't hear Toby cross the room, but he felt the bed dip down beside him as Toby lifted his chin slightly;
'Hey don't look like that! I'd never had a boyfriend before Ant; I'd fooled around with a few of my brothers mates, but nothing more than that. And Anthony was the first guy I've had sex with or a real relationship. What I had with Ant made everything else seem kind of insignificant...' He trailed off, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.
The blonde boy attempted to shake himself out of it, giving a half smile as he settled himself against the wall, his legs stretching off the side of the bed.
Kurt joined him after he realised the other boy wasn't going to break down into tears;
'Toby...' He said softly, but the other boy shook his head softly, a single tear spilling down his cheek;
'I know you don't understand why I've ended it...sometimes I don't really understand, but then I'll remember all the arguments and the tension and it is the right decision. 'He nodded his head firmly, swiping at the lone tear.
Kurt shook his head;
'But all couples have arguments...' He trailed off, watching as Toby shook his head, a small smile on his face;
'I know they do, and if it was just a few stupid arguments I could let it go. But even when we argue about little things it always stems from something else...he'll never be able to commit fully to me while he has this...this weird relationship with his parents. And I can't keep making excuses for it...I don't want to feel like he's ashamed of me...and I don't want him to resent me because he doesn't have his parents approval...' Toby said calmly, almost as if he needed to get this out...and Kurt was completely willing to listen.
'But I thought you said he'd already come out to his parents?' He questioned...confused slightly by the conversation.
Toby turned to face him slightly;
'Well he did...he came out to them when he was in his freshman year...but he said they've never mentioned it since. He won't really talk to me about it; I don't really understand it fully. But from what I can gather his parents know he's gay, but they don't talk about it...they don't acknowledge it out loud...which means he won't tell them he has a boyfriend and they don't ask...'
Kurt stayed silent, mulling over what he'd just been told...he didn't like Anthony, the boy was rude to him, but he wouldn't wish that on anybody...he was lucky he had such an understanding parent, to have the courage to come out to your parents and then to have them basically ignore it...that was just horrible.
Toby obviously noticing Kurt's distressed look, tried to explain further;
'He's the oldest son...he's supposed to take over his dad's accountancy firm. His mum is on the board of so many charities and his older sister just married a judge...they are a very influential family...they have money and reputation...and I don't think any of that includes having a gay son...'
Kurt let out the breath he didn't realise he had been holding;
'I don't know what to say...I mean...I found coming out hard, but my dad couldn't have been more supportive if he'd tried.' He explained, shaking his head in shock at the story he'd just been told.
Toby grinned at him as he crossed his legs, presumably getting comfortable;
'I love hearing good coming out stories; Blaine's always cheers me up...' He said happily, obviously wanting to get off the subject of Anthony.
Kurt looked at the blonde boy, slightly shocked;
'I've never heard it...I never thought to ask, it always seems such a sensitive issue with so many people I didn't want to pry.'
Toby nodded his head in understanding;
'Well I won't tell you...I shouldn't have really told you Ant's, but I don't know the details anyway so...' He trailed off, obviously feeling awkward...but Kurt wasn't offended, he would like to hear the story from Blaine...just like Blaine had heard his story...it was something personal and meaningful...something they should share together.
'It's ok...' He said, smiling at the other boy.
They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a minute, both of them lost in their own thoughts, before Toby took a breath;
'So what happened when you came out then? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to...but your dad was supportive so I_'
Kurt cut him off with a laugh;
'No...no it's fine honestly, my dad seemed to have known for a while...I'm not exactly the epitome of a straight boy. My dad though...he's all plaid shirts, football games and beer drinking. I wanted to be the perfect son for a while...I even joined the football team...'
At Toby's stifled laugh and raised eyebrows Kurt rolled his eyes;
'...I was the kicker...but he always knew. When he started seeing Carole, he got really close to her son...his name's Finn, he went to school with me...Finn is like the ultimate male...big, bulky, plays every sport known to man...he was the quarterback.'
Toby sucked in a breath;
'That must have hurt.' He said softly,
Kurt smiled at the other boys concern;
'Yeah it did...they started going to football games together...doing all the things my dad obviously wanted from a son that he didn't get from me. I tried acting straight for a while, changed the way I dressed, the way I sang...got a girlfriend.'
He directed a sharp look towards Toby, as if daring him to comment, the other boy simply held up his hands in a gesture of mock surrender;
'I'm not going to comment...' He laughed, and Kurt nodded approvingly before carrying on his story;
'But then we talked...he watched me sing this song and he...well he told me I didn't have to change...that he loved me, that we'd work it out together...and well...we have, he's always going to be a little awkward, but that's just in his nature. I know he loves me more than anything...and I feel the same about him. '
Kurt smiled softly, thinking about his dad. They did have an amazing relationship and he wouldn't change it for the world. He didn't even know why he was sharing all this...he wasn't usually so open, not straight away...but he felt like he was getting a fresh start at Dalton, a chance to make friends...to be himself in an environment where he got the chance to flourish.
And he was around more openly gay teenagers than he'd ever been around in his life, it felt nice to be able to talk about things like this. So he was letting down his defences...and if he ended up regretting it...well at least he tried.
'Was your mum just as supportive?' Toby questioned suddenly, and the intense look in the other boy's eyes seemed to signify that this question was extremely important to him.
Kurt fidgeted for a second...he liked Toby, he really cared about him and already they were really close...he could share this with him...he could.
'I...erm...well...my dad said he knew I was different since I was little so I guess she would have known too...my mum's dead.' He finished in a rush, not knowing how to get it out, but realising he had to.
Toby was silent for around ten seconds before what Kurt said sunk in;
'Shit...Kurt...I...foot in mouth disease...I'm sorry, I know you probably get that a lot. But I really am.' The last few words were said with such compassion that Kurt found himself almost tearing up.
Toby, who had tried so hard to keep everything so unemotional had started opening up to him tonight...and it was lovely...but he was also so compassionate and understanding, that it was almost too much for Kurt. He wasn't used to this...he wasn't used to people just understanding his needs straight away.
'It's alright. You didn't know...but I like to think she would have been ok with it...she didn't bat an eyelid to me wanting to play dolls or have tea parties...or when I wanted a pair of sensible heels for my birthday...so I think she would have been Ok with me being gay.' He finished with a dry laugh, and Toby smiled softly;
'Yeah...I..I like to think my mum's Ok with it too...' He trailed off, taking a breath and Kurt got the feeling he was psyching himself up for something;
'Toby...you don't have to tell me...' He reassured the other boy; he wanted to let him know that just because Kurt had shared something that personal it didn't mean Toby had to.
But Toby was shaking his head;
'No...No I kind of want to, you've shared all that with me and I...it's kind of easier...knowing you'll get it.'
He took a breath;
'My mum has Alzheimer's...it was early onset and it's advanced. Most of the time she doesn't remember who I am...she's in a home now, my dad he...well he had to work and he couldn't cope with her care. I visit when I can...but it's hard...sometimes when she's lucid she'll remember me...and I'll tell her. '
He was quiet for a moment, obviously deep in thought, and Kurt didn't want to move...or breathe ... or anything that might ruin the moment.
'I brought Anthony once...told her I was gay and introduced him as my boyfriend...but she never remembers...and she always reacts the same. She just looks at me with these sad eyes, holds my hands and says how she wishes the world was different...but that I'll have a hard life. How she would never have wished this on her son...she never says it maliciously and deep down I know that given time she'd be so supportive...but we never get to that stage, because she always forgets...and every time I tell her...and every time I hope for a better reaction or a spark of recognition...but it's always the same...'
He trailed off, his eyes downcast as he fought off the tears. To say Kurt was shocked would be an understatement, he guessed something like this when Toby had, had that argument with Anthony...but it just seemed so much worse when the other boy actually spoke about it. His words dripping with emotion...and Kurt could relate...never being sure you had your parent's approval...you could try and convince yourself...but when they couldn't tell you themselves, there was always that little spark of doubt.
Kurt took Toby's hand in an attempt to reassure him;
'You understand what she's saying though right? She's not wishing you weren't gay...she's wishing that the world was different...that you'd be more readily accepted...she's wishing you the best...' He said softly, and he meant it, what Toby's mum said every time he told her, it wasn't that she was ashamed of him, or that she disapproved...that's not what it sounded like.
But Kurt understood that without a direct confirmation of that from his mum, Toby was never going to believe it fully. He tightened his grip on the other boys hand slightly as Toby turned to him with a small smile.
'I know...deep down I know...I just wish it was different, I want to go and tell her about Anthony...about how hard it is with him sometimes, how he frustrates me, how hard it is to let him go...but I can't, because she won't remember who he is, or even who I am...sometimes I just want my mum...' His voice cracked on the last line, as the tears he was obviously holding back spilled down his cheeks.
Kurt felt himself tearing up, he'd never got to have this conversation with anyone before, nobody except his dad and even then Kurt wanted his mum and his dad wanted his wife...it was different.
But with Toby...they both knew, they had different situations, but it was still kind of the same. They both just missed their mums. It was horrible, feeling so lost without them, that sometimes it felt like you'd forget to breathe now that they weren't there. You just missed them, and even that seemed so mild...there wasn't enough words, there wasn't a word strong enough to describe the ache or the emptiness of not having them there.
But Kurt couldn't say all that couldn't put it into words, because even then it would seem insignificant. So he simply squeezed the hand holding his and nodded;
'I know...me too.' He practically whispered it, struggling to hold back his own tears as Toby turned watery eyes to his.
'There's nothing anyone can say is there? You tell people and every time you hope they're going to say something new...something to make it feel better, but then they don't...they can't because there's nothing they can say...you're just on your own with your pain.'
Kurt understood what he was saying, he'd felt that way himself...through a lot of things. You told people expecting them to be able to help, to make the pain go away, but they couldn't not really, because the pain was yours and yours alone and as much as you wanted them to perform a miracle and make everything better again...nobody could.
But Kurt didn't feel like that anymore, Toby was in the early stages and it would pass...it got to a point where being alone and dealing with it alone...well it stopped working. Now he knew, without his dad, or Carole and his friends...and...Blaine...Kurt wouldn't be able to have gotten through the bullying...having that support was important and he was incredibly grateful for it.
Looking Toby in the eye he smiled softly and shook his head;
'You're not on your own...not really. People may not be able to make you feel better, they can't take it away but they can hold your hand through it...' He finished with a smile, squeezing the hand he was holding.
Toby smiled back at him, before taking a breath, obviously wanting to talk about something that had been bothering him;
'Sometimes I resent Anthony...for having his mum and not being open with her...and I know it's a completely different situation, I know it must be awful for him to have such an awkward relationship with his parents...'
Kurt cut him off, not willing to let him feel guilty, it was normal to feel jealous of other people's situations;
'You don't have to justify it to me...there's been plenty of times when I've resented my friends for bitching about their mums...and I'm not as subtle as you...if I'm pissed off they'll know about it...but it's not really their fault they still have both their parents...' He trailed off; both of them lapsing into silence, the conversation had gotten deep quickly. But neither boy regretted it. They'd bonded and it might have been over shared pain...but it was also over shared recovery.
Toby broke the silence first, his voice hesitant;
'I'm really glad you came here Kurt...I...it's nice to have someone who get's it...not that I'm glad about your mum or anything I really didn't mean it like that, I just_' Kurt broke him off with a laugh and a squeeze to his hand;
'It's ok Toby...I understand...I'm glad I came here too.'
ALL IT TAKES – ALL IT TAKES – ALL IT TAKES
Kurt didn't know how long he'd been asleep; he'd played a very competitive game of monopoly with Toby after their conversation. Both of them revelling in their new found closeness. But after Toby had beat him by complete luck, Kurt had declared it time for bed.
Only now he could hear the door creaking open, and a sliver of light made Kurt squint his eyes. It definitely wasn't time to wake up...
'Kurt?' Said a voice from the doorway, a voice Kurt immediately recognised. Sitting up slightly in bed, his hair ruffled and his brain struggling to process that yes he was awake. Kurt squinted at the doorway.
'Blaine?' He questioned, though he was pretty sure it was the older boy, he would know that voice.
'Are you awake?' The older boy whispered and Kurt resisted the urge to role his eyes. Well ok, he didn't resist, but it's not like Blaine could see him doing it.
'Are you seriously asking me that question?' He deadpanned; the other boy simply opened the door a bit wider, his extreme manners obviously preventing him from entering while Toby was asleep.
'Do you want to come in?' Kurt took pity on the older boy, as he almost bounded into the room and onto Kurt's bed.
'I just wanted to check you were alright...I was worried about you...' He trailed off awkwardly, as he sat next to Kurt, an arm around his shoulders as Kurt burrowed into him.
He knew he was acting a little bit clingy...but if Blaine was offering him a cuddle...well kurt wasn't going to turn him down. It had been quite an intense night, he'd enjoyed spending time with Toby, but well...he had missed Blaine, he always missed him. And this party...well he kind of wanted to know if anything had happened.
'Did you have a good night?' He questioned, attempting to sound unconcerned.
He felt Blaine shrug lightly;
'It was ok...just a party.' He answered, his hand tracing circles where it lay on Kurt's shoulder.
Kurt steeled himself for what he was about to ask,
'Did anything happen?' His voice came out kind of squeaky...but Kurt was choosing to ignore that.
'What do you mean?' Blaine asked, his voice full of confusion, and Kurt almost lost his nerve...almost.
'Well...I don't know...did anything interesting happen?' He questioned nonchalantly...well as nonchalant as he could get...which wasn't very.
Blaine's voice took on a casual air as he answered, tucking his head on top of Kurt's;
'Well Wes got drunk and threw up on David's shoes...that's why I'm back early, I had to bring them home.'
Kurt could feel the way the older boy's jaw moved as he spoke, their position seemed so intimate, sat in the dark, on Kurt's bed...and yet, it wasn't...because they were just friends.
'Oh...so nothing else happened?' Kurt asked casually, and he felt Blaine pull his head away as he peered down at him.
'What are you trying to ask me Kurt?' He questioned fiercely, as he tipped Kurt's chin to look at him, forcing the younger boy to look him in the eye.
Kurt met the older boy's eyes, determined to not chicken out, he'd been willing to have this conversation the other day but Blaine wasn't ready. Now Blaine would have to respect that Kurt didn't want to outright ask him.
Meeting the older boy's eyes, Kurt stared at him with intensity, his eyes practically pleading with him to understand what Kurt was asking without him having to say it.
Blaine sighed as he shook his head;
'No, nothing else happened.' He answered softly, his head ducking slightly in embarrassment.
Kurt couldn't help the smile that almost took over his face as he realised that Blaine had known what he was thinking, he'd known without Kurt having to ask...and it was lovely...terrifying but lovely. He didn't know what this meant for them, this understanding, this strange situation where each of them felt they had the right to know if anything happened with another boy...but right now with his head tucked under Blaine's chin and the older boy tracing circles on his arm...Kurt was happy to not fully understand it.
Trying to disguise the smile in his voice Kurt changed the subject;
'Ok...so what happened with Mike, did he speak to Ralph, and did you find out if he's gay?' He asked lightly, but before Blaine had a chance to answer there was a groan from the other side of the room.
'I swear to god if you two carry on, whether Mike got some sex tonight is going to be the least of your worries!'
Blaine removed his arm from around Kurt, sparing him an apologetic look before he stood from the bed;
'You don't need to be so crude Toby...' The older boy said with disapproval, he was simply met with a snort from the other bed.
'You don't need to be so loud Blaine...' The younger boy said angrily...obviously not a morning...or middle of the night person.
Blaine sighed as he walked towards the door;
'Fine, fine...I'm leaving...I'll you see both tomorrow.'
Kurt heard Toby snort once more;
'Yep...we'll be here...all day...as usual.' He said sarcastically, and Kurt couldn't help but dismay at the fact that tomorrow was a Saturday...meaning they would be in their room all day.
But Blaine simply shook his head;
'It's been two days Toby...' He informed the younger boy calmly, only to get a pillow thrown at his head.
'Oh my god...now is not the time for you to be all knowing! Go away and let me sleep!' The younger boy practically shouted as he turned onto his stomach, his remaining pillow shoved over his head.
Kurt smiled at the sight, as Blaine ever the gentleman, picked up the pillow Toby had thrown at him and placed it on the younger boy's bed.
'Night Kurt.' He said softly as he made his way out the door.
Kurt smiled to himself watching as the other boy closed the door softly.
'Night...' He said quietly, yeah...he didn't know where they were going, or what exactly was happening, but he was kind of enjoying finding out.
ALL IT TAKES – ALL IT TAKES – ALL IT TAKES
A/N- Ok so spoilers are down here as warned, I'm not sure how many of the new episodes people have watched especially the new ones. But I'm not worried about the Blaine and Rachel kiss, they are teenagers...it's just spin the bottle, I've kissed enough people while drunk and it's not meant anything. If anything it just means more Blaine development and more KLAINE development, which can only be a good thing!
Next chapter should deal with more Kurt and Blaine development...maybe some big development. It's going to be from Blaine's POV soo something a little different. Phil will be in it, but we won't hear from him properly just yet...but the mysterious Ian will make an appearance...
Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter, hopefully the update will be soon, I have a free weekend so I'm going to try my best. Please let me know what you thought, I know it didn't have much Kurt and Blaine but yeah...it's coming.